survival mode

I woke up this morning thinking that both of us have gone into "survival" mode. It doesn't matter what he did or did not do that got him to this point. He is here. We need to do whatever it takes to prevent a heart attack between now and surgery. That includes cancelling all non-essential appointments, cutting back on work so stress is reduced, limiting stairs to once down and once back up a day for him. Doing whatever it takes to survive.

We are starting to talk about the "what-ifs", trying to prepare for the future. If one can do that. We talked about his return home, getting a hospital bed on the main floor since our bedroom is upstairs.....long term care arrangements if those are needed. Rearranging furniture, who can come help moving furniture, etc. Today I hope we work on the financial aspect of this. They are all good conversations. Trying to think logically, yet long term. I think that while we are both still in a bit of shock and trying to absorb the information as it comes in.....and perhpas in a bit of denial on some level, we are making a bit of progress in preparing ourselves for this. We have requested support from the chronic care counseling unit and hopefully we can schedule that in the near future.

While I truly do not like counseling, I think he needs it in order to avert depression, so I'm requesting it for both of us. He has made a remarkable turnaround in that he is allowing me to participate in all of this with him. I guess it had to get so bad that he didn't want to make the decisions alone.

We have no appointments today. But hopefully we can take care of a few errands we need to make. Need to spread them out over the next few days so that we limit his activity and exertion levels. I feel a peace about me this morning that I know is coming from the prayers of all our family and loved ones. It is good.

DW