Time to let go?

He has an appt with his kidney doc tomorrow. Won't be the same guy, will be a new one.  So a decision point for me.

a)  Do I go and put up a fight when this new guy wants to change meds, take him off the stuff that keeps him out of depends because it's too hard on his kidneys?  Do I go and do battle?

b)  Do I just stay home and let the docs take over and do whatever they want to do.  Do I give up the fight to help him?  Do I just let whatever be will be?

He is on a path of such physical destruction anyway.  Why should I be fighting to keep him alive?  Why should I be researching every new drug they put him on?  He's on 3 BP meds now.  WOW!!!  And his humulin RU 500 is back up to 32 units in the am and 16 units at night.  That's 48 units per day x 5 = 240 .....he would need to take 240 units of humulog per day.... that's why he's on the concentrated stuff.

Current meds:

Allopurinol 100 mg 3 tablets in morning uric acid

Aspirin 81 mg 1 pill in morning & 1 pill at night *

Fenofibrate 160 mg 1 per morning cholesterol & triglyceride

Humulin R U-500  32 units  8 am and 16 units 6 pm

Lisinopril 2.5 mg  1 tablet in morning BP

Nitroglycerin .4 mg as needed heart

Atorvastatin (lipitor). 80mg 1x per day at night for cholesterol

Terazosin 10 mg  1 capsules at night, bladder control

Metoprolol (oppressor) 25 mg, 2x day, blood pressure

Amlodipine 5 mg morning, blood pressure

Fish oil 2 tablets 2 x per day

Multivitamin 1 per day

Stool softener 1x day

allopurinol is hard on the kidneys, but keeps one out of depends

Fenofibrate can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, flatulence....hubby has all of these horrible

Lisinopril can cause fatal liver problems, chills, bloating, vomiting, fainting, fever, diarrhea, nausea....long list for this one

Atorvastatin can cause liver disease, acute renal failure, elevated CPK. Causes weakness, insomnia, chest pain, diarrhea, flatulence, nausea, long list on this one.  Memory loss.  

Terazosin causes dizziness, drowsiness,headache, constipation, fatigue.....erectile dysfunction

Metoprolol - dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue,diarrhea, unusual dreams, trouble sleeping,depression, vision problems.  Can reduce blood flow to hands and feet.  Slow heartbeat, sexual dysfunction, hair loss, mental/mood changes, depression and more

Amlodipine causes peripheral edema, fatigue, dizziness, palpitations, nausea, impotence, depression, insomnia, tremor.....can increase angina or actually cause a heart attack in rare occasions.  

And because no one is looking at the "whole", each specialist comes in and adds/deducts their own drugs of choice....I truly believe they are going to kill him.  

For the past 2 years, I have been researching every change they make, going to every appointment, fighting with doctors, surgeons, nurses.  I tell them he will not stop certain meds because another specialist has told him to never stop it.  It truly has been a complete nightmare.  And I think I have to give up.  I think I can no longer go to bat for him.  I think we have to just let the medical profession do whatever it is they want to do and he can follow their protocol.  He's not going to follow the eating plan and he's certainly not about to exercise, so why should I do battle for him?

So I think I'll head to my sisters early tomorrow and skip this doctor.  I truly hate doing this to him, I feel like I'm giving up.  But I also know this is causing a stress on my physically and I need to put myself first. And as a side note, I am getting a little better, so I think physical therapy is helping....that and clearing out my calendar and spending more time with my family, away from diabetes.  That may sound terrible to some, but I have to get my own physical strength back so I can help him when he needs it most.  And I think that day is not far away.

DW

Comments on comments....and then comments on health insurance and reform

Lilly - yes, I did enjoy my spa day.  Very much.  And my nail polish (which I never put on) hasn't chipped yet!  They did an excellent job on my hair as well.  It was a most relaxing day!

7 key components to relationships:

Sandy - I have the "voice", but not the energy!  LOL!  Especially right this moment.  I keep thinking, "maybe....when he is well."  and then I have to remember - he is not going to get well.  This is probably as good as it will ever get.

Lilly, yes, I agree.  It is better to remain together instead of being totally alone.  But at the very same time, I can be so alone even when he is in the house.  So I totally understand what you are saying.


tunnel vision:

Crazy wife.  Nope, we haven't found out anything.  The common agreement seems to be that it could be related to his ongoing anemia.  Everyone so far has said to discuss it with the cardiologist.  We see her next Wednesday. And boy! Is my list of questions for her endless!  I hope she has an hour set aside (yeah, right!)  LOL!

I'm starting to think there are no answers.

So, he got into the truck and drove today. And he made it home.  Tomorrow he is going to drive an hour to visit his grandkids.  I'm not going. I have classes to teach.  Am I worried about him getting too tired?  Of course I am.  And I asked him to call and make sure the kids are not sick....did he do that?  Of course he didn't!

Tom's wife - your comment is spot on - men are just stupid!  And was it you that received a not-so-nice comment from a diabetic? Oh....join my club!  I've been getting them for years!  I just hit the delete button.  Which pisses them off even more!  I had one reader who would start their comment with "I know you will delete this...." so I would literally delete it before I even read it!  LOL!!!  No idea to this day what they wanted to say and I finally started banning them from making comments.

There are idiots out there.  That's for sure!

Which leads me right into my next line of thought.  If/when hubby retires, his health insurance premiums will go from $200 per month to $900 per month.  Yikes!!!  He can be added to my policy for $200 per month - which is what we will do.  But it got me to thinking about something.  How many diabetics out there marry their spouse in order to be added to his/her health insurance policy?  It has to be a very scary thing to have a disease and not have insurance.  My hubby has mentioned it several times.  I know it bothers him.  It's enough of a reason that the thought I might ever leave him scares him to death.

And that got me to thinking....just how honest would a diabetic be?  Or how dishonest?  Single.  Needs health insurance.  Meets someone who has really good health insurance.  Might fall in "love" just to get the benefits?  Interesting concept, huh?  Desperate people do desperate things.  That is a fact. Is health care reform going to help this?  So far.....all it's done for us in cause and increase in premiums and a decrease in care/coverage. Our pharmacy formulary has shrunk.  We now pay increased fees for meds we used to get for $20 per rx and these very same meds are no longer on the formulary.

A good example.  His back brace was $1200.  Insurance paid $1000.  He had to pay $200.  I did not know this at the time, but I went on ebay and the exact same identical back brace was going for $35 and according to past closed auctions, that was about the average price people were getting for it.  Why on earth was it $1200 to start out with???  I really don't think it was lined with gold! LOL!!!

A rotater type walker is $100 and up most places.  But I found one for my mom at a garage sale for $30.  I told hubby I'm going to start looking for wheelchairs now. I found our adjustable beds - made by Posture Pedic - on craigslist.  One was $200, the other was just $75.  And these beds retail for more than $1000.  My youngest sister orders all of her Rx online through a Canadian pharmacy.  She rarely visits a doctor.  I'm getting ready to order amoxicillin the same way.  I always stock up whenever we go on a cruise and stop at a Mexican port.  First thing I look for is a pharmacy!  Quadraderm is a great product they sell that you can't get in the US. Use it for rashes and itches. It's amazing.  I still have a whole tube, but will order online next time.  (I don't think hubby is going to be up for a cruise in quite some time to come!)

I've had a discussion with hubby that if he plans to retire, he is going to have to cut his medical expenses in half!  Well, we just accomplished that by converting to mail order RX through our HMO.  He gets 2 months filled for the price of one by doing it online and via mail.  How about that!  So I am learning there are little things we can do to save money.

Enough of my comments tonight!

DW