Today at lunch, he said that he is going to call his parents this evening and see if they will consider moving here. What the heck???
They are 78 years old. With more physical problems that I can begin to list. His dad is a diabetic. His mom is blind in one eye....and I KNOW they need help. But he is not even able to take care of himself.....why does he want them to move here???
I know he feels guilty about not seeing them. It's a 15 hour drive to their house. Far away enough that this is a different climate and altitude from what they are used to.
They absolutely hate me beyond words....for a multitude of reasons.....the main one being that I won't move to where they live!
This may be a ploy to keep from selling this house and moving 3 hours from here to help take care of my mom. If I tell him he can't move his parents here, then he can refuse to move closer to my mom. So, I suggested that we buy a duplex close to my mom and move his parents into the other half. Well....that would never work as it's too far from his grandkids.
The grandkids that he sees twice a year!
He is absolutely not thinking this one through. I'm praying that his parents tell him they won't move. If they agree, it will be the end of this marriage for sure. I have visions of "Everybody Loves Raymond" if they agree to move! LOLOL!!!
I suppose it could be a good thing. If they agree to move here, then I will just up and move to where my mom lives using the same excuse....it's time I take care of her. She's 3 years older than his parents and deserves our help much more than they do. If he won't move all of us to her town....I see no reason to stay put.
But I'm sure he didn't hear any of that in our conversation today! So all I can do is pray they tell him "no".
I even asked him what would happen if he took a turn for the worse and couldn't help them. He said it would be no worse for them than where they are now. Really? They have lived in their home for over 40 years and he wants to uproot them, move them all this distance, and thinks it will be no worse for them???
Proof he's not really thinking about anyone except himself at this point.
DW - exhausted
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
He got his labs yesterday.....no surprise - A1c is 10.1
CK is 370
Cholesterol is 192
Triglycerides are 1438
HDL is 21
LDL is 171
But an A1c of 10.1??? I'm positive that's what's causing the horrid smells. Ketoacidosis? The beginnings of it? I am just hoping that his primary doc will see these labs and call him in. Or that the endo will see them. I'm really thinking a psychiatrist needs to see them! Why is he doing this to himself? A death wish? I know he is in denial....but how can you deny the numbers?
Well, I do know. He has always said that "9.0 is high for me". He doesn't ever look at what the "charts" say is high.....so he thinks and A1c of 7.0 is OK for him. Well, at the moment, I'd be delighted with a 7.0.
No wonder he is so tired and sleeping so much - his poor body is trying to work around such high glucose.
And let's not even talk about insulin. Remember, he's on the 5x concentrated dose and at the highest dose he's ever been on that.
I'm going to go into denial for today and go be creative. I don't want to deal with anything.
DW
Cholesterol is 192
Triglycerides are 1438
HDL is 21
LDL is 171
But an A1c of 10.1??? I'm positive that's what's causing the horrid smells. Ketoacidosis? The beginnings of it? I am just hoping that his primary doc will see these labs and call him in. Or that the endo will see them. I'm really thinking a psychiatrist needs to see them! Why is he doing this to himself? A death wish? I know he is in denial....but how can you deny the numbers?
Well, I do know. He has always said that "9.0 is high for me". He doesn't ever look at what the "charts" say is high.....so he thinks and A1c of 7.0 is OK for him. Well, at the moment, I'd be delighted with a 7.0.
No wonder he is so tired and sleeping so much - his poor body is trying to work around such high glucose.
And let's not even talk about insulin. Remember, he's on the 5x concentrated dose and at the highest dose he's ever been on that.
I'm going to go into denial for today and go be creative. I don't want to deal with anything.
DW
Monday, November 14, 2011
And still
He won't get labs
He won't call his doc
He still has diarrhea
He still has that rancid acidic smell
I'm going to visit my mom the rest of the week.
I am getting sick to my stomach from the smells
Glade can only cover so much
Dw
He won't call his doc
He still has diarrhea
He still has that rancid acidic smell
I'm going to visit my mom the rest of the week.
I am getting sick to my stomach from the smells
Glade can only cover so much
Dw
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm so sleep deprived
Awake at 2 am this morning as he was up sick.
Awake at 3:30 am yesterday morning as he was up sick.
It's been a repeat every day this past week.
And he is refusing to go get labs done. He won't call his doctor. He is sick to his stomach, diarrhea (and I'm so tired of cleaning toilets!) and nothing sounds good to eat. Except potato chips. :o)
Pretty certain the neuropathy has found it's way to his intestines. But of course since he won't go to the doc, we don't know.
I really try to be supportive. It's so hard.
I really try to show compassion. But when he refuses to take care of himself and now he refuses to call the doctor, it's even harder.
And I know I'm just exhausted. I try to catch little naps during the day when I can. But it's not the same. I sleep more on the sofa than I do in my bed.
And my own pain has returned. I'm sure it's because I'm not getting enough sleep. I am trying to stay as active as I can, but I hurt so bad. Today I managed to prune the apple tree, cut numerous limbs off a peach tree and oak tree. Cut back all the raspberries and cleaned out one flower bed. But there is just so much more to do and I have to wonder how much longer I'll be able to do all this.
I find myself praying for a good night's sleep and no pain. It's what I need more than anything.
DW
Awake at 3:30 am yesterday morning as he was up sick.
It's been a repeat every day this past week.
And he is refusing to go get labs done. He won't call his doctor. He is sick to his stomach, diarrhea (and I'm so tired of cleaning toilets!) and nothing sounds good to eat. Except potato chips. :o)
Pretty certain the neuropathy has found it's way to his intestines. But of course since he won't go to the doc, we don't know.
I really try to be supportive. It's so hard.
I really try to show compassion. But when he refuses to take care of himself and now he refuses to call the doctor, it's even harder.
And I know I'm just exhausted. I try to catch little naps during the day when I can. But it's not the same. I sleep more on the sofa than I do in my bed.
And my own pain has returned. I'm sure it's because I'm not getting enough sleep. I am trying to stay as active as I can, but I hurt so bad. Today I managed to prune the apple tree, cut numerous limbs off a peach tree and oak tree. Cut back all the raspberries and cleaned out one flower bed. But there is just so much more to do and I have to wonder how much longer I'll be able to do all this.
I find myself praying for a good night's sleep and no pain. It's what I need more than anything.
DW
Monday, October 31, 2011
Comment on comments
Thought I should let my readers know that if you post a comment that contains a link to any kind of product, research group - anything wanting money, I will not approve the comment. I'm sorry, but this is not about money and I don't feel right about assisting you in making money.
To the last comment - why would you even think my husband would get his hip replaced? Obviously you have not read much of this blog and do not comprehend that he has decided against any future operations for any reason. We will call hospice instead. His choice. But after what he went through in February, I do not blame him whatsoever.
I'm actually starting to wonder if his current intestinal problem is related to the surgery. They did take his stomach, liver, intestines completely out of his body, then put them back in. He had an ileus that did not want to heal. I'm wondering if all those complications have lead him to where he is today. He had a bowl of vegetable soup and passed gas all night long. Non-stop. It was so bad that I was sick to my stomach this morning from the smells.
He has given up all milk products because of this. Then he gave up bread. Soup should not cause this. Bread should not cause this. I asked him this morning to call his doctor because I know this is not normal and it's been going on for at least 3 months. He did not call. Tonight he had a steak and if he is awake all night again, I'm going to really push for a doctor's visit.
I also wonder if it could be neuropathy in his intestines. His glucose is still running in the upper 200s.
It's interesting to keep a diary like this on the decline of body functions due to uncontrolled diabetes. I wonder if anyone else has ever done this for their spouse. It's not easy. Sometimes I get so used to what' s going on that I don't think it's worth noting. Other days there's so much going on I don't have the energy to write it down. I apologize for the grossness of some of what I write, but it is reality.
We are now to the point where finding something that he thinks he can eat is getting rather difficult. He has quit bread, dairy, most tomato based foods and a few other things that he thinks has made him have gas. But he still eats sweets and potato chips by the bag. Go figure.
DW
To the last comment - why would you even think my husband would get his hip replaced? Obviously you have not read much of this blog and do not comprehend that he has decided against any future operations for any reason. We will call hospice instead. His choice. But after what he went through in February, I do not blame him whatsoever.
I'm actually starting to wonder if his current intestinal problem is related to the surgery. They did take his stomach, liver, intestines completely out of his body, then put them back in. He had an ileus that did not want to heal. I'm wondering if all those complications have lead him to where he is today. He had a bowl of vegetable soup and passed gas all night long. Non-stop. It was so bad that I was sick to my stomach this morning from the smells.
He has given up all milk products because of this. Then he gave up bread. Soup should not cause this. Bread should not cause this. I asked him this morning to call his doctor because I know this is not normal and it's been going on for at least 3 months. He did not call. Tonight he had a steak and if he is awake all night again, I'm going to really push for a doctor's visit.
I also wonder if it could be neuropathy in his intestines. His glucose is still running in the upper 200s.
It's interesting to keep a diary like this on the decline of body functions due to uncontrolled diabetes. I wonder if anyone else has ever done this for their spouse. It's not easy. Sometimes I get so used to what' s going on that I don't think it's worth noting. Other days there's so much going on I don't have the energy to write it down. I apologize for the grossness of some of what I write, but it is reality.
We are now to the point where finding something that he thinks he can eat is getting rather difficult. He has quit bread, dairy, most tomato based foods and a few other things that he thinks has made him have gas. But he still eats sweets and potato chips by the bag. Go figure.
DW
Friday, October 21, 2011
How much stress can one take?
I often wonder. My hubby has had such a stressful week at work. In a nutshell, it started last Saturday night when one of his employee's spouses called here at home. I can't go into details, but in the 12 years I have been with this man, I can honestly say he has been more meetings, dealt with more divisions, talked more on the phone that I have ever seen him do in a week. I literally thought on one morning that I'd find him dead from stress.....and he is dealing with it all fairly well - it's just the volume that I'm concerned with.
Needless to say it's been a difficult week and I've been walking on pins and needles all week long, trying not to do or say anything that might add to his level of stress. But I also think this is what brought on the last blow-out, his stress. So we did sit down and talk about that and it's been a much calmer week.
I worry that his adrenaline levels have been sky high all week long. I don't believe he has tested his glucose at all. He ate a huge pan of cinnamon rolls that he picked up at the grocery - one of those 9x13 aluminum trays. Last night he ordered bread pudding at the restaurant after eating a huge platter of ribs, pulled pork, potatoes and cole slaw. I know he is stress eating.
