Saturday, October 01, 2011

I never check my emails

for this account!  Just found this one:

Hello my name is Elizabeth,
     I was looking for help on the internet and found you.  My husband is only 47 years old and is also a very bad diabetic.  He gets so angry and just starts yelling about stupid stuff.  He hates everything and everybody.  He cannot swallow a pill so he will rarely take his meds.  His a1c is 11.3 Triglicrides are 953 and the protein in his kidneys is 3133.  He has a long family history of the same health issues.  The more I try to talk to him the worse it gets.  I love my husband very much and we will be married 23 years in November, but I don't know if I can keep this up.  I am very depressed all the time because I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in.  His father passed away when he was about 23.  He thinks because of this that he also will die in his 40's and just doesn't seem to care what anyone says to him.  How do you deal with this?  I have been for about 7 years not but it is not getting any better.  I told him today if he doesn't start doing what the doctor says I am going to get a mental hygiene warrant on him.  If he would at least just try I could feel bad for him but as of right now I am just angry with him for not even trying.  Please give me some advice.

First off, I don't give advice.  I just tell you what I think, and what my own personal experiences have been.  But I can tell you that an a1c of 11.3 is too high and he needs to se a doctor.  Like now!!!  

I can also tell you that I don't hesitate to schedule an appointment with a mental health provider when things get really bad around here.  It always helps to talk with someone else and often, they do have some good ideas.  Sometimes you have to ask for suggestions.  Sometimes you have to switch providers.  Sometimes you get really bad ones....but you do have an option to find someone else.

Most likely, you are, like me, going through the grief process over and over and over.  And that's where the anger comes in - it's a natural step in the process and we have to go through it.  Problem is that with each loss of function, both my husband and I have to grieve that loss. At this point it seems never ending.

How do I deal with my hubby and the fact that he doesn't even try?  Well, mostly, just day by day.  He has the right to make that choice because he is an adult and I can't change him.  I had to make a choice to accept his decision or not, to stay with him or not.  Most important I think, I had to make a decision to get back to living my own life, create goals, find a hobby, keep active and busy.  And while I know that he would prefer that I stick tohis side like glue....I've learned that I can't be here every second of every day.  I have to get out and live my own life.

Good luck,


1 comment:

Lilly said...

I feel for Elizabeth. Very scary numbers, and also very scary that her husband is doing absolutely NOTHING to help himself. However, she also cannot "make" him care. As a spouse of someone who refuses to help themselves, this is the hardest thing of all to accept. We have to realize that they ARE adults, even if they don't act like it, and their choices are their own. No amount of nagging, cajoling, etc. from us is going to change this.