Plumber's wife wrote:

I am a wife of a diabetic, we have been married for two years. He's a plumber and allows himself to get too busy to check as often as he should.

I really need help. He's on various meds besides the diabetic side effects that are beginning to make me feel that I am just a roommate, housekeeper, nursemaid. I have been giving 100% in the relationship but due to his fatigue, I grow more and more empty.

Last night for instance, my son had a football practice, DH had a side plumbing job and if I hadn't called at 7pm, he wouldn't have made it home due to a diabetic low - he was at 43. He doesn't know anymore that it is going low. He has reached the thresh-hold.

I am at wits end. I want to love him "wide open" but the feeling of insecurity lately has been overwhelming. I don't know from one day to another if God will bring him home.

And I do feel so bad for you. I'm obviously not a therapist and can't really give advice....I just share my life experiences here for other's to read.....and to help me keep my sanity! So I'll say it again.....writing has been very good therapy for me. But I have also sought out professional advice on many of the issues I'm dealing with....and I'm getting ready to do it again.

I've been gone for 3 weeks. I'll be home tomorrow. Hubby had another episode of sulpher burps, vomiting and diarrhea last week. He still thinks it's lactose intolerance yet the labs show it's kidney failure. And I need help dealing with this. I need a professional opinion on what to say to him....how to help him comprehend that yes, his labs can be good on Thursday and bad on Friday. He seems to "get it" that his labs can be horrible on Friday (15% kidney function) and good again on Monday (26%), but he just can't seem to comprehend that they could possibly be good on Thursday and bad by Friday. And I just want to scream and pull my hair out!

So I'm going to call the counseling department this week and schedule an appointment.

Which will most likely end up making me want to pull my hair out even more.

But when I get to my wit's end....I seek help. I, too, went through the phase of feeling like a roommate, house keeper, maid, chauffer.....and I still bounce back once in awhile to those thoughts. In fact, I do think it's something I work on constantly....trying not to allow him to make me have those feelings. If he won't take care of himself....then you can't take care of him either. We just can't change these grown adult men. We can't turn them into someone that they are not.

But we can seek advice and help for how to live with them, how to cope with their inability or unwillingness to change, how to make healthy decisions for us. And then we constantly make the choice...do we stay...do we leave?

Or just take long vacation breaks! I've been gone 3 weeks, teaching art classes, 1000 miles away. My sister went with me. We drove. And it has just been a wonderful time away. She and I talked forever while in the car, in the mornings, late at night. It has been so thearupitic. And guess what? He has survived my absence. And if he can take care of everything while I'm gone....then he can continue to handle it when I come home. I think I'm learning little by little that I don't have to step into the role of nurse, maid, chauffer.....that I can just be the woman I am meant to be....and let him take care of himself.

We'll just have to see how it all works out when I get home tomorrow!

DW