It is time that we speak out! I receive so many comments and emails from spouses....so I wanted to start a thread where you can post. I plan to print this out and take it to the diabetic counselor. We need to get the word out to the professional field. So feel free to post your thoughts here!!!
1. It is NOT "his" disease. It has a direct impact on ME and the rest of his family. His parents, his siblings, his children. It has an impact on his co-workers. PLEASE stop ignoring what this disease and the drugs you give him do to the rest of us.
a. When he is low AND when he is high, he can get verbally abusive.
1) He will NOT remember this at all when he is back to normal.
b. When he is low, he simply cannot function. As this disease progresses, he becomes less aware of when he is in a low. He needs constant supervision. That is MY life.
c. When he is low or high, he is angry, irritated, agitated, can be physically abusive, but definitely verbally abusive.
2. I did not know this when I married him.
a. He hid it from me
b. He may not have known how bad it was.
c. He did not and does not take care of himself, although he probably tells you, the doctor, that he does.
d. He does not test his blood sugar levels
e. He does not take his insulin at the same time every day.
f. He does not follow your recommended diet/eating plan. He eats just about whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
3. I have learned that:
a. when he starts to go low....or to prevent a low, I need to create some kind of drama/crisis.
1) It needs to be critical enough to pump adreniline in him to release insulin to get him heading to normal again
2) It needs to be serious enough that the impact on him is immediate
3) I may not even know that I have developed a critical "condition" that can generate panic in him when I have an attack
b. a huge fight with him will snap him from a low to normal
c. a "crisis" in my life will level out his sugars
d. after time, this becomes subliminal behavior and I'm not even aware of the "dance" we do to get him normal
4. I know that his children
a. believe their father was an abusive man
b. do not understand that he has no memory of yelling at them when he was in a high/low
c. spent their entire childhood in an abusive home
d. will most likely pass that on to their children, not realizing it was health induced, not who their father is
3. are incapable of loving him because of this
5. I have figured out that
a. his father has diabetes and he was raised the same way
b. that when his father goes low, it causes him to panic which will bring him out of a low and back to normal
c. that when he goes into a low, his father will panic and that will bring his father out of a low
d. that his mother has developed a "chronic medical condition" that causes her severe pain at any moment
1) when she senses either of them might be going low, her condition kicks in, she starts to scream in pain, they both panic and their lows head back to normal
2) that she is completely unaware of the timing of her "attacks" - it truly has become subliminal
3) that this "dance" is amazing to watch now that I have figured it out
4) that I refuse to acquire any chronic medical problems as I refuse to do this dance
6. I have informed him that he does not have the right to yell at me or be mean to me even when he is in a low
a. The problem is that when he goes low, he can't even remember how to unzip a suitcase, let alone be nice to me.
b. I have moved to my own bedroom because the drugs make him restless at night
c. Even though I am retired, I still work so I can have reasons to leave the house when I need to "get away" from this.
7. I have considered leaving him, but I stay for the times when he is normal, when I get a glimpse of the man that I love.
8. Attention professionals:
a. Explain to this man exactly what is happening to his body.
b. Do not beat around the bush, sugarcoat, or try to be nice to him.
1). He eats 8 chocolate bars a day because you told him a carb is a carb.
2). He truly believes that he can do whatever he wants as long as he takes the pills you give him.
3). We understand HMOs tell you that you have to give a patient "hope". Stick to your hipocratic oath. Tell him the truth.
c. When he says he is eating healthy, do not believe him for one second.
d. When he says he is testing 4 times a day, ask to see the log.
1) why would you think the log is accurate? If he will lie to you, he will write down any number on the log
2) can't you see there are no pricks on his fingers/arms?
e. Why on earth do you assume that he is telling you the truth?
f. We understand patient confidentiality. But make an appointment to see his wife. SERIOUSLY. If you really want to know how your patient is doing, talk to the spouse, the children, someone who lives with him day in and day out.
g. STOP giving false hope. If this is a heriditary condition, then tell his children that they will most likely pass it on to their children. INFORM and EDUCATE - don't just medicate!!!
h. And about all those drugs - send him to an endocrinologist. Have one single SPECIALIST, not a FP, in charge of his overall care. Don't experiment on him. If you do, call the spouse first so she knows what to anticipate.
