Thursday, March 23, 2006

A life of my own

One of the things that the counselor said to me is that I need to get a life of my own. She said that I should go to work (I'm retired), volunteer, get out of the house when he is home, do something that creates a life of my own. How does one go about doing that at my age? In 6 months I will turn 55. Now, that should put me into my own depression! LOL! But at this age, what do I do?

I often think that if I were to live another 40 years...and that's not outside the realm of possibility...what do I want to do with my life? Do I go back to school? I already have a graduate degree. Do I start my own business? Not sure I want to work 20 hours a day for the next 5 years just to get a business up and running! Do I volunteer? Perhaps...but doing what? Is it my time to give back to my community?

One of the things I want to do is paint my house!'s not going to be red! :o) I want to paint color in the inside of my house. It's a fairly new house and all the walls are white or cream. DH has always said that he only wants white walls. No wallpaper. No color. No antiques. Just a sterile look! And that's not me! So I have decided to paint color on the walls. Now, some of our rooms have 22' tall ceilings and I'm terrified of heights. Oh! Won't this be interesting? Me...up on a my age...with a bucket and a paintbrush? I'm sure we will have to put in all new floors as well!

There are sayings and quotes that I want to paint on my colored walls. Things that motivate me. Words that inspire me. Thoughts that give me hope. Do I think this will help me survive the daily pain of living with a spouse who has diabetes? Maybe. The mere fact of painting all of this space will be a full time job for about 2 years. I'm not all that fast! Can I emerse myself in painting and still have him in the house, yet have a life of my own up on the ladder? Perhaps! Can I hope that he will develop and interest and join me in my persuit of color? Oh! I can pray and dream!!!

We live in a 2 story house with a full basement and I know the day is fast approaching when he will not be able to climb the stairs. We will need to sell and move to a one level place. My luck...I will get the place painted and looking exactly like I want and we will put it on the market! We also have over 2/3 acre here and the burden of yardwork has fallen on me the past 4 years. There is still more that I want to do, maybe this spring I will get a good start on finishing up the landscaping. Major things like moving paths, creating new gardens. So will painting and gardening become "a life of my own"? I think my counselor might agree! At least it will give me goals to work towards while I live with this disease.

And then again, maybe I will take a class and learn to paint on paper! :o)

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