Saturday, July 05, 2008

denial vs escape

Anonymous wrote:

I can say this since I am a woman type-two diabetic.....I tend to lose myself in movies like your husband does in order to escape from a life which has become a nightmare devoid of any happiness or real hope for the future.

so here's my next question. Is this "escape" or is it denial? Because I see it as a form of denial. He loses himself in movies and does not deal with such things as testing, eating right, etc.

And how different is escape from denial? Are they the same thing or are they different?

Escape means to break loose from confinement, to avoid a serious or unwanted outcome, to succeed in avoiding

Denial is the act of refusing to comply, asserting something alleged is not true

Not much difference at all.

My husband immerses himself in horror movies, sci fi, etc. I truly believe it allows him to escape "real" life so that he can continue to live in his denial of his disease.

Today, I faced it square in the face. He has said that he has put on 25 -30 pounds this past year. We have a Polaris 2-up ATV. He has put on so much weight, that although his stomach still starts where it did last year, right behind the handles, the rest of him protrudes at least 6 inches more towards me. He was literally squeezing my legs and thighs into the real handle bars. I didn't figure this out until over half way through our ride and I just wanted to cry out of sadness. The ATV did not change shape or size, and I'm wearing the very same jeans I wore last summer. But my legs were totally pinned due to his girth. Truly sad when you have to face this head on.

It will probably be my last ATV ride because my left hip and thigh are totally black and blue tonight. Each time we hit a bump, the weight of his body jammed my leg into the corner of the ATV sticking out. I did not enjoy the ride at all due to the pain. I'm sitting on a heating pad, hoping it will just resolve itself.

I'm going to guess he has put on between 30 - 50 pounds this past year. I know that his waist is now 42". This is a large man. And I think I grieved somewhat today the loss of the fun of riding on an ATV.

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