Friday, April 29, 2011

I cannot write today

I am too tired, depressed, sad, worn out, exhausted, weary

It's what diabetes and all of it's multitude of side effects have done to me.

I am so tired of dusting and cleaning around all the crap that he has accumulated, all the possessions that he needs to keep, all the things he buys when he is in a low and then never ever uses, but refuses to part with.

I am depressed over the quantity of things that he refuses to part with.  How could we ever move?  I couldn't even show the house. His office, our bedroom, the basement, garage....all stacked to the brim with crap.

I am so sad that it has come to this - that life crept up on us and neither of us have the physical strength to lift an item and get it to the curb for someone else to take away.

I am worn out just thinking about everything that has to get done to get us into a one level house.

I am so exhausted I just want to sit and cry.

I am weary. HIS disease has done this to me. Weary of how our life has turned out.  Weary of life itself.

But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and put that smile back on my face. I will swallow all of this and head out into the day all loving and supportive.  My sister and her husband are coming for a visit, so I will clean the house and cook the meals and entertain as though life is wonderful.

But right now, at this moment....I am all of the above.

And I thought I was too tired to write. just never know!  :o)



Sandy said...

I feel the same way lately ***hugs***

Lilly said...

It seems as if you and I have so much in common. My DH buys all kinds of crap, and then a lot of time it never even makes it out of the box. And of course, he never keeps receipts so I could "maybe" take it back! I have spirited away some things to the local goodwill store after a goodly amount of time, and so far he has never missed any of it. Sometimes, I feel a little guilty, but you just can't keep everything! Never thought about him being low when he buys it, though. That may well be true. Hang in there . . .

Mary B. said...

It's not his "disease," my friend. I am dealing with the same thing. Your husband is a jerk. So is mine. Not all diabetics act like that. There are many great guys out there getting exercise and taking care of themselves. Ours are not. I think I really need to leave. I hope you survive it without getting an ulcer. I'm pretty close.