reene wrote

DW - I so feel your pain! I have so many thoughts going through my mind - I don't know where to begin! Let's see what I get down here and, if any of it makes sense. Let's start with current behavior / situation. I recently went on an east to west coast road-trip with my sister, in her move to the west coast. We had a great time driving ~4500 miles total - checking out many natural wonders of the US. In the meantime, my husband refused to take my calls back home. He kept his cell off and, wouldn't answer the home phone. Kept in touch with our adult children, who had to deal with a couple of low blood sugars during my week away (he's usually good when I'm away). Needless to say, our children had to pick me up from the airport. We really haven't spoken much since I returned which, is not much different from his recent behavior. Although, I have to say his lack of communication isn't that foreign to us - it just seems to have reached at new level. He was probably mad that I went with my sister. He's never been happy with my outside activities - not being supportive of much that I do, including continued education for career growth. But, I can't let him bring me down - make me a prisoner. If I think I'm frustrated now, I'd really be frustrated. The additional activities include: a lot of volunteering at church and working with youth when our children were still in the school system. He's currently treating for Parkinson's, after a couple of years of symptoms. A good year ago, the doc didn't feel it was Parkinson's but, upon husband's recent doc appt (after over a year not seeing a doc), the doc has decided it is Parkinson's. Multiple med's have been prescribed - they may be making a positive difference - I sure hope they are. Just did a little online research to see if there is a correlation with frequent low blood sugars (yes, probably at least a thousand of them here, too) and Parkinson's, finding that frequent severe low blood sugars can lead to brain damage. 

Do we have a match? Well, I'm no MD but.... Brings me back to a doc appt I accompanied my husband to several years ago (10+, at least). I asked the doc if frequent low blood sugars could harm a person. His reply: no more than taking a sh1t or having sex. Thank you oh educated one...here I sit with yet another challenge, possibly a side effect of diabetes. I thought years ago of leaving my husband - actually kicking him out. But, our children (preschool and early elementary at the time) started acting up. It made me question: was it fair to disrupt his or their lives because I wasn't happy with how he wasn't taken care of himself? Everyone needs someone - is my purpose in life to take care of him? Have to say - not much enamored with this purpose. Don't like the anger; the frequent low blood sugars and all that comes with them; trying to function on little to no sleep the next day (most of his lows are at night - resulting in me not getting back to sleep for hours or, just in time for the alarm to go off). Additionally, our children are very frustrated with him. My daughter is very verbal thus, take her comments with a grain of salt. Our son, however, is an extremely fair, level-headed young man. When he starts expressing frustration, then I know it's not fabrication on my part. Our son asked me a few months back if my husband / his father ever said he was sorry or thank you - after I help him with a low. He has not. In fact, lately, he has begun arguing that he wasn't even low (like he did when our children were really young). The tell-tail signs were there, as were the blood sugar results I see when taking a peak at his glucose monitor. Our children have started helping me with the lows. Does this bother their father - thinking that his children are stepping in to help when he can't help himself? Did I make the right decision in sticking with him? All I know is I hate to see our children and myself be treated like the city dump.... OK, enough of my ramblings...thank you for "listening"... It's not an easy life for anyone involved, especially the diabetic.

I have written about this before, but feel it timely to write again.  I'm not a doctor....just the wife of a diabetic. But you can google this and find it just about anywhere online.  Of course, an actual diabetic person is not going to agree with me at all.  I'm used to that by now!  LOL!

When a diabetic goes low, they probably won't remember what they said or did.  They are most likely irritated, which makes them angry.  They won't know who or what they are yelling at...it's simply the unlucky person in their presence.  It could be the wife, the child, the neighbor, the employee.....whoever is there.  

Yelling, getting angry, is a body's natural way to increase adrenaline, which increases glucose, which will get them up and out of the sugar low faster than just about anything else.  

And at the same time, they won't remember any of it.

The problem is that the spouse, the child, the employee.....they remember every single word.  They don't forget.  And to compound the problem, they probably didn't do a single thing to provoke the diabetic's anger, and are confused because they don't know why they are the recipient of such behavior.  The spouse or child may well feel a sense of guilt - what did they do to bring this on? 

I went through this scenario for 5 years before I finally figured out that it was not me!  But for awhile, I really did think it was all my fault.  

And then I went to therapy.

And we figured out a pattern

And a nurse finally listened to me

And she got the doctor to change the time/amount of his insulin

And life got back on track for awhile.

Until the next time his body got out of whack and he started having lows again and the yelling started all over again

And while you would think I had learned and would recognize it as sugar lows, I didn't.  Not at first.  And once again, I thought it was something wrong with me that was making him so angry and so abusive all the time.

Now I know.  I recognize his lows pretty fast.  And with each one, I have to make a choice.  Do I provoke his anger so that his body will quickly create adrenaline and get the sugar pumping again?  Or do I remain quiet, non-confrontational, and just let him rant and rave.  Same end result.

I've tried it both ways.  Not much difference, except when I decide to provoke him, I can at least say the things on my mind, get them out of my system.  And who cares?  He is not going to remember a single word that I said to him!

My husband's previous wife left him after 22 years of this.  I married him before I understood it.  But his children hat him.  They grew up with what they thought was a very abusive father.  They did not and still do not understand diabetes.  They thought he was very aware of what he said to them.  He happens to think he was the greatest father on earth and doesn't have a clue why his kids hate him.  Should his ex have left him?  Who knows!  Should I leave him?  No.  Why not? Because I know exactly what's going on, I know when to walk away, I have learned how to handle his lows.  

But it was a forever struggle.  And I still have my moments when I wonder if I can continue.  Thus the power to stay comes in the knowledge that I can walk away any moment.  Would he understand?  No.  He still doesn't understand why his first wife left him.

We call it the diabetes roller coaster merry-go-round.  You never know which one you are on or what's around the next corner and you always hope for a glimpse of the man you knew before diabetes consumed who he is.

Good luck!

DW