Just something to think about.
Diseases caused by stress:
Skin disorders
Obesity
Asthma triggers
Autoimmune Diseases
Hypertension and heart disease
Migraines and headaches
Constant stress can cause serious immune system dysfunction.
Home, children, overtime at work, finances, volunteering, husbands.
Death of a loved one, divorce,substance abuse, miserable jobs.
All promote the release of cortisol (our stress hormone) which can cause destructive immune factors to be released.
Abnormal levels of these cortisols are associated with autoimmune conditions, inflammatory diseases and allergic conditions.
When cortisol counts go up, DHEA counts go down. DHEA is the immune and anti-aging hormone which helps repair and maintain tissues, reduce atherosclerosis, increase insulin production and balance, control allergic reactions, and balance the immune system.
Low levels of DHEA cause sexual dysfunction, muscular shrinkage, memory loss, degenerative disease and poor immune function.
Life with a non-complaint diabetic is 24/7 stress.
So how do we go about reducing stress?
1. touch therapies and reflexology....relax the muscles, relaxes the circulatory system, sooths the nervous system.
2. slow down. take care of yourself. eat healthy food. take a daily multivitamin that includes high levels of B complex.
3. learn relaxation techniques that suite your lifestyle and personality
4. meditate (any activity that helps keep your attention calmly in the present moment)
5. breathe. Deep. Slow. In. Out.
6. self massage
7. take a time out. No wonder I love long hot baths.
8. music. sing. play the piano. listen to soothing music.
9. positive thinking. 30 seconds is enough to shift your heart's rhythm from stressed to relaxed
10. love. Love your pet. Love your child. Love yourself.
So I have failed at this. I have been under such intense stress for the last 3 years. First with his heart attack, then open heart surgery a year later, then the 2 spinal fusions surgeries a year after that (this past February) 21 days of him in the hospital with me fighting for his life, for his care, nearly 24 hours a day. Then 3 months of intense home care.
And in that process, I did not take time to take care of me. Oh, I thought I was. But I really wasn't. My art wasn't enough. My body started to attack itself. I ignored every single symptom. Until 2 weeks ago when I physically could not move. I called my doctor and said I needed help. Today, she did all kinds of xrays, lab work and she thinks that my immune system is attacking itself. We are going to rule out as much as we can, but it seems apparent that my body has attacked my muscles, causing weakness and muscle pain.
We are starting physical therapy immediately and will be treating this with meds. There is hope for a good prognosis, but if we don't "fix" me, I could well end up in a wheelchair - way too young!
All because I thought it was more important to take care of him than to listen to my own body.
Hrump! I think things will be changing around here tomorrow! I have cleared my calendar for the next 10 days. I am going to stay with one of my sister's next week and relax. Completely and totally forget about everything and anything here. Sort of a "cleansing" process so to speak. I will be altering my diet, adding exercises and stretches, doing everything possible to nip this in the bud.
My body is screaming at me to slow down. I'm going to listen.
DW
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Another wife blogging.....
Tired wife and mom
She's started her blog and telling her story. Wow....we are growing!!! I can't tell you how wonderful it is to NOT be so alone in all of this. Finally. Together, in unison, we might yet make a difference in how therapists think....and give a voice of reality to what happens when a diabetic doesn't take care of themselves.
So, I will call her TWM (tired wife/mom). I completely understand. You are actually very brave to be able to tell him at such a young age that you will not watch him die. And kudos to you for telling him that you will not allow your children to watch him die. It takes strength to say something like that. And while it's terribly hard to do, it's the right thing (in my opinion).
This past week, there has been a terrible fire where my brother lives. It came within 2 miles of their home. Lots of dry timber in the area and at times, the flames were jumping 300 feet high and the winds were going 45 mph. His kids are 9 and 11. Nightmare city. They packed and packed and moved stuff out to a friends place and the sheriff came and told them to get out and they waited and waited and watched. Children should not have to experience that kind of fear at such a young age. Then I got to thinking. I was 12 years old when my grandma's house burnt to the ground on a farm in the midwest. I cried for days. Life was never quite the same because she moved to town in an apartment and all the cousins couldn't run on the farm and play together. I remember seeing the pile of ashes and blackened timbers that I had been inside of just the day before. I have been scared to death of fires ever since.
I think watching a parent die from the effects of diabetes would not be any less frightening. And perhaps more so because it could last for years on end. There is much of this that they can be protected from. But the yelling and screaming while in a low.....no one is immune from that.
Sunday was Father's Day. My husband's children are grown and are from his previous marriage. Neither one of them called him. Neither one came to visit. My heart simply ached for him. But I know why. They honestly believe that they grew up in an abusive home. They do not understand diabetes at all. All they remember were all the times when he screamed and yelled at them, blamed them, threatened them. And I'm pretty positive that he was in one of his sugar lows. I've learned to deal with them. But children don't learn and their mom was pretty oblivious to his diabetes back then.
They don't want the grandchildren to be around him. I can guarantee you that he has never had an outburst around them. When we do get invited to attend an event, I make sure that his glucose is ok. If it's not, we call off sick. I almost always go with him and his behavior is perfect. But his children remember. They have not forgotten. And yes, I have tried to explain to them that it was his diabetes. But they have chosen not to forgive him.
So if you do have children, educate them. Teach them that this is not normal behavior. Let them know why lows and highs happen and what can be done to help the diabetic. Always have a safe place to go to. And never hesitate to walk away if the situation gets that bad.
TWM, if you've read my blog, you know I'm not a therapist. I just write about my own experiences and give my own suggestions. Take them as a grain of salt! My husband is alive today because of many, many prayers said for him from all over the world. Yet he still refuses to take care of himself.
Welcome to the group!
Nephrology called today. He was supposed to go have labs done on June 1. Hopefully, he will do them tomorrow. I'm so grateful they are staying on top of this. :o)
She's started her blog and telling her story. Wow....we are growing!!! I can't tell you how wonderful it is to NOT be so alone in all of this. Finally. Together, in unison, we might yet make a difference in how therapists think....and give a voice of reality to what happens when a diabetic doesn't take care of themselves.
