Saturday, March 31, 2012

Where do we go?

TX DW wrote me:    Hope this the correct person...DH married 30 yrs...just pushed into retirement...hubby out of control...I am TX DW.....your life sounds JUST like could be writing my story....where do we go?  Think I will lose it everyday...hubby just sits and assumes everything WILL get done...decided to e-mail as I am having so much problem leaving a comment...but "sister", I totally understand...just don't know if I can make it this time......take care and will pray for you... Thanks for just being out their somewhere...And very curious about selling on Craig's list as we have 1 1/2 houses full and must move into 1100 sq. ft. soon.....thanks again for listening...TX DW

You know, I have asked myself that question many a time.  There just isn't anyplace for spouses to go to get help.  And if you go to a diabetic group, they are just going to tell you to be supportive and I'm still saying that I disagree with that.  It's still not MY disease!!!  One of the reasons I first started this blog was to see if there was anyone else out there living my life.  And wow!  Over the years there have been so many people who have emailed me or posted comments least we now know we are not alone.

I have many moments when I don't know if I will make it either.  But I try to focus on that specific moment and just look ahead to the next one.  If I looked ahead to the whole future....well, I just cannot do that!

My Aunt is here visiting this weekend, so that should keep things calm.  Monday, we drive her to the airport, then go see his endo.  He pretty much knows that he needs to diet and exercise.  I did not know, but he told his GP that he is up to 40 units each morning and night of his Humulin RU500.  So this is really concerning.  We have not changed our eating habits in the past year.  He was pretty stable at 13 U in the AM and 6 U in the evening, but his A1c went to 10.  Now they have increased the Humulin to 40 each and he's gone to 12.1 on the A1c.  Something isn't right!!!  (Remember, he is on concentrated insulin, 5x what a normal diabetic gets.)

Not to mention the tiny little insignificant issue that he didn't mention to me any of the increases.  So Monday's visit is going to be interesting to say the least!

As for craigslist.  Always keep in mind there is safety in numbers.  Never meet the other party alone.  Get a phone number from them before allowing them to come to your house.  Make sure they know someone is there with you.  I have never had a bad experience, but have heard of many.  But I do live in a pretty safe neighborhood/place.  I don't think I'd use craigslist if I lived alone, that's for sure.    Hope that helps!


1 comment:

sar said...

I am so sick of it all to and am now on the verge of having to file bankruptcy. Ten years of his not working leads to losing everything. ten years of his huge medical bills leads to losing everything despite paying over a thousand a month for health insurance. Add to that the poor economy and the crash in the real estate market leads to losing everything.
Add to that his inability to understand our financial situation and his rages if he does not get his way leads to losing everything.

My profession is now massively over crowded and ageist. I can not get a job in my field. that leads to losing everything.

The only option for us now is bankruptcy and Chapter 7 at that. At least his 30k in unpaid medical bills will be gone.

Do I stay or go? I do not honestly know. I am so sick of his rages and his being the problem instead of the solution. yet, I have nothing left to live on by myself. if I had income or a retirement the choice would be easier. do you walk out on a sick husband of 40 years because you just can not take it anymore? I do not know since I have nothing to go to. When do you give up? do you wait for life to be totally intolerable with him? it is so close to that know.

Some days i so wish I could bale. I know that statistically i stand to out live him unless I get hit by a bus. What then? No life insurance. He is uninsurable. No pension. Minor social security. he has not worked in 10 years.

I am so royally screwed.

We are a sisterhood indeed. The diabetic support groups are no help. They are for him not for us.

I have lost my future security thanks to him and I am at a loss what to do. I would advise other wives not to wait ten years in this hell and lose everything too.

We are also getting ruined by the lack of interest paid on savings since there is no interest i