So I have to wonder how much one person can take? I wish I could make it go away, but I can't. I'm praying that the worst of it is over, but I don't think it is. I think this is the week of the "car wreck" and next week will be like day 2 - when the pain really hits you.
I've managed to paint a couple more walls this week, so making good progress on getting this house painted. More therapy in a paint brush than I ever knew! Plus I made huge strides in a genealogy project and managed to fire a perfect kiln load of glass pendants. Here's hoping next week is a good one!
Needless to say it's been a difficult week and I've been walking on pins and needles all week long, trying not to do or say anything that might add to his level of stress. But I also think this is what brought on the last blow-out, his stress. So we did sit down and talk about that and it's been a much calmer week.
I worry that his adrenaline levels have been sky high all week long. I don't believe he has tested his glucose at all. He ate a huge pan of cinnamon rolls that he picked up at the grocery - one of those 9x13 aluminum trays. Last night he ordered bread pudding at the restaurant after eating a huge platter of ribs, pulled pork, potatoes and cole slaw. I know he is stress eating.
So I have to wonder how much one person can take? I wish I could make it go away, but I can't. I'm praying that the worst of it is over, but I don't think it is. I think this is the week of the "car wreck" and next week will be like day 2 - when the pain really hits you.
I've managed to paint a couple more walls this week, so making good progress on getting this house painted. More therapy in a paint brush than I ever knew! Plus I made huge strides in a genealogy project and managed to fire a perfect kiln load of glass pendants. Here's hoping next week is a good one!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Another blowout day
I'm getting numb to these rages. So I think that's an improvement. Today, he exploded over the dogs. Stupid stuff. I assume he was low, but who knows - he's back to not testing. It's been awhile since he's gotten this upset over nothing at all, but I need to post so that I have a record. He truly needs to go to the doctor as the diarrhea has been non stop for nearly a month now, maybe longer. Last night he was feeling sick to his stomach. Could be symptoms that his kidney function is declining again.
Tomorrow I will get back to painting the inside of the house after about 2 months of distractions. I love how clean it looks when there's a fresh coat of paint on the walls. Plus, it takes my mind off everything else.
DW
Tomorrow I will get back to painting the inside of the house after about 2 months of distractions. I love how clean it looks when there's a fresh coat of paint on the walls. Plus, it takes my mind off everything else.
DW
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Can you "catch" depression?
"Waiting for life" wrote:
I knew I could not be alone with this..although the last post was over a year ago. My husband was diagnosed type 2 12 years ago. Probably had it for 18 months undiagnosed based on the jerk he all of a sudden turned into. I had about three years of normality before that. i cannot now remember how I felt for that person,he rarely shows up that way. We are finally living somewhere where the drs are better; but it seems too little,too late. i did not put my foot down 10 years ago(well, i tried,, but he knows it all..stop nagging,yada yada). Now his neuropathy has him in total pain, just been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and we are trying to figure out how to pay for the omnipod(he is unwilling to mess with tubing). He has a sixth nerve palsy(stroke of the eye) that will supposedly cure itself 3 mmonths-1 year. I think the worst part is the depression that he refuses he has. It is catching..I left one time to try to save myself, but only moved a few miles away and got sucked back in when the economy tanked. Had devoted myself to taking care of him and found myself unmarketable. Am thankful every day that we were somehow unable to have children-would hate to have them subjected to this. I stay for my dogs and because the whole situation has isolated me so much that i would have no support system to try it on my own. lately he has threatened to drive his car off a cliff and make it look like an accident; i say nothing. I do not see the dr myself(except gyn). It is all about his health;quite frankly I am scared, cause they always find something wrong. People that do not know a diabetic are useless to talk to about it. They ask questions like how is he feeling? how do i answer that? Noone asks how am I feeling? I am just trying to hold on to myself so there will be some me left to go on after. My worst fear is that he will continue to live forever and I will be taking care of a blind amputee with alzheimers ( and of course, diabetes)
WOW! I had never stopped to ask the question....can I "catch" depression from him? But you know what, I think you can - to and extent. I think the nature of living with another person who is always in a depression can bring you down. I have learned how to fight it and refuse to allow myself to sink into that hole with him.....but I didn't always do that. I would find myself being so "sad" when he was "sad". I turned quiet when he got quiet.....I think it's the nature of being married - you do things together.
When he was diagnosed with depression, I realized what had been happening to me and snapped out of it. How? I found something else to do with my life to keep me busy, I set goals for myself, and I started working at helping other people outside of our family circle. It worked!
Over the years, I have turned to art, genealogy, history....groups that involve these topics. Once you join and become active in a group (serve as an officer or volunteer on a committee) you meet other people who have a similar interest.....and these groups are completely outside the world of diabetes. It's been refreshing and inspiring!
Yesterday, I spent the entire day visiting with an 81 year old woman, helping her seek down her family tree. She was thrilled with what we found and we set up another date for next week to do some more research.
I've also started a huge genealogy project that may well lead to writing a book about the project. I find that the more I delve into something like this the less his diabetes interferes with my life.
BUT....on the other hand......this ongoing problem he is having with his digestive system is keeping me up at night. Seems like no matter what he eats, he has explosive diarrhea all the time. And the smell is horrible. I no longer invite anyone to come here. I go "there" wherever it is. I haven't slept all night since I got home because of the sounds and smells. I asked him last night if he would go to the doctor and he said, "I'm thinking about it."
Sigh.
Today, I am rewording our wills - it's been 10 years and it's time to just update them. Reading though the medical power of attorney, I see that we need to make some changes and will get that done. I'm hoping that each of you has an updated will in place including a DNR, medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney - everything in place in case it's needed.
DW
I knew I could not be alone with this..although the last post was over a year ago. My husband was diagnosed type 2 12 years ago. Probably had it for 18 months undiagnosed based on the jerk he all of a sudden turned into. I had about three years of normality before that. i cannot now remember how I felt for that person,he rarely shows up that way. We are finally living somewhere where the drs are better; but it seems too little,too late. i did not put my foot down 10 years ago(well, i tried,, but he knows it all..stop nagging,yada yada). Now his neuropathy has him in total pain, just been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and we are trying to figure out how to pay for the omnipod(he is unwilling to mess with tubing). He has a sixth nerve palsy(stroke of the eye) that will supposedly cure itself 3 mmonths-1 year. I think the worst part is the depression that he refuses he has. It is catching..I left one time to try to save myself, but only moved a few miles away and got sucked back in when the economy tanked. Had devoted myself to taking care of him and found myself unmarketable. Am thankful every day that we were somehow unable to have children-would hate to have them subjected to this. I stay for my dogs and because the whole situation has isolated me so much that i would have no support system to try it on my own. lately he has threatened to drive his car off a cliff and make it look like an accident; i say nothing. I do not see the dr myself(except gyn). It is all about his health;quite frankly I am scared, cause they always find something wrong. People that do not know a diabetic are useless to talk to about it. They ask questions like how is he feeling? how do i answer that? Noone asks how am I feeling? I am just trying to hold on to myself so there will be some me left to go on after. My worst fear is that he will continue to live forever and I will be taking care of a blind amputee with alzheimers ( and of course, diabetes)
WOW! I had never stopped to ask the question....can I "catch" depression from him? But you know what, I think you can - to and extent. I think the nature of living with another person who is always in a depression can bring you down. I have learned how to fight it and refuse to allow myself to sink into that hole with him.....but I didn't always do that. I would find myself being so "sad" when he was "sad". I turned quiet when he got quiet.....I think it's the nature of being married - you do things together.
When he was diagnosed with depression, I realized what had been happening to me and snapped out of it. How? I found something else to do with my life to keep me busy, I set goals for myself, and I started working at helping other people outside of our family circle. It worked!
Over the years, I have turned to art, genealogy, history....groups that involve these topics. Once you join and become active in a group (serve as an officer or volunteer on a committee) you meet other people who have a similar interest.....and these groups are completely outside the world of diabetes. It's been refreshing and inspiring!
Yesterday, I spent the entire day visiting with an 81 year old woman, helping her seek down her family tree. She was thrilled with what we found and we set up another date for next week to do some more research.
I've also started a huge genealogy project that may well lead to writing a book about the project. I find that the more I delve into something like this the less his diabetes interferes with my life.
BUT....on the other hand......this ongoing problem he is having with his digestive system is keeping me up at night. Seems like no matter what he eats, he has explosive diarrhea all the time. And the smell is horrible. I no longer invite anyone to come here. I go "there" wherever it is. I haven't slept all night since I got home because of the sounds and smells. I asked him last night if he would go to the doctor and he said, "I'm thinking about it."
Sigh.
Today, I am rewording our wills - it's been 10 years and it's time to just update them. Reading though the medical power of attorney, I see that we need to make some changes and will get that done. I'm hoping that each of you has an updated will in place including a DNR, medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney - everything in place in case it's needed.
DW
Saturday, October 01, 2011
I never check my emails
for this account! Just found this one:
Hello my name is Elizabeth,
I was looking for help on the internet and found you. My husband is only 47 years old and is also a very bad diabetic. He gets so angry and just starts yelling about stupid stuff. He hates everything and everybody. He cannot swallow a pill so he will rarely take his meds. His a1c is 11.3 Triglicrides are 953 and the protein in his kidneys is 3133. He has a long family history of the same health issues. The more I try to talk to him the worse it gets. I love my husband very much and we will be married 23 years in November, but I don't know if I can keep this up. I am very depressed all the time because I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in. His father passed away when he was about 23. He thinks because of this that he also will die in his 40's and just doesn't seem to care what anyone says to him. How do you deal with this? I have been for about 7 years not but it is not getting any better. I told him today if he doesn't start doing what the doctor says I am going to get a mental hygiene warrant on him. If he would at least just try I could feel bad for him but as of right now I am just angry with him for not even trying. Please give me some advice.
Sincerly,
Elizabeth
First off, I don't give advice. I just tell you what I think, and what my own personal experiences have been. But I can tell you that an a1c of 11.3 is too high and he needs to se a doctor. Like now!!!
I can also tell you that I don't hesitate to schedule an appointment with a mental health provider when things get really bad around here. It always helps to talk with someone else and often, they do have some good ideas. Sometimes you have to ask for suggestions. Sometimes you have to switch providers. Sometimes you get really bad ones....but you do have an option to find someone else.
Most likely, you are, like me, going through the grief process over and over and over. And that's where the anger comes in - it's a natural step in the process and we have to go through it. Problem is that with each loss of function, both my husband and I have to grieve that loss. At this point it seems never ending.