So, I will call her TWM (tired wife/mom). I completely understand. You are actually very brave to be able to tell him at such a young age that you will not watch him die. And kudos to you for telling him that you will not allow your children to watch him die. It takes strength to say something like that. And while it's terribly hard to do, it's the right thing (in my opinion).
This past week, there has been a terrible fire where my brother lives. It came within 2 miles of their home. Lots of dry timber in the area and at times, the flames were jumping 300 feet high and the winds were going 45 mph. His kids are 9 and 11. Nightmare city. They packed and packed and moved stuff out to a friends place and the sheriff came and told them to get out and they waited and waited and watched. Children should not have to experience that kind of fear at such a young age. Then I got to thinking. I was 12 years old when my grandma's house burnt to the ground on a farm in the midwest. I cried for days. Life was never quite the same because she moved to town in an apartment and all the cousins couldn't run on the farm and play together. I remember seeing the pile of ashes and blackened timbers that I had been inside of just the day before. I have been scared to death of fires ever since.
I think watching a parent die from the effects of diabetes would not be any less frightening. And perhaps more so because it could last for years on end. There is much of this that they can be protected from. But the yelling and screaming while in a low.....no one is immune from that.
Sunday was Father's Day. My husband's children are grown and are from his previous marriage. Neither one of them called him. Neither one came to visit. My heart simply ached for him. But I know why. They honestly believe that they grew up in an abusive home. They do not understand diabetes at all. All they remember were all the times when he screamed and yelled at them, blamed them, threatened them. And I'm pretty positive that he was in one of his sugar lows. I've learned to deal with them. But children don't learn and their mom was pretty oblivious to his diabetes back then.
They don't want the grandchildren to be around him. I can guarantee you that he has never had an outburst around them. When we do get invited to attend an event, I make sure that his glucose is ok. If it's not, we call off sick. I almost always go with him and his behavior is perfect. But his children remember. They have not forgotten. And yes, I have tried to explain to them that it was his diabetes. But they have chosen not to forgive him.
So if you do have children, educate them. Teach them that this is not normal behavior. Let them know why lows and highs happen and what can be done to help the diabetic. Always have a safe place to go to. And never hesitate to walk away if the situation gets that bad.
TWM, if you've read my blog, you know I'm not a therapist. I just write about my own experiences and give my own suggestions. Take them as a grain of salt! My husband is alive today because of many, many prayers said for him from all over the world. Yet he still refuses to take care of himself.
Welcome to the group!
Nephrology called today. He was supposed to go have labs done on June 1. Hopefully, he will do them tomorrow. I'm so grateful they are staying on top of this. :o)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Diabetes Decor
I'm stealing a topic from a fellow blogger because I think it's important. I truly wish I had thought about this years ago.....but subconsciously I have been moving in this direction for the past 2 years. Considering all of hubby's medical conditions (open heart surgery, spinal fusion surgery, foot surgeries, gout surgeries)....I am slowly "decorating" our home for diabetes.
Let me explain.
We gave up our king size bed in exchange for 2 twin sized adjustable beds. After surgery, he was able to lift himself up out of bed by using the hydraulics on the bed and I did not physically have to assist him. More independence for him, less strain on my back.
We have a small party fridge and microwave in his closet in the MBR. He keeps his insulin and snacks there. I can get to them in a minute. Better than running downstairs in the middle of the night and risk breaking my neck....or his.
A huge 2' x 3' medicine cabinet on the wall in the bathroom filled with everything you can think of for open wounds, wound care, skin care, rashes, allergies, and so much more. This does not count the shelves of drugs for colds and flus, or his RX meds. Separate shelves and bins in his closet for all of his insulin test strips, needles, etc.
Hospital type bed trays that wheel under both beds to hold meds and other necessities that he needs multiple times a day.
Light weight corning ware in the kitchen because he has parkinson's and tends to drop things. Because they are so light, he can easily handle them. Gave up my wonderful china and stoneware - just too heavy for him. Paper plates, cups and bowls for everyday use as they are even easier for him to use.
Bathroom on the main floor - added those over the toilet shelves to hide toiletries that he uses on the main level. Pray that no one ever opens those doors! Seriously, where/how do you hide adult depends???
My decorative items now include a lot of boxes. Very pretty. No one would ever know they are anything but decorative. But they store loads of supplies, meds, depends, needles, etc....in a nice way. :o)
Febreeze air fresheners - the plug in types - in every room - to camoflauge the smells and odors. My sis says they do help.
The entry closet that should house coats now houses crutches, walkers, canes and the closet in the utility room is where I store the toilet seat lifts and bars.
I never ever thought my life would revolve to this, but it has. And when you need so much stuff, you have to have a way to store it and still make your home a home, not a hospital.
I did chuck everything in the master bath and buy everything white. I found it's easier to use bleach to get out stains and you don't have to worry about it fading colors if everything is white. Who knew I would actually like a totally white bath? Not just towels and washcloths, toothpaste holders and soap holder, but white wicker stands and shelves, white baskets and boxes. It actually looks nice and it's pretty easy to keep it all clean and white.
We sold most of our lamps and now have ott-lites or similar types that bend and go over the sofa so he can see to read wherever he sits. Not as attractive as decorative lamps....but really much more functional.
In our living room, we have 2 full size sofas and 2 recliners. He can go from a recliner to the sofa, from sitting to lying, as his pain increases and decreases. That leaves the other recliner for me and the other sofa for guests. My kitchen chairs are in the basement and rolling student type chairs are at the table because he says they are easier for him to get in and out of. I'm getting ready to put the wood chairs back because there are just some things I won't sacrifice!
One whole kitchen cabinet is filled with stuff that he needs on the main level during the day as he can no longer run up and down the stairs multiple times a day, and I'm not going to do it for him.