i. MOST IMPORTANT - and A1c is NOT a true indicator of overall blood sugar. If he is having lows at 10 am and highs at 8 pm, he can still have a normal A1c. You seriously need to be talking to someone who lives with him and ask the question, "do you tend to get into an argument the same time every day?"
j. NEVER EVER assume that a diabetic is being honest with you. Even when they tell you they are being compliant. Even when they show you logs and journals. A non-compliant diabetic is the best liar in the world.
k. STOP and THINK!!! You have a non-compliant diabetic sitting across from you who is now the world's best liar. His A1c is normal. He has given you false charts and logs showing he tests 4+ times a day and he eats healthy. LOOK at his medical record. LOOK at the number of times he has been to see you.....or how little he has been to see you. Get permission t speak to his spouse. If he will not grant that, KNOW there is a problem!!! (Can I say that any louder? Are you listening????)
1). My husband has probably said to you that he is single.
2). He probably removes his wedding ring before he comes into your office.
3). But I have spoken to the diabetic nurse, so ask her if his spouse has ever been in.
a) I have separate insurance thru the same HMO, so our records are separate.
4). Why would my husband want you to talk to me? He knows I will tell you the truth! Remember, he is a liar!!
l. He has neuropathy. He has had foot surgery. He will tell you he can no longer feel with his fingers. His feet are always ice cold. His nerve endings are dying off. YET....you refuse to tell him that all the other nerve endings in his body are dying off as well.
1). he has constant diarrhea, vomiting and I know it is the nerve endings in his stomach dying off. Why won't you tell him that? He won't believe me, but he might believe you!
2). he has constant backaches. Nerve ending damage?
3). His sciatic nerve was killing him last week. I looked it up, yep, nerves dying off. If he went to see you, would you tell him that? Do you KNOW that it is a common problem with diabetes? How could you - you think his diabetes is under control!
4). So his last doctor told him the lumps on his feet were his Scottish ancestry. You told him it was gout. But did you tell him gout is tied to diabetes? Did you ever explain to him that everything going on in his body could be a side effect of his diabetes? Do you tell him what to do for it or just give him another pill?
m. Have you ever spoken with me? NO!!! So, how do you presume to think you care for him? Yep, I got ya! Patient confidentiality. If you really care for this man, ask him to sign a release to speak to me. If I leave him, who will be here to call 911 the next time he slips into a coma? It is the WHOLE man you need to be treating and that WHOLE man includes his family.
n. And when you do talk to the spouse, or to him, and they are young, tell them to consider NOT having children. No one has the right to bring a child into an abusive home. And if he goes high/low - trust me, it IS an abusive home. And even if he doesn't go high/low, there is no guarantee that he won't at some future point and time.
1). But then here's the real quandry. If he doesn't remember what he says or does when he goes high/low, he will deny that he is abusive. If you don't talk to his spouse/children, how will you ever know?
OK, spouses, what have I left out?
Simply go to HIS health care provder's website, find the doctor's name, get and email address, copy and paste this into it and send it to his doctor. If enough doctor's and diabetes nurses read this, perhaps the lightbulb will go on somewhere out there and the world will start to see that his disease has a huge impact on everyone else. Diabetes abuse. I think it's way more widespread than anyone is willing to admit!
Inform & educate, don't just medicate......let's make that the slogan for spouses of diabetics everywhere!!!
DW
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29 comments:
I have been reading your blog for some time. It helps to know that there are others out there that are going thru what I am. I live with a noncompliant diabetic and cannot get him to go to the doctor-let alone take his blood sugars. I do know the last time he went in his hgba1c was 14.5. He is on insulin or should I say he is suppose to be on insulin. He takes it when he feels like it. I used to get upset with him and have now decided to let him own this himself. I cannot go one trying to help is he doesn't want to help himself. Doesn't mean I don't live day to day wondering if he will be happy or angry. Some days I am at my wits end. I just feel better and laugh at some of the thoughts and comments because I totally relate.
Well said! I hope they listen to you!
That a girl!!! Go get 'em!
I wish I had figured these things out sooner that I did - I doubt it would have had changed my late husband's mind (he was a stubborn cuss), but it sure would have helped me deal with accusing nurses and technicians! And maybe prevented me from the mental and physical anguish that I stayed quiet about because afterall "I wasn't the one who was sick".
Everyone use this - repeatedly if necessary!!!!
