Wednesday, March 03, 2010

How do you do it?

Pam wrote:

how do you do it?? How can you be the "rock" of it all, the cheerleader, care giver etc, everything? I am facing a similar situtation and sometimes I NEED to be the one being taken care of. I have 4 kids under 3yrs and a very non compliant husband. Dealing with the every day stress of 4 kids, i have to treat him like my 5th, and i want to say "grow up"!!! Thanks for all of your stories and information, it helps me deal with my own CRAP!!!

I sat here thinking about this. Well, I probably couldn't do a think if I had 4 kids! I think they would come first in my life.

But here's what I think:

1. Surround yourself with a huge network of other women who can support you, help you out, lift you up.
2. Find some way to take 30 minutes for yourself every single day. Today, I walked to the grocery store and on the way home, I sat on a bench overlooking a small pond for about 10 minutes. It got me out of the house, away from everything. I could clear my head.
3. Find something in your life that is just for you. I have my art. It is wonderful therapy. It grounds me. I find that when you slip over into the right side of the brain, it gives the left side time to heal.
4. Pray. If you are not religious, then meditate. 5 minutes at a time. Focus. Tune out the rest of the world.
5. Write. Start a blog. If you write it all down, then you don't have to dwell on it. I put my anger here. I put my frustrations here. I take it all out in the blog....and then I can walk away and simply forget about it. If I need to "remember" - I just come back here.
6. Know that you can stay or leave. You have options. Really - it's like any other marriage. Diabetes does make it more difficult. But we all have options. Get counseling, get therapy. But bottom line is that you have a choice. And you can change your mind at any time. That "freedom" is what gets me through the worst hours. It's what makes me happiest during our good hours. I'm still here. But knowing that it is my choice is what makes it easier for me.

I think that's how I get through every day. Just one step at a time.

So, updates for today. It was a doozie! We went through the list of things to prepare for in the event he were not to survive surgery. Gruesome. Horrible. Awful. Tears. Hugs. Sweetness. Sorrow. Horrible almost unbearable grief. But it is a process that we had to go through and now, I know what his wishes are and we both agreed that we are comfortable going forward.

There has been an overnight change in him. Almost like there was an old-fashioned revival and he walked down the aisle. I will take it gladly! He is eating right. He is testing his sugars. He is doing exactly what the doctors are telling him to do. Is it too late? Only time will tell. He did more labs today. (He's had more labs in the last 3 weeks than in the past 4 years!) The results were good and bad. Improvement in some areas....setbacks in others. We focused on what he needs to do to improve even more. I think that rather than being out of control, he is starting to see how eating healthy can put him "in control". And with constant testing of his glucose, it is slowly coming into control, and his fits of anger are slowing down. I just want to raise my arms and wave them up over my head and yell "praise the lord!"....but then I look around and realize we really aren't at a revival meeting. LOL!

We are working to take care of everything this week so that next week he can just relax and try to mentally prepare for surgery. We have planned an evening out with friends the night before and are jokingly calling it the "last supper". I know - morbid people. But he is laughing at the reactions and that's just what he needs right now - laugher.


1 comment:

sar said...

Best wishes to you and your husband. As a wife of a diabetic who just started insulin last week and who has major depression and refuses medication, I wonder how you have endurred so long.

My husband keeps saying he will not last until 2011. he also has gastroparesis which keeps in constant pain and makes the quality of his life miserable.

We are stuck in a condo that I never wanted which is much to small for me to live with a chronically ill person. I wish I still had my large home. he wanted to downsize. I am stuck.