Sunday, August 19, 2007

If you wrote a contract to your diabetic spouse...

What would it include?

Cici wrote a comment that really got me to thinking:

I happen to think this is a brilliant idea, and wonder if it would work. But what all would it include? As women, we are caregivers. It's in our nature to "heal". Taking care of those we love is what we do best. So where do we draw the line?

I've always said that I will not drive him to dialysis. I will not push a wheelchair around with him in it. But I find I am doing most of the driving already, just because I don't want him causing a wreck when I'm in the car!

So I thought I'd start a list and see if anyone wants to add to it. I might just actually write a contract one of these days!

1. Will not pick up meds
2. Will not go to the doctor with him
3. Will not make doctors appointments
4. Will not ask him if he packed enough meds
5. Will not drive him to dialysis
6. Will not push his wheelchair around
7. Will not ask him if he remembered to take his meds
8. Will not set his meds out for him/count out his pills
9. Will not fetch things for him when his feet are so sore he can't walk
10. Will not do yardwork for him

and while we are at it, I think I will write up a contract for the dogs! OK....let me explain. He loves his 2 little dogs. I have never allowed pets inside the house. Mostly because my oldest son had severe asthma. But when I married this guy, he already had a dog. Then he got a second one because we were both working outside the house and he said that dog # 1 needed company during the day. He promised to take care of them. And now, he has me do all the dog related chores. I've sworn that when one of these dogs dies we are NOT going to replace it. But then the realization hit me that I am enabling him to have his pets. I'm the one doing all the maintenance for them. So here is my "dog contract"

1. I will not pick up pet poo
2. I will not feed/water the dogs
3. I will not shampoo the carpet or mop the floors to remove dog stains in the carpet
4. I will not run to the store to get pet food when we are out.
5. I will not brush the dogs
6. I will not bathe the dogs
7. I will not take the dogs outside for potty
8. I will not walk the dogs
9. When we travel, I will not pack up the dogs gear
10. When we travel, I will not put their leashes on and take them for potty walks.

Yeah, and if I don't do it, I know he won't and I will have to live with the messes, the stench, the dirt. OK, I guess some things just cannot be handles with contracts.

But isn't diabetes the same? If I don't drive the car and he has a wreck, I'll be dead. If I don't make sure he packs his meds, we will just turn around and come back home.

Where do you draw the line as a spouse as to what you can live with "not" doing?


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