Sunday, December 09, 2012


He's home.

This is not my disease.

I can not change him.

I cannot fix him.

He is going to die.

This is his life, not mine.

There is no reason for me to get upset because I cannot change him.

These are his choices.

I am the only person who can make myself happy.

Just some of the mantras that help me get through each day, moment by moment.

Things are going pretty well.

As long as I remind myself of the above...moment by moment.

He is very happy to be home.  We have so much to do.  So many decisions to be made.  But not today.  His dad and brother are here and that is more than enough stress for me.  I also am not doing well with all the indecisiveness going on.  So i am moving forward with my own plans.  I will go back to his dads with him in a few weeks and stay until about 1/13.  Then I will come home.  He can make his own decisions.  Life will continue no matter what he decides.  This much I have learned!

Little things that he doesn't see.  He got home Friday night.  It is now Sunday night.  So in the last 48 hours, here is what he has eaten

Pound of grapes
Half pound of chicken
Quart of v8 juice
Egg muffin
Egg, bacon. Potatoes and muffin breakfast at a restaurant
5 slices of a large pizza
Egg, bacon biscuit
Meet, cheese and cracker tray
Burrito, potatoes and rice at a restaurant
Chips and salsa
Half a box of vanilla wafers

I cannot afford to have him here!!!

But for  now, all is well.

For that, I m extremely grateful.



Boop82 said...

I actually had someone tell me that I am not responsible for my husband's happiness. I can try to help, but if he doesn't want to help himself then so be it. At that point it is about your happiness.

I am amazed at your strength to get through all of it. I honestly think I'll be divorced within the year. I find myself taking on his negative characteristics. I love him, but we haven't been married long enough to be fully vested in the relationship and I would prefer to leave before more and more occurs.

scott said...

Wow - just found this blog - seems like i'm in the same boat as everyone else -- except that it's my wife of 17 years with uncontrolled type 2. i like your mantras - can relate to all of them, and I say them myself, and hope one day that I'll actually believe what it is that I'm saying. She lied to me (again) last week about her numbers - came out and said she had checked her blood 3x that day and that all were in the 100s, but then i checked her meter and found she only checked once and it was 275, and that she maybe checked 1x over prior days and all results were poor. For me, it was the straw that broke this camel's back as I told her that I cant continue like this (it's gone on for years already) and that I wanted a divorce. She begging me to stay. We have a 13 year old child. It's a nightmare....