help

Help me find my sanity! I'm going to post what happened - then tell me how I can ever find my sanity!!!

Yesterday. I knew it was going to be a busy day. I probably should have done a better job preparing for the day. But by gum...this is HIS disease!!! And he needs to own up to it - if I do everything for him, then he just blames me when it goes wrong.

I knew we had an education class at cardiac therapy at 1:30 pm. I was going to leave a little early and get over to the medical clinics to have a minor laser procedure done to my eyes. He had cardiac physical therapy from 2:45 - 3:45 pm. And his first grandson was supposed to be delivered at 10 am. So we thought we could drive and hour down to the hospital, see him, then be back by 1:30 pm. No problem.

So, we wake up and he is up, showered and ready to go at 8 am. He has his bag on his shoulder and says, "I'm ready when you are!" And I said, "aren't you going to call your son to see if his wif is in labor?" (of course used their names instead of the relationships I just wrote). So he sat down and called and of course, she hadn't even started. She was being induced and for some reason, hubby and his son think that meant she would deliver immediately. I said, "Sweetie, I want to tell you something and you can do with this whatever you want" He said, "what?" I said, "when my youngest son was due, they induced me. They told me he would come pretty fast. It took another 23 hours before I delivered him. Each woman is completely different. She might deliver quickly, but it could take a long time."

He said, "I'll call him and tell him we're not coming." I said, "why are you doing that?" He said, "it's obvious you don't want to go". I said, "That's not what I said at all. But what I don't want to do is to drive down there this morning, have nothing happen, and then have to drive back down there tomorrow!:"

And he went into the office and went to work.

So I should have known that was an indicator of the rest of the day. But a pretty good example of how he will take what I say and comletely twist it into something else.

We left shortly after 1 to head over to education. He had his bag. I didn't ask what was in it. Didn't remind him of this or that. I had my laser procedure done. More swelling than they thought. Doctor said I might wake up in the morning with my eyes swolle shut. They were about half open when I got done. Walked back over to where he was having therapy and he told me the baby had been born while we were in the education meeting. (found out later she gave 6 pushes - he came pretty fast once it started.)

So, of course, he wanted to drive down to see the baby after therapy. My gut told me not to go. But he insisted. And I knew if I drove home, he would take the car and drive himself....and he hasn't been released from surgery to drive yet. So we went. I had to lean my head back to see out of the slits in my eyes. I just drove slow. We got there fine. Cute baby. For a baby. His 6 pm alarm went off and I asked him if he brought his insulin No.

He took his glucose and he was at 52! (Did he not sense this at 70? 60?) He did not have any glucose tabs. He ran out (why did he not ask me to stop and get some on the way to education?) He did not even have smarties in his bag with him. We are an hour from home. He says, "Let's go to PFChangs!" I said, "no". But then I'm thinking - he's so low, he can't take the insulin, go ahead, get him wherever he wants to eat - get something in him...and PFC was next to the hospital. So we went.

Horrible choice for his current nutrition plan.

He should have packed glucose tabs, smarties, and apple, a peanut butter cup.
He should have taken his insulin with him.

But he didn't

And when he's down to 52, he's not about to make a healthy choice about where to eat.

And I knew if I didn't take him to PFChangs - he would simply make me misearable the rest of the evening with his pouting, or his depression, or his sullen quietness. We've been through this a million times.

Of course, I have huge bandages slanted over my upper eyes, am looking through slits to see where I'm going - and exactly what I wanted to do - or felt like doing - was eating out. I left my sunglasses on the whole time. Didn't need other people staring at me.

We made it home and I went straight to bed. Over exhausted at this point and totally not caring what his glucose is doing. But when he tested again he was low. We had stopped at the store on the way home and he got some more glucose tabs...but he had left them downstairs. So I got up and got them for him. Told him he HAS to lower his humulin both morning and evening tomorrow. Sigh. Why do I have to tell him? Because he's not going to do it on his own!!!

I lay down on my side to finally go to sleep. I took 2 benadryl as my eyelids were starting to itch. I feel a tear running across my nose. Get up and of course, it's blood, gushing out from where they did the laser. I take the dressings off, apply pressure for 20 minutes. Still bleeding. Apply pressure for another 20 minutes. No bleeding. By now, the benadryl has more than kicked in. I decide to adjust the bed to a reclining position and I manage to sleep most of the night - sitting up. I assume his glucose went back up - I wouldn't have been able to do anything for him and he wasn't able to be of any help to me.

So yes, I should not have had the laser procedure done while he is still recovering from surgery. But I had waited months to get an appointment. And it really doesn't matter when it was done - he could have still had a low.

We shouldn't have gone to see the baby after I had laser surgery - but he would have pouted and sulked....or worse yet, gotten in the car and driven himself.

We shouldn't have eaten out. I should have checked his bag. But why should I be the one to check his bag. Why can't he take everything he might need in the event plans change?

I should have checked his glucose tab supply. But why is that my job?

I should have checked his bag for insulin and everything else, but again, why is that my job?

And why is is that he can't figure out that he needs a mid-afternoon snack to keep his glucose up?

Why can't the endocrinologist see that he is still going low 1-2 times a day? And substantially lower his insulin? Why don't they put him back on the oher insulin? Why feed him carbs? Why not reduce the humulin or get him off it? Nasty stuff I think! Why aren't they monitoring him more closely?

Now I need to go chart what he ate at PFChangs and show him how he was 3x more sodium than he was supposed to have for the day! But I woke up with eyes swollen and even less of a slit to see out of and decided that today, I'm staying in bed. I can see find from a reclining position to just spend the day on my laptop. At 3 pm, I can take these dressings off and start my own post op care. I'm hoping if I remain quiet today, there won't be another bleeding episode tonight.

So, how do you care for a diabetic when you have to give 100% of your time caring for your own recovery?

How do you get a guy who is completely stupid when he goes low to retrain his thinking to tell himself during that low than rather than eating out, he needs to prepare and have healthy snacks in his bag with him at all times?

How do you get the diabetic to purchase their own glucose tabs BEFORE they run out?

How do you get a break from being a caregiver to someone who has diabetes???

And you know, I know there are no real answers....but I have to ask the questions anyway!

It's like the education session yesterday. 1 week after the session by the pharmiscists:

1. Hospital nutrition told him to use the entire line of Mrs. Dash
2. Pharmiscist said he cannot have any Mrs Dash that has potassium
3. Nutrition education said to use Mrs. Dash - did not even know some had potassium in them. Had 3 tubs of butter and asked us to determine which was the best. I pointed out that all 3 had potassium in them. I asked what he ws supposed to use for "butter". Her answer...."well, that is a problem, isn't it?"

No one has an answer.....


DW