Thursday, January 24, 2008

Keeping a diary.

Carly wrote:

mY EX BOYFRIEND (WE BROKE UP LAST WEEK) suffers with diabetes type 1 for 20 years. He decided to break up with me because he suffers from depression and he cannot think of anything else but his condition. I am 34 and he is 39 and he is also scared of having children, that was another reason for breaking up with me, he says I deserve better than this. He is a gorgeous great person, but his diabetes is a great problem influencing his life and relationships. I was very much in love but he decided to save me from having to deal with his problems. He isolates himself because of the disease. I am heartbroken and devastated, but reading your diary gave me some support, cause I think it would be vey difficult to have a life with someone who suffers from that. I was willing to stick by his side but he just gave up on us and relationships in general (so he says). I feel really sorry for you but hang in there, there is always a p[urpose for things to happen in life. I hope you find a way of copying with him and honestly most diabetics suffer from depression and therapy would be great for both of you.
xx C.

I truly understand the feelings of a love lost. And I do know what it is to live with a diabetic who has bouts of depression. I think my hubby has decided that loneliness is worse than depression. But he went through a phase where he had to make that choice. He was married before for 22 years. He had 2 kids. Diabetes is inherit in his family. His daughter is hospitalized at least once a month for painful kidney stones and had cysts on her ovaries and had both of them removed. Both of her conditions are pre-diabetic. She will never be able to have kids. His son is also showing signs of pre-diabetes and has gone on a very strict diet trying to prevent it....but can he? My husband's father and grandfather were both diabetics.

I think the fact that his kids have these problems just adds to his depression.

It is not an easy life at all. I have given up all sugar....and I'm not the one with diabetes. I've converted a guest bedroom to a workout room. I make sure we eat 3 meals a day, that we eat healthy, that he takes his meds. I watch for changes in his skin, open sores that he cannot see or feel (like on his back). But mostly the mood swings due to his ongoing depression. Well, that and the side affects from all the drugs he is on. He has gained 40 pounds this past year and that is not helping his depression. But he went through a phase where he could not walk at all....which depressed him, and all he wanted to do was eat.

Would I do it all again? I just do not know. I fell in love with him before his kidneys started to fail, when he was active and so much healthier. So I stay with him because I'm in denial and I hope this will go away and the man I fell in love with will return. Yet I know that will not happen. :o) All I do know is that I would not wish this disease on anyone.....and I would not wish that anyone be the spouse of someone who has this disease.

Writing this diary is what gets me through it all.

We are not having a good week. He is back to hobbling....feet so swollen with charcot's foot and gout. I don't know how he handles the pain. He is quite grumpy. I'm painting the guest bedroom to stay out of his way!



whimsy2 said...

Not all diabetics are depressed, but if you have depressive genes and are diabetic, poor control will make the depression worse.

I was lucky -- I didn't choose parents with depressive genes. I've devoted a lot of energy to managing my diabetes and after 10 years with this disease, all my body parts are still workin very nicely.

Wife of Diabetic, it's not just sugar he needs to avoid; any high glycemic index carby food will make BGs rise. This includes anything made with grain, such as breads, pastas, cereals, in addition to the usual culprits such as cakes and cookies. Also rice and starchy veggies, such as potatoes can make BGs rise. If you really want to do a good deed for your hubby, eliminate those foods from his diet.

I would strongly suggest you read "Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solutions" by Richard K. Bernstein, M.D. Your local library may have it, otherwise it's easily available from Amazon or Powells.

Diabeteswife said...

Truly, I do know what he needs to eat and what he needs to stay away from. But we are talking about a guy who will sit down and eat a whole bag of potatoe chips....because he wants to. I cannot force him to change. And no, I do not buy the "bad" food...he will run to the store and get whatever he wants. And I'm done reading books on diabetes. I've read them all. Nothing works if he doesn't want to make changes.

And remember, I'm not talking about any other diabetic here except for the one I'm married to. I truly believe (and it's just my opinion) that this disease is what makes him depressed. I knew him before kidney failure and there wasn't any depression back then. And of course, depression is a side effect of so many of the drugs he is on.

Sorry, I can't change him. But I can write about this journey and hopefully others will see it and decide to avoid it. It's not my disease...but it is my life. :o)