Saturday, September 12, 2009

I'm enjoying the comments

You know, I have to laugh. Some of the people who read my blog just don't get it, do they?

Diabetic wife is a serious concern for those who conduct research. Sexual impotence results in a default celibacy. Sex is very important to marriages according to counselers who work with couples. I can also suggest an article written by a person who conducts research on this subject.
As we can clearly see, the diabetic condition can not be a "Me" issue but must be an "Us" issue.

How can it be US if he refuses to allow me to go to the doctor with him, refuses to eat right, refuses to exercise. I'm not doing any of that refusing.....but there's very little US in anything that he is doing and not doing, so from my standpoint, this is HIS disease - there is no US at all and that was 100% HIS choice!!!

Tom's wife wrote:

DW - I'm glad for you. It can be so empowering (I don't a better word) to just start doing something. It sounds like you have ambitious plans. I have no doubt that you will accomplish everything you set out to do -- your husband will be so impressed/bowled over/kicked in the pants that he will either join you in the effort or just leave your to your chores. Either way the result will be great! I'll bet it will also be cathartic (sp?) Here on your blog, we have your back. Keep going where your heart leads you.

And Anonymous, my heart goes out to you, its during these difficult "tornadoes" that we want you to know that you don't stand alone.

"we" are out here just hoping you also know that we are supporting you also.

Tom's wife

Thanks TW - someone needs my back - I'll write another post in a few about the "current" events!

Wordygirl wrote:

Hi! My husband was diagnosed with type II six years ago and has not taken it seriously at all. He wasn't having any problems until recently and now we've been to the ER twice in 6mos with blood sugars in the high 400s. Yesterday I was at work when I got the call that he was disoriented and lost parts of his day. I'm absolutely terrified and extremely frustrated and angry. I've been on him since he got diagnosed that he take care of himself but he's 38 and I can't make him do it. Aside from my wanting him to be here for a long while, we have 3 young children that want their dad around. Any suggestions on what I can do to help/support him and keep my sanity?

Well, your statement, "I can't make him do it' is just about the bottom line. And the only options you have are to stay or to leave. If you stay, know that you can't change him. Change has to come from within him.....not from you. If you leave - it's a different set of problems. I'm in no position to offer help at all - I just am here to listen and to write my own experiences. It's just a complete roller coaster, up one moment and down the next, calm, easy days and screaming "hell" days. I always pray that I just make it through this one more incident and I'll be ok..but in the middle of it - I just want to leave, to walk away, to get out.

So far I'm still here.


AmyT said...

Enjoy those comments, WofD. Commiseration is what it's all about.

Anonymous said...

You know, it would be interesting to know if divorce rates are higher among diabetics than non-diabetics. And whether there is a gender relationship or not. But that is just my curiosity related to know whether or not I'm "normal" or crazy. LOL

For WordyGirl, DW is correct, you are started down a long path. Hopefully your DH will learn soon that he has to take control and you are your kids rely on him to take care of himself to be there for a long time -- because you love him. He won't hear that when he is in the middle of a crisis - only when he is at a healthy moment and "ready to listen" Good luck. Its a challenging road but we all walk the same path.

Neil Curtis said...

I just wanted to reply to your message. When I reference the Us, I am meaning the diabetic has no right to be selfish about his life by refusing to do what is needed. Therefore, I consider any married diabetic male who will not take the steps to be healthy as unethical and irresponsible. Years ago, I decided I had a responsibility to my family, my friends and to this nation to keep fit. If I have to spend huge sums on medical care we all pay because my extra medical costs means higheer insurance rates for everyone. I have not been to a doctor in over a year, and as long as he keeps authorizing my insulin, I have no reason to give my doctor my wallet, cost my insurance company and drive up insurance premiums. My wife has a right to be married to a man who is physically fit, well conditioned from exercise, bright, energetic and goal directed. If I do not take care of myself, that is equal to having an affair, not an affair with another woman, but an affair with nothing but selfishness, and that type of selfishness is rooted a very irresponsible behavior.

Neil Curtis said...

If you feel it is his disease and nothing to do with you, then I conclude your marriage is nothing but paper. In my opinion, a real marriage is about Us. You are right, if he won't do anything, then I would say the hell with this marriage. But again, that is just my opinion. Truthfully, I am a diabetic and I personally feel a responsibility to be healthy for my spouse, and it is just that simple for me.