and after all that....

I went in this morning and he was in a fighting, ranting, raging mood!!! Wow! Completely took me by surprise. He point blank lied to the surgeon, who decided to write a discharge home order! The nurses got the order and in 2 minutes, the surgeon was back in the room with 2 nurses, a social worker and a case manager! I guess he told the surgeon that he took a shower yesterday. The nurse said, yes, but his wife was in there trying to hold him up, bath him....it took her over an hour. He was light-headed and had to get right back to bed.

He told the surgeon he had eaten breakfast. He failed to tell him he ate 2 teaspoons of oatmeal, 4 teaspoons of yogurt, and didn't even attempt to drink any of the liquids on his tray.

I think everyone learned something today! That this guy is good at presenting a wonderful image. Mind you, he did not "lie". He did take a shower. He did eat breakfast.

So after an hour, we all agreed that he is going to a long term acute care facility. The doctor said that he will not go until his nutrition iv is done, and that will not be done until he eats and drinks at least half of each item on his tray.

I was beside myself. He cannot get himself up out of bed. He cannot hit a urinal. He can barely get up from a chair if he gets to it. But he had a surgeon convinced that he could go home?????

Then we had another 1 hour discussion about WHERE he was going to go. He didn't want to stay downtown. He wanted to go closer to home. Problem is, his HMO does not have a residential facility that has dialysis on site. We would have to put him in an ambulance, take him to dialysis, ambulance him back to the facility and each step we would have a co-pay for. He argued and argued about each facility and he would not believe me that they did not have dialysis. The he said, well I will go to this place and mentioned the place close to our home that does dialysis. I said, "sweetie, that place does not offer residential care. You need to go somewhere where they can help you get to the point where you can walk, do stairs, take your own shower...." I had done the research, but he did not believe me.

We finally all agreed that he was going to the long term acute care facility in the hospital where he is and everyone left.

He slept. And after an hour, I asked him if he wanted to get up and sit in the chair for a bit. He said yes, so I asked him to call the nurse. He said that he had been getting up by himself all night long and didn't need the nurse. Now tell me, why did I ever buy into that lie? But I did. I actually stood there and made him get up on his own, use the walker, get to the chair. He was literally trembling as he tried to lift himself up off the bed. Sitting in the chair, I asked him if he wanted to eat something else. No, he didn't. I asked him how he was going to get nutrition into him if he didn't eat? He said I ate enough, I ate half a bowl of oatmeal and all my yogurt. I said, No, you ate 2 teaspoons of oatmeal and 4 teaspoons of yogurt. Oh my gosh, he got so mad at me. He stood up in a complete rage and glared at me with pure hatred. I just stood frozen in my spot. I didn't even realize that my sister went out to the desk and got a nurse.

The nurse came in (love her to pieces!) and started doing a number on him for being out of bed without calling. That's when I realized he had point blank lied to me. I left the room and went down to the lounge. She came down a little bit later. She's a good negotiator. She said that he was in a rage because he felt like everyone was treating him like a child. She told him it was because he was acting like one. She basically sent me home for the day. Told me to take his phone and turn mine off. Which I did. She really read him the riot act. Told him that he would not get out of his bed without calling the nurse. She is going to put an alarm on his bed tonight. She told him that he would get up to his chair 3 times a day for meals. That he would eat half of everything on his tray and that she was putting a calorie count in place. She told him that he will walk 3 times a day and sit in his chair for at least 30 minutes each time he is up.

I came home and my sis and I have been watching movies and eating chocolate this afternoon. Just what I needed. It is so sad that I cannot call to see how he is doing. But I understand that he needs this. He needs to find out just how much I am worth to him. And if I walk in there tomorrow and he gets pissy, I am supposed to leave again.

So yesterday was true love. Today is tough love. And I totally understand that they go hand in hand. He cannot say things to me like he did today. He cannot yell at me. He cannot treat me with anything but respect. He has to do that for everyone involved with him. And I understand that his anger is not about me, he is simply directing it towards me. He needs to vent and I hope they get a therapist in there so he has someone to vent to. And I know that he is angry about going to a long term acute care facility. A couple of people have used the term "nursing home".....and he is NOT going to be happy over there. It's not new, modern looking. But literaly, it is the only place in this area that offers on-site dialysis. We just don't have options.

What a day. I'm going back to watching stupid chick flicks so I don't have to think. I need a day off. Tomorrow has to be better. It simply cannot be worse.

DW