Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Life without shoes - diabetes

Life without shoes. Yes...for FIVE months last summer, DH could not wear shoes. He wore sandals. Loose ones. His feet had horrible sores on them. He sat in his chair and watched movies all the time. Loud, booming, vibrating movies....so loud that the walls in the house shook! Denial? I'm sure! It was about the time he was moving from pills to shots and his sugar levels were up way over 300 most days. I think one day they were at 510.

His feet are so gnarly anyway, and then there are little white mounds that pop up, almost look like a staff infection...and if he pops them...they just drain endlessley. He says it's not from diabetes. One of his doctors told him it was his "Scottish ancestry" and that he was just a gnarly old man.

WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH DOCTORS??????

I told him he probably needed to find a new doctor! OK...that went over like a lead balloon! I had visions that he would never walk again...that I'd be pushing behind the wheelchair wherever we went. But perhaps my greates pity party was the realization that we could not take another backpack trip through Europe. That the days of our "youth" were totally gone. That my ability to explore the world with him had come to a halt.

Life without shoes. Just not the easiest thing on earth! He works for a huge corporation and tried to hide wearing sandals with socks by wearing really long trousers! Now...that just doesn't work! And seeing him in a business suit with sandals....that doesn't work either!

The whole thing is that when your feet hurt so bad you can't stand on them, of course, you can't exercise. You can't do anything but sit in your chair and watch TV. And what kind of life is that for anyone around you?

Of course the whole thing of booming, blaring, trumpeting volume....is that another form of denial? Is that a way to immerse oneself deep into the movie to block out anything in real life?

I have grown to absolutely hate TV in the past few months.

This week....I started sleeping on the sofa downstairs. When he asked why, I told him the volume had started to give me headaches. Yes....that made him mad. But 2 nights later, he offered to start wearing headsets. Ah! I have slept in my own bed in peace and quiet for the first time in years! I love headsets! Wireless ones at that!

Sleep. Yes...I know I am sleep deprived. I have huge black circles under my eyes to prove it. I'm hoping in a few months they will go away!

Life without shoes....trickeled down to me getting black circles under my eyes from lack of sleep due to the volume of the TV because there was nothing else he could do. Is this the circle of life in a diabetic family? Today....I want out of that circle!

1 comment:

Lizy said...

Good post!And very sad to hear your story..most diabetic patients get wounded only in they legs..better they shud wear good branded shoes like Nike shoes which will help them a lot.