The grill was moved right beside the back door with a chair next to it. Disrupts the flow on the back deck, but makes it easier for him to do the grilling. Besides, we never eat outside anymore so who needs to get to the patio table? :o)
Wondering if anyone else has done diabetes decor in their homes.
DW
Let me explain.
We gave up our king size bed in exchange for 2 twin sized adjustable beds. After surgery, he was able to lift himself up out of bed by using the hydraulics on the bed and I did not physically have to assist him. More independence for him, less strain on my back.
We have a small party fridge and microwave in his closet in the MBR. He keeps his insulin and snacks there. I can get to them in a minute. Better than running downstairs in the middle of the night and risk breaking my neck....or his.
A huge 2' x 3' medicine cabinet on the wall in the bathroom filled with everything you can think of for open wounds, wound care, skin care, rashes, allergies, and so much more. This does not count the shelves of drugs for colds and flus, or his RX meds. Separate shelves and bins in his closet for all of his insulin test strips, needles, etc.
Hospital type bed trays that wheel under both beds to hold meds and other necessities that he needs multiple times a day.
Light weight corning ware in the kitchen because he has parkinson's and tends to drop things. Because they are so light, he can easily handle them. Gave up my wonderful china and stoneware - just too heavy for him. Paper plates, cups and bowls for everyday use as they are even easier for him to use.
Bathroom on the main floor - added those over the toilet shelves to hide toiletries that he uses on the main level. Pray that no one ever opens those doors! Seriously, where/how do you hide adult depends???
My decorative items now include a lot of boxes. Very pretty. No one would ever know they are anything but decorative. But they store loads of supplies, meds, depends, needles, etc....in a nice way. :o)
Febreeze air fresheners - the plug in types - in every room - to camoflauge the smells and odors. My sis says they do help.
The entry closet that should house coats now houses crutches, walkers, canes and the closet in the utility room is where I store the toilet seat lifts and bars.
I never ever thought my life would revolve to this, but it has. And when you need so much stuff, you have to have a way to store it and still make your home a home, not a hospital.
I did chuck everything in the master bath and buy everything white. I found it's easier to use bleach to get out stains and you don't have to worry about it fading colors if everything is white. Who knew I would actually like a totally white bath? Not just towels and washcloths, toothpaste holders and soap holder, but white wicker stands and shelves, white baskets and boxes. It actually looks nice and it's pretty easy to keep it all clean and white.
We sold most of our lamps and now have ott-lites or similar types that bend and go over the sofa so he can see to read wherever he sits. Not as attractive as decorative lamps....but really much more functional.
In our living room, we have 2 full size sofas and 2 recliners. He can go from a recliner to the sofa, from sitting to lying, as his pain increases and decreases. That leaves the other recliner for me and the other sofa for guests. My kitchen chairs are in the basement and rolling student type chairs are at the table because he says they are easier for him to get in and out of. I'm getting ready to put the wood chairs back because there are just some things I won't sacrifice!
One whole kitchen cabinet is filled with stuff that he needs on the main level during the day as he can no longer run up and down the stairs multiple times a day, and I'm not going to do it for him.
The grill was moved right beside the back door with a chair next to it. Disrupts the flow on the back deck, but makes it easier for him to do the grilling. Besides, we never eat outside anymore so who needs to get to the patio table? :o)
Wondering if anyone else has done diabetes decor in their homes.
DW
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Add one, minus one.....
We have a new blogger. JoannD. Just check on the right side of my blog. She asked a question on my post yesterday, but she blogged the topic, so go there and answer her.
And did we lose "new to this" or is her blog just down? I can't seem to connect. I always worry when someone disappears!
But I also know how hard it is to write about this. It's hard enough to live the ups and downs of living with a diabetic.....let alone take the time and find the emotional strength to write about it. There are days when I can't write. There are times when I have to walk away from everything. But there are also days when I NEED to write my feelings down.
So here are my tips for blogging about this:
1. Don't force yourself to write. Let it come naturally.
2. If you need to leave for awhile, think nothing of it. It's your blog - handle it the way you want.
3. If you need to spill your guts, just do it!
4. Don't worry if no one ever leaves a comment. Write for you. Write to document your life. To keep a record of what happens. Write as though you are writing to yourself, for yourself.
5. If you get negative comments, hit the delete button and don't give it a second thought. There are a lot of idiots out there. No one can understand what you are going through except you.
6. When you start out, start slow. Don't try to tell the whole story all at once. Just write about what's important at the moment. The rest will come over time.
7. Don't argue with others. Don't argue with yourself. It's not an argument, it's a documentary.
8. More than anything else, write what's on your mind. Good or bad. Happy or sad.
DW
And did we lose "new to this" or is her blog just down? I can't seem to connect. I always worry when someone disappears!
But I also know how hard it is to write about this. It's hard enough to live the ups and downs of living with a diabetic.....let alone take the time and find the emotional strength to write about it. There are days when I can't write. There are times when I have to walk away from everything. But there are also days when I NEED to write my feelings down.
So here are my tips for blogging about this:
1. Don't force yourself to write. Let it come naturally.
2. If you need to leave for awhile, think nothing of it. It's your blog - handle it the way you want.
3. If you need to spill your guts, just do it!
4. Don't worry if no one ever leaves a comment. Write for you. Write to document your life. To keep a record of what happens. Write as though you are writing to yourself, for yourself.
5. If you get negative comments, hit the delete button and don't give it a second thought. There are a lot of idiots out there. No one can understand what you are going through except you.
6. When you start out, start slow. Don't try to tell the whole story all at once. Just write about what's important at the moment. The rest will come over time.
7. Don't argue with others. Don't argue with yourself. It's not an argument, it's a documentary.
8. More than anything else, write what's on your mind. Good or bad. Happy or sad.
DW
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Another calm before another storm.
That's how it goes and I have learned to go with the flow. He actually did the grocery shopping today. I think that's the second time in our marriage. I had a genealogy meeting today and told him I couldn't get them.
