Monday, November 09, 2015

update from wifeofadiabetic2

She has a new blog url -

So if you have lost track of her, go check it out - all is as good as can be expected.


In the past, I have written quite a bit about the importance of finding a passion in your life in order to deal with the diabetes in his life.  I think there are several aspects to this that I am just now discovering.  And perhaps he had to leave in order for me to step back and breathe in order to find multiple passions in my life.

It started with gardening.  I woke up one spring day in 2013, went outside, and just started digging up sod in the year.  It turned into my therapy.  Digging is great for anger.....take it out on the ground!  Something new sprouting up from the ground gives hope.  Each new bloom on a flower reminds us of the beauty that's out there....I could go on and on.  But when I started that morning, I just needed desperately to do something, anything!

So gardening has become my summertime passion and when hubby moved home this summer - in the middle of the summer - I couldn't stop.  I had to get up each morning, get outside before it got hot, and get done whatever it was that needed to get done.

And he had to take care of himself.

I wasn't available.

It's a new routine.  Quite different that where we had been 3 years ago.  And it took him awhile to adjust to it.  A number of "discussions".  But why should I change my life, my routine, my day just because he moved back home.

And why/when/how had I changed in the first place before he left?  Oh, we all know - it's a routine, gradual, not-really-paying-any-attention thing that just gradually evolves.  The more he needs help, the more I gave up the things I loved to do in order to stay and help him out.

In other words - I got suckered in!  LOL!!!

So, now that summer is over - what is my winter passion?  Not sure where that one ends!  I am an artist, so back at my creating.  But I am also researching a local history story that happened about 150 years ago.  A murder/mystery of all things.  And I'm a genealogist.  Have been doing genealogy since I was 16, so I am looking at the family histories of the families involved in the murder/mystery - about 20 different families, some interrelated, some not.  And there's an ethnicity to the story so I am studying that as well!

Gets me out of the house to the history center, the clerk and recorder's office, the assessors office as I want to know which house each family lived in, what were the connections between each family, between them and the murdered guy, the murderer.  What makes this story so interesting is that there are 3 possible murderers!!!  It truly is a wonderful story and I'm deep in the midst of research.

So that presents the question - can you be too busy?  Well, I suppose any human being can.  But one must find balance as with everything in life.  I've been asked to speak about my research in a meeting in a couple of months and I want to finish a couple research projects before I'm done.

Yet I know that I still have to clean the house, walk with my sister, grocery shop.....the mundane things of life.  And I need to find time to "force" him to socialize.  Whether that be with family visits, eating out, running errands - he does need to get out once in awhile and he wouldn't if I didn't "drag" him with me.

This all comes down to the final question this morning - do you have passion in your life?  Do you have personal goals, unrelated to your spouse's diabetes?  Or do you allow HIS disease to consume YOUR life 24/7?  If so, time to get up, get out, find something you absolutely love to do, and then do it!!!  All the while remembering what this blog is all about - it's about a completely, utterly, totally non-compliant spouse who refuses to do what he needs to do in order to handle his disease.  That is HIS job, not mine!  And I think we tend to forget that at times.  I know - there are those with diabetes who think I'm a complete bitch!  But I happen to think if you have a disease and you refuse or won't take care of yourself, then you can't blame me for what happens to you!

Which begs the question - what will I do if he goes into a diabetic coma?  We'll tackle that one in the morning!  For now, have a great day - go find your passion!


1 comment:

TomsWife said...

i think you hit on the most distressing question for someone who lives with a diabetic.
what will i do if/when he goes into total diabetic coma?

First, i am not certain of the definition of diabetic coma?
is it a glucose count of 30? 20?
does it mean he has stopped breathing
he won't respond to me at all?

i have had to call for emt's more times than i can count
although not in the paat aeveral years

however when i thought i couldn't handle his behavior anymore, i learned to limit my participation.
i would hand him a glass of juice and leave the house, walking around the block until my anger/fear dissipated and i thought he would either be ok or dead. sometimes more than an hour in the freezing cold.

Then the fear of watching him die was unbearable
what will i do if i really do find him dead aomw day?

this is a road we all must travel and figure it out for oueselves.
its not easy, but hopefully each of us finds our own path to peace.

BTW, I am wifeofdiabetic2 also known as Tom's Wife