Many diabetics take excellent care of themselves and provide wonderful homes for their children.
Making blanket statements is hurtful to those of us who are compliant, especially us type 1 diabetics who were dealt this hand as children and have fought hard to maintain our health and spirits.
Thank you.
Anonymous # 2. I allowed your comment because I think it's important that people learn to read and not just scan my blog. If you truly read, then you know that I am referring to an extremely non-compliant type 2 diabetic. If you want to transfer that to any other medical condition, that is your right. But to come back and tell me not to make a blanket statement is exactly the purpose of this specific blog.
My belief is that every single spouse of a non-compliant diabetic is living with nothing but blanket statements coming from the medical profession where doctors, nurses and counselors are NOT listening and NOT looking at their patients. They are completely ignoring the tell-tale signs of the truth about their patients and sending them home with pat answers and solutions. And therein lies the problem. We spouses live in a constant, never-ending rollercoaster ride of ups and downs that do not stop.
To have a compliant spouse who had any type of health and/or spirit would be our biggest dream. I'm not even asking for that. I'm just asking for someone to see past his lies and take a tiny step towards working with me, as a spouse, to understand the truth of what really goes on when a diabetic is completely non-compliant and has been for the past 20 some years.
I'm not writing about those who take care of themselves and provide wonderful homes and eat a good balanced diet and test their blood 4 times a day, exercise and take all their meds on time. Lordy! That would be a dream! And if for one second, you have read this blog and gotten that is who I am writing about, perhaps you need to just take a deep breath and go back and start from day 1 and reread my entire blog.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. But if you can't read the content and the message, don't bother to make a comment. Do NOT take what I write out of context. Do NOT apply it to a compliant diabetic and then suggest I not write my thoughts. I wouldn't begin to understand what life with a compliant diabetic is like as I've never had the opportunity to experience that. :o)
DW
DW
Inform & Educate ... don't just medicate! Love it!!!!! You really hit the nail on the head. I've been following your blog and I relate so much with you. As far as the other comment ... just ignore ... apparently that person has no clue to what a non-compliant diabetic does and obviously that person did not read many of your blogs ... it would be nice if an apology comes forth (however, living with a non-compliant diabetic, I wouldn't expect an apology too soon lol) Keep your spirits up!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Spouse...I've been reading your blog for close to 2 years now, waiting for you to get fed up. This post shows that you've had it. Congratulations!
I can't imagine anything worse than watching your loved one deteriorate in this fashion. You have my sympathy.
Clearly -- and I know you appreciate this -- he is SEVERELY depressed, which is one reason why he's been in the state of denial for so long. Getting his BGs under control would help improve this, of course. But if he can't be motivated -- and he clearly can't -- you need to think of yourself. He certainly isn't.
Thanks for the last 2 comments! I'm going to wait a week or so, then print this out with ALL the comments, and drop it off at his doctor's office annonymously. I can't risk identifying him, but if anyone on that staff reads it, even if they pick another patient of theirs, it might help.
Well, if I get mad enough, I'll identify him! LOL!!!
DW
This is so true. I will say even if the Doctor does talk with the spouses, they may not always listen. I am a wife to a noncompliant husband, and he wants me at every visit. (it's like taking my child) LOL!! My husband can't even answer the questions, but when I do answer (truthfully) the doctor looks at me like I am crazy. My husband (like yours) has the high/low fit of rage and his doctor said that has nothing to do with diabetes! He put him on antidepressants??? He has the back, leg, foot pain all associated with neuropathy (?) but his doctor says he just needs to loose weight!! What's he eating, well when I am around good stuff, but i am not with him all day every day, so chocolate bars, pizza etc and losts of it!! THere is not much more I can do. I told my husband he needs a new doctor but of course he won't listen. These Doctors NEED to talk to the spouses and then actually LISTEN!!
You go girl!
At some time, you and I (or perhaps you and some of these other spouses) need to get together and write a book.
LoriRode
I'll gladly add to a book. I found this site just today and will now be bookmarking it. I'm hoping this was a recent post as I never looked at the date.
I am so worn down from watching my non-compliant husband slowly kill himself.
My husband is a type 1, non complaint, insulin dependent diabetic with sugars typically in the 400-600 range.