Going to be a busy fun week. My sis is coming back and we want to play with dichroic glass in the kiln, do some shopping and she wants me to help her with her eBay. I continue to sell and downsize and am feeling so good about that. I still haven't found the strength to do hardworking this summer. Maybe next week.
For now, all is well. Mostly. Still have the fruity smell. He is still running too high.
Dw
Going to be a busy fun week. My sis is coming back and we want to play with dichroic glass in the kiln, do some shopping and she wants me to help her with her eBay. I continue to sell and downsize and am feeling so good about that. I still haven't found the strength to do hardworking this summer. Maybe next week.
For now, all is well. Mostly. Still have the fruity smell. He is still running too high.
Dw
Thursday, June 09, 2011
How to blog with "this" group - when there is no "group"!!!
JoannD wrote: DW and others - I keep clicking on stuff but can't seem to find the magic door.
How does one start a blog that is hooked to this community? I'm one of the most computer-ignorant people I know (but I did figure out how to list stuff on eBay, so I don't think I'm entirely hopeless - just need a little help :-)
All you need to do is start your own blog. Go to blogger.com
If you already have a google account, then just go to your account settings, click on blogger, and follow the steps to set up a blog.
Once you have done your first post, send a link to me (post a comment here with it on it) and I will then add you to the list over on the right. And you can create a list on your blog and add any blog to it that you want to follow.
I know there's a way to do a blog ring, but I think this is just as easy. I click on all the blogs every couple of days and read what's going on with everyone else.
You can also subscribe to this blog to follow it
After you have done your first blog post, then go to dashboard, settings, site feed. You can burn your posts to feedburner and that will get it out on the net for others to find. I think the key there is to use the labels block in the bottom of each post. I keep forgetting to do that!
You can then start in with all the add ons on the far right hand side. I let people search my blog, subscribe, I have other blogs of spouses, the blog archive is automatic.
I think allowing someone to google search your blog is important. If they are looking for something specific, they can find it easier that way.
I also use adsense. Don't ask me about that! I'm not sure it's set up and I haven't figured out how to check it! LOL!!! I need time to research that one, but the ads have no problem showing up, that's for sure!
OK, I know that all sounds pretty simple, but it is. For me, blogging is the best thing ever. It's a record of what he does, my reactions to it....but mostly a place to vent so I don't get mad at him in person.....I just get mad here.
Like right now. I came home from teaching a craft class. The kitchen was absolutely filthy. The TV was on blare with some sci fi shooting movie on. I cannot stand that sound - guns going off non-stop. It just puts me in a foul mood. So I came into my studio, put my headsets on and am venting here. So I don't go scream my head off at him. But I mean seriously - in the middle of a work day, he's watching movies? If they fire him I won't be surprised at all. This is the really bad thing about working from home.....him being such a non-compliant diabetic - he's an absolute pro at telling a great lie about whatever he needs to cover!!!
Now, off to create something fun and wonderful while I listen to some soothing tunes on my ipod. Hmmm....maybe ipods should be mandatory for spouses of diabetics!
DW
How does one start a blog that is hooked to this community? I'm one of the most computer-ignorant people I know (but I did figure out how to list stuff on eBay, so I don't think I'm entirely hopeless - just need a little help :-)
All you need to do is start your own blog. Go to blogger.com
If you already have a google account, then just go to your account settings, click on blogger, and follow the steps to set up a blog.
Once you have done your first post, send a link to me (post a comment here with it on it) and I will then add you to the list over on the right. And you can create a list on your blog and add any blog to it that you want to follow.
I know there's a way to do a blog ring, but I think this is just as easy. I click on all the blogs every couple of days and read what's going on with everyone else.
You can also subscribe to this blog to follow it
After you have done your first blog post, then go to dashboard, settings, site feed. You can burn your posts to feedburner and that will get it out on the net for others to find. I think the key there is to use the labels block in the bottom of each post. I keep forgetting to do that!
You can then start in with all the add ons on the far right hand side. I let people search my blog, subscribe, I have other blogs of spouses, the blog archive is automatic.
I think allowing someone to google search your blog is important. If they are looking for something specific, they can find it easier that way.
I also use adsense. Don't ask me about that! I'm not sure it's set up and I haven't figured out how to check it! LOL!!! I need time to research that one, but the ads have no problem showing up, that's for sure!
OK, I know that all sounds pretty simple, but it is. For me, blogging is the best thing ever. It's a record of what he does, my reactions to it....but mostly a place to vent so I don't get mad at him in person.....I just get mad here.
Like right now. I came home from teaching a craft class. The kitchen was absolutely filthy. The TV was on blare with some sci fi shooting movie on. I cannot stand that sound - guns going off non-stop. It just puts me in a foul mood. So I came into my studio, put my headsets on and am venting here. So I don't go scream my head off at him. But I mean seriously - in the middle of a work day, he's watching movies? If they fire him I won't be surprised at all. This is the really bad thing about working from home.....him being such a non-compliant diabetic - he's an absolute pro at telling a great lie about whatever he needs to cover!!!
Now, off to create something fun and wonderful while I listen to some soothing tunes on my ipod. Hmmm....maybe ipods should be mandatory for spouses of diabetics!
DW
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
holey shirts
Hubby pokes his insulin shots directly through his shirt into his stomach. He says that it helps the pain of the needles. Of course, blood then gets on the inside of his shirt and stains it.....and those tiny little needle jabs break through the fabric and with each wash, tend to break down the fibers in the shirt until little holes start to appear.
I did not know he was doing this until I started finding holey shirts. I refuse to let him wear them - I toss them out. I truly hate the fact that he has resorted to this. But when I look at his stomach, it is simply one gigantic bruise of black, blue, green, purple, yellow, and orange. So I suppose that if he thinks this insulates the pain, it's a small price to pay.
He now has to do his own laundry. I'm not going to presoak to get the blood stains out. He can figure out how to do that. And if he comes downstairs in the morning with a stained, holey shirt, I will tell him that if we are going out, he will have to change.
Maybe I should just let him go out looking like a hobo! I could just tell people I married a holey hobo!