How do I deal with my hubby and the fact that he doesn't even try? Well, mostly, just day by day. He has the right to make that choice because he is an adult and I can't change him. I had to make a choice to accept his decision or not, to stay with him or not. Most important I think, I had to make a decision to get back to living my own life, create goals, find a hobby, keep active and busy. And while I know that he would prefer that I stick tohis side like glue....I've learned that I can't be here every second of every day. I have to get out and live my own life.
Good luck,
DW
Loved the respite
Back home and all is as well as can be. Was so nice to get away for a whole week - visiting with my siters. Hubby came Thursday afternoon and we were all together to celebrate my birthday. Laughed all evening long! We both came home on Friday. My sis has a single queen bed so we tried to sleep together, but his restless leg syndrome is still just as bad as it ever was so I ended up on the sofa. What would we do without sofas? LOL!
I'm getting better, stronger - my pain is going away. I'm moving better and I really think it's because I'm letting go, getting away, taking breaks, taking care of myself. And he can tell a difference. When I can move, I can do more for him. And when I can't move, he has to do more for himself...so I think it's helping him as well.
We have family coming from out of state next weekend and after that..I'm hoping life will settle down for the winter.
His glucose is still running at 300 way too often. He has way too many digestive problems which I'm pretty sure is simply the nerve endings dying off. Almost daily he adds something else to the list of things he can't eat. The gaseous odors are still almost unbearable. Diet modification hasn't really helped with that. I assume it is all just part of the process of uncontrolled diabetes eating away at his body.
And yes, that is truly sad. But he has made a choice to simply do what he wants rather than try and take care of himself. So life has to go on as normal as it can as long as it can. And truly, overall, we are doing fine at the moment.
I've had my week off and have much renewed strength. Life is good!
DW
I'm getting better, stronger - my pain is going away. I'm moving better and I really think it's because I'm letting go, getting away, taking breaks, taking care of myself. And he can tell a difference. When I can move, I can do more for him. And when I can't move, he has to do more for himself...so I think it's helping him as well.
We have family coming from out of state next weekend and after that..I'm hoping life will settle down for the winter.
His glucose is still running at 300 way too often. He has way too many digestive problems which I'm pretty sure is simply the nerve endings dying off. Almost daily he adds something else to the list of things he can't eat. The gaseous odors are still almost unbearable. Diet modification hasn't really helped with that. I assume it is all just part of the process of uncontrolled diabetes eating away at his body.
And yes, that is truly sad. But he has made a choice to simply do what he wants rather than try and take care of himself. So life has to go on as normal as it can as long as it can. And truly, overall, we are doing fine at the moment.
I've had my week off and have much renewed strength. Life is good!
DW
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Such a sad comment from someone so young
Jeannette wrote:
How terribly sad that you are living like this. Trust me, I know. Here's the question I've always asked myself....what keeps "him" from limiting it to verbal abuse? At what moment will it turn physical and will that be too late for me to leave? Will I end up getting hurt? Trust me, I hate pain. I can handle the verbal stuff but if my husband ever turned physically violent - I would leave.
And that's the hardest part as no one know when it might turn physical. How low do they have to go? How angry and frustrated before the verbal turns physical? I don't have an answer - no one does. But it is something each of us should think about and prepare for.
There are temporary safe houses. There is counseling. When you think there is nowhere to go....there always is someplace safer than where you are right now.
Verbal abuse can really take a hard blow to a person's self esteem. I'm obviously older, have survived enough in my life that I have become a powerfully strong woman and words are not going to hurt me. They bother me - but don't hurt me. Had any of this happened when I was young....I'm not sure I'd be the woman I am today. I had nothing but positive support and feedback when I was your age. And that can make a huge difference as to the path you choose later on in your life. Without self esteem, we often make poor choices because we make choices trying to make others say good things to us, stop verbally abusing us, to get out of a situation.....it's that old fight or flight thing. If all you ever hear are negative things about you, then you start thinking negative things about yourself.
At my age, I ignore his outbursts. I walk away. I go to Walmart and walk, or to the park and walk. Sometimes I leave for half an hour, other times I leave for 2 hours or more. Sometimes he calls and asks me to come back - other days I don't hear from him and wonder if he's gone into a coma. But I walk away. If there is no one for him to rage at - I assume the raging stops! And while I am his caregiver....I have to take care of me first and that really does mean that I have to walk out if the raging starts.
I find it interesting that I now have to "time" conversations with him. Is he low? Has he just eaten? Is he tired? I had an issue this week that I needed to discuss with him and I didn't want to do it when he was low as I needed him to remember the conversation. Sad, but it really has gotten to this point. And I'm still not sure it was good timing as he's not testing again. But I had the conversation in a restaurant in a public place and there was no rage. He got pissed at what I was saying and I knew exactly when to stop the discussion to prevent an outburst. Only time will tell if he "heard" me or not. But there was no rage, so we are making progress.
Counseling is so expensive, but it might do 2 things for you and I would ask myself these questions:
1. Am I getting married to get out of this house. In any way, shape or form? Is it even 1% of the reason you are getting married?
2. If you hate this man so much and he is verbally abusing you, why are you still living there?
3. What can you do to proactively protect yourself in the event the situation turned physical?
Now, remember, I'm not a therapist.....but I believe a good counselor should be able to give you direction and assistance on the first visit. If not, find someone else. And I also know that when you have been verbally beaten to a pulp, it's the hardest, most difficult thing on earth to try and seek help. I've been there.
Here's wishing you the best. I' will keep you in my prayers.
DW
I googled "diabetic yelling" and found this page. I'm sitting here shaking and crying because my stepdad is currently recovering from one of these low-blood-sugar, yelling-at-the-top-of-his-lungs sessions. I can't handle it when he gets like this. Just for a bit of a back story, I hate the man's guts. He has always had a temper and been abusive even when he wasn't low. The screaming sessions he has when he's low are the worst because he doesn't remember anything, like you said. He acts like nothing happened, and we're supposed to do the same, even though the screaming sessions open old wounds. I'm getting married next year and moving out immediately afterward. I'd move out sooner if I could. |
How terribly sad that you are living like this. Trust me, I know. Here's the question I've always asked myself....what keeps "him" from limiting it to verbal abuse? At what moment will it turn physical and will that be too late for me to leave? Will I end up getting hurt? Trust me, I hate pain. I can handle the verbal stuff but if my husband ever turned physically violent - I would leave.
And that's the hardest part as no one know when it might turn physical. How low do they have to go? How angry and frustrated before the verbal turns physical? I don't have an answer - no one does. But it is something each of us should think about and prepare for.
There are temporary safe houses. There is counseling. When you think there is nowhere to go....there always is someplace safer than where you are right now.
Verbal abuse can really take a hard blow to a person's self esteem. I'm obviously older, have survived enough in my life that I have become a powerfully strong woman and words are not going to hurt me. They bother me - but don't hurt me. Had any of this happened when I was young....I'm not sure I'd be the woman I am today. I had nothing but positive support and feedback when I was your age. And that can make a huge difference as to the path you choose later on in your life. Without self esteem, we often make poor choices because we make choices trying to make others say good things to us, stop verbally abusing us, to get out of a situation.....it's that old fight or flight thing. If all you ever hear are negative things about you, then you start thinking negative things about yourself.
At my age, I ignore his outbursts. I walk away. I go to Walmart and walk, or to the park and walk. Sometimes I leave for half an hour, other times I leave for 2 hours or more. Sometimes he calls and asks me to come back - other days I don't hear from him and wonder if he's gone into a coma. But I walk away. If there is no one for him to rage at - I assume the raging stops! And while I am his caregiver....I have to take care of me first and that really does mean that I have to walk out if the raging starts.
I find it interesting that I now have to "time" conversations with him. Is he low? Has he just eaten? Is he tired? I had an issue this week that I needed to discuss with him and I didn't want to do it when he was low as I needed him to remember the conversation. Sad, but it really has gotten to this point. And I'm still not sure it was good timing as he's not testing again. But I had the conversation in a restaurant in a public place and there was no rage. He got pissed at what I was saying and I knew exactly when to stop the discussion to prevent an outburst. Only time will tell if he "heard" me or not. But there was no rage, so we are making progress.
Counseling is so expensive, but it might do 2 things for you and I would ask myself these questions:
1. Am I getting married to get out of this house. In any way, shape or form? Is it even 1% of the reason you are getting married?
2. If you hate this man so much and he is verbally abusing you, why are you still living there?
3. What can you do to proactively protect yourself in the event the situation turned physical?
Now, remember, I'm not a therapist.....but I believe a good counselor should be able to give you direction and assistance on the first visit. If not, find someone else. And I also know that when you have been verbally beaten to a pulp, it's the hardest, most difficult thing on earth to try and seek help. I've been there.
Here's wishing you the best. I' will keep you in my prayers.
DW
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Respite care for the caregiver
I didn't get to go camping as my brother-in-law got sick. But I had a blast. Mom and I picked up pizzas and went knocking on doors and had a party with some of the other residents in her retirement home. One of the ladies said, "this is the most fun I've ever had on a Friday night!"
The next night, we made about 50 cards for them to send to their friends.
Then I took a very long drive, about 5 hours, and went exploring areas where I used to camp in another lifetime. Great fun going back to old haunts. Ended up at my sister's and decided to stay there a few days.
Yes, my hubby missed me something awful. I think he is rather afraid to be home alone. But I tell you, these respite breaks are doing me a world of good! I used to think I had to stay by his side 24/7. After this last surgery....I decided I simply couldn't do it any more. And I think I am so much better for this decision. I am getting out, doing things I really want to do, having a great time.
And I know he is jealous. He doesn't feel like getting out. I don't feel like sitting home. So for now, this is the solution - I just go alone.
My sis and I had so much fun shopping and gabbing. It is such good therapy to get completely and totally away from diabetes. And I think that's what caregiver respite is all about - to get so far away that you completely get it all out of your mind, get refreshed and refueled....and when you come home, you are ready to go full steam ahead.
I'm going away again the last week or so this month. It's my birthday and I've decided to indulge in a full week at my sister's. We are going to go walking, hiking, trekking, exploring and might even go camping if everyone can stay well.
In the meantime, hubby is stable. The pain in his hips is still there as in his upper back. He doesn't do much, just goes from his chair to the sofa and back. Watching way too much TV. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time, I am learning to let go, that these are his decisions, his choices, not mine.
