Monday, September 24, 2007

Helping Spouses

Albert sent me a link to this site:

And I read the article and here are my thoughts on it.

1. Yes, I do agree, a spouse can be the gentle snowfall. “Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it lingers in the mind.”

However, I have lived high in the mountains where a soft, gentle snow, that keeps coming down...and doesn't stop....can turn into a 5 foot drift and no one can plow through it for days on end! :o)

2. "they call this strategy “dropping the rope,” she says. The idea comes from training horses. When a horse in a corral is pulling back and resisting being led somewhere, you drop the rope and wait. Eventually the horse will start following you around."

I grew up on a 160 acre horse always said, "you can lead a horse to water...but you can't make him drink." And on ropes, he always said, "give a man enough rope, he will hang himself."

Touche for cute little sayings!

3. "Family partners are in fact so closely linked, Professor Fisher says, that if one of them has diabetes or is obese, the other is at an increased risk of getting the condition or the weight. If one of them eats too much fat or too many carbs, the other is likely to do the same"

OK, so this scares the crap out of me!!! And a huge reason why I changed my eating/exercise habits.

4. "The positive side of that equation is that when one partner loses weight, the other one will do better than before"

So NOT true! I have lost 25 pounds this summer, he has gained 40 pounds. I'd like that therapist to explain that! I think the more I work at eating healthy...the more he balks at eating anything but crap.

5. "The best strategy is to show, rather than tell, your partner with diabetes how to control it by eating sensibly, losing weight, and exercising" and "it’s in your power to lead him there."

OK, I would LOVE to meet a therapist who will for once in their limited perspective put their thinking caps on and step into the life of a spouse of a diabetic. It is NOT my job to "lead" him to better eating. It is NOT in my "power" do to anything to change this man! It does NOT MATTER what I do with my own life....he is going to do exactly what he wants to do with his life. I can expend hours and hours cooking healthy food, preparing him the best meals possible, stocking the refrigerator with only healthy food, filling the pantry with nothing but the best. This man will get in the car and drive 1/2 mile to Burger King 20 minutes after dinner and have a burger, fries and shake. He will go a mile to the store and get a bag of potato chips, come home, and eat them all in one setting. SEE # 4 ABOVE!!!

The concept is a good one, that as a spouse, you can set an example. But concepts are just that. And they do not work in the real world. You cannot lead someone to a healthy lifestyle if they do not want to go there. You cannot change another person. You cannot, cannot, cannot do that. Not if that person does not want to change.

And my personal opinion is that when another person is in denial, in grief, refuses to face the facts, refuses to admit what is wrong.....they will not even begin to see where you are trying to lead them.

Yep, I'm about ready to sit down and eat an entire cheesecake tonight! LOLOL!

Therapists and counselors "think" they know what the answers are...but until you walk a mile in my shoes......

oh, that was another one of dad's great sayings.


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