Thursday, August 09, 2007

On being a smartass......

There's an interesting thread going on here about husbands who don't take care of themselves:

And this response caught my eye in particular:

I'm sorry to hear about your husband! you know a positive and healthful approach will do the trick. Maybe something he should look into if your willing to guide him with thise simple apprach is checking out Dr. Weil's Vitamin Advisor for Diabetes. You can find everything and more on his webiste, He basically will give you a recommendation on supplementss that he should take to help him manage the symptoms and maybe give you a little stress off your back! :) he offers a lot on his website with his Vitamin Advisor and Healthy Aging as well that you should take a look at.

Let me know if anything helps and if anything gets better!!


I so want to be a smartass and ask this writer if they are a professional trying to get people to buy Dr. Well's book or something? Seriously, I think the original poster titled this thread very clearly....the husband REFUSES to take care of himself. So this writer is suggesting that the spouse try to change the husband?

I'm thinking, "like are you wanting a murder on your hands here?" LOLOL!

It just does not matter how positive or healthful my approach to this disease is....I CANNOT CHANGE HIM!!! I CANNOT FIX HIM! I CANNOT MAKE HIM TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!

When is anyone out there going to get that? When are the professionals, the book authors, the nutritionists.....anyone and everyone going to comprehend that I CANNOT CHANGE HIM???

I get that I must have a postive and healthful approach to my own life so that when he starts to die I can have the strength to get through it. I need to have the energy to be here for him. But I am NOT his caregiver. I AM his wife, his friend, his companion. I am NOT a nurse! I am not a nurse's aid. I'm not going to change bedpans....I will hire a home nurse if/when we get to that point.

And there are NO TRICKS! I almost think that is hilarious!!! TRICKS? You want me to trick a 53 year old man into taking care of himself? What planet do you live on? YIKES!!!

So yes, I can be a smartass, and I can have a great sense of humor about all of this. After all, he has been gone for 10 days, I'm well rested, quite ready for him to come home and I will go about "tricking" him into taking care of himself!

well, at least the post gave me a good laugh!

DW - still chuckling!!!


Jean said...

If I had a nickel for every remedy I've been told about to try to "fix" my husband, I would be writing this post on a far nicer computer :) Truly, I understand the desire people have to want to help. I get that. I also get that they can't wrap their brains around the depth of my husband's denial. Still, I find it ironic that the same people who have insisted all along that it's "his disease" are the ones most vigorously pushing ME to buy the rice bran, cinnamon capusules, or whatever the cure-of-the-day is. Gotta laugh!

Diabeteswife said...

Jean, you ALWAYS hit it right on! Once again!

I'm going to be right here preaching with you that it is NOT my disease. It's NOT my job to buy the healthy foods, it's not MY job to make him well.

But I have no idea what it's going to take to get other's to realize that! gotta laugh! What else can you do?


debbiej said...

so glad I found you guys! Knew there had to be someone out there dealing with the same stuff I am. I knew I wasn't cracking up; you think the same way I do!!!! Now he's off work for a whole month, down to his last few sick days. No one asks how I am. He's the one walking barefoot around the house with an open sore that's now infected. Well, duh. Some days I can't stand it; why isn't he more careful? Not like it hasn't happened before. This is toe #3. Will find out Friday if he can keep this one. Some days I just want to run away. He saw the doctor yesterday and started a new round of antibiotics last night, was already getting sick from the infection; it scared me to death, makes it impossible to sleep. But it doesn't matter, I've got to get up and go to work and carry on like nothing's wrong. I want to scream! Been married 30+ years, promised 'in sickness & health' etc. etc. Feel guilty for being aggravated with him. There are worse things out there I know. Just want to get this overwith; (this is gonna sound stupid . .)he always does well after an amputation; heals quickly and we get on with living mostly normally . . until the next blister. It'll be like hitting the lottery if the medicine takes hold and the infection subsides because it's never helped before. He tells me I'm too negative because I start to worry about his running out of sick leave etc. Why can't he understand how this affects the rest of the family? I think he's selfish sometimes. He won't slow down when he develops a problem; he's a good guy, a firefighter, but he has to learn he has limits, the consequences are severe. Will he ever learn?

Diabeteswife said...

Debbiej, since the title of this blog is "on being a smartass", can I be a smartass and reply that no, he will NEVER learn?

I's so sad. But it is funny. But it's not funny at all. Know what I mean?

You would think that ONE amputation would be enough...that they would learn, they might wisen up, get smart, but I swear, they just don't. And your hubby is looking at number 3? No, I do not think he will ever learn.

We had a gal post here and her husband had so many, many things wrong and kept getting worse and he never learned.

I don't know if they get stuck in denial (so there is no problem and thus nothing to learn) or if they are just running scared and refuse to face the truth, or if they have just given up and want to live the rest of their life in the "fast lane".

I'm off to start a new post about oozing sores and walking barefoot around the house. It's my issue today!

Hang in there. Come back and post whenever.