If you provide care to someone who is ill.....give yourself adequate time off. Get far enough away that you can completely forget your normal life. Do something that is so not the norm. Enjoy your own family and friends. And if it's only an hour, just do it. But I'm learning that I need 4 - 7 days away to really come back ready to tackle the daily caregiving. Because afterall, if you don't take care of you, who will take care of them when you get sick?
DW
The next night, we made about 50 cards for them to send to their friends.
Then I took a very long drive, about 5 hours, and went exploring areas where I used to camp in another lifetime. Great fun going back to old haunts. Ended up at my sister's and decided to stay there a few days.
Yes, my hubby missed me something awful. I think he is rather afraid to be home alone. But I tell you, these respite breaks are doing me a world of good! I used to think I had to stay by his side 24/7. After this last surgery....I decided I simply couldn't do it any more. And I think I am so much better for this decision. I am getting out, doing things I really want to do, having a great time.
And I know he is jealous. He doesn't feel like getting out. I don't feel like sitting home. So for now, this is the solution - I just go alone.
My sis and I had so much fun shopping and gabbing. It is such good therapy to get completely and totally away from diabetes. And I think that's what caregiver respite is all about - to get so far away that you completely get it all out of your mind, get refreshed and refueled....and when you come home, you are ready to go full steam ahead.
I'm going away again the last week or so this month. It's my birthday and I've decided to indulge in a full week at my sister's. We are going to go walking, hiking, trekking, exploring and might even go camping if everyone can stay well.
In the meantime, hubby is stable. The pain in his hips is still there as in his upper back. He doesn't do much, just goes from his chair to the sofa and back. Watching way too much TV. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time, I am learning to let go, that these are his decisions, his choices, not mine.
If you provide care to someone who is ill.....give yourself adequate time off. Get far enough away that you can completely forget your normal life. Do something that is so not the norm. Enjoy your own family and friends. And if it's only an hour, just do it. But I'm learning that I need 4 - 7 days away to really come back ready to tackle the daily caregiving. Because afterall, if you don't take care of you, who will take care of them when you get sick?
DW
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Home alone!
Well, for a little bit. He got called in to jury duty. He never leaves home. He works from home. So I am guaranteed at least 3 hours alone at home this morning. LOL!
I don't know what to do first! I think I might take a long hot bath. Or play the piano and sing my heart out!
This week's update:
I cannot believe how time flies. He is still having smelly farts. Long nights of diarrhea. I have learned to sleep through most of it. I have decided that unconsciousness is a good state to be in! :o)
His hips are so bad now that he is limping and hobbling when he walks. He agreed that when it gets bad enough, he will most like call the surgeon. I gave him my blessing and reminded him that I would not be in attendance. I think he doesn't really believe me.
We are finding more and more things he cannot eat. I think this is a normal process as the neuropathy of the intestines increases. Those nerve endings are being killed off little by little, so less that he is able to digest.
Sugar still running around 300. BP still high even with 4 meds. Still making adjustments. Will it ever end?
We had a very quiet Labor Day weekend. He laid on the sofa and watched movies the entire time. I kept myself busy with ebay and sorting/cleaning out. I enjoy quiet weekends. I plan to enjoy today, no matter how long my respite lasts!
I will head to mom's, then camping, then time with my sister later this week. Will be great!
DW
I don't know what to do first! I think I might take a long hot bath. Or play the piano and sing my heart out!
This week's update:
I cannot believe how time flies. He is still having smelly farts. Long nights of diarrhea. I have learned to sleep through most of it. I have decided that unconsciousness is a good state to be in! :o)
His hips are so bad now that he is limping and hobbling when he walks. He agreed that when it gets bad enough, he will most like call the surgeon. I gave him my blessing and reminded him that I would not be in attendance. I think he doesn't really believe me.
We are finding more and more things he cannot eat. I think this is a normal process as the neuropathy of the intestines increases. Those nerve endings are being killed off little by little, so less that he is able to digest.
Sugar still running around 300. BP still high even with 4 meds. Still making adjustments. Will it ever end?
We had a very quiet Labor Day weekend. He laid on the sofa and watched movies the entire time. I kept myself busy with ebay and sorting/cleaning out. I enjoy quiet weekends. I plan to enjoy today, no matter how long my respite lasts!
I will head to mom's, then camping, then time with my sister later this week. Will be great!
DW
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
So tired
I am so tired of this. I don't know where to start. It's not just diabetes, it's everything. But diabetes IS the underlying cause.
He had spinal fusion surgery. Granted, the surgeon did say that he would probably have future problems with his upper back and hips. And he now can't move because his right hip hurts so much. He can't do a thing it hurts that bad.
But I do not have any feelings whatsoever, except that I am tired. I provide 3 months of care for him after his open heart surgery. I gave him 4 months of nursing care after the spinal fusion surgery. I sat here and watched him put n the 40 pounds that he lost and more. A fine example is this very moment. We just got home from a 2 1/2 hour lunch with friends. It was a special event. We were celebrating their 51st anniversary (yes, they are much older than us!). And he is sitting there eating a bag of pistashio nuts like he hasn't had anything to eat in a month. He cannot possibly be hungry. And he is going out to dinner with his staff in just another hour!!!
I told him to go ahead and talk to his doctors about his hip. I also told him that I will not be there. I will not go with him to any of the appointments, nor will I be at the hospital. I will not fight for him any more. I am just too tired. I am so tired of watching him slowly kill himself. His glucose has been at 300 regularly. He is eating himself into a dither. All he does is sleep. No intimate relations for 3 years now. it is a miracle that he is still working, but if his boss knew how little he works, that would end as well. (He's brilliant at covering his tracks).
There is absolutely nothing I can do.
My own life is keeping on track. I continue to pull things and put on ebay, downsizing as I go. I'm still working on painting the walls, although that has slowed way down. I am actually going to go camping for a weekend with my sister and her husband. We think that will be a hoot as none of us have slept on the ground in about 20 years. OK, I think it's only been 10 years for me. I am getting out, doing things that I want to do. But I tell you, when I get home, I am just so tired.
Today is trash day. I went to take the trash out. He had put a pickle jar in it. Had not drained it. Note, I do not eat pickles. Of course, there was a leak in the trash bag and I had a quart of pickle juice all over the kitchen floor and had to mop it up.
then I had to clean the toilet from his latest burst of diarrhea. No wonder I'm so tired. I spend my day just cleaning up after him. Now I'm doing laundry for the towels I used to mop up the pickle juice before I mopped the floor.
And he wonders why I get mad? And if I tell him why, then he just gets so pissed off I can't deal with his anger, so I usually don't say anything. I come here and write and vent so that life can go on at a hale way peaceful pace. But I am tired. So tired.
DW
He had spinal fusion surgery. Granted, the surgeon did say that he would probably have future problems with his upper back and hips. And he now can't move because his right hip hurts so much. He can't do a thing it hurts that bad.
But I do not have any feelings whatsoever, except that I am tired. I provide 3 months of care for him after his open heart surgery. I gave him 4 months of nursing care after the spinal fusion surgery. I sat here and watched him put n the 40 pounds that he lost and more. A fine example is this very moment. We just got home from a 2 1/2 hour lunch with friends. It was a special event. We were celebrating their 51st anniversary (yes, they are much older than us!). And he is sitting there eating a bag of pistashio nuts like he hasn't had anything to eat in a month. He cannot possibly be hungry. And he is going out to dinner with his staff in just another hour!!!
I told him to go ahead and talk to his doctors about his hip. I also told him that I will not be there. I will not go with him to any of the appointments, nor will I be at the hospital. I will not fight for him any more. I am just too tired. I am so tired of watching him slowly kill himself. His glucose has been at 300 regularly. He is eating himself into a dither. All he does is sleep. No intimate relations for 3 years now. it is a miracle that he is still working, but if his boss knew how little he works, that would end as well. (He's brilliant at covering his tracks).
There is absolutely nothing I can do.
My own life is keeping on track. I continue to pull things and put on ebay, downsizing as I go. I'm still working on painting the walls, although that has slowed way down. I am actually going to go camping for a weekend with my sister and her husband. We think that will be a hoot as none of us have slept on the ground in about 20 years. OK, I think it's only been 10 years for me. I am getting out, doing things that I want to do. But I tell you, when I get home, I am just so tired.
Today is trash day. I went to take the trash out. He had put a pickle jar in it. Had not drained it. Note, I do not eat pickles. Of course, there was a leak in the trash bag and I had a quart of pickle juice all over the kitchen floor and had to mop it up.
then I had to clean the toilet from his latest burst of diarrhea. No wonder I'm so tired. I spend my day just cleaning up after him. Now I'm doing laundry for the towels I used to mop up the pickle juice before I mopped the floor.
And he wonders why I get mad? And if I tell him why, then he just gets so pissed off I can't deal with his anger, so I usually don't say anything. I come here and write and vent so that life can go on at a hale way peaceful pace. But I am tired. So tired.
DW
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Dka is back
And I'm sleeping on the sofa because our room smells so rank I have a headache.
Ugh!,
I've been home since Tuesday. Took me 2 days to clean the house, then groceries and laundry...I want to leave again already!
Still going thru things trying to downsize. What a chore. But I am making progress.
Best go take something for this headache and spray Febreeze!! LOL!
Ugh!,
I've been home since Tuesday. Took me 2 days to clean the house, then groceries and laundry...I want to leave again already!
Still going thru things trying to downsize. What a chore. But I am making progress.
Best go take something for this headache and spray Febreeze!! LOL!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Hey Tom's wife - I'm happier again! LOL!
I'm back with 2 of my sisters and we are just having so much fun. I made the choice to come here and not go with him to his nephrologist. I'm glad I did. I had a chat with hubby before I left and sort of asked him to be strong and no allow them to stop the meds that control his bladder. He was. They didn't stop it. His blood pressure is starting to come down. The headaches are starting to give him some relief. The flatulence on the other hand.....still a huge problem as he is being kept awake all night long with stomach problems.
I did give him the list of complications to show to the doc, but he didn't do it. Do you know what he said? He asked if there was any good news on it and I said, "no", and he said, "well, then, I don't want to read it."
I nearly fell over. But then that's sort of how he is about his diabetes. He only wants to believe the good side of it.
And remember how angry I used to get because he would tell people that he didn't have a blood pressure problem? Well, I do think that's behind us seeing as how he needs FOUR medications to get it down.
All I can do is shake my head. But I am turning this all back over to him. He can pick and choose what he wants to do. My life isn't over just yet, so I'm moving forward doing things I want to do. And for the present time, that's exactly where I need to be so I can get myself well because I know that it is going to be nothing but rugged mountains in the days and months ahead of us.
