So glad I found this blog. Nice to feel I am not alone and going crazy. My husband has diabetic retinopathy..lost some sight. It has resticted driving and work. Much more pressure on me. He is not dealing emotionally. I do not know how to deal with it either. Good to at least express my fears without feeling selfish. Lisa
I feel your pain, my dear. I don't think any of us really know how to "deal" with it.....we just manage to survive from one crisis to the next. I like to tell myself that I handle it so well....but I know that I don't. I think my greatest comfort are the comments on this blog....constantly reminding me that I'm not alone....knowing that even in the worst of worst moments....it's simply a roller coaster and I'll soon be back on top of my life. I live for the good times and try my best to make it through the bad times! :o)
Tom's wife wrote
Fascinating. Tom was low. He was going to drive somewhere and I commented that he had better test first. He complied and reported that he was 190. I I said I didn't believe him but he turned and walked into the garage anyway. I assumed he got in the car and drove away. I sat there and waited for the call from the police -- knowing there was nothing I could do.
About fifteen minutes later, I was on the phone with my sister, telling her that Tom should be at her house by now when he walked in the door. He was fine and hadn't gone anywhere. He got a piece of candy out of the car and pulled some weeds out of the grass.
Geez, I was relieved but why does he put me through this?
Well, it's 2:30 am here and I'm still wide awake. Why? I just don't think I can stand going into the bedroom right now. The constnat buzz from his cpap machine reminds me of what my life really is. I have moments when I think I live in a "walking pharmacy" - soooooo many meds in this house. When I get upset....I just want to throw them al into the trash. But I know that's not really a good idea! I go through phases like "death by fat" - let's just feed him 10 bags of potato chips in one meal! or "death by chocolate" - let's go to the bakey and buy everything in the case for him! I think those are my "I give up" phases!
But most of all, I think the reason I don't want to go to bed tonight is that the "is he breathing or not" phase has just about worn me out. If he doesnt get up at 7:00 am when the alarm goes off.....I have to check on him. If I wake up in the middle o fthe night and don't hear the in/out rythm of his cpap....I have to look to see if his body is moving as he breathes. And I find that as his condition worsens....my anxiety increases. And I end up doing a whole lot of self-talk!
I guess what I'm saying is that I still haven't figured out how to not worry.....and yes, I wonder why he puts me through all this...but I honestly don't think he has a clue. And it's the same old quandry. If I tell him what he did, he denies it....because he was in a low and doesn't remember it at all.
Maybe I just need a full time permanent live-in witness! LOLOL!