OK, one must laugh at least once a day to get through this.
I ended up sleeping on the sofa because the smells in our room were just rancid. I didn't sleep a lot, so I'm not moving so well today. May just take the entire day off. After I go clean up the bathroom. You know, there is just nothing I love better than cleaning a toilet that someone else has messed up with their uncontrollable diarrhea. Nope - I am so looking forward to that task...I just can't tell you!
Blood stained holey shirts, diarrhea splattered toilets, and the acetone smell -rank fruity smell permeating the house at the moment....
and yet diabetics get mad at ME when I tell a young person to run away rather than marry into this? They get angry with me when I tell them that if they are married, don't bring children into this situation? They deny that any of this is ever going to happen to them?
Maybe I should write more about the grossness of this disease. But first - I have to go clean toilets, open windows, air out the house!!!
DW
I did not know he was doing this until I started finding holey shirts. I refuse to let him wear them - I toss them out. I truly hate the fact that he has resorted to this. But when I look at his stomach, it is simply one gigantic bruise of black, blue, green, purple, yellow, and orange. So I suppose that if he thinks this insulates the pain, it's a small price to pay.
He now has to do his own laundry. I'm not going to presoak to get the blood stains out. He can figure out how to do that. And if he comes downstairs in the morning with a stained, holey shirt, I will tell him that if we are going out, he will have to change.
Maybe I should just let him go out looking like a hobo! I could just tell people I married a holey hobo!
OK, one must laugh at least once a day to get through this.
I ended up sleeping on the sofa because the smells in our room were just rancid. I didn't sleep a lot, so I'm not moving so well today. May just take the entire day off. After I go clean up the bathroom. You know, there is just nothing I love better than cleaning a toilet that someone else has messed up with their uncontrollable diarrhea. Nope - I am so looking forward to that task...I just can't tell you!
Blood stained holey shirts, diarrhea splattered toilets, and the acetone smell -rank fruity smell permeating the house at the moment....
and yet diabetics get mad at ME when I tell a young person to run away rather than marry into this? They get angry with me when I tell them that if they are married, don't bring children into this situation? They deny that any of this is ever going to happen to them?
Maybe I should write more about the grossness of this disease. But first - I have to go clean toilets, open windows, air out the house!!!
DW
Monday, June 06, 2011
JoannD has questions for you
she wrote:
I wonder if my DH could have had blood-sugar issues for years and not known it. He has a predictable pattern of being the nicest guy in the world until about 3:00 or 3:30 in the afternoon, and then he gets short-tempered and irritable. This shows up especially while driving - he becomes the King of Road Rage - being belligerent as all get out toward other drivers and then not having a clue why some of them come back at him. Trouble is, he also carries a loaded firearm and is willing to escalate the quarrel. If I can, I try to grab the guncase and try to put it between my seat and door, where he can't reach it, because he is clearly irrational at those times. I can't tell you how terrifying this is. A confrontation between two testosterone-poisoned males (and hey, I'm a grandma myself, and while I am a competent shot with a firearm, I'd just as soon not have to shoot anybody.) Why do they have to get crazy like this???
Well, I have a couple of questions first. Has he been diagnosed as diabetic? Does he test his sugar? You probably need to get him to test on a regular schedule. If you think he's going low at 3 pm, then I'd suggest he test at 8 am, 11:30 am, 3 pm, 6:30 pm and bedtime. If you can get him to do that for a week, you could probably determine a pattern and relate it to his behavior.
Road Rage is terrible. My hubby is equally guilty of it. I have been doing most of the driving for the last 2 years. I just refuse to ride with him behind the wheel. Some states do not allow diabetics to have drivers license. I think that would be great for every state. If your state doesn't have that law, you could always advocate for it.
then she wrote:
I honestly think that overeating is a form of addiction. My DH watched his father die of (among other things) uncontrollable insulin-dependent diabetes - the man smoked like a bad chimney, was a SEVERE alcoholic, and absolutely refused to comply with any sort of diet. My DH has resolutely stayed away from tobacco and alcohol all of his life (he says of alcohol "I'm afraid I might LIKE it.') But his main vice is food, and boy, does he shovel it in. He has multiple health problems stemming directly from being 100+ pounds overweight but short of putting him on a desert island somewhere, I don't know how to cut off his access to excess food. Some of you have commented on how your husband's personality and/or temper changes if his sugar is out of whack. My husband is normally one of the kindest, sweetest people I know, but when he is stressed or overtired, it's almost as if another entity takes over and he becomes angry, aggressive, and nasty to the point of viciousness, especially when driving. I guess I'll have to figure out how to set up my own blog so that others can comment on it. I really want to get some feedback from the rest of you because this is all new and bewildering to me.
My thoughts are that too much of anything can kill you. Too much alcohol, smoking, eating, sugar.....probably doesn't matter what it is, if it's done to excess, it could kill you.
And "we" probably can't cut of their access. After all, these are grown men who need to make their own choices - even if they might die from those choices. Did I mention here that my sister's husband's brother just died from alcohol at the age of 51? You might think that was a wake up call to my sister's husband who drinks non-stop. Nope - he just drank more at the funeral.
To some extent, I think diabetes is just like any other thing out there. You don't control your glucose levels, you will have all kinds of side effects. You might die. You don't control drinking, smoking, eating....same end result.
Some of us refer to a syndrome called the "roller coaster ride" where our spouses emotions seem to always be up or down, high or low, sweet or angry, excited or depressed....and it's the fact that we never seem to know where we are on that ride. We can't predict when the next high or low will be. And our spouses seem to have different reactions. When my hubby is high, he is agitated, nervous, jittery, irritated. When he goes low, he is very argumentative, combative, belligerent. And somewhere in between the highs and lows, I get glimpses of that guy I fell in love with.
Anyone else want to make input?
Blogging is wonderful. It's therapy. It's a record of what happens. It can provide a history of the prognosis of the disease. My blog has been helpful in finding dates of when issues first started. It's even answered questions for doctors. No, hubby still doesn't know about it. I just said, "I have kept some notes, let me go look at them and see what I can find."