DW
I did give him the list of complications to show to the doc, but he didn't do it. Do you know what he said? He asked if there was any good news on it and I said, "no", and he said, "well, then, I don't want to read it."
I nearly fell over. But then that's sort of how he is about his diabetes. He only wants to believe the good side of it.
And remember how angry I used to get because he would tell people that he didn't have a blood pressure problem? Well, I do think that's behind us seeing as how he needs FOUR medications to get it down.
All I can do is shake my head. But I am turning this all back over to him. He can pick and choose what he wants to do. My life isn't over just yet, so I'm moving forward doing things I want to do. And for the present time, that's exactly where I need to be so I can get myself well because I know that it is going to be nothing but rugged mountains in the days and months ahead of us.
DW
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Time to let go?
He has an appt with his kidney doc tomorrow. Won't be the same guy, will be a new one. So a decision point for me.
a) Do I go and put up a fight when this new guy wants to change meds, take him off the stuff that keeps him out of depends because it's too hard on his kidneys? Do I go and do battle?
b) Do I just stay home and let the docs take over and do whatever they want to do. Do I give up the fight to help him? Do I just let whatever be will be?
He is on a path of such physical destruction anyway. Why should I be fighting to keep him alive? Why should I be researching every new drug they put him on? He's on 3 BP meds now. WOW!!! And his humulin RU 500 is back up to 32 units in the am and 16 units at night. That's 48 units per day x 5 = 240 .....he would need to take 240 units of humulog per day.... that's why he's on the concentrated stuff.
Current meds:
a) Do I go and put up a fight when this new guy wants to change meds, take him off the stuff that keeps him out of depends because it's too hard on his kidneys? Do I go and do battle?
b) Do I just stay home and let the docs take over and do whatever they want to do. Do I give up the fight to help him? Do I just let whatever be will be?
He is on a path of such physical destruction anyway. Why should I be fighting to keep him alive? Why should I be researching every new drug they put him on? He's on 3 BP meds now. WOW!!! And his humulin RU 500 is back up to 32 units in the am and 16 units at night. That's 48 units per day x 5 = 240 .....he would need to take 240 units of humulog per day.... that's why he's on the concentrated stuff.
Current meds:
Allopurinol 100 mg 3 tablets in morning uric acid
Aspirin 81 mg 1 pill in morning & 1 pill at night *
Fenofibrate 160 mg 1 per morning cholesterol & triglyceride
Humulin R U-500 32 units 8 am and 16 units 6 pm
Lisinopril 2.5 mg 1 tablet in morning BP
Nitroglycerin .4 mg as needed heart
Atorvastatin (lipitor). 80mg 1x per day at night for cholesterol
Terazosin 10 mg 1 capsules at night, bladder control
Metoprolol (oppressor) 25 mg, 2x day, blood pressure
Amlodipine 5 mg morning, blood pressure
Fish oil 2 tablets 2 x per day
Multivitamin 1 per day
Stool softener 1x day
allopurinol is hard on the kidneys, but keeps one out of depends
Fenofibrate can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, flatulence....hubby has all of these horrible
Lisinopril can cause fatal liver problems, chills, bloating, vomiting, fainting, fever, diarrhea, nausea....long list for this one
Atorvastatin can cause liver disease, acute renal failure, elevated CPK. Causes weakness, insomnia, chest pain, diarrhea, flatulence, nausea, long list on this one. Memory loss.
Terazosin causes dizziness, drowsiness,headache, constipation, fatigue.....erectile dysfunction
Metoprolol - dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue,diarrhea, unusual dreams, trouble sleeping,depression, vision problems. Can reduce blood flow to hands and feet. Slow heartbeat, sexual dysfunction, hair loss, mental/mood changes, depression and more
Amlodipine causes peripheral edema, fatigue, dizziness, palpitations, nausea, impotence, depression, insomnia, tremor.....can increase angina or actually cause a heart attack in rare occasions.
And because no one is looking at the "whole", each specialist comes in and adds/deducts their own drugs of choice....I truly believe they are going to kill him.
For the past 2 years, I have been researching every change they make, going to every appointment, fighting with doctors, surgeons, nurses. I tell them he will not stop certain meds because another specialist has told him to never stop it. It truly has been a complete nightmare. And I think I have to give up. I think I can no longer go to bat for him. I think we have to just let the medical profession do whatever it is they want to do and he can follow their protocol. He's not going to follow the eating plan and he's certainly not about to exercise, so why should I do battle for him?
So I think I'll head to my sisters early tomorrow and skip this doctor. I truly hate doing this to him, I feel like I'm giving up. But I also know this is causing a stress on my physically and I need to put myself first. And as a side note, I am getting a little better, so I think physical therapy is helping....that and clearing out my calendar and spending more time with my family, away from diabetes. That may sound terrible to some, but I have to get my own physical strength back so I can help him when he needs it most. And I think that day is not far away.
DW
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Today's labs
CK Creatine Kinase 336
cholesterol 184
triglyceride 1183
HDL 24
LDL/HDL ratio 160
ALT 40
He is packing on the pounds once again, eating anything he wants.
No exercise.
Glucose running too high
Blood pressure is high.
Just started Metoprolol yesterday in addition to Amlodipine.
Still taking
Allopurinol
Fenofibrate
Lisinopril
Terazosin
Humulin R U500 (concentrated)
Plus vitamins, aspirin and other supplements.
DW
cholesterol 184
triglyceride 1183
HDL 24
LDL/HDL ratio 160
ALT 40
He is packing on the pounds once again, eating anything he wants.
No exercise.
Glucose running too high
Blood pressure is high.
Just started Metoprolol yesterday in addition to Amlodipine.
Still taking
Allopurinol
Fenofibrate
Lisinopril
Terazosin
Humulin R U500 (concentrated)
Plus vitamins, aspirin and other supplements.
DW
Been playing
Decided to go visit mom, my youngest sis and my brother this week. It was great! Just got home.
Here's the funny thing. Every time I leave, hubby has something go wrong. This week, he had the flu and a temp of 102. He wasn't sick when I left, wasn't sick when I got home, but claims that while I was gone, he was sick.
And something like this happens every single time I'm gone. So I need to start keeping a record of it here.
Personally, I think he is trying to manipulate me, make me feel bad and make me want to stay home. Probably not going to happen. I'm off to see my other 2 sisters next week. I sure wish we all lived in the same location, but we don't. 2 hours one way this week, 3 hours another way next week. The good thing is that I am getting out more and more, seeing them more. I just love it!
Today I also saw my son's other grandmother. She is 80 and in a nursing home close to my mom. It was so sad. She is so weak, on oxygen, in a wheelchair, looks absolutely worn out and I just kept thinking that I cannot let myself ever get into that condition. Granted she has had 2 strokes, bypass surgery and is diabetic. But I would rather die than be where she is. So a good example, a good eye-opener that I need to do whatever it takes to get and keep my health.
And yes, I'll be painting another wall this weekend!
DW
Here's the funny thing. Every time I leave, hubby has something go wrong. This week, he had the flu and a temp of 102. He wasn't sick when I left, wasn't sick when I got home, but claims that while I was gone, he was sick.
And something like this happens every single time I'm gone. So I need to start keeping a record of it here.
Personally, I think he is trying to manipulate me, make me feel bad and make me want to stay home. Probably not going to happen. I'm off to see my other 2 sisters next week. I sure wish we all lived in the same location, but we don't. 2 hours one way this week, 3 hours another way next week. The good thing is that I am getting out more and more, seeing them more. I just love it!
Today I also saw my son's other grandmother. She is 80 and in a nursing home close to my mom. It was so sad. She is so weak, on oxygen, in a wheelchair, looks absolutely worn out and I just kept thinking that I cannot let myself ever get into that condition. Granted she has had 2 strokes, bypass surgery and is diabetic. But I would rather die than be where she is. So a good example, a good eye-opener that I need to do whatever it takes to get and keep my health.
And yes, I'll be painting another wall this weekend!
DW
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Painting the walls
I am so slow! Today, I got a 4' wall and a 2' wall done. There are lots of angles inside this house. I got the inside of the front door done and the outside of the door from the utility room to the garage done. So most of the entryway is done. Feels great.
Cleaning out as I go. Have a few more boxes of stuff to put on ebay. Planning a garage sale next month. Gotta get rid of stuff - less to move!
Hubby went all week and never called his cardiologist. His BP is still running 165 - 185/115. Way too high. He is having headaches every single day and not sleeping.
Interesting to me. If I had that many headaches, I'd be calling my doctor!
He told me tonight that his feet have been hurting. First he's mentioned that. The back of his neck is really hurting, but that doesn't surprise me. The neurosurgeon had explained that the fusion in his back would cause his upper back and his hips to hurt. I think I'm surprised that it's happening so soon - just 6 months after surgery.
DW
Cleaning out as I go. Have a few more boxes of stuff to put on ebay. Planning a garage sale next month. Gotta get rid of stuff - less to move!
Hubby went all week and never called his cardiologist. His BP is still running 165 - 185/115. Way too high. He is having headaches every single day and not sleeping.
Interesting to me. If I had that many headaches, I'd be calling my doctor!
He told me tonight that his feet have been hurting. First he's mentioned that. The back of his neck is really hurting, but that doesn't surprise me. The neurosurgeon had explained that the fusion in his back would cause his upper back and his hips to hurt. I think I'm surprised that it's happening so soon - just 6 months after surgery.
DW
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
The inability to take care of oneself
Ya think the date on his meter is off? LOL!!! He submitted this for the last month's reading. Who knows.....maybe he's living in the future? He tells me he's taking his glucose 4 or more times a day. Hmmmm......
7/27/11 23:40:00 180
7/28/11 13:16:43 257
7/29/11 9:42:45 300
7/30/11 13:10:38 306
7/31/11 7:34:00 169
8/1/11 13:26:14 261
8/2/11 9:41:54 168
8/3/11 11:23:13 124
8/4/11 8:42:45 156
8/5/11 11:55:39 111
8/6/11 8:23:34 200
8/7/11 23:35:58 216
8/8/11 17:37:41 197
8/9/11 12:41:12 189
8/10/11 8:31:11 172
8/11/11 23:23:16 206
8/12/11 18:20:42 300
8/13/11 11:16:27 238
8/14/11 8:24:22 278
8/15/11 17:31:38 192
8/16/11 8:51:28 183
and the doctor didn't make a comment about the dates, she just sent back an order to increase his insulin.
