Monday, April 23, 2007

Drama! Drama! Drama!!!

NEVER ask a diabetic a question! My new rule. He called me into his office as his company has changed life insurance carriers and he can up his insurance one time without a physical. He wanted to know if he should do that. I said I couldn't see why not. So with that as the lead in, I asked him if I could join him for his next physical. And he totally blew up at me, yelling and screaming. Which was interrpted by a business call.

So I give up. I will not ask him again and I will not be going with him to his physical.

I got up and came to my studio and just sat here. I nearly started a blog. I knew that as soon as his meeting was over, he would be down here apologizing, kissing me. And he was.

It's this total, constant roller coaster of emotions that I cannot deal with. Yes....I created the roller coaster. I did not need to ask him if I could go to his physical. But it really is "my" disease in that I have no idea what the prognosis is, I do not know what drugs he is taking let alone the contradictions of these drugs....and I would like to know.

But I guess I will continue to live in the dark, and continue to learn as much as I can about this disease.


Kris said...

I'm so sorry. That has to be SO hard on you. You are only wanting to go because you care. Too bad he doesn't realize that. It IS your disease too. You are helping to take care of him and you are just as worried as he is, if not more. I'm sorry he's shutting you out. (((HUGS)))

Diabeteswife said...

Thanks Kris!

This blog has been so healing for me. I no longer feel like I'm all alone. I'm only hoping there will be someone who is farther down this path than I am who can post and sort of let me know what to expect. I feel completely blind most days.

I have told him over and over that when the amputate a foot, or he has to go to dialysis every other day, I will not be the one driving him around. But sadly, as long as I'm in love with him, I know I will be. My escape is denial.....the ever present threat I make that I won't!


Anonymous said...

I feel your pain!
My Husband is also diabetic. He has put so many of them is his desease and he cannot talk about it.
Mood swings, depression, and drinking....I just dont know how he feels.
I am in the dark just as much as you are. But I beleive we have a purpose in this life!
Chin up!

Diabeteswife said...

Dear Anonymous. Thank you so much for posting. You have put it all in one paragraph.

Why do they think it is their problem and refuse to discuss it? I swear...his problems certainly become my problems as long as I'm living here. At least my husband does not drink. I can't imagine that!

However....oh...let me just go post a new topic. Stay tuned......

John said...

Nice post! You have said it very well. Keep going.

Anonymous said...

OOOOOF!! LOL. I'm getting nervous. Five months ago I started seeing a type 1 diabetic. I can see the mood swings, boy howdy can I see them. So far he hasn't directed it AT me. . . instead my guy shuts down completely. He refused to argue. Discussing his disease isn't a problem though. We've discussed Dr. appointments and I've talked to him about things I've researched *and wow have I researched diabetes* and he's pretty open.

It's a given I'm in love with him and I am starting to see just how difficult this relationship is going to be.

I can also see why he's had so much trouble with women before. There have been more than a few days where I've thought "who needs this shit?"

Just as you are looking for someone further down this road I'm doing the same. I'm a bit scared at how bumpy it's going to be though. 8-)

Diabeteswife said...

My advice (an you can take it or leave it) is to tread very carefully. Now is the time to study this disease from all angles. And ask questions. What is the progression and prognosis for him? Is he willing to make lifelong changes to insure future health? And what if you have a child who develops type 1? Are you ready, able, willing to parent a child with special's just not the same as parenting a healthy child.

Would I have married my husband had I known what the future would be? Well....that probably has little to do with diabetes.....but this journey has had it's moments where I have come pretty close to just walking out.

Is it worth it? Who needs this? Only you can answer those questions.

Good luck!