Sunday, February 27, 2011

now that he's well enough.....

he's getting angry. And I'm thinking I'm the one who should be getting angry! LOL!

4 am this morning, he wakes up and goes to the bathroom. I asked him if he should test his glucose. He said he was out of strips?

OK, I know it was a ploy to not have to test. So I got mad and told him that I just really didn't care....but I will NOT go to the hospital with him next time and I will NOT drive him to dialysis.

So you all have to enforce that because we all know it's going to happen!

I got up and went to my own bed upstairs. A week on the sofa is more than my old back can handle! Got up at 6 am and came down and collected all my stuf and moved it and the puppy crate back upstairs. He is going to be on his own at night from here on out.

Here's my logic. He's now recovered enough to argue with me. He doesn't want to test his sugar. I know he is not going to follow the rules. I know he is going to revert back to exactly what he was doing before. So, why did I fight so hard to keep him on the right meds in the hospital? Why didn't I just let all that medical staff continue to make all their mistakes? Dose him at 10% his inuslin, double his beta blockers? I really do not know.

But I won't do it again. He has had his chance and I know where we are headed with this. He's going to refuse to test, refuse to eat right, refuse to eat on a schedule, refuse to exercise. He won't heal right. His back will hurt. He just wants to lay in bed and watch TV and movies 24/7. I'm not going down that hole with him!

Today, I finally went to a genealogy meeting and was gone for 6 hours. Had my sister go home this morning. Left him completely alone. Well, he had his cell phone. He was fine when I got home. So tomorrow I'll meet my art pals for lunch. And be gone again.

And really. If he goes back into the hospital, I truly plan to limit my visits to 2 hours per day.

I know....I talk big, huh? LOL!!!

Starting tomorrow, he is going to talk to all the nurses who call. He can figure out what he is supposed to be doing. I'm turning it all back over to him. Yes, I'm here if he needs help, but this IS his disease and if he's not going to follow the rules, I'm not going to break my back or my spirit trying to force him to do so. After all, he is a grown man.

Lynn wrote:

AMEN SISTER...YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE and HE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY and SHOW THE WILL to fight...That is why I gave up filling my hubby's pills and calling them in several years ago because I thought gosh darn it...if I had to take that many pills I would have to fill them myself and call them in...he HAS to own his condition and that helped us...but who knows in the future, since he was ruled 100% disabled by the VA but he IS fighting for his health, getting to a gym and doing what he can to feel better...your hubby HAS to do the right things...you CAN NOT do it all...you go GIRL...teach art...do art...care, but don't lose your soul in the process. HUGS AND LOVE


so lynn, I'm taking your advice and working to make him responsible for whatever happens to him. I've been by his side 24/7 for the last 4 weeks.....it's time for me to get back to my life now!

DW

4 comments:

Lynn Barry said...

You got me crying...wow...the power of the Internet...people connecting with people they only know via the Internet...I read this aloud to my hubby and he was touched too...we are both cheering you both on...hey, you never know. Hope springs eternal. WE LOVE YOU!

Lilly said...

I was really worried for you that once he started feeling better, he would start resisting all your efforts. I know my hubby would. So sorry! If he continues on the path he seems so determined to take, his kidneys will completely fail . . . but then again, he must know that, and of course you do.

You did a very loving thing trying to rehabilitate him at home. But if I were in your shoes, I also would be done! You do not need to be verbally abused/lied to by the man you are trying to help. At this point, it is time to back away, and let him deal with the natural consequences of his own actions. After all, (sadly) you can't save someone if they don't want to be saved. My heart goes out to you . . .

newtothis said...

Wow,

I found your blog last night after my P-DH went off on me. Oh yes, I started it. I dared to stop eatting dinner after he scolded the nine year old for mentioning a place we were thinking of taking him and a friend to this weekend for his birthday to his friend before we definately decided to do it.

I say, Wow, because after reading your lastest entry -first- I've read every entry starting from 06. I am amazed by how well you have handled your situation. It was your "Gaslight" posting that hit me the hardest. I left a comment on it last night.

As I'm sure you can imagine my P-DH is being very nice today. I am just numb. I am disabled. 50 radiation treatments to my neck almost ten years ago left me unable to function fully on a daily basis.

For the most part my husband is a wonderful man. We met, fell madly in love and married. I married a man with a Phd who swam five times a week, ate well, didn't snore and was kind. Then I found out a year earlier he was told he was on the verge of being diabetic. He did all he should to avoid it. Once we married that stopped.

The first time he had a "swing" I was in our bed (after we had sex) and my three year old had come in to fall asleep in my arms. My husband turned into a mad-man. Yelling, pacing and just plain acting crazy. I truely thought he would kill us before dawn broke. I pled with him to stop and come to bed. Hours later he did and the next morning he chalked it up to being insecure with our quickly marrying and how much he loved me. He had never loved anyone the way he loved me and just didn't know how to handle it.

Fast forward three years and the swings still happen and they are due to a blood sugar imbalance. He doesn't belive there is anything to bs and mood swings.
Our wonderful doctor treats his pre-diabetic condition the same as a full blown case. The Dr. doesn't believe there is a differnce between the two. According to him the two cause the same exact damage in the end. Address and treat it now is his mantra. Although I don't know if he has address the mood swings to my P-DH he has made comments to him about how my life must be better since he is on medication.

The doctor (my GP as well) has told me I can not make him do what he needs to do. That is not my job and trying to make it my job will not work. Not work for my husband, myself nor our marriage.
Good advise but it sure doesn't come in very handy when I'm getting berated by a mad-man.

You were so right when you wrote 3-4 hours later your DH is back to normal but it takes you 3-4 days. Your blog really is helpful to me. Thank you for keeping at it for the 5 plus years. I admire your humor. Even when you are mad your are kind. You haven't lost yourself. I guess losing myself is my biggest fear. I foolishly thought love brought growth. But, loving a P-DH takes all the warm fuzzies out of love.

Love makes forgiveness possible. However, this sitution quite frankly...sucks.

tomswife said...

You know you have 200% of my support. Got back from my vaca in Europe -- had a great time but lots of stories to tell

yours breaks my heart -- but honestly, mine is the day-to-day grind, I'll write on my blog -- if you are up to it you can read there

Hang in there, take care of yourself, and kick **SS!

Tom's Wife