Thursday, April 19, 2007

Rights as his wife?

I understand medical privacy. I understand and believe that each one of us should have the right to go to our doctor, chat with them, confess to them, and know that our medical records are private.

But I also think that as the wife of a diabetic, I should have the right to know MORE about what is going on. I think I should be informed of treatment plans and be asked to participate.....even if it is against his will.

So let the slamming begin! LOL! Anyone who wants to tell me it is his disease....go right ahead. We all know that. But I'm the one who has to live with it...and I have no input into the management of it. Well...if we can call this management!

He went to the doctor today. I asked to join him and he said he preferred that I not go. So to avoid a huge battle, I stayed home. I asked what they said. Here's the full extent of the reply I received, "well, they didn't seem to think it is good at all. My hips are deteroriating and they can't give me anything for the pain because of my kidneys. My knees are shot, too."

And I asked what they said about his feet and he replied, "well, they said they are not good".

He was there for 2 hours and that is all I got. And then he sunk into a horrible depression. He laid on the sofa for the next 5 hours not moving at all. About 6 pm, I asked what he wanted for dinner and he said "wings" sounded good. So I heated up the oven and pulled a bag out of the freezer and put them in. When the timer went off, I was on the computer and told him they were ready. He just laid there. I said, "They are for you, you can get up and go get them out of the oven!" To which he replied, "it would be nice if you would get them for me."

And in my head I'm thinking "when hell freezes over" and I just sat there. I could not believe this man would not get up off the sofa and walk over to the oven and take the wings out. Not even 10 feet from where he was. I didn't move and he did get up and go get them, groaning and moaning every step of the way.

I really want to know what they said to him that put him in such a mood! I think I have that right!

He said it would be next week before the labs are back and that he has a physical sometime in May when he thinks they might tell him what is next. I am going to start pushing to go to that appointment with him. Just so I can ask all the questions that he will not ask because he does not want to know the answer.

I seriously doubt he was there for 2 hours and they said 2 sentences to him. I'm more apt to think he is blocking what they said, in denial about it, or just doesn't want to discuss it. Which is fine. But what's not fine is the total depression and the desire to have me turn into his personal maid. Lord help us when he goes on dialysis, or in a wheelchair.

And there's more....I'll start another post!


Anonymous said...

My sympathies. We go through this often in our household. With my DH there is the fact that when he goes to the doctor he says they really make him feel terible about being out of control and it is a humiliating and unplesant experience. He claims that the emotional aspects of the disease are pretty much ignored by the physicians or are compartmentalized (go see a psychiatrist and get some anti-depressants) and I believe this is true. My DH resents his disease so much that he wants to deny it exists. He does not monitor his diet and just bounces between highs and lows. A very sweet man has turned into an unbearable monster and I do feel for him...

Diabeteswife said...

Dear anonymous. I can totally feel every word in your comment. It's why I blog. Isn't it just so sad that these once sweet men have ben ravaged by this disease. Your words "unbearable monster" completely and utterly descibe so many of my days. I believe that's why divorce stats for diabetics are just to incredibly high. There are days I just have to leave the house to get away. And I know he has no idea, so yes, you do feel for them....but when do you draw the line? When is enough "enough"?

Well, not today! I'm going shopping! LOL!