So, hubby has now had diarrhea for 10 days. He refuses to go see a doctor. He is experimenting by eliminating various foods. He stopped ice cream, cheese, milk as he thinks it might be lactose intolerance. His glucose is still testing around 220. He still has the horrible fruity smell about him. I got up this morning and sprayed febreeze all over the house. Thank goodness for that stuff!!! It does tone down the smell! But I have had my moments this weekend when I thought I would get sick from the smell. Guess I'll stock up on those plug-in air fresheners at the grocer tomorrow.
I spent the day today teaching 2 friends of mine how to do ebay. One is age 70, the other is age 52. Neither knew how to download a photo from the camera to the computer. Neither had ever edited a photo on the computer. Neither had previously set up or used a paypal account. It was a very long, very frustrating day, but at the end of the day, each had listed one item for sale on ebay. It taught me that there are some things worse than diabetes! LOLOL!!!
DW
I wonder if my DH could have had blood-sugar issues for years and not known it. He has a predictable pattern of being the nicest guy in the world until about 3:00 or 3:30 in the afternoon, and then he gets short-tempered and irritable. This shows up especially while driving - he becomes the King of Road Rage - being belligerent as all get out toward other drivers and then not having a clue why some of them come back at him. Trouble is, he also carries a loaded firearm and is willing to escalate the quarrel. If I can, I try to grab the guncase and try to put it between my seat and door, where he can't reach it, because he is clearly irrational at those times. I can't tell you how terrifying this is. A confrontation between two testosterone-poisoned males (and hey, I'm a grandma myself, and while I am a competent shot with a firearm, I'd just as soon not have to shoot anybody.) Why do they have to get crazy like this???
Well, I have a couple of questions first. Has he been diagnosed as diabetic? Does he test his sugar? You probably need to get him to test on a regular schedule. If you think he's going low at 3 pm, then I'd suggest he test at 8 am, 11:30 am, 3 pm, 6:30 pm and bedtime. If you can get him to do that for a week, you could probably determine a pattern and relate it to his behavior.
Road Rage is terrible. My hubby is equally guilty of it. I have been doing most of the driving for the last 2 years. I just refuse to ride with him behind the wheel. Some states do not allow diabetics to have drivers license. I think that would be great for every state. If your state doesn't have that law, you could always advocate for it.
then she wrote:
I honestly think that overeating is a form of addiction. My DH watched his father die of (among other things) uncontrollable insulin-dependent diabetes - the man smoked like a bad chimney, was a SEVERE alcoholic, and absolutely refused to comply with any sort of diet. My DH has resolutely stayed away from tobacco and alcohol all of his life (he says of alcohol "I'm afraid I might LIKE it.') But his main vice is food, and boy, does he shovel it in. He has multiple health problems stemming directly from being 100+ pounds overweight but short of putting him on a desert island somewhere, I don't know how to cut off his access to excess food. Some of you have commented on how your husband's personality and/or temper changes if his sugar is out of whack. My husband is normally one of the kindest, sweetest people I know, but when he is stressed or overtired, it's almost as if another entity takes over and he becomes angry, aggressive, and nasty to the point of viciousness, especially when driving. I guess I'll have to figure out how to set up my own blog so that others can comment on it. I really want to get some feedback from the rest of you because this is all new and bewildering to me.
My thoughts are that too much of anything can kill you. Too much alcohol, smoking, eating, sugar.....probably doesn't matter what it is, if it's done to excess, it could kill you.
And "we" probably can't cut of their access. After all, these are grown men who need to make their own choices - even if they might die from those choices. Did I mention here that my sister's husband's brother just died from alcohol at the age of 51? You might think that was a wake up call to my sister's husband who drinks non-stop. Nope - he just drank more at the funeral.
To some extent, I think diabetes is just like any other thing out there. You don't control your glucose levels, you will have all kinds of side effects. You might die. You don't control drinking, smoking, eating....same end result.
Some of us refer to a syndrome called the "roller coaster ride" where our spouses emotions seem to always be up or down, high or low, sweet or angry, excited or depressed....and it's the fact that we never seem to know where we are on that ride. We can't predict when the next high or low will be. And our spouses seem to have different reactions. When my hubby is high, he is agitated, nervous, jittery, irritated. When he goes low, he is very argumentative, combative, belligerent. And somewhere in between the highs and lows, I get glimpses of that guy I fell in love with.
Anyone else want to make input?
Blogging is wonderful. It's therapy. It's a record of what happens. It can provide a history of the prognosis of the disease. My blog has been helpful in finding dates of when issues first started. It's even answered questions for doctors. No, hubby still doesn't know about it. I just said, "I have kept some notes, let me go look at them and see what I can find."
So, hubby has now had diarrhea for 10 days. He refuses to go see a doctor. He is experimenting by eliminating various foods. He stopped ice cream, cheese, milk as he thinks it might be lactose intolerance. His glucose is still testing around 220. He still has the horrible fruity smell about him. I got up this morning and sprayed febreeze all over the house. Thank goodness for that stuff!!! It does tone down the smell! But I have had my moments this weekend when I thought I would get sick from the smell. Guess I'll stock up on those plug-in air fresheners at the grocer tomorrow.
I spent the day today teaching 2 friends of mine how to do ebay. One is age 70, the other is age 52. Neither knew how to download a photo from the camera to the computer. Neither had ever edited a photo on the computer. Neither had previously set up or used a paypal account. It was a very long, very frustrating day, but at the end of the day, each had listed one item for sale on ebay. It taught me that there are some things worse than diabetes! LOLOL!!!
DW
Friday, June 03, 2011
Having a mini vacation
Two of my sisters live 3 hours a way and I came to visit them this week. It's been wonderful!! Loads of chatter, creative art work and good food. No menus to plan. I have such wonderful sisters!! And they know just when I need a break. I haven't been here in almost a year. Way too long!
