Friday, July 03, 2009

grrrr.....hssss.......

he got home late last night after being gone 2 1/2 weeks. He drove this trip. As I am helping him unload his car at 11:45 pm....he says to me, "by the way, what did you do to break the seatbelt on the passenger's side?" I said, "what?" He said, "well, you must have done something when you were helping me load the car because it's broken."

I stood there in complete utter disbelief, not quite sure how to respond, but finally said, "Let's see, we loaded the car while it was still IN the garage.....the passenger door would have been up against the wall, so I distinctly remember putting stuff in through the driver's side of the car. I don't recall anyone opening the passenger door as you were backing out of the driveway, so I don't see how you think I did anything at all on that side of the car!"

He said, "oh".

I merely wanted to smack him from here to China but instead, had a little conversation in my head that went something like this (not a word uttered outloud)

He just drove 13 hours to get home in a single day. I'm sure he only ate at McDonald's as he drove through and sped down the road. I'm sure he didn't take his evening insulin yet. I'm sure his blood sugars are low because his last stop to eat and get gas was 4 hours ago. So just write off his stupid comments. It's not made to make you feel bad, or dumb, or stupid. He is the one who doesn't have the capacity to use logic and reasoning at the moment. I'm sure if his sugars were normal, he would not have made such an idiotic comment. Just get him inside the house and offer him something to eat. Maybe a few crackers would do the trick tonight.


Now what I do worry about is the process of aging and when I start to mutter these little conversations outloud and the person who hears them will think I've gone completely mad!

And then you all just email me and remind me it is him and his disease that really made me go mad! LOLOL!!!

________

This comment was made:

Bittersweet to report that I too see so much of my own life in this post. I no longer prioritize the marriage and feel my job now is to "endure" and do so for the sake of the children, as they say. I am very sympathetic to my DH and especially the disdain with which so many physicians treat non-compliant diabetics - as if it is EASY to stay on track - but I have my own anger as well. It is unpleasant to live with an ogre. I see that through this non-compliance and depression, my DH chooses to hate life and see the worst in it. I feel I need to send the opposite message to our children. That live is not without challenges but is worth living and loving. A support community online does help. Please do help spread the message of hope and positive energy. Even if it ends up being untrue, it is better to believe in good.


I think it is good to let the children know that life has it's ups and downs but still worth living and loving. I think it's good to point out to them (if you can) when dad is in a low and when dad is "normal".

I'm not so sure about spreading a message of hope and positive energy. I'd rather think we spread a message or reality checks and decision points. That we make concious choices every day to stay with a non-compliant diabetic. While it's good to believe in "good" - I think it's best to believe in realistic outcomes. With my husband's kidney function hovering around 20% - I can't expect miracles. I can hope for a good day once a week! If I get more than that, life is wonderful!!!

Don't think I posted this comment:

With type 1 diabetes, you can be extremely compliant but due to both beta and alpha cells destroyed by the autoimmune process, the person with diabetes experiences a virtual roller coaster of blood sugar highs and lows...many of which come out of nowhere

I have had midnight lows in which 4 juice boxes weren't enough to bring me above 40

I test my blood sugar 12 times a day, unless it is a sick day in which I test more often...and still these nasty lows can sneak up on yo
u


Good for you for being compliant and testing so often. Like I've said before, my hubby hasn't renewed his test strips since 2001 - that should tell you just how often he tests! But I agree, it just makes sense, as neuropathy sets in and nerve endings throughout the entire body start to die, we have to remember, it's not just the nerve endings in the hands and feet that die. That's what they feel and notice first. But it's the nerve endings in the intestines, brain, heart that also die off. I read somewhere that so many diabetics die from heart failure...from nerves that don't work any more and the cause of death is heart attack or something related and never a mention of the cause of death as being diabetes. So sad that all those statistics go uncounted for. So I'm sure the autoimmune system is being destroyed as well.