The rages and verbal abuse has gotten so frequent and so bad that I now routinely inform his parents and have gone as far as tell them to please come and pick him up and take him out of the house. Next step will be the police. Last nights rage was over being asked to fix a clogged toilet. 40 minutes of raging and drama followed.
We have an almost 2 year old son. My husband watches him on his off days. If he does not check in with me once in the morning and once in the afternoon then I panic picturing my son alone with DH unable to respond.
Your list was excellent and I agree to just ignore the ignorant poster. That post is CLEARLY about a non complaint diabetic. Its about the lies, the abuse, the excuses.
I'm very fortunate that on the last visit to my husbands dr, the dr was able to see straight up the abuse I get verbally. Sad but true.
I'm 38 and foresee myself as a young widow.
I love this site, and here I thought I was the one causing all the chaos! I have seen the rages and the fits from my husband and felt them as well. I was thinking it was because of a custody battle I had gone through with my children, my girls are not his, he is the step father. He is not testing himself right now, we don't have insurance and he is self employed, owns his own business. My sister in law has offered to help buy the strips for now to help him check it. Can any one give me ideas to how I could get cheap or maybe low cost insurance to help him "control" his sugars by a doctor? A regular Dr. he can see more often and not cost him and arm and a leg? Any help you could give me would be greatly helpful and this site at least makes the light at the end of my tunnel a little brighter!
I too, have a diabetic husband (type 1). He's been diagnosed since he was 19, and is now 62. His overall health is good..no neuropathy, eye, or kidney problems. He watches closely what he eats, and tests several times a day. I am thankful for this, however despite all he does, he still has insulin reactions several times a week that leave me drained and anxious. He hates my suggestions, and interventions. Like many of you say, he doesn't remember how he behaves during a reaction. When I suggest looking into an insulin pump or going to a "real" diabetes Dr., he gets angry, and this usually ends up as an argument, where I am the bad wife, and all is on my shoulders. I had no idea I was not alone in this battle! Whining doesn't help, but knowing that there are other spouses out there that might be able to help each other with solutions, moral support, and just an "I know what you're going through" is wonderful! It is very hard to feel as though you sometimes hold your mates life in your hands. I have decided dto explore every avenue I can to help him, then, when I've done that...I'll try my best to let go, and it's in his ball park.
Look at what I just found!!!!!!!! Thank you, so much, for starting this blog and, to each poster for sharing!!!!! I have been married to my Type 1 diabetic, who was diagnosed at the age of 19, for nearly 25 years. The marriage has had it's times of hell - that is for sure. The anger; the noncompliance; refusing to even talk basics about the disease, hiding everything he could; the affect it has had on the entire family - all very tough! Thankfully, he is more compliant than he was for the first 20 years of our marriage. What does that mean? That means that now he will test his blood when I ask him to, without being an idiot about it. Translated, he still wants to put the responsibility of following a schedule on me when he doesn't feel like doing it. A far cry from what he use to do. There use to be tons of highs and lows. We even had the department of family services involved in our life for a year or so, because he had a low while at a local fast-food chain, with our son, who was 4 at the time. The emergency room doctor was so angry with seeing him all the time, called the State on him, hoping to wake him up. It didn't; just put even more stress on me. What turned him around, for the most part? I had to have a biopsy, which frightened him significantly. The results were negative, to our relief (thank God for that!)! It gave me the opportunity to point out to him that I felt the way he had, concerning my biopsy, every time he had a low. I am thankful that he now will test his blood, when I ask, without being a jerk about it (when he chooses to sleep instead of keeping to a schedule). Of course, this means that I have to include getting up at midnight/1:00AM to get him to test his blood. I still don't always catch them, especially weekend mornings when he doesn't feel like following his regular schedule (we had one this morning). Unfortunately, he's not as pleasant with his children (who are now teenagers/early twenties) when they try to get him to test on schedule. I've had to teach them to ignore his meanness during those times - to stick with what he needs to do (basically teaching them to disrespect him - to make sure he does what he needs to do to care of himself). He's not a happy man; yelling frequently; lazy; eating whatever he wants, even with high blood pressure and cholesterol and some sort of nerve issue that appears to be affecting the left side of his body. Yep, I know he's depressed. He goes to the doctor only when he needs a prescription refill. I've had the medical community behave as though my concerns were of no value: it is my responsibility to make sure he takes care of himself; my concerns are not legitimate, etc. I've rambled enough. It is good to have a place to share with others who walk the walk.
