Thursday, April 07, 2011

Back to work way too soon!

And the signs are starting to show up. This is a guy who NEVER cries.....and he has been on the brink of tears twice this week because of things going on at work. He works from home, but it's just as stressful. He missed a call while getting back xrays last week and they moved 3 of his key employees into other units. Then yesterday, he got a phone call to join an emergency meeting and he had one hour to give the name of an employee they could cut. It's a huge corporation and he has excellent income and benefits and can do all this from home. But his stress is beyond anything I have ever seen with him.

So, we decided that he has 3 options after a lengthy talk yesterday afternoon.....into the evening.

1. He can go back out on a 6 month short term leave with full pay and see what happens at the end of that time.

2. He can try for the company's long term disability. I'm certain that he qualifies. It would be 66% of his salary for 5 years and then he would have to retire. While on disability, he cannot work anywhere else.

3. they are offering a retirement package right now. He qualifies. He would get a buyout around $100K and then $1600 a month for the rest of his life. Certainly not much income. We could buy a small retirement home with the cash and help my sis take care of my mom. I'm all for this option. I have a retirement income and between the 2 of us, we would be ok. And there would be no restrictions on his working somewhere else.

We were both leaning towards # 3 and talking about whether to help my mom, a 100 mile move, or move 1000 miles and help his parents who are younger. I thought we could do both. Move close to my mom until she passes, then move again. HA! That went over like a lead balloon.

The other problem is that my mom lives in our HMO area. His parents - no idea what insurce we'd be with there. And because he would lose his health insurance if he retires and have to go on mine, I decided I get to pick! LOL! (Just kidding!)

I was up all night long because this is how his company does. Makes an announcement and gives you 24 hours (or less) to make your decision. They have not offered a retirement package in 2 years and have had about 8 reductions in staff. If he doesn't go with the package now, he may not get the option. And there is no guarantee that his name won't be put into the pot with the next reduction,

And we are certainly ill equipped to make this kind of a decision in 24 hours!

So, we agreed to sleep on it. He slept, I searched the internet for homes for sale!

Got up this morning and he is in the worst, most foul mood ever. I realize this is beyond stressful for him. Not only is he in the process of making a decision about himself, he's got to give up the name of an employee that he really is close with. It's just heart wrenching. Bottom line, he is simply not well enough to go through this amount of stress He should not be back at work. He will neer heal. And he is not well enough for us to move. But if he retires, we cannot stay in this house - it would be way to expensive to maintain. We might even end up in foreclosure or bankruptcy. I have no idea. But I feel my own ulcer brewing!!!

What I do know is that no matter what happens today.....we wil get through this. No matter what decision he makes, I will be here beside him, trying my best to support him.

I have decided to take the day off and just play. Called some artist pals and they are coming to the rescue and my sister is going to skype in, so we're going to have a party! Carrot cake in the oven making the house smell wonderful!!! At least I've learned how to take a "bad" moment and turn it around!



Anonymous said...

As if you didn't already have enough to deal with.

So many blessings come in disguise. I pray this situation will turn out to be one.


BTW: I like #3 too.

Anonymous said...

We were just waiting for the other shoe to drop...
its really awful
if there is any "good" news its that this is a company-wide thing and not just your hubby

it was clear that you were really exhausted when you wrote

you will also figure this out
you have been working on it for a while -- he just didn't realize it

you are strong, wonderful, and there

just have confidence in yourself and don't give in too much to his emotion -- you know what to do....

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, DW! I am sorry to hear these difficult choices. Sure do relate: I have obsessed about these things off and on for years as the diabetes chipped away at his health, his job, his hobbies, and his ability to enjoy life. Last year we bought a little camper trailer and many times I've comforted myself with the thought that if we lose everything else, at least we can move into the camper, lol!
I used to swing between "get me outta here" and "stand by my man" - I am actually alot calmer since deciding a few years ago that I'm here for the duration, come what may.
I don't want to know myself as the kind of woman that would leave a dying man. I WISH I didn't know myself as the kind of woman that would stay with a man who kept making choices to die...but that boat has left the dock. I stayed, and I'm staying, because I want to. I love him.
And I wish I had some carrot cake! :-)

Lynn Barry said...

You are amazing! Have your cake and eat it too...HUGS

Lilly said...

Sounds like a big decision to make. At least you can take comfort that it is not just your hubby . . . I agree with Tom's Wife on this. But it is definitely time to figure it out, and soon. Hang in there, and I am sure that with your help, he'll make the right decision.