Highs up to 306. elevated BP, high heart rate. What do you think?
And no, he still hasn't called his heart doc about his bp meds.
I'm simply documenting the ride. Nothing else.
Nothing else I can do.
DW
7/27/11 23:40:00 180
7/28/11 13:16:43 257
7/29/11 9:42:45 300
7/30/11 13:10:38 306
7/31/11 7:34:00 169
8/1/11 13:26:14 261
8/2/11 9:41:54 168
8/3/11 11:23:13 124
8/4/11 8:42:45 156
8/5/11 11:55:39 111
8/6/11 8:23:34 200
8/7/11 23:35:58 216
8/8/11 17:37:41 197
8/9/11 12:41:12 189
8/10/11 8:31:11 172
8/11/11 23:23:16 206
8/12/11 18:20:42 300
8/13/11 11:16:27 238
8/14/11 8:24:22 278
8/15/11 17:31:38 192
8/16/11 8:51:28 183
and the doctor didn't make a comment about the dates, she just sent back an order to increase his insulin.
Highs up to 306. elevated BP, high heart rate. What do you think?
And no, he still hasn't called his heart doc about his bp meds.
I'm simply documenting the ride. Nothing else.
Nothing else I can do.
DW
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
email messages
I never check the email associated with this account. I hope my readers will understand and start posting comments directly to this blog. I think it's really important that we share and support one another.
Got this one a month ago:
Got this one a month ago:
Hey so great to see your blog. Am out here in Africa and my husband has been diabetic for nearly ten years now. Am at an all time low as he is on insulin twice a day but still drinks like a fish .I feel sorry for our kids and myself as he has mood swings from extremely happy one minute to yelling like mad the next. Am now tired of being married to him as he does not make an effort to watch his health. Am frantically seeking a job as he is currently the sole bread winner. Want to leave with the kids and perhaps give them a more normal life. Love him very much but i think have carried him around for too long. He will not even see a urologist to help in that department....
Another Diabetic Wife
So, ADW, you aren't alone, even if you are in Africa! Your expression, "I have carried him around for too long" is very good. Perhaps that is what all of us do - we carry them around. But I'm not so sure what else to do. I have often said that if I had children still at home, I would be gone. I would not allow them to suffer through this. But as alway, be careful not to make a rash decision on the spur of the moment. All my life, I have always given myself 2 weeks to make sure I feel the same way about any decision I make. If for 2 weeks, I know I need to do something and don't waver in that knowledge, then I usually proceed.
Being married to a diabetic can be difficult. Explain to the kids that it's not really dad yelling, it's his diabetes. Or better, it's what a sugar low/high does to a person with diabetes. Teach them to walk away. Get them counseling. Train them to know when they need to go to a safe place. Have a plan in place for when the rage gets out of control. Heck, I have that plan in place for me and I don't hesitate to walk away, leave the house, go to Walmart, walk around the lake, do whatever it takes to get me out of the harmful situation. But it is so much easier as an adult. I can't imagine being a child in the middle of all this.
Know that you have support here among us. Many prayers,
DW
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I think he's in trouble
The latest bp med is not working. His bp is ranging from about 156/82 upwards to 180/110. He has had a headache all week now. His heart rate is around 110 most times that he takes it.
I've suggested that he call his cardiologist on Monday and simply ask her to put him back on atenolol. It worked great.
Because his bp is up, his sugar has gone out of whack as well. Running high and he's not really eating all that much this week.
So, he's had a headache for a week. You can just imagine his emotional state. Grumpy would put it mildly! Irritated. Agitated. Quick to yell at anything and anyone.
I've simply distanced myself from him. Sent my sister home this morning. She's seen a "different" side of him this week and now she's not always saying what a great guy he is! And while she and I have had a great time, it's been overshadowed by his grumpiness and her outbursts that I need to leave him and move in with her.
Pretty tempting at the moment. But I know it's not the answer. And I do love him and would miss him terribly.
I was also wondering the impact of long term hot weather on diabetics. It certainly must come into play. So I decided to research it.
If you are less active than normal, your insulin requirements might change.
You need to drink more water. Diabetics whose blood glucose is not under control are more likely to dehydrate.
Those with diabetes are more susceptible to overheating.
People with diabetes have an impaired ability to sweat, which predisposes them to heat-related illnesses.
And of course, take extra caution with your insulin.
I think hubby and I are doing most of these, although he's probably not drinking enough water.
So, the heat, the bp meds not working, his glucose not being in control, the headaches and bad moods....I'm pretty sure he's in trouble again.
DW
I've suggested that he call his cardiologist on Monday and simply ask her to put him back on atenolol. It worked great.
Because his bp is up, his sugar has gone out of whack as well. Running high and he's not really eating all that much this week.
So, he's had a headache for a week. You can just imagine his emotional state. Grumpy would put it mildly! Irritated. Agitated. Quick to yell at anything and anyone.
I've simply distanced myself from him. Sent my sister home this morning. She's seen a "different" side of him this week and now she's not always saying what a great guy he is! And while she and I have had a great time, it's been overshadowed by his grumpiness and her outbursts that I need to leave him and move in with her.
Pretty tempting at the moment. But I know it's not the answer. And I do love him and would miss him terribly.
I was also wondering the impact of long term hot weather on diabetics. It certainly must come into play. So I decided to research it.
If you are less active than normal, your insulin requirements might change.
You need to drink more water. Diabetics whose blood glucose is not under control are more likely to dehydrate.
Those with diabetes are more susceptible to overheating.
People with diabetes have an impaired ability to sweat, which predisposes them to heat-related illnesses.
And of course, take extra caution with your insulin.
I think hubby and I are doing most of these, although he's probably not drinking enough water.
So, the heat, the bp meds not working, his glucose not being in control, the headaches and bad moods....I'm pretty sure he's in trouble again.
DW
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
the medical merry-go-round
The kidney doc wanted hubby to stop taking one of his bp meds as it is too hard on his kidneys.
the heart doc said - never stop taking that, not even for surgery
so he paid to go see the heart doc who agreed that he could stop it now that his surgeries are over. But if his bp went up, he was to call her
his bp has been around 145/95 for about a month now. He got ahold of the heart doc today.
She put him on a different bp med. Said it may make his hands, feet, legs and arms swell up. My make his heart race. He is to call if there are any symptoms
I think he should have stayed on the first med as his kidney function is at 36% and it really did control his bp
Once again - idiot doctors. No one talks to anyone else. We have to be the messengers, telling one doc what the other said we are to do or not to do and sometimes....we forget!
In the meantime, my sis and I had a wonderful day.
DW
the heart doc said - never stop taking that, not even for surgery
so he paid to go see the heart doc who agreed that he could stop it now that his surgeries are over. But if his bp went up, he was to call her
his bp has been around 145/95 for about a month now. He got ahold of the heart doc today.
She put him on a different bp med. Said it may make his hands, feet, legs and arms swell up. My make his heart race. He is to call if there are any symptoms
I think he should have stayed on the first med as his kidney function is at 36% and it really did control his bp
Once again - idiot doctors. No one talks to anyone else. We have to be the messengers, telling one doc what the other said we are to do or not to do and sometimes....we forget!
In the meantime, my sis and I had a wonderful day.
DW
Monday, July 25, 2011
Life is good
and calm at the moment. No outbursts. His glucose is still running between 192 and 220. Too high. But he doesn't want to change his meds. He's having a lot of pain, but working through it.
I'm playing more. Being creative in my studio.
Spent all of last week at my sister's and she's coming down tomorrow to spend the rest of the week here.
We are going to play with dichroic glass in the kiln. Cutting and shaping glass. Experimenting. What we do best.
About 8 years ago, she was in an accident where her left leg was run over twice by her own car. She fell on ice, the car rolled over it, then reversed and rolled back over it. It's a miracle that she did not lose her leg when it happened. As she ages, she's having more pain and problems with it - not sleeping well. She's not in a wheelchair yet and is able to still get around...but we can tell that it's getting worse as she ages.
So I told her that while we can still drive, still get together, still play, we need to do so as much as we can.
Seems to take my mind off what's going on here when I can be of help to her. And hubby seems to understand and doesn't mind. In fact, when she is here, he is in a great mood.
We live about 3 hours apart, and are both working towards an eventual goal of being in the same town as our mom and youngest sister. It's a goal.
Should be a good week. Very much needed.
DW
I'm playing more. Being creative in my studio.
Spent all of last week at my sister's and she's coming down tomorrow to spend the rest of the week here.
We are going to play with dichroic glass in the kiln. Cutting and shaping glass. Experimenting. What we do best.
About 8 years ago, she was in an accident where her left leg was run over twice by her own car. She fell on ice, the car rolled over it, then reversed and rolled back over it. It's a miracle that she did not lose her leg when it happened. As she ages, she's having more pain and problems with it - not sleeping well. She's not in a wheelchair yet and is able to still get around...but we can tell that it's getting worse as she ages.
So I told her that while we can still drive, still get together, still play, we need to do so as much as we can.
Seems to take my mind off what's going on here when I can be of help to her. And hubby seems to understand and doesn't mind. In fact, when she is here, he is in a great mood.
We live about 3 hours apart, and are both working towards an eventual goal of being in the same town as our mom and youngest sister. It's a goal.
Should be a good week. Very much needed.
DW
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Endo appt
stupid NP.
Wants to return to an insulin schedule he tried 2 years ago that failed miserably.
Why?
Because he didn't try it with her.
He was so mad when we left that his bp was 145/95
He said he will never go see her again
I have to agree
She was completely demeaning towards him
Talked down to him as tho he was a child.
Asked him if he knew what a carb was!!!
That's the problem with an HMO...you get someone different every time.
She said no way he could have dka
I asked what the smells were. She looked at me like I was a complete idiot
No, she never gave me an answer, just changed the subject.
Today's visit set him back 2 years in my opinion.
Sigh.
Dw
Wants to return to an insulin schedule he tried 2 years ago that failed miserably.
Why?
Because he didn't try it with her.
He was so mad when we left that his bp was 145/95
He said he will never go see her again
I have to agree
She was completely demeaning towards him
Talked down to him as tho he was a child.
Asked him if he knew what a carb was!!!
That's the problem with an HMO...you get someone different every time.
She said no way he could have dka
I asked what the smells were. She looked at me like I was a complete idiot
No, she never gave me an answer, just changed the subject.
Today's visit set him back 2 years in my opinion.
Sigh.