My husband is the exact image of what you describe. He has high blood pressure and diabetes. He is very verbally abusive just to me every night. He drinks beer and says he can. (Can't ...it shoots his sugar through the sky) He is very agitated and likes to argue every night. Tells me I am not a good wife,etc. (All very unreasonable) Sometimes when he is having an "episode" he smells like ammonia. What is that? He does not smell fruity breathed. I have been to the marriage counselor, to his family and he doesn't do this to them. My kids and I have suffered for over 17 years with this hard headed man in denial. He is always nice in the morning. I do not know how to get him to test his sugar. He is Type II and on a pill which he says he doesn't need. Also, he is going off his BP meds. he says. He will not allow me to talk to his doctor. Why do they scream and rant? over the littles things? Even if I am pleasant, he starts on me twisting the words and making a fight;.I leave the house and pray. Will this ever stop? I think it is diabetes that is poorly managed. (His dad was a very noncomplient diabetic and I had no respect for him...very self centered and pompous.) Mean to my husband's mother.
I wish the doctors would talk to us!
God bless...and I will pray for all of us here.
Thank you for the blog. My wife's going into the hospital tomorrow with DKA, and I looked for "spouses of diabetics" hoping there'd be some support out there. Glad to find it.
I haven't gone back and read earlier entries yet, but I noticed in this particular entry, it appears that only wives are commenting. Thought I'd throw in my two cents as a husband - also as a younger spouse than many of the posters in here. My wife and I are in our early 30's. She was misdiagnosed in her teens or early 20's as having endomitriosis, and it was only discovered around 28 or 29 that all the symptoms her doctors had ascribed to endo were actually caused by diabetes. First they thought she was type 2 and gave her pills that tore her insides out and made her vomit constantly. Then they tentatively called her a "type 1 1/2" because her symptoms seemed somewhere in between 1 and 2. Now they're sure she's type 1. She's been in the hospital with DKA 3 times, I think. Tomorrow will be her 4th.
My wife read somewhere in a book on diabetes that we thought would HELP her deal with her condition that diabetics lose weight when they don't take their insulin. Unfortunately, she read this during the year leading up to our wedding, and decided it would be a FANTASTIC way to fit in the dress. Now, two years into our marriage, she is still doing it on and off - lying about it, of course - and keeps getting hospitalized. She's now the proud owner of a full-blown eating disorder. Everyone thinks she looks great. That's part of the problem. She keeps getting these little self esteem boosts from idiots who don't know that her "miraculous" weight loss is akin to the poundage dropped by a cancer patient on chemo. I can't talk sense into her, we're rarely, if ever, intimate, and I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her. Even now, when she's agreed to go to the hospital, it's only because she grudgingly admitted to me that she thinks she's been in DKA for 4 freaking days, and she won't go check into the ER until she works half her shift tomorrow till someone can come in and cover. I couldn't get her to go TODAY.
Most of the time, my hands shake and I want to break things. When I don't feel that way, I just feel empty. I don't feel like we're on a team. I've made her look me in the eye and promise never to lie to me again about her health, and she's broken that promise a thousand times over. I don't experience the rage and abuse exactly the same way as a lot of the wives who post here, but I do see it. I get episodes of extreme irrationality. I get a stubborn refusal to take medication, talk to doctors, or admit that anyone, anywhere can help. I get a lot of sulking, and a hell of a lot of neediness. I get worn out, and I get heartbroken. That's what I get. And I desperately, passionately love my wife. But the disease is whittling her away from me.
And now I have to go wake her up, because it just occurred to me that I didn't see her take her nighttime insulin...
