He asked me that one day. He said, you'll dump me in a nursing home! To which I replied jokingly, "glad we have one just 2 blocks away!"
He did NOT see my humor! LOLOL!!!
So I sat here and head a bit of a heart to heart with him. I know his biggest fear is being left alone, being "dumped" somewhere. But I also know he had never thought it out.
I confessed that if I find him in a coma, I will do everything I can to save him. I know the "drill". And I will call 911 which he absolutely, positively, without question does NOT want me to do.
But the more I told him my thoughts, the more he calmed down and came to realize the predicament I would be in.
He weighs about 280 lbs.
In a coma, he would be "dead weight".
Could I even roll him on his side?? I couldn't possibly lift him, get him up off the floor. If he had slumped over in his chair, could I even get him on the ground? There is the physical aspect that he had never even considered.
If he did not come out of the coma, how long do I wait to call 911? And when they arrive even 30 minutes later, how do I explain to them the delay in calling? And if he never comes out of the coma, how do I explain that delay to his children? How do I explain that their dad told me to never call 911 and expect them to understand?
No, I will call.
And then from there the discussion went on - what do I do if he has a stroke? Yes, I will keep him at home as long as I can with as much help as I can get, but there is only so much available. Again, I cannot lift him to the toilet, I cannot physically roll him over if he cannot assist me - there are so many levels of questions that can't be put into a hypothetical situation.
But he started to realize that if I put him in a nursing home, it would only be because I cannot physically care for him, not because I don't want to. It was if lights went off in his head and since that day, he has never again accused me of wanting to "dump" him.
Sometimes talking is good!
I also realize that there was a time in my past that I was simply scared to death to leave him. Afraid that if I did, I would come home and find him in a coma. But I have finally realized that was a very unhealthy state that I was in! If he goes into a coma, it's because he didn't do what he needed to do either through his medications, his diet - the bottom line - it has nothing to do with me. And when I get home, I will do whatever I need to do at that point to take care of him. But I cannot just sit here waiting for the "what ifs" to take place! Maybe that's when I started getting my life back instead of living his life so much of the time!
I think my current question is more tied up with dementia and Alzheimer's. But that will be another day's discussion! Hope you have a great day - get out there and do something for yourself today!
DW
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