Hubby and I skype a couple of times a day, so it's not like he's completely alone. I pretty much leave the camera on and he can call when he wants.
He's had diarrhea all week. Extreme case. So I'm really glad to be here. He misses me. But I know this is good for him. He will be very nice and on his best behavior when I get home! Ha ha!
When I went to check my blog tonight, I found TEN comments!! Wow! Some made me laugh! And it's good to laugh about this journey.
My one sister's husband just lost his brother to alcoholism, so we had a good talk about how similar diabetes can be to something like that...in the sense of how sugar destroys the physical and mental aspects of ones health just as alcohol does. I had never thought to compare the 2, but alcohol turns to sugar, something more tom study when I have time.
I highly recommend getaway weeks to keep your sanity, recharge your engine, revitalize your spirit! This is just perfect!!
DW
Hubby and I skype a couple of times a day, so it's not like he's completely alone. I pretty much leave the camera on and he can call when he wants.
He's had diarrhea all week. Extreme case. So I'm really glad to be here. He misses me. But I know this is good for him. He will be very nice and on his best behavior when I get home! Ha ha!
When I went to check my blog tonight, I found TEN comments!! Wow! Some made me laugh! And it's good to laugh about this journey.
My one sister's husband just lost his brother to alcoholism, so we had a good talk about how similar diabetes can be to something like that...in the sense of how sugar destroys the physical and mental aspects of ones health just as alcohol does. I had never thought to compare the 2, but alcohol turns to sugar, something more tom study when I have time.
I highly recommend getaway weeks to keep your sanity, recharge your engine, revitalize your spirit! This is just perfect!!
DW
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Here's why I quit cooking!
I really am a very good cook. But no one knows it! LOL!!! After about 3 years into this relationship, I realized that there is no way I could have a restaurant in this house, with a menu, with options available at each meal!
I mean, seriously, who expects that?
My husband does!!!
If I fix hamburgers, he wants chicken.
If I ask him this morning if he wants chicken this evening, he will say yes. I will thaw it out. Then about 4 pm, he will say, "I don't feel like chicken, what else do we have?"
My answer is usually, "well, frozen pot pies, soup, or sandwiches"
None of that will sound good to him. He will want to go out to eat.
What does he order at the restaurant?
Something with chicken in it!!!!
So I simply gave up. I buy things that go into the freezer. I always have fresh deli meats, veggies, salad and fruit in the refrig. I always have eggs on hand. In the pantry, there is always fresh bread, tortillas, and usually buns of some kind.
And I started telling other people this line: "I cooked for 25 years while raising my sons. When they left home, I quit." Hey, I think cooking for other people for 25 years is more than enough! Did he do that for his family? Hardly! And I'm just not in the mood to try and figure out what he wants to eat and have the stuff available to fix it for him 30 minutes before it's time to eat!
He has learned that he cannot "demand" a home cooked dinner from me (note to raging diabetic's wife).
He has learned that I don't stock orange juice.....just in case he needs it.....just to let it grow mold because he doesn't need it (note to wife of a diabetic2) He's going to have to do a better job of preventing his own sugar lows. All I have are glucose tabs to give him. If he passes out, I call 911....and he will pay the bill.
He has learned to cook for himself. Now - isn't that amazing? He loves chinese food and I hate it, but he has become pretty good at making it.
I'm not a huge eater. I don't like 3 meals a day. I don't get up and eat breakfast. I like a little something about 11 am, then a meal around 4 or 5 pm. I don't like to eat late and then go to bed with a full stomach. I hate going out to eat. So with his schedule of needing 45 carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner,needing to eat on a set schedule, loving to eat out....we are just about as opposite as we can be on this subject.
We are also at complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to exercise. I love to get up first thing and get on the treadmill. Listen to mp3 on my ipod while I walk. Starts my day out great. I like to go to bed early and get up early.
He would stay up until 2 am and sleep til noon if he could. He wouldn't consider getting on the stationary bike until 4 pm. If there's yardwork to be done, I prefer to get it done early before it gets too hot. He wants to start at 2 pm.....when it's at the hottest.
I do not take any medications. He has more than enough for an army.
How did we ever hook up? LOL! But I think you can see how different our entire metabolic systems are.
Most of these are simply non-issues. I made eating a non-issue as I simply quit cooking after 3 years in this relationship - when I realized how much work I was doing when I would sit down to the dinner table and he would tell me that he wasn't hungry for whatever I had fixed, get up and fix himself a bowl of cereal.
Yep, my cooking days are over. And it's great!!! He still asks me every morning "what's for dinner tonight?" and I still say, "I have chicken I can thaw out". Once in awhile - we actually thaw out that chicken! LOL!!
DW
I mean, seriously, who expects that?
My husband does!!!
If I fix hamburgers, he wants chicken.
If I ask him this morning if he wants chicken this evening, he will say yes. I will thaw it out. Then about 4 pm, he will say, "I don't feel like chicken, what else do we have?"
My answer is usually, "well, frozen pot pies, soup, or sandwiches"
None of that will sound good to him. He will want to go out to eat.
What does he order at the restaurant?
Something with chicken in it!!!!
So I simply gave up. I buy things that go into the freezer. I always have fresh deli meats, veggies, salad and fruit in the refrig. I always have eggs on hand. In the pantry, there is always fresh bread, tortillas, and usually buns of some kind.
And I started telling other people this line: "I cooked for 25 years while raising my sons. When they left home, I quit." Hey, I think cooking for other people for 25 years is more than enough! Did he do that for his family? Hardly! And I'm just not in the mood to try and figure out what he wants to eat and have the stuff available to fix it for him 30 minutes before it's time to eat!
He has learned that he cannot "demand" a home cooked dinner from me (note to raging diabetic's wife).
He has learned that I don't stock orange juice.....just in case he needs it.....just to let it grow mold because he doesn't need it (note to wife of a diabetic2) He's going to have to do a better job of preventing his own sugar lows. All I have are glucose tabs to give him. If he passes out, I call 911....and he will pay the bill.