I knew I could not be alone with this..although the last post was over a year ago. My husband was diagnosed type 2 12 years ago. Probably had it for 18 months undiagnosed based on the jerk he all of a sudden turned into. I had about three years of normality before that. i cannot now remember how I felt for that person,he rarely shows up that way. We are finally living somewhere where the drs are better; but it seems too little,too late. i did not put my foot down 10 years ago(well, i tried,, but he knows it all..stop nagging,yada yada). Now his neuropathy has him in total pain, just been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and we are trying to figure out how to pay for the omnipod(he is unwilling to mess with tubing). He has a sixth nerve palsy(stroke of the eye) that will supposedly cure itself 3 mmonths-1 year. I think the worst part is the depression that he refuses he has. It is catching..I left one time to try to save myself, but only moved a few miles away and got sucked back in when the economy tanked. Had devoted myself to taking care of him and found myself unmarketable. Am thankful every day that we were somehow unable to have children-would hate to have them subjected to this. I stay for my dogs and because the whole situation has isolated me so much that i would have no support system to try it on my own. lately he has threatened to drive his car off a cliff and make it look like an accident; i say nothing. I do not see the dr myself(except gyn). It is all about his health;quite frankly I am scared, cause they always find something wrong. People that do not know a diabetic are useless to talk to about it. They ask questions like how is he feeling? how do i answer that? Noone asks how am I feeling? I am just trying to hold on to myself so there will be some me left to go on after. My worst fear is that he will continue to live forever and I will be taking care of a blind amputee with alzheimers ( and of course, diabetes)!
Finally I have stopped being Cleopatra (Queen of Denial) and started looking for help for myself and my children to deal with not only his diabetes but also the "Ostrich Syndrome" that goes along with it. He does not understand that he is "SICK". He has a 'condition' that is inconvenient to him. Almost every thing that has been posted here could have been written by me or my daughter. I love my husband but there are times that I can not like him at all because of the effects that the diabetes has on all the rest of his life. I firmly believe that every diagnosed diabetic should be provided with intense psychological support along with family therapy. In the meantime I will be finding support where I can. We must all be strong not only for those we care so much for and about, but also for ourselves. We will learn to live and cope.
My Husband was diagnosed Type 2 diabetes about 3 years ago. He does not take care of himself, eas whatever he wants, is not consistent with his medications and his Endocrinologist just recently dropped him because his A1C is back up. He gets lazy, gets mad about stupid things. I'm trying to cook healthy meals for us and our children only to have him complain about it. I am at my witts end. I don't know how to help or motivate him.
waiting for life -" I am just trying to hold on to myself so there will be some me left to go on after. My worst fear is that he will continue to live forever and I will be taking care of a blind amputee with alzheimers ( and of course, diabetes)!"
This speaks to me!!
I have a non-compliant type 2 diabetic husband. He will only see his cardiologist, in order to get his prescriptions, and he lies to him. I wish that I had a Dr. to consult, so I could gauge more accurately what is going on when he gets foot infections, muscle wasting and hemorrhages in his thighs, anger,confusion and dizziness. I don't know how far along he is. He's had 4 heart attacks, 5 stent surgeries. From the time he was diagnosed he really never believed that his health could be managed in a way that would mean he doesn't have to be afraid of a future of pain and debilitating symptoms he calls "old age".
If Drs. could somehow make SURE that a diabetes diagnosis has comprehensive and ONGOING one-on-one education, it might help more patients believe in their own possible good health.
I personally am working very hard at building my own life's passions in order to be strong. Its not working that well as the stress has physically taken me down pretty bad. But I still will not languish in caregiver hell. I will do what I can do and get help if I can't.
I will be strong.
It is MY choice to do what I chose to do!
Just like it is his choice to do what he does (killing himself).
God bless you all with whatever you need to make it through!
I guess I am learning that I may never get good information on what's going on and what to do about it. Even if I did have a Dr. who would talk to me about it. So I think all I can do is make sure I take care of me.
Thanks for being here.
I really thought I was the only one going through this torture of watching someone you love...slowly go away. And I've left him twice- once to 'shock' him out of it, the second time to save my sanity. I'm back again and watching him die because he gave up. I would like to write more details, if it would help anyone else. I wanted to respond to 'waiting to live's comments, I relate so much to her thoughts. I feel like I can take a bigger breath now at least, knowing I'm in a bigger group that I never knew existed.
I feel like I've found my family~ I try to convince my husband's family that he's Really bad off and not taking care of himself, and some of their responses hurt almost as much as this daily hell of watching him die!This group has given me quite a feeling of peace today- thank you SO much. My husband of 13 yrs. is non-compliant type 2 diabetic. At this stage he's sleeping more hours of the day than awake, his feet are so bad he can barely walk. He's given up and won't accept any help now. I've left him twice already, once to shock him out of it, once to save my sanity. Now I can only share some part of myself with people who know exactly what I'm talking about. I am encouraged by the post's that emphasize to take care of ourselves and make whatever future plans we need to, it really gives me some hope that I'll get through this somewhat intact.?? I hope - need this so much right now.
i can relate to everyone that writes a comment. This Blog helped me feel that I was not alone when I truly was at my wits end and wishing that I could just evaporate. I stay for the Children and Grandkids. His family just looks for excuses for his abusive behavior. Its like living in a crazy isolated Island with no hope of getting off. Thank you for the support.
