Saturday, October 03, 2009

Life is hectic

I'm getting ready to host an art retreat for about 30 women.....and my life is a zoo. Fortunatley, hubby is doing well. Sort of. He is in an incredible amount of pain. Most of it is his back (which I think is his kidneys.) He won't go to the doctor, so not much I can do for him. But over all, life is good. And we know the moment I say will blow up in my face again! LOL!

Lisa wrote:

So glad I found this blog. Nice to feel I am not alone and going crazy. My husband has diabetic retinopathy..lost some sight. It has resticted driving and work. Much more pressure on me. He is not dealing emotionally. I do not know how to deal with it either. Good to at least express my fears without feeling selfish. Lisa

I feel your pain, my dear. I don't think any of us really know how to "deal" with it.....we just manage to survive from one crisis to the next. I like to tell myself that I handle it so well....but I know that I don't. I think my greatest comfort are the comments on this blog....constantly reminding me that I'm not alone....knowing that even in the worst of worst's simply a roller coaster and I'll soon be back on top of my life. I live for the good times and try my best to make it through the bad times! :o)

Tom's wife wrote

Fascinating. Tom was low. He was going to drive somewhere and I commented that he had better test first. He complied and reported that he was 190. I I said I didn't believe him but he turned and walked into the garage anyway. I assumed he got in the car and drove away. I sat there and waited for the call from the police -- knowing there was nothing I could do.

About fifteen minutes later, I was on the phone with my sister, telling her that Tom should be at her house by now when he walked in the door. He was fine and hadn't gone anywhere. He got a piece of candy out of the car and pulled some weeds out of the grass.

Geez, I was relieved but why does he put me through this?

Well, it's 2:30 am here and I'm still wide awake. Why? I just don't think I can stand going into the bedroom right now. The constnat buzz from his cpap machine reminds me of what my life really is. I have moments when I think I live in a "walking pharmacy" - soooooo many meds in this house. When I get upset....I just want to throw them al into the trash. But I know that's not really a good idea! I go through phases like "death by fat" - let's just feed him 10 bags of potato chips in one meal! or "death by chocolate" - let's go to the bakey and buy everything in the case for him! I think those are my "I give up" phases!

But most of all, I think the reason I don't want to go to bed tonight is that the "is he breathing or not" phase has just about worn me out. If he doesnt get up at 7:00 am when the alarm goes off.....I have to check on him. If I wake up in the middle o fthe night and don't hear the in/out rythm of his cpap....I have to look to see if his body is moving as he breathes. And I find that as his condition anxiety increases. And I end up doing a whole lot of self-talk!

I guess what I'm saying is that I still haven't figured out how to not worry.....and yes, I wonder why he puts me through all this...but I honestly don't think he has a clue. And it's the same old quandry. If I tell him what he did, he denies it....because he was in a low and doesn't remember it at all.

Maybe I just need a full time permanent live-in witness! LOLOL!


lisa said...

I would love to hear if you feel as lonely and isolated as I do at times. I always feel I am trying deal with his insecurity. In many ways he does not feel like the man he was.. becoming more and more dependant on me. We do not have children, so it is pretty much all on me. He is a little older than I am. I am still a vital woman. In some ways I feel cheated. I do not want to feel sorry for myself, just can't complain to him. Feels good to at least express this without being judged. Lisa

Neil Curtis said...

I have not told anyone yet, but I am 60 years old, and despite type one diabetic, I can out run and out work most 20 somethings. After 40 years as a type 1 diabetic, I have seen pleny of diabetics who will not do much of anything for themselves, but they could if the would. Other athletes have been diabetic too and I refer to Jay Cutler a professional football player and quarterback. Sure this disease takes a little more effort than the non diabetic, but it is worth it in regards to the benefits. I viewed a forum about insulin users. I have seen people say oh my endo say take so and such insulin. That is so stupid. No doctor will know your body nor will he or she know how many carbs you eat. Only the diabetic can fix this no matter how much one spends on doctors. I could advise and coach but if people just want to make excuses like I will listen to my doctor their is not much hope. But I do recommend checking blood sugars every two hours, cutting carbs and exercising a lot. Even at age 60 I am still an athlete and I do not mean chasing a golf ball. I do not even consider golf a sport, but I am sure many will find that offensive too.