Sunday, January 10, 2010

Side note to those with diabetes who read my blog.

I happen to believe that the entire Bible was written by Jews to the Jews, about Jews. My belief. Doesn't matter if you agree or not. We can argue the facts for hours on end. It's still my belief!

This blog happens to be written by the spouse of a diabetic, to other spouses, about my life as the spouse of a diabetic. It's not written about anything else, for anyone else or to anyone else. Pretty simple if you ask me! My blog. My life. We can argue the facts for hours on end. This is still my life - as the spouse of a diabetic.

But if you are a diabetic and have read past posts of mine, here are some questons for you to ponder. Have there been bits and pieces in them that have made you wonder if this is your future? Do you get mad about the things I write about becasue you are in denial of some type....that the things I write about would/could never happen to you? Does the very thought that your spouse might leave you because of your diabetes scare you? Do I touch a nerve....or the possibility of a nerve....that this might be you one of these days?

Give that some thought as you read through this.

Just read here. Then come back and let me disscect her post for you.

1. She’s young. Optimistic. Hopeful! Probably thirtysomething? Has diabetes herself. Does NOT have a spouse who has diabetes!!! We’ve obviously never met. She knows nothing about me personally. Only what I write about my life as the spouse of a diabetic. Something she couldn’t possibly understand because she is not the SPOUSE of a diabetic.

2. She wrote: “but more than 24 hours after the fact and as of this posting, his comment has yet to pixelate, proving the little bird correct.” How quick she is to come to judgement! I was in a remote area visiting my brother and his family – no internet access. My brother broke his back and I go visit once a month for a week to help out. I’m really not the evil person she thinks I am and for her to jump to a conclusion because I didn’t immediately respond to a comment….well, I’d call that unprofessional!!!

Note: Sorry to have to confess, but this blog does not consumemy life. I simply come here to post my notes....so I don't read your comments on a daily basis.

3. She put (sic) after my use of the word - affect. I used that word on purpose to mean the influence that highs, lows and drugs have on behavior. I used the word in it’s proper spelling. And she did not “get”it.

I have a graduate degree and truly understand the use of the English language, so her (sic)s were wrong. Again, incorrectly correcting someone else's grammer - not professional.

4. I read through her post a couple of times and saw no solution for Gregory other than for him to seek counseling. I find that self-serving. Someone who financially benefits from providing counseling….recommending counseling.

5. She says, "how about a little more support from those people who call themselves our diabetes care teams?"

Why does a diabetic EXPECT support from other people??? Be it professional, medical, personal. It seems to me that only those with the disease try to answer this question. They are the only ones who expect the support. Do they once ever write about the support that is nowhere for those who are supporting them?? Hardly!!! We know that there are numerous caregiver support groups available. I just wonder how many diabetics attend them. Do they even begin to comprehend what we go through as their primary caregivers? Do they even care? Seems to me that it's mostly about me, me, me when it comes from their viewpoint. What they need. What they want. What they EXPECT. I don't see them writing very much about supporting the caregivers they live with!

6. She claims that she does not play the blame game. But she does. She is blaming me for just about everything in the book. I think she called me every name in the book. When you call someone else a name - that IS blame! Truly the ultimate in being unprofessional. I can tell that she has absolutely no compassion or understanding whatsoever for the spouses of those diabetics who have chosen to not follow protocol offered to them by their “diabetes care team”.

7. she wants "the people with diabetes (to) end up winning". Who doesn’t? But at what expense? I would like to know if she has ever personally witnessed someone that she loves (not herself) in the middle of a sugar low. That would have to be her spouse, her mother, her father or a sibling. Probably not. I would like to know if she has witnessed them dying, one body part at a time? I doubt it.

I would highly recommend researching and reading about Christian Scientist diabetics. They refuse all medical treatment. What this disease does to their families is quite similar to those of us living with spouses who don't follow proper medical protocol. And there for the grace of God goes every single diabetic - saved only by the meds and diet they pursue. It is a natural progression to death and if you don't follow your protocol, the things I write about will in fact happen to you, and your spouse and loved ones will be right where we ae.

8. It is quite evident that she doesn’t want any of her readers to read my blog and if they do, she is more than happy to support their denial of what life is really life if you have a diabetic in your life who doesn’t follow their care plan. No, it does not have to be like this. It is purely a choice. But it was not a choice that I made. And because I post what my life is like loving and living with someone who has made this choice, she now labels me as toxic. I’d have to argue that living in denial is probably even more toxic.

Could it be that she is just a tiny bit afraid that this might one day be her own husband? That he might decide to leave her because she has diabetes? Because he simply gets tired of providing her the support that she "EXPECTS"? And in denying that as a possibility, she is telling everyone that what I write is "a shadow of doom"? It really isn't. It's real life. It can happen and it does happen. After all, he probably has another 30 years or so to go in order to catch up with where we are. I'd be very very tired of it at that point, wouldn't you?

9. The majority of today’s health care is capitated. Google it if you don’t understand it. If you have an on-going medical condition, you will be lucky to get the basic care that you need. You aren’t going to get mental health visits or therapy at all. Most likely, any mental health professional in your medical facility will be a generalist. They just don’t specialize in diabetes management. It would be wonderful to have something like that available, but we are not there yet. I am an artist. A well-known artist as I’ve had over 100 pieces of my work published in magazines and books. So I probably understand how important art therapy is to anyone, diabetic, spouse or otherwise. It is my personal therapy. But art is not something that every person out there understands...or wants to try. If you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know that I have exhausted (used up) all of the therapy available at my medical facility. I have a wonderful diabetes nurse who continues to work with me. And every single therapist I have seen have all agreed with me - the choice is always - stay or leave. And yes, we have been to couples counseling with a diabetic specialist. Once again, the writer read a few blogs and made her judgment calls. Unprofessional at best.

10. Name calling and making accusations about another person, especially someone that you do not know, is a cowards way out. She should simply take the “high” road and realize that I merely offer a different viewpoint. She doesn’t have to agree with it, but probably, as a professional, should acknowledge that my life does exist as I write it. I find it very interesting that my friends do not call me toxic or think bad of me at all. And I have numerous comments from others who seem to have a similar life, living with their diabetic spouses. It seems that the only people who have a problem with what I write are the people who have diabetes themselves. That should be a wake up call of some type. I write very realistically. I write what happens and my feelings about what happens. I write about life. And just because it makes you angry to read about it - certainly doesn't mean it's wrong for me to write about it!

Conclusion -

If you see hints of yourself in what I write, then do something about yourself. Don’t blame me because I write about it! If you are afraid that what I am writing might be true, and might happen to you or your spouse in the future, then do something about it now. Don’t blame me! And don’t claim that you don’t play the “blame” game when you blame me for writing something that is so honest and accurate about life with a diabetic that it upsets you! There’s nothing toxic about this at all – it’s life! And you need to keep reading what I write in order to prevent it from happening to you and your own spouse!

DW

PS George, ArabKathy, please make sure you send this one too!! ;o)

1 comment:

CANICA said...

Nice article, I write as much as I can of diabetes in My blog, and I follow your blog too, my father has diabetes, and I started to take care of my health a year ago, I discovered many things and I put all in my blog http://information-about-diabetes.blogspot.com/ ,

Greetings from Peru