Thank you for the support and honesty of this blog. Just knowing I'm not alone helps. I find it really interesting as how closely each situation is to the next. Unreal. Such strong similarities. Thanks,again. I wish a cure for this disease and I hope that Drs. will start listening to the Spouses,instead of the Manipulating patients.
Thank you for your blog. It was one of the first that I read many years ago. After our last doctors appointment (and yet again another A1C at a 9 or higher) I sat down and wrote some of my thoughts on how I handle and deal with his non compliance towards his body and himself. http://burntapple.com/2015/06/18/diabetes-and-marriage/
I wish I could print this entire blog and take it to the newest dr we are going to see in a couple of weeks. Angry, despaired, frustrated. But also relieved and hopeful since many of the symptoms (restlessness, emotional roller coaster) can be identified as part of the disease. So many of these posts have spoken to me on such a deep level so thank you for sharing. I wish all of you patience and success.
Thank You for your blog. I was doing research for my startup marketing page when I came across your blog. I have been married for 47 years to the love of my life, but with that being said, there is no amount of coaxing cajoling to make him follow the rules of a type 2 diabetic should follow. Back in the 1980s, he was told he was borderline diabetic. The reality was he was already a full-blown diabetic but then 250 was not as serious a number as it obviously is now. The reality is that a week before Christmas in 1991 my husband had a heart attack and six months later he had a quadruple bypass and only three of the bypasses worked. For a while, he really tried to follow the rule, but then it was back to everything but smoking. The Cardiologist convinced him he would be there again if he continued smoking.
After that, he ate what he wanted because he has insilin. Beer oh yeaH! can't live without it. We might be down to our last shecles but better to make sure he has that beer or put up with an obvious bad attitude. But wait, there ismore. Don't ever let anyone kid you, everything so far has been a cake walk. In 2010 what looked like a small bruise, slightly discolored. on his second toe right foot. He sent a picture of it to his doctor who said OH, that's because of diabetes. That was that, and then lets throwcolon cancer in there, congestive heart failure and in 2013 tha toe that was discolored, gangrine overnight. After almost 6 months he ended up having his right leg amputated below the knee thank God. Then that was a struggle until he was able to be fitted with a prosthetic, everything had fallen on me becasue he has to walk carefully even with his artificial leg, . Trust me when I say if they want a real horror story this one is mine. I live with it and have for many years. It all started because of diabetes. One thing led to another. I can attest to the fact that it has been an ongoing struggle to maintain ones own sanity and continue to have faith that God placed me here for a purpose. Thanks for allowing me tocomment here.
My husband is in hospital again. I went looking for something about wives and diabetes and found your blog. He is in denial despite being insulin-dependent for 17 years, possibly diabetic way before. We have been together 7.5 years. He is non-compliant and is currently lying to the doctors and nurses again. Thank you for writing about this. I have subscribed.
Thank you for this forum. My husband of 45 years was diagnosed with Type2 diabetes about 3 years ago. He took it seriously at first, and it was a real joint effort. In fact he did so well that 3 months later the doctor took him off insulin. At the time, my older daughter said she wished it had'nt been so easy..it would be too easy for him to think he could beat it whenever he wanted. Fast forward 3 years..she was 100% right.When he started becoming really disoriented, barely able to walk, I kept begging him to check his blood sugar, and he kept refusing.We went to the doctor on Monday and his A1C was 12.1,blood sugar 550+ I heard him tell his brother he was just "going to take it easy and let me take care of him" I cant tell you how furious that made me. He refused to test even after I begged him, and now I'm supposed to pick up all the pieces and give him all this the support and understanding.I can't put all this worry, anger, frustration, and resentment on my daughters..it"s not their burden. Thank you all for sharing your stories and allowing me to vent. I figured I wasn't the only one out there..the lying to the doctors,(and everyone else) the irritability,the defensiveness..I'm so sick of it.
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