That dang roller coaster...

And it's not even the sugar one!! But related. Yesterday, they tried dialysis, nd he clotted. Wanted to send him to get a tunneled port, but he had been on blood thinners. So they did the port this morning, and he's in dialysis now.

How do you stand it? How do you sit and watch blood coming out and going back in? Can he do this? I know he's going to be mad at me when we get home. I know he has always said he would never do dialysis. I know, I know, I know. But today, that all goes on the backl burner as I play cheerleader once again to get him motivated to get up and walk so he can come home.

I got 12 1/2 hours ofnsleep last night. He called and woke me up. The night nurse took him off ice chips and he was miserable. By the time I got here, he was off getting the new port in. I met up with him in dialysis. After I had a conversation with the floor nurse. Explained to her that they can do anythingnthey want, but when he is this miserable, they HAVE to do something. She got him ice chips stat!!!

Why do I have to do these battles??? Why can't they use an ounce of common sense?

He has c.diff. And I have to wash my hands all the time, put on gown and gloves and do it over if I move. My hands have had a reaction to the soap and my arms are literally burning from the tips of my fingers up to my elbows. They are trying to find me different soap and gloves today. At least they are trying.

Today is another day of tears. He is improving. Truly. But I just hurt so bad for the pain he is in. I ache for the choices we have to make in the days to come. He is begging for food and he is still npo on a stomach pump, still has an ileum, stomach is distending again. And Theresa always the threat of uremia. His WBC continutemto climb. No bowel movement in about 36 hours. It simpl wears on the soul. Probably hardest is the fact that I have to stay chin up around him. So I continue to function 1 step at a time.

Dw