From Tom's Wife:Hi! Yes I'm here. Its just that I have been traveling for work and the renovations on my kitchen have started. it has been a VERY hectic three weeks.
Lisa, my heart goes out to you. when you love your guy you want to do everything you can to help. but at the end of the day (week, year) you simply will wear out. If he were your child wouldn't you want to teach him to be independent and take care of himself and not be so reliant on others? It is physically impossible for you to be with him (and awake) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It's REALLY difficult, but at some point, you will find out what DW and I and so many others have learned. these guys don't want to die. They do take care of themselves (even if they don't do a great job all the time). Take little steps. Start setting out his medications (by dose) and leave it for him to take, if he doesn't take it, let him face the consequences. Leave the house, talk on the phone, leave the room, do whatever you need to do so you don't have to witness the difficult stuff. We know how hard this is but try just one small thing, see how it goes and let us know......
Glad to see you are still here. I am so tired tonight. Hubby has not been able to walk since Friday. I don't know what is more exhausting - the emotions and worry, or running errands. Or the time change. LOL! He is so young (only 55), but his body is simply giving out on him. I wish he would go see his doctor, but he won't.
Bless my brother - he offered to give my husband one of his kidneys. But I told him that he needs to keep it, he has very young children and they may need one down the line. But how incredibly nice for him to offer.
My brother is the youngest sibling and I often think when my husband passes, my brother will be my "crutch". But I also think my sisters are the ones who I will lean on most. At least I have a large family support system.
Lisa wrote:Great to hear from someone who has been there. What I find interesting is how many people feel it is my responsiblity to make sure he does everything right. Especialy other women. If he is not eating correctly, it must be something I am doing wrong. I do have my own intersts, and do work, however when something happen with his health in the end it is my problem. It is a tough and frustrating disease, with many side effects. Many are very difficult for men to handle and women to live with. Great to be able to vent. Lisa
Interesting comment Lisa. My family does not feel that way. The completely understand that it is his disease and there is nothing I can do to help him - when he doesn't want to help himself. However, that is not how it is on his side of the family. His mother thinks I should set out his pills for him, count them out, nag him to take them....my husband's father is also a diabetic and that's exactly what she does for him.
I think today I need to vent about the side affect of neuropathy. I wish I could photograph his feet - but he would want to know why. And we went out to lunch - he couldn't hold his fork. Dropped it on his plate and it banged so loud I jumped. I wasn't looking and just wasn't prepared for the sound of it. But I know he can't close his fingers and grasp things. When there's no feeling in the ends of the feet and hands.....it really does have an impact on how one feeds themselves, gets dressed, drives.....and just so many other htings.
Here's hoping that tomorrow will be a better day with less infection.