Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Brain fog

Mary wrote:

I got scared this morning. DH is a Type 2 and he tested high this morning. He ate his usual breakfast of sugary cereal even though I offered to cook eggs for him. He was trying to type on the computer keyboard and I watched him trying to distinguish the numbers from the letters. He would type something and then realize that is wasn't right and then try again. All the time he was doing this he was asking me the same question over and over (What is his email address? What is his password? Lucky for him that I have a good memory). I told him that he was not acting right. I asked him if he was feeling okay and if he was having a problem with confusion. His response was silence. He would not or could not articulate what he was going through. I asked him if he wanted to go to the ER. No response. He just kept on trying to figure out his keyboard typing. He is very computer literate and never had any problems until today. I helped him get into his email account so he could read his messages.

And I have to say "I so understand!" Today was not good here.  I went out to the garage to get something and noticed a huge pile of something that did not look good at all on a wood shelf that I use as sort of a workbench.  I have drills and a grinder and a bin for screws on it.  I called hubby to have him come take a look at it.  He said, "oh, I spilled some battery acid there."

So, the battery acid was eating into the wood and was festering up.  I was so upset.  I got a paint scraper out and scraped as much as I could into the trash.  That's when I saw the acid was eating the wood away.  $100 shelves.  I absolutely could not believe that he just left it there, didn't even try to clean it up.  I put baking soda on it, made a paste, took the shelves apart, got the wood outside and hosed it down.  Of course, I ran out of baking soda and had to run to the store for more.  The acid had eaten almost half way through the shelf, but I think I got it all off the wood.  I flipped the board over and put the shelves back together and then put everything back on the shelf.

I called my sister and vented.  If I had a job, I would leave him today.  It took me 2 hours out of what was already a really busy day to clean up a mess that he made.  I know, I know - his back hurt.  He would do it when he felt better.  The problem is that he is never going to feel better and if I didn't clean it up - it would have eaten all the way through the board.  So, no big deal - cut a new board!  But why me. Why do I have to do it all?  Why do I have to clean up all of his messes just because he doesn't feel up to it?  I just wanted to scream.

And I know he doesn't feel good.  But to just walk away and leave BATTERY ACID?????  He could have told me when it happened.  No, I'm sure he was in a sugar low or high and just not thinking.  It happens so much.  Most of the time I just ignore it.  But battery acid????

I wonder what will be next?  What will he forget?  What will he get confused about?  What will he overlook?

So Mary, I am right there with you.  I understand completely.  I don't know what we can do - other than keep an ever watchful eye, try to find the spills before they eat the wood up, try to stay one step ahead of everything, and try to NOT get worn out.

Tonight....I'm worn out!

Lynn wrote:

I am scared for you. It sounds like he is giving up and just doing whatever he wants to do, barring consequences...don't his doctors give him hope? Just wondering. Is the work too much? too much stress to work and take care of himself...just a thought...is there a way he can get disability? just another thought...what about depression meds...if he isn't on them would he consider it? these are just thoughts that have popped into my head as I feel concerned for my cyber sister...I am scared for you two. HUGS and LOVE.
In a nutshell:
He won't quit work
He won't take depression meds
He won't go to counseling
His doctors are actually quite optimistic.  He isn't.
He could qualify for disability.....but I sort of think work might be better for him at the moment.  At least it gives him something to do and keeps his mind busy.

I'm pretty sure he's given up.  I do my best to stay happy and optimistic around him (when I'm not seething mad about battery acid!)  When I do get mad, I find a project to work on - today was cleaning in the basement.  I have a goal.  Get everything up out of the basement while I can still do stairs myself!  It's a good goal.  Forcing me to sort through things.  Keeps me away from him!

I've been doing tons of research on depression, mood swings, impacts of various drugs.  He has his moments when he still seems perfectly ok.  But lately, we've been experiencing more and more forgetful moments.  Missed appointments.  Getting times and dates of appointments mixed up.  Missing meetings.  I try to keep a calendar and when I remind him of something - he actually argues that it's not on that date.  Then when he misses it, he apologizes.  We've had a huge increase in stuff like that going on.  I try to remind him.  But he can be pretty stubborn on most days!

I still try to find humor in it all.  Some days it takes more effort than others.  The good thing about the battery acid is that I got that shelf cleaned off!  LOL!!!  One more thing I can cross off my "to do" list.  Maybe he should pour some battery acid on the window sills as I need to repaint most of them!  :o)



Lynn Barry said...

Huge difference in my hubby since he got on some depression meds and resigned himself that he is retired and disabled...like he finally gave himself permission to relax...huge difference...I pray you can get your hubby to see that depression hurts you...and perhaps tough love...I can't take it anymore is what you have to resort to...not saying leave him but he is not helping himself and it is dragging you down...and then like you said, the light hearted moments pop up and you say...okay, I am in it for the long haul, inspite of his self loathing...good luck, my dear...HUGS and LOVE.

A Wife of a Diabetic said...

OMG! I get it all. Been there so many times, (maybe without battery acid (lol) ... but there never-the-less).

Just know that you are not alone!

Thinking of you and sending you prayers!