Monday, May 30, 2011

I want that flashing red light!!!

Lilly wrote:  I understand your prayer. I have even said like prayers myself! Wouldn't it be great if they had some flashing red light attached to them that would give us a warning when their sugars are screwed up? Then when we saw the light flashing, we would know not to say ANYTHING at all to them during that time . . . and maybe just get the hell out of their way. 

I want that flashing red light!  LOLOL!!!!! Seriously - I wonder if 100 years from now someone won't be able to invent something that attaches to a pump or something that monitors their blood sugar 24/7 and sets off bells and alarms when they go low.  Locks all the car doors so they can't drive.....I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility at all.  And would be so helpful!  Oh, it needs to lock their hands in place so they can't be on the computer ordering stupid stuff as well!!!

He has been sick to his stomach vomiting this weekend.  So, is it the flu.....or kidney failure?  His gauge is always to wait 3 days and see if it passes.  I am learning not to worry.  I think the experience of this last surgery was good in that it helped me learn not to worry. OK, it's like putting your teenager son behind the wheel of a car for the first time.  You "tell" yourself you are not going to worry.  But there is something nagging at you until he is safe back at home.  

I went shopping yesterday, then my middle sis called that she had come to town with her neighbor and the neighbor's daughter looking for a graduation dress and they wanted me to join them for lunch. It was a really fun day!!!  So you just have to get out and keep living your own life regardless of the life the diabetic spouse chooses to live.

But a sick husband over a 3day weekend is not what I need. Weather hasn't cooperated, so no yard work so far.  Maybe later today. I woke up at 4:17 am - couldn't sleep.  Might try for a nap next!  Going to be one of those days!  Plus, the smell of ketoacidosis is back in the bedroom.  It makes me quite ill.  His glucose has been running 220.  He said the endo has him back up to 20 U Humulin RU 500 in the morning and 16U at night.  Before surgery, he was 32U am and 20U at night.  

So, I decided to go online to his insurance records. I'm not sure that he knows I have access.  I found an unopened email from endocrinology dated May 19 that reads:

We have been unsuccessful in trying to reach you by phone. 
Dr Weber is requesting that you call us or email us with a week's worth of blood sugars and your current insulin doses.

Simple fact is that he just lied to me once again.  He is adjusting his insulin on his own.  He has not been in contact with the endo.  The email was UNOPENED.  If he had sent in the sugars, there would have been another email responding to it - there always is.  They document every change in insulin.  Even if they make them over the phone.  The last time he sent his blood sugars to endo was 3/27/11.

I have to simply take a deep breath and remind myself that this is his disease.  This is his life.  If he want's to die, this is his decision. If he wants to simply just get worse and worse, this is his decision.  And then I go ahead and plan what I want to do today. Most likely without him.  

But wouldn't it be so nice to have that flashing red light!  LOL!!!



Lilly said...

I love your idea of the bells and alarms, locking the car doors and locking their hands in place so they can't order stupid stuff on the computer! Ha! Would go GREAT with that flashing red light! Would probably also lessen all the boxes of crap being delivered to our door that he has ordered and doesn't need. I bet if we could actually manufacture something like this, there would be a HUGE market out there!

Sorry your hubby is not doing well. It would be so much easier for us to respond to their "low" times if they were nicer to us, and would tell the truth instead of lying all the time. Sounds like so many of our husbands are masters of living in denial. You are so right: you do still need to live your life.

Take care,


sar said...

It is very important to get out and away from our diabetic husbands. We must not sacrifice our lives for theirs especially if they are non compliant in their care.

I am glad you had a good day out, you deserve it.

A long weekend with a chronically ill sure in is the opposite of why we looked forward to holidays and vacations. Their problems can destroy the joy of a long weekend.

Anonymous said...

Argh! Men are such babies! I wish they would just grow up!

And, there is one of those flashing red lights -- its called a glucose monitor. However, they are expensive and insurance is picky about how they pay for them.

Sandy's husband Vince has one I think. Tom used to have one but it broke and the company doesn't have a patent (or whatever) for the new version. He is unable to get one from a new company until the insurance year is over.

Having said that -- even with the red flashing light, vibration, and the beeping noises -- he still doesn't respond like he needs to -- and I am not a good wife -- I don't always hear/see/feel it. and he refuses to ask for help - even when he does know its telling him to respond. So, the fact that its his disease remains -- there is just only so much we can do!

JOANND said...

I don't know how you manage that kind of detachment. I'm still relatively new at this.

I've tried to fix balanced, portion-appropriate meals. But he just gets up after his plate is clean and butters several slices of bread, roots around in the pantry and refrigerator and just keeps eating and eating. . .and then when he is way too full, he regrets it, just like an alcoholic.

How can you just stand by and watch somebody dig their own grave with their fork? It bloody HURTS!!!

Lilly said...

By the way, I really, really want that flashing red light, too!

Lilly said...

It very much hurts to watch them "dig their own grave with their fork," as you so aptly put it. However, after having gotten in so many fights/arguments about his eating, and always coming out on the losing side, I (and many of us) have had to back away, pick our battles, and just let it be. Are we happy about it? Not at all, which is why we sometimes joke about it. It's not really funny, but if I can't laugh about some of his crazy behavior, I'll end up crying instead!