Dw
Monday, July 18, 2011
Return manipulation
For lack of a better term...he won't paint, so I told him I won't clean up after the dogs anymore. I will no longer put away food that he leaves in the counter. I will no longer take the dirty dishes that he puts in the sink in the dishwasher for him.
About once a day I'm finding something else I won't be doing for him anymore.
I think he's going to end up picking up a paint brush yet! LOL!!!
I'm taking the week off and going up to my sisters again. Finished the kitchen, breakfast nook, and 2 walls in the family room. That included 9 huge windows, a door and a regular sized window. Have been at this nonstop for 10 days and need a break. But it is starting to look wonderful!!
Might just get as good at this as DW2!!
DW
About once a day I'm finding something else I won't be doing for him anymore.
I think he's going to end up picking up a paint brush yet! LOL!!!
I'm taking the week off and going up to my sisters again. Finished the kitchen, breakfast nook, and 2 walls in the family room. That included 9 huge windows, a door and a regular sized window. Have been at this nonstop for 10 days and need a break. But it is starting to look wonderful!!
Might just get as good at this as DW2!!
DW
Freakazoid
Oh, James. Name calling is just so unfair. Yes, he called me that and said he expects someone else to call 911 when he passes out.
Now, I think we can assume that James is a diabetic.
So why is he passing out? Because he didn't test often enough? Because he doesn't know that his glucose is low? And while he doesn't take care of himself, and passes out....he still expects someone to be there and call 911!!!
Now I think most of us know that if our spouse passes out, we will make the call. My point is that a diabetic EXPECTS someone to make that call. And my question is why the heck are they passing out??
99% of the time it's going to be because they go low. So why the heck do they allow themselves to get so low they pass out?
Absolutely no excuse for that these days with all the testing equipment available.
James is such a typical diabetic. So quick to accuse and call out names! Never willing to look at themselves and ask the very questions I'm asking. Why do you allow yourself to be in a situation where anyone has to call 911? And yes, we are only talking about Diabetes 911 related calls.
My hubby went all day long without eating. Then went out in the hot sun for an hour, then drank a gin and tonic. I made the call when he passed out. His glucose was down to 30. He had not tested in months. I understand not being hungry and not wanting to eat...but that's still no reason to not test and not take care of yourself. And when you don't do that, it's not my job to be here 24/7 just in case you might need someone to call 911. Lucky for him I was here when it happened!
So James, go ahead, call me all the names you want. But I happen to think the real freakazoid here are men like you who expect someone to take care of them rather than stepping up to the plate and taking care of themselves!!!
DW
Now, I think we can assume that James is a diabetic.
So why is he passing out? Because he didn't test often enough? Because he doesn't know that his glucose is low? And while he doesn't take care of himself, and passes out....he still expects someone to be there and call 911!!!
Now I think most of us know that if our spouse passes out, we will make the call. My point is that a diabetic EXPECTS someone to make that call. And my question is why the heck are they passing out??
99% of the time it's going to be because they go low. So why the heck do they allow themselves to get so low they pass out?
Absolutely no excuse for that these days with all the testing equipment available.
James is such a typical diabetic. So quick to accuse and call out names! Never willing to look at themselves and ask the very questions I'm asking. Why do you allow yourself to be in a situation where anyone has to call 911? And yes, we are only talking about Diabetes 911 related calls.
My hubby went all day long without eating. Then went out in the hot sun for an hour, then drank a gin and tonic. I made the call when he passed out. His glucose was down to 30. He had not tested in months. I understand not being hungry and not wanting to eat...but that's still no reason to not test and not take care of yourself. And when you don't do that, it's not my job to be here 24/7 just in case you might need someone to call 911. Lucky for him I was here when it happened!
So James, go ahead, call me all the names you want. But I happen to think the real freakazoid here are men like you who expect someone to take care of them rather than stepping up to the plate and taking care of themselves!!!
DW
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Diabetic labels
Rachel wrote: I don't think you can blame it on Diabetes. I am a type 1 diabetic, have been through two separate major rounds of chemo, almost have lost my life and hand to infection, and have had countless surgeries. My kidneys are failing and I have heart problems. I NEVER use any of my health problems as an excuse, if anything it's just the opposite, I work until I am ready to fall on my face. I can work circles around any healthy person even on a bad day. I usually work 60 hours a week and have a farm for a hobby. If people play that kind of manipulation game, they will find any excuse. Giving another label to diabetics is cruel. Although some may disgrace us with this behavior, it is not a characteristic of all diabetics. Please use care when placing labels, and good luck.
You claim you are not manipulative. However, by saying it is cruel to give another label to diabetics....aren't you being manipulative? The definition of the word is: to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone)cleverly, skilfully, or deviously.
If you tell me it's cruel to use a label - you are trying to influence me to do something else. That's manipulation.
And that, my dear, is the problem with diabetics. So fast to make accusations.....so slow to accept responsibility. The fact that you can work circles around a healthy person has very little to do with it....it's how you treat those healthy people, what you expect/ask/want them to do for you.
Do you:
ask someone to carry glucose tabs with them in case you go low?
expect someone else to give you orange juice or something when you go low?
ask someone else to eat at a specific time because you need to?
ask someone else to limit carbs, sugar....any foods they might like because you don't eat it?
think someone else should call 911 when you pass out.....because the love you?
think that the person you are in a relationship should want to help you because they love you?
ask someone else to make room in their refrigerator for your insulin, or make room on the shelves for your medical supplies?
do you give consideration for what other's might feel when they see you injecting yourself?
do you expect someone else to assist you with your injections?
I think you get the gist.
Diabetics as a whole seem to think that the people around them that love them are mandated to assist them with the day-to-day operations of this disease. Based on "love". I contend that it's your life, your disease, you deal with it. I'd feel that way about any disease.
Finally, remember, this is my place to vent so that in real life, I can support my husband as a loving wife. I don't say these things to him. I say them here. And remember that he has had 35 years of non-compliance so I'm sure the outcomes of his daily life are much, much different from anyone younger, with less years of the disease ravaging their body.
Still....I'm going to stick with my "label". He is manipulative and I suspect there are a lot just like him.
You claim you are not manipulative. However, by saying it is cruel to give another label to diabetics....aren't you being manipulative? The definition of the word is: to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone)cleverly, skilfully, or deviously.
If you tell me it's cruel to use a label - you are trying to influence me to do something else. That's manipulation.
And that, my dear, is the problem with diabetics. So fast to make accusations.....so slow to accept responsibility. The fact that you can work circles around a healthy person has very little to do with it....it's how you treat those healthy people, what you expect/ask/want them to do for you.
Do you:
ask someone to carry glucose tabs with them in case you go low?
expect someone else to give you orange juice or something when you go low?
ask someone else to eat at a specific time because you need to?
ask someone else to limit carbs, sugar....any foods they might like because you don't eat it?
think someone else should call 911 when you pass out.....because the love you?
think that the person you are in a relationship should want to help you because they love you?
ask someone else to make room in their refrigerator for your insulin, or make room on the shelves for your medical supplies?
do you give consideration for what other's might feel when they see you injecting yourself?
do you expect someone else to assist you with your injections?
I think you get the gist.
Diabetics as a whole seem to think that the people around them that love them are mandated to assist them with the day-to-day operations of this disease. Based on "love". I contend that it's your life, your disease, you deal with it. I'd feel that way about any disease.
Finally, remember, this is my place to vent so that in real life, I can support my husband as a loving wife. I don't say these things to him. I say them here. And remember that he has had 35 years of non-compliance so I'm sure the outcomes of his daily life are much, much different from anyone younger, with less years of the disease ravaging their body.
Still....I'm going to stick with my "label". He is manipulative and I suspect there are a lot just like him.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Manipulation
Does it go hand in hand with diabetes? I have to wonder. Is it connected to any type of disease or disability? Is it just the nature of some people? Is it magnified in some people because they have a disease?
"I'm sick, so I can't do that"
"My back hurts, I can't do that"
"I have a headache so I'm just going to lay here and watch TV"
(I never fully understood that one - you have a headache yet you can watch the motion and noise from a TV?)
"I think I'm going low, we have to stay home"
"I don't have the energy to walk through the grocery store, you will have to do it"
get the pattern? And because they have all these "excuses" they don't have to do a thing.
I told hubby 6 years ago that the windows in our house were starting to get bad. Paint stripping away form the wood. Leaks. The house is just 17 years old now, so only 11 years old them.
3 years ago I pointed out to him the water coming in from one of the upper windows during a rain.
A year ago I told him I thought we had mold in one of the windows
This week, I took down the blinds, started stripping paint, sanding, recaulking, painting......
We have a huge house. Enormous floor to ceiling windows. 5 in the breakfast nook alone - where I started.
It HAS to be done. We cannot sell this place the way it is.
I asked him if he would help me. He said, "You know I don't do stuff like this. I hire it done." I SCREAMED at him, "you know you can't afford to hire it done!"
He picked up a piece of sanding paper and said, "what do I do?"
I YELLED at him to get out of the kitchen - to just go upstairs and get out of my sight.
So there he's been all week until today - he parks himself in the family room off the kitchen with the TV on blare. I asked him if he would go to Lowes and buy me a new sander. He said "no".
I am livid. Again. He has manipulated this situation to the point where I am sanding and repairing all the windows, painting the walls and baseboard as I go, while he sits in his recliner watching TV, eating nuts and petting the dogs.
I just want to scream my head off.
My pain level is excrutiating today. I am ready to simply walk out of here. And I may yet. Just go back to my sister's for another week. I am so pissed off at him.
But then, we all know he does not want to sell this house. He does not want to move. So this is intentional on his part. To not repair or fix a thing and thus, he can't sell it.
He is such an asshole. Diabetes is his crutch. It allows him to manipulate me, plus everyone else he knows, into doing things for him. I hate this disease. But today, I hate him even more.
And I now honestly know why he doesn't even try to take care of himself. If he were healthy - he wouldn't have this crutch and he might actually have to get off his ass and do something.
Horrible human being.
DW - really pissed off today!
"I'm sick, so I can't do that"
"My back hurts, I can't do that"
"I have a headache so I'm just going to lay here and watch TV"
(I never fully understood that one - you have a headache yet you can watch the motion and noise from a TV?)
"I think I'm going low, we have to stay home"
"I don't have the energy to walk through the grocery store, you will have to do it"
get the pattern? And because they have all these "excuses" they don't have to do a thing.
I told hubby 6 years ago that the windows in our house were starting to get bad. Paint stripping away form the wood. Leaks. The house is just 17 years old now, so only 11 years old them.
