Monday, August 19, 2013

Time flies.....worse than ever!!!

My monthly update.  We had a flood here and it washed out all my lovely flower gardens!  Needless to say, I have been busy recreating them!!!  Life is still great.  Hubby is coming home for a week the end of next month.  Nothing has changed - I can tell.  I asked if he had made appointments with his doctors.  He has not see a doctor, nor had any lab work done since June 2012.  You know it's going to be bad news.  And no, he hasn't made any appointments.  We are with a huge HMO and he absolutely has to make the appointments this week, or he won't get in.  Is it my problem?  Nope.  But it just irks me to no end that he doesn't care enough to even get labwork done.  NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!!

Well...nothing has changed with him.  I think everything has changed or is changing with me!  I had the funniest experience that I want to share.  I used to work in this town 35 years ago and I had lunch with some of the gals I used to work with.  Over time, my name has gotten shorter.  Example:  Margaret, Margie, Marge.  (not my name, but you get the point!)  This gal knew me with my earlies name and a different surname and had read about me in an art newsletter with my shortened name and current surname and had no idea that I was the same person!!!  So I've decided to go back to using the name that I used when I lived here before.

Then I went to a garage sale one day and I just knew that I knew the woman hosting it.  But I couldn't make the connection.  3 weeks later I was going through old photos and realized she had been my son's babysitter 30 years ago.  I took the photos and knocked on her door and we just had a great reunion!!!

I have the time - and the energy - to renew old friendships.  That's been wonderful!!!

There have been some comments in the last month and I'd like to share them.  Day by Day wrote this:

I feel like I've found my family~ I try to convince my husband's family that he's Really bad off and not taking care of himself, and some of their responses hurt almost as much as this daily hell of watching him die!This group has given me quite a feeling of peace today- thank you SO much. My husband of 13 yrs. is non-compliant type 2 diabetic. At this stage he's sleeping more hours of the day than awake, his feet are so bad he can barely walk. He's given up and won't accept any help now. I've left him twice already, once to shock him out of it, once to save my sanity. Now I can only share some part of myself with people who know exactly what I'm talking about. I am encouraged by the post's that emphasize to take care of ourselves and make whatever future plans we need to, it really gives me some hope that I'll get through this somewhat intact.?? I hope - need this so much right now.

I really thought I was the only one going through this torture of watching someone you love...slowly go away. And I've left him twice- once to 'shock' him out of it, the second time to save my sanity. I'm back again and watching him die because he gave up. I would like to write more details, if it would help anyone else. I wanted to respond to 'waiting to live's comments, I relate so much to her thoughts. I feel like I can take a bigger breath now at least, knowing I'm in a bigger group that I never knew existed.

Well, you are definitely NOT alone!!!  While I've had a year off, I still go through the emotions every day.  I doubt it ever ends, even after the spouse dies.  I know that my hubby is lying in bed all day long at his dad's, watching TV.  I know he is not eating right at all.  But he's there and I'm here and I'm doing so much better at taking care of me.  And because of that, I'm feeling better than I have in the last 4 years!!!


Deb wrote:

've read your blog for quite a while now. I live with a diabetic partner too, so that's how I started reading it. Just wanted to say that I am very happy that you have found peace and a life for yourself!

Thanks Deb!!!

Jane wrote:

So glad to hear your update. Have thought of you often. You do not know me---but I am behind you on many levels for many reasons.

Well, Jane, I do not know you, but I'm sure our lives are on similar paths if you read this blog.  And because of that, I may know you better than those who know you!  LOL!!!  I guess what I'm saying is that wives of non-compliant diabetics are all sisters on some level.  And these blogs do help.  

Here's to all of us - may we have a great month!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the good news is that you are improving -- feeling better.....