Mary wrote:
Hi DW,
It is so frustrating to deal with this aspect of disease too. I don't know if it is denial or if my dh genuinely does not remember things. I have to wonder if other people with chronic illnesses behave in the same way. Is this a way of coping with their disease? To conveniently "forget" about important health advice.
It is as though my dh has selective memory. We are also dealing with sleepwalking recently. I am not sure if it is a side effect of the drugs he takes. During his last sleepwalking episode he lost his glasses. It has been 3 days and we haven't found them (thankfully we has a spare pair).
This past summer I went to his medical appointments with him and I took notes. Even with my notes in hand he still denied that the doctor said those things. I finally gave up on trying to help him manage his health care. No, I can't help him but I can change the way I think about things. He is a young man, 45, and has so many health issues.
I have been dealing with this for so many years that I think it is normal behavior for him. Some days I want out of this marriage so bad I can taste it.
Thanks for your blog and letting me vent.
Mary, I think we all know exactly what you are feeling. Some days we all want out of the relationships. But I think it's not really the marriage that we want out of, it's the diabetes that we want to get away from.
I think denial can be applied to the part of hubby that doesn't want to deal with what's going on with his own body. But the lack of memory has to come from glucose levels. It's not normal because I can remember when it wasn't a problem....back when his gluclose levels were good. The combination of both issues is quite a nightmare at times. So for me, it's simply a matter of taking this one minute at a time, making sure that I take care of me, getting away like I just did (about once a month if I can) for 3 or 4 days at a time so that I get a complete break from everything...and then just focusing on the present moment and not worrying about the future.
and then Florence found us and posted:
Hi. I just found this blog today, and it is a lifeline. Forget the other wacko who accused you of being mean. She is in the lala land where DHs take care of themselves and do not lie through their teeth. Good for her.
I will be back soon with the all story.
I had to giggle at the term "wacko". LOL! I truly think that those who are diabetic, who have highs and lows and totally forget what they say and do, those who are in denial, those who are so young and inexperienced....will one day be reading this blog as well. Or at least their spouses will. And that probably scares the crap out of them! To think that your spouse wakes up every single day and asks themselves if they stay or leave, if they go for counseling to deal with it or not, if they ignore it or not....has to be quite frightening. So instead, they claim "we" are nuts, evil women, unkind and uncaring and blast us away and tell others to stay away....don't read that crap! I think it's quite sad that they refuse to even try to understand what it's like.
Perhaps the best way to relate is how some gentiles treat Jews. They don't accept their religion, blame current Jews for the death of Jesus that occurred 2000 years ago (I never quite understood that one), walk away when they see a man wearing a yamaka....and so on. Sort of a limited perspective on life when you don't bother to learn what other people believe and feel. And that's exactly what diabetics are doing when they refuse to read this blog. Their loss, not mine, because I read what they write all the time.
Note to Tom's Wife. I was in Las Vegas last night. 2 hour layover at the airport. Wonder if we passed in the halls!
So status report for us. Hubby survived my trip, but he said he had a day where he could not walk at all. I think it was the day after he went to the grocery store on his own. Usually I go with him and yes, he had plenty of food here, but wanted something else (chocolate? Potato chips???) He did pretty good today. Made it downstairs for about 3 hours, then back to bed. He commented that he really wants them to do the surgery on his back and doesn't know if he can stand the pain between now and then. I asked if his sugar had started to come down yet and he said "no", That means it is still hovering around 300. They did increase his insulin and the next step will be to switch to a more potent version.
I asked if he wanted to start the low glycemic diet tomorrow and of course, he said no. Now he wants to wait til after Superbowl Sunday as we have guests coming in that weekend. I suggested that we go ahead and start the diet tomorrow and he could go off it just for that Sunday. He shook his head. So this is my indication that he's not going to do it at all. But I have a plan. I told him we need to go grocery shopping tomorrow and all I'm going to get are low GI foods. And then I'm going to refuse to go out to eat with him. He can go out alone if he doesn't want what I fix here. I've started planning a menu tonight. Will be interesting to see what happens.
Sometimes you just gotta take the bull by the horns. LOL!
DW
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