I read your blog religiously. It gives me the strength to stand up for myself if my diabetic husband does not take care of himself. I was reading the letter from Tigo and your response. I am 29 and my husband is 35 so we are the same age as Tigo and her boyfriend. I totally agree with everything you told her but would like to add my two cents.
I wish someone would have said to me really think about it before you marry a diabetic man. I understood diabetes before I met and married my husband. I am very well educated in both the medical field and psychology. The first year of our marriage was hard at best because my husband was noncompliant. I got screamed at over stupid things and lived through some very terrifying lows. I also took my husband to the ER half dead with the stomach flu after he went to work even though he was feeling bad. It took a lot of making it his responsibility for him to understand I was not going to baby him through his diabetes.
After the first year of marriage hell my husband got his act together and became a very compliant diabetic. He maintained his A1C under 7.0 for that year without testing his blood unless he felt bad. I worked hard at looking for food choices that were appropriate for him since I am the main person that cooks in our house. Tigo has no idea how much work it is to feed a diabetic properly. It can also get expensive because most processed foods are not ok. I have been lucky that I live in a big city and have great options for grocery shopping. I also love to cook so that has been a blessing. One other thing on cooking for a diabetic is that I am very lucky he will eat whatever I cook. He is the least picky eater I have ever met so that makes my life easier.
About a year ago my husband started having major attitude issues like when we were first married. He went back to the doctor and found out he was failing the oral medication. Can you see where this is going? The doctor prescribed him an injectable called Victoza which is not insulin. It was a heart wrenching experience for both of us. One of us had to be able to inject him before we could leave the doctor’s office. Both of us cried until my husband could finally do it himself. As of right now I have never injected his medicine for him. That was about a year ago. At that point he started testing every morning on top of when he feels bad. He has maintained his A1C under 7.0.
I think my main point is I am rather lucky in having a compliant husband but it is still a lot of work. I would urge Tigo to think about how her eating would have to change. No more waffles for breakfast, no more stopping for an ice cream cone, no chocolate in the house, etc. Another thing she should consider is health insurance and how much maintaining diabetes can cost. Thank God that I have a good job with excellent health insurance. Not very many diabetics are that lucky. Even with excellent health insurance we spend at minimum $250 a month on co pays just for my husband. Children can be an issue even for compliant diabetics. I think if you do not have your heart set on having children or you are willing to adopt you can make the relationship work.
My heart goes out to Tigo. I probably would have made a totally different decision had I known then what I know now. Wouldn’t we all?
Dear Angela, thanks for writing again. You have made some very good points that I had forgotten. My husband is still able to work and has excellent health insurance. Probably the best. But he still spends around $800 a month on office visit co-pays and prescription co-pays. His premiums are around $250 per month, so there is $1000.00 per month out for his medical care.
And you are so right to bring up the cost of food, especially these days. I buy things like salad fixings, fresh veggies and fruit every week and I end up eating almost all of it because he will not touch it. It was a battle every meal to prepare a healthy meal for him. I have quit because he refused to eat what I fixed and instead, would nuke a frozen hoagie or pizza in the microwave. You simply cannot force another person to eat healthy if they do not want to. I no longer buy any type of candy....but find empty bags under the seat in his truck.
thanks for the reply