3 years ago I pointed out to him the water coming in from one of the upper windows during a rain.
A year ago I told him I thought we had mold in one of the windows
This week, I took down the blinds, started stripping paint, sanding, recaulking, painting......
We have a huge house. Enormous floor to ceiling windows. 5 in the breakfast nook alone - where I started.
It HAS to be done. We cannot sell this place the way it is.
I asked him if he would help me. He said, "You know I don't do stuff like this. I hire it done." I SCREAMED at him, "you know you can't afford to hire it done!"
He picked up a piece of sanding paper and said, "what do I do?"
I YELLED at him to get out of the kitchen - to just go upstairs and get out of my sight.
So there he's been all week until today - he parks himself in the family room off the kitchen with the TV on blare. I asked him if he would go to Lowes and buy me a new sander. He said "no".
I am livid. Again. He has manipulated this situation to the point where I am sanding and repairing all the windows, painting the walls and baseboard as I go, while he sits in his recliner watching TV, eating nuts and petting the dogs.
I just want to scream my head off.
My pain level is excrutiating today. I am ready to simply walk out of here. And I may yet. Just go back to my sister's for another week. I am so pissed off at him.
But then, we all know he does not want to sell this house. He does not want to move. So this is intentional on his part. To not repair or fix a thing and thus, he can't sell it.
He is such an asshole. Diabetes is his crutch. It allows him to manipulate me, plus everyone else he knows, into doing things for him. I hate this disease. But today, I hate him even more.
And I now honestly know why he doesn't even try to take care of himself. If he were healthy - he wouldn't have this crutch and he might actually have to get off his ass and do something.
Horrible human being.
DW - really pissed off today!
Friday, July 08, 2011
Time flies
I can't believe it's been a week since my last post. His endo called because of his high a1c and he ha an appt with them. Nephrology called and scheduled him. At least someone is watching his numbers now. Protien in the urine is way too high. Still getting the dka smells daily. A friend said that Glade works better than Febreeze.
My pain seems to be improving. I start PT next week.
Still downsizing, selling off on eBay and craigslist. Feels great.
When I was at my sisters, I found a glider rocker and ottoman at a thrift store. Put it in my studio. It seems to have turned out to be a kind of therapy. When I rock in it, it makes my hips move which seems to help the pain. The gliding seems to be therapy as well. Very restful. Hubby really liked it so I found one just like it this week on craigslist and we now have it next to his bed. Maybe it will help him as well!
Teaching art all day tomorrow. Had a genealogy meeting all day today. Continuing to do the things that I enjoy with less worry about him. Just working tom reduce my own stress.
My pain seems to be improving. I start PT next week.
Still downsizing, selling off on eBay and craigslist. Feels great.
When I was at my sisters, I found a glider rocker and ottoman at a thrift store. Put it in my studio. It seems to have turned out to be a kind of therapy. When I rock in it, it makes my hips move which seems to help the pain. The gliding seems to be therapy as well. Very restful. Hubby really liked it so I found one just like it this week on craigslist and we now have it next to his bed. Maybe it will help him as well!
Teaching art all day tomorrow. Had a genealogy meeting all day today. Continuing to do the things that I enjoy with less worry about him. Just working tom reduce my own stress.
Saturday, July 02, 2011
A1c at 8.3
proof he's not keeping it under control at all. Can hardly wait to see what the other labs show, but probably won't have the results til Tuesday due to the weekend.
I had a wonderful staycation at my sister's place. So rested. Came back Friday. He fell Thursday evening going down the stairs and didn't tell me until I got home. Hurt his back. Taking dilaudid again. Fine with me....I'm just going to "use" this as ammunition that we need to get to a one level as soon as we can. :o)
So, his back is hurting him and everything for the weekend got cancelled. Not going to slow me down. I'm back from my morning errands and I'm off to the movies next. Taking care of my stress the best I can.
DW
I had a wonderful staycation at my sister's place. So rested. Came back Friday. He fell Thursday evening going down the stairs and didn't tell me until I got home. Hurt his back. Taking dilaudid again. Fine with me....I'm just going to "use" this as ammunition that we need to get to a one level as soon as we can. :o)
So, his back is hurting him and everything for the weekend got cancelled. Not going to slow me down. I'm back from my morning errands and I'm off to the movies next. Taking care of my stress the best I can.
DW
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The great experiment
I have been here at my sister's since Sunday. My body is loving it. No pain, no stiffness.
I moved heavy furniture today helping her. I lifted, carried, restacked heavy books. I worked hard for 3 hours. I could not have done this a week ago.
I am going home Friday.
If I get sick again, then I am going to turn around and come back here and if it goes away.....then I will know that is is the stress he is causing me.
My brother-in-law and I talked about that tonight. He started pointing out to me all the stressful things my husband says and does. Things I hadn't paid an ounce of attention to.
Others are seeing what I'm blind to. It helps to know.
This is my "great experiment" We won't know the results for a few weeks....but I have to say, it is wonderful to be able to move again.
DW
I moved heavy furniture today helping her. I lifted, carried, restacked heavy books. I worked hard for 3 hours. I could not have done this a week ago.
I am going home Friday.
If I get sick again, then I am going to turn around and come back here and if it goes away.....then I will know that is is the stress he is causing me.
My brother-in-law and I talked about that tonight. He started pointing out to me all the stressful things my husband says and does. Things I hadn't paid an ounce of attention to.
Others are seeing what I'm blind to. It helps to know.
This is my "great experiment" We won't know the results for a few weeks....but I have to say, it is wonderful to be able to move again.
DW
Saturday, June 25, 2011
What is up with the potato chips?????
Is this EVERY diabetics food drug of choice? I was reading other posts/comments and it hit me....it is my husband's drug. He will sit and eat an entire LARGE bag at one time.
OK, if I ate a whole bag of potato chips - I would be vomiting! We never have less than 3 or 4 bags in the pantry and I can't begin to tell you when the last time is that I had any. If I do the shopping, I get pringles low fat. He hates those! So he will actually go to the store to buy chips and tell me I forgot to get them! LOL!!!
It does not pay for me to shop "healthy". If I buy fat free cream cheese, or low fat cheese, or skim milk....he will just go get what he wants. I sometimes wish we lived an hour from a grocery, but I doubt that would change a thing.
Eating out is his all time fav thing to do. I've written before about how he can't decide until the last minute what he wants for dinner.....and it doesn't matter how full the fridge is....it's something that we don't have.
But potato chips. That's a quandry for me. Carbs. Boost in glucose? Salt? Oh, he always wants the same kind, too. Lays. unflavored. And he will just sit there and eat the entire bag.
Down to the crumbs.
Then he will fold the bag over the top and put it back up in the pantry. Yes....even when there are only crumbs left. One time, I conducted an experiment. I didn't empty the bags out of the pantry and he just kept buying more. We had 20 bags up there with only crumbs in them. Men - idiots! LOL!!!
So my pain has been much better today. Now that I now this is coming from stress, I can tackle it head on. Every morning I get up and turn my day over to God. This morning I asked God to just take everything that was on my mind and hold it for me. Maybe it will work. I had a good day. I made cocktails of Aleve and tylenol. Have one more that I can take. Seem to help. That and the heating pad. Oh, I have a heat massager - one of those thumper kinds - and I spent half an hour running it over muscles today. We'll see if that helps. But I could get my legs in and out of the car and hadn't been able to do that in a couple of weeks.
I did tell him that he has to start doing more around here.....that we have to take some of the stress away from me. So he went outside this morning and uncovered the awnings and got the sunbrella up. Then he helped me get the pads on the chairs. First time in 4 years that he's helped me get the back deck ready for summer. And I was able to spray all the flower beds for weeds. It's been a good day. Yeah!!!
7:00 pm though and he's been in bed for half an hour. I literally couldn't lay in bed that long - from 6:30 pm to 7 am??? Not me!
I'm thinking of going to my sister's tomorrow instead of Monday. Get a head start on my time away. I think I need it! But before I leave, I'm going to tell him that I do not want to come home to a dirty house, dog-peed on carpets, etc. He's going to have to take care of the place this week. :o)
DW
OK, if I ate a whole bag of potato chips - I would be vomiting! We never have less than 3 or 4 bags in the pantry and I can't begin to tell you when the last time is that I had any. If I do the shopping, I get pringles low fat. He hates those! So he will actually go to the store to buy chips and tell me I forgot to get them! LOL!!!
It does not pay for me to shop "healthy". If I buy fat free cream cheese, or low fat cheese, or skim milk....he will just go get what he wants. I sometimes wish we lived an hour from a grocery, but I doubt that would change a thing.
Eating out is his all time fav thing to do. I've written before about how he can't decide until the last minute what he wants for dinner.....and it doesn't matter how full the fridge is....it's something that we don't have.
But potato chips. That's a quandry for me. Carbs. Boost in glucose? Salt? Oh, he always wants the same kind, too. Lays. unflavored. And he will just sit there and eat the entire bag.
Down to the crumbs.
Then he will fold the bag over the top and put it back up in the pantry. Yes....even when there are only crumbs left. One time, I conducted an experiment. I didn't empty the bags out of the pantry and he just kept buying more. We had 20 bags up there with only crumbs in them. Men - idiots! LOL!!!
So my pain has been much better today. Now that I now this is coming from stress, I can tackle it head on. Every morning I get up and turn my day over to God. This morning I asked God to just take everything that was on my mind and hold it for me. Maybe it will work. I had a good day. I made cocktails of Aleve and tylenol. Have one more that I can take. Seem to help. That and the heating pad. Oh, I have a heat massager - one of those thumper kinds - and I spent half an hour running it over muscles today. We'll see if that helps. But I could get my legs in and out of the car and hadn't been able to do that in a couple of weeks.
I did tell him that he has to start doing more around here.....that we have to take some of the stress away from me. So he went outside this morning and uncovered the awnings and got the sunbrella up. Then he helped me get the pads on the chairs. First time in 4 years that he's helped me get the back deck ready for summer. And I was able to spray all the flower beds for weeds. It's been a good day. Yeah!!!
7:00 pm though and he's been in bed for half an hour. I literally couldn't lay in bed that long - from 6:30 pm to 7 am??? Not me!
I'm thinking of going to my sister's tomorrow instead of Monday. Get a head start on my time away. I think I need it! But before I leave, I'm going to tell him that I do not want to come home to a dirty house, dog-peed on carpets, etc. He's going to have to take care of the place this week. :o)
DW
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