Thursday, April 14, 2011

the diabetic generational delima

hubby is diabetic and non-compliant
hubby's father is diabetic and non-compliant
hubby's grandfather died from diabetes, probably non-compliant
hubby's great grandfather died from diabetes, probably no drugs at that time

I have witnessed hubby's father yelling and screaming, angry as a bear, in a diabetic low. He used to get so mad at me and just scream his head off at me as I sat there in a stupor trying to figure out what it was I had done to tick the guy off.

I finally realized what was going on and now I simply inform him that he does not have the "right" to talk to me that way. Most often he backs off and goes into the other room. I also do not go visit my in-laws one second more than I absolutely have to. I do not encourage my husband to go visit them either.

Additionally, my father-in-law has no recollection of any of these outbursts of his. He will deny that they ever happen.

So here's the delima.

My husband grew up in a house with this going on all the time. Dad screaming his head off at him. Mom screaming at dad trying to get dad's sugar levels to "fight" back up. Dad not remembering it happened at all and denying everything.

Hubby acquired diabetes at the age of 22. He most likely was the same way around his kids.

But what I have witnessed in the past few years:

Father-in-law gets into a low, gets angry, screams at the family. Hubby is in a low at the same time....doesn't remember his dad screaming at anyone.

What an absolute merry-go-round! Father and son, both non-compliant diabetics....trying to make the rest of us slowly go nuts! LOLOL!

My mother-in-law has a very unique way of dealing with my father-in-law's lows.  She has shingles in her left face/eye area.  The moment that he starts to go low, she has an "attack". She will "take to her bed" letting our schrill screams of pain. I believe that this works to raise his glucose levels as his adrenaline kicks in because he has to "rescue" her from her pain. He immediately rushes to her side and starts to be her "nurse" trying to comfort her and get the screams of pain to stop.  It's an amazing scenario to watch...but it not only works on her husband, it works on her son (my hubby) to get him out of a low.

How do I know her "attacks" are fake? She has never ever had one when the guys are out of the house. But the minute they return.....her shingles flare up.  Maybe she's more brilliant than I give her credit for being!

All that screaming and yelling and no one remembers a thing....except the non-diabetic family members who were the victims of the diabetic lows of their spouses.

But in some sick, sad, twisted way...it helps me. I can now talk back to hubby and father-in-law, stand up to both of them, inform them they do not have my permission to act like that....be aggressive and demand they shut up because a) they will not remember what I said, and b) sometimes a shocking statement like that will truly make them shut up!

How on earth did I get so blessed to have TWO non-compliant diabetics in my life???

3 comments:

Lilly said...

Oh my gosh, what an absolute CIRCUS! By the way, hope you really enjoyed your spa day . . . you so deserve it on so many levels!

Lilly

tomswife said...

So your husband inherited his diabetes and there is lots of "learned" behavior.

How does this explain my mother in law's behavior?

nothing......

Jeannette said...

I googled "diabetic yelling" and found this page. I'm sitting here shaking and crying because my stepdad is currently recovering from one of these low-blood-sugar, yelling-at-the-top-of-his-lungs sessions. I can't handle it when he gets like this. Just for a bit of a back story, I hate the man's guts. He has always had a temper and been abusive even when he wasn't low. The screaming sessions he has when he's low are the worst because he doesn't remember anything, like you said. He acts like nothing happened, and we're supposed to do the same, even though the screaming sessions open old wounds.

I'm getting married next year and moving out immediately afterward. I'd move out sooner if I could.