Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Read label first!

Yesterday, he could barely move at all, the pain in his hip was so intense. But it doesn't make sense to me. When he sits, he is constantly shaking his whole leg, moving his foot from the right to the left in a rocking motion.....which is movement. So he can sit and move it with less pain that when he stands to walk. Not real sure this is sciatic nerve like he thinks.

He did agree that when he sees the doctor tomorrow, he is going to tell them that "something" has to be done.

I honestly don't know how he can live with such intense pain. I asked him if he had thought about what he might do if the doctor ordered complete bed rest. He said "no". Credit to him for being so honest! But at least the thought is there now.

He also said that heat or cold don't seem to help at all. Just finding a comfortable postition and staying in it as long as he can stand is the best he can do.

His mobility has definitely been limited.

I know that comments are quite serious, but Pam I have to tell you that you gave me a chuckle! I doubt it matters if a spouse has diabetes or not.....a prescription bottle with a warning label should be a prerequisite!!! However, chuckling aside, I think more people writing about the side effects AND affects of diabetes on spouses, children, parents....all of it would be nice to have. There's not all the much out there even today. Perhaps because the stress of recalling it to write about it can be quite painful?

Pam wrote:

I wish I had read your blog BEFORE i got married!! It would have told me what was instore for me and I could have made the "stay or leave" choice when it was easier. Now I've been married for 4 yrs (together 10) and it is certainly a roller coaster. DH is 45 and getting worse every day. I didn't know much about being a diabetic, so when he was at an "angry" low/high i simply thought he was just being an A$$hole!! :) He was just put on insulin, (finally got a Dr that had a clue) and you would have thought the world was going to end the way he moped around for 2 weeks. I try to tell him, if you can't do it for yourself at least do it for your kids. We have 4 kids(2 2.5yr and 2 3 months) that don't understand Daddy really loves you, he just doesn't care to take his medicine, that's why he's mean. He looses his patience too quick with them, and i simply rush in and take them away. Talk about tiring. I've tried to explain that he NEEDS to take care of him self if he wants to see his kids grow up. Yet he still chooses to eat whatever whenever, not take his med and expect ME to do EVERYTHING. I work full time, have 4 kids to tend to, i cook, clean, etc... and he does...yup nothing!! When i found your blog (and Tom's wife) it makes me happy to see i'm not the only one. I am only 32 and still want a full life. I'm not sure how much more of this roller coaster i can take. Thanks for writing!!

Don't you wish our spouses were like a prescription bottle and came with some kind of SIDE EFFECT LABEL... will ruin your life, suck all the happines away, yell at you for no reason, fall asleep at the wheel.... etc? LOL!!

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that he is only 45 and doing the roller coaster ride. That's not good. I feel for you and the kids. I know how it is here when my husband has a low and I am just so grateful there are no kids to witness it. But I do know that his children saw it when they were growing up (his previous marriage) and they simply see it as verbal abuse. The honestly hate their dad to this day and don't have much to do with him at all. Part of the reason I keep this blog is in the hopes that one day they might ask to read it....and will come to understand that his anger was never directed at them and that he has no clue that he did what he did to them.

I am sure you have already seen a counselor. They will most likely want to make sure that first and foremost you and the kids remain safe. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to make sure I had a "safehouse" to go to....and that I had an emergency exit route. Just in case he ever grabbed a knife..... After knowing that you have a safety plan, they will start you through the steps of counseling. I do think it would be great for the kids to see a diabetic counselor.....but find one who understands the highs and lows of glucose levels.

I still contend that you can't change him. You will wear yourself out taking care of 4 kids and him and working. Something will break. If you were to take one of the many stress tests available online you will see that you are close to overload.

No, I'm not trying to be a therapist for you at all. And because he doesn't want to help himself, chances are your situation isn't going to improve.

Write it all down. Ten minutes a day. Start a blog or journal. Be honest with what you write. Don't mince words. It's always good to have a record of behavior patterns during highs and lows. If he ever did physically harm you or the children, a diary is really good to have. But it's also a good release to write down your thoughts, your emotions, your anger, your grief (the loss of the man you married as he was then) "get it out of your system". Does not matter that others might not agree, might not see it your is simply your diary of what happens to you. And once in awhile, someone will comment that you have helped them just a little.

I have a post here somewhere that talks more about the relationship my husband had with his diabetic father and his non-diabetic children. Don't know if you could search and find it. But it's an interesting relationship now that they are adults. He's had diabetes since they were about ages 2 and 3. It's all they have ever known.

In the end, you still have 2 options. Stay or leave. :o) and I know you have read my "definitions".


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