But here's the kicker. Because you can go high during the night and low during the day....that can average out to a very normal A1c. What doctor ever goes anywhere when a patient has a normal A1c? Oh! They just pat you on the back and tell you you are doing terrific!!!

Soooooooo STUPID!!!

And another comment to the post "denial"

Your words do give great perspective - and I do love the diagram of the entire community in denial. The fact is that we are dealing with a suicidal person here - it's just suicide in slow motion. Denial, escape, repression, delusional attitude about some miracle solution - they are all coping mechanisms - but would be good to know if anyone has found anything that breaks the cycle. Oh, feel a low coming on in the next room - off to get the groceries! Sound familiar?


Truly, truly.....sounds all to familiar!

I have always explained to my friends that I am watching him kill himself one step (piece) at a time. It truly is the saddest thing ever and I think suicide would be much easier for me to handle. But every bag of potato chips, every bag of Dove chocolate, every big thick juicy steak coated in layers of grease, gravy....ok...enough to make me want to throw up! But for me, the worst thing is the 800+ pills that he takes 4 times a day. Ok, I am exaggerating, but you get the point! Each and every one of them puts a stain on his kidney function and is weakening what little he has left to use. And he just doesn't get that. Because they were prescribed by a doctor. Oh duh! Don't get me started down that road this morning!

Besides....we need to go out to an early lunch as he's been grousing and angry all morning - I don't think he had near enough for breakfast!

2 comments:

Jim, Guacamole Diet said...

Is there a little inconsistency here? On the one hand, you complain about non-compliance, but then you say:

"But for me, the worst thing is the 800+ pills that he takes 4 times a day. Ok, I am exaggerating, but you get the point! Each and every one of them puts a stain on his kidney function and is weakening what little he has left to use. And he just doesn't get that. Because they were prescribed by a doctor."

I have Type 2 diabetes, and my doctors call me noncompliant. I refuse to take any medications, because of severe side-effects that I have experienced. Instead, I am following a very rigorous (and unusual) diet, which seems to be working better than any medications.

I would distinguish between two types of non-compliance.

There is the non-compliance as the term is used by doctors, meaning that you don't follow their orders, given after a very brief exam. Those short exams followed by one-size-fits-all prescriptions are worthless at best, and life-threatening at worst.

Then there is the non-compliance when you don't do what you know to be right, based on your own knowledge of your body. I am very compliant with my own sense of what I need to do, which is very different from what the drug-pushing doctors say.

VPJanetL said...

geez, I just want to smack him. (not really that's just an expression) And while I understand, I hate that you go through that whole thing of thinking through why he is says what he says. I wish that you could just have the peace of mind to think, "oh well, his disease is causing this, I'd better get out of the way."

but of course, so much easier said than done. I still get in the car with mine -- and realize 10 minutes into the trip that his sugar is so low he shouldn't be behind the wheel. Last night was a perfect example. 7 pm, going into the city for dinner, having a nice conversation, I mentioned that turning at the next corner might help considering the way traffic looked ahead. He ignored me and then was confused about how to get to the restaurant. It took me several minutes to realize the issue. (I know you are thinking after all these years, I should know the signs by now, but stupidly I continue to trust him!)

Anyway, I get very calm and just try to have him pull over so I can drive. But its not easy because he likes to drive in the left lane so much. But once again we made it out safe. his glucose reading was 51. but since nothing bad happened, his assessment is that I'm overblowing the situation by being angry. or when he realized the futility of that he lied and said he tested before we left the house and his glucose read at 90 something.

there just is no winning these arguments.

and we go on......

Tom's wife

by the way, I have a question for you, have you considered moving this to a site where everyone can just chat with each other as they wish? or do you know of one? clearly there are lots of people who are responding to you on this topic. but I haven't found a site that offers such a chat. it seems like you bear a burden of having to be the keeper of all of these responses. would it be easier for you if there was a more open 'forum'. if that's the right word? I'm not a very good web person, just asking. thanks.