He has learned to cook for himself. Now - isn't that amazing? He loves chinese food and I hate it, but he has become pretty good at making it.
I'm not a huge eater. I don't like 3 meals a day. I don't get up and eat breakfast. I like a little something about 11 am, then a meal around 4 or 5 pm. I don't like to eat late and then go to bed with a full stomach. I hate going out to eat. So with his schedule of needing 45 carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner,needing to eat on a set schedule, loving to eat out....we are just about as opposite as we can be on this subject.
We are also at complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to exercise. I love to get up first thing and get on the treadmill. Listen to mp3 on my ipod while I walk. Starts my day out great. I like to go to bed early and get up early.
He would stay up until 2 am and sleep til noon if he could. He wouldn't consider getting on the stationary bike until 4 pm. If there's yardwork to be done, I prefer to get it done early before it gets too hot. He wants to start at 2 pm.....when it's at the hottest.
I do not take any medications. He has more than enough for an army.
How did we ever hook up? LOL! But I think you can see how different our entire metabolic systems are.
Most of these are simply non-issues. I made eating a non-issue as I simply quit cooking after 3 years in this relationship - when I realized how much work I was doing when I would sit down to the dinner table and he would tell me that he wasn't hungry for whatever I had fixed, get up and fix himself a bowl of cereal.
Yep, my cooking days are over. And it's great!!! He still asks me every morning "what's for dinner tonight?" and I still say, "I have chicken I can thaw out". Once in awhile - we actually thaw out that chicken! LOL!!
DW
Monday, May 30, 2011
I want that flashing red light!!!
Dr Weber is requesting that you call us or email us with a week's worth of blood sugars and your current insulin doses.
Friday, May 27, 2011
"I don't have high blood pressure"
That is what he says to every single physician he sees. Yet he is on atenolol. And last night, his BP was 166/58. Hmmm..... but note, he doesn't have high blood pressure!
We have had a calm day. Thank goodness. I think it is the calm before the storm. He is not going to want to do yard work this weekend and I am going to force it.
He doesn't want to go anywhere as there's too much traffic.
He doesn't want to go to the movies as it would be too crowded.
He doesn't want to go out to dinner as there are too many people out this weekend.
So I decided it's a good time to do yardwork!
We have over 2/3 acre in this yard. He doesn't want to move. So he can help with the work.
And I know that he is going to tell me he has a headache, a back ache, his hips hurt, he is sick to his stomach.....I just don't know which excuse he is going to use. And I'm ready to tell him that this time, there are no excuses!
Hmm.....wonder who will win this one? LOL!!
DW
We have had a calm day. Thank goodness. I think it is the calm before the storm. He is not going to want to do yard work this weekend and I am going to force it.
He doesn't want to go anywhere as there's too much traffic.
He doesn't want to go to the movies as it would be too crowded.
He doesn't want to go out to dinner as there are too many people out this weekend.
So I decided it's a good time to do yardwork!
We have over 2/3 acre in this yard. He doesn't want to move. So he can help with the work.
And I know that he is going to tell me he has a headache, a back ache, his hips hurt, he is sick to his stomach.....I just don't know which excuse he is going to use. And I'm ready to tell him that this time, there are no excuses!
Hmm.....wonder who will win this one? LOL!!
DW
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Deliver me from this man.....
My prayer this morning. Need I really say more? 8:02 am and he's already yelling his head off at me. Why? Because I stated a political/religious opinion of mine. Obviously, I am NOT allowed to have any thoughts of my own because if I state them, he goes ballistic.
Yes, he took his insulin shot.
No, he has not had anything to eat.
Is he low? Most likely.
Is he going to do anything about it? Well, he just did, didn't he? Yelling gets his adrenaline flowing which gets his body to push glucose which will raise him up out of his low.
I understand the medical mechanics of this.
But really, truly, beyond any words I can describe.....I am tired of being the brunt of his emotional outbursts. I am tired of not being allowed to express my thoughts or opinions....or having to remember not to say certain things at certain times of the day because his sugar might be (probably is) low.
So my prayer today is that God will deliver me from this situation - one way or another. Horribly selfish prayer....but perhaps one of sanity at this moment.
DW
Yes, he took his insulin shot.
No, he has not had anything to eat.
Is he low? Most likely.
Is he going to do anything about it? Well, he just did, didn't he? Yelling gets his adrenaline flowing which gets his body to push glucose which will raise him up out of his low.
I understand the medical mechanics of this.
But really, truly, beyond any words I can describe.....I am tired of being the brunt of his emotional outbursts. I am tired of not being allowed to express my thoughts or opinions....or having to remember not to say certain things at certain times of the day because his sugar might be (probably is) low.
So my prayer today is that God will deliver me from this situation - one way or another. Horribly selfish prayer....but perhaps one of sanity at this moment.
DW
Friday, May 20, 2011
There are worse things...
Well, seriously, at this very instant....my hard drive crashed while on vacation. So I'm trying to install everything on a new drive. My biggest problem?? Finding the software.
He says, " you can't use that, it's my copy.". So I spend an entire day going through everything I can think of....to find HIS copy in HIS closet. The one I started out with this morning was mine. Yes, they are now labeled and I will put all my software in a locked box. But I swear this happens almost daily around here. And rather than have him explode...I simply go on a wild goose chase.
This man never puts anything away. I refuse to touch his office, closet, basement or garage. I just close the doors when company comes.
But in the search today, I came across the 2008 taxes in a drawer with old software manuals....what the heck??? LOL!!! Needless to say I'm now also hunting down all the past taxes and will set up files for all of them. Sigh!
So while software is loading on my laptop, I'm posting from my iPad. I can't copy and paste, but a new reader joined. She said that she loves him and hates him and feels guilty about that. Heck....I go thru those exact feelings multiple times an hour!! I think it's a normal part of our survival process. I constantly remember the guy I fell in love with and married. I grieve the loss of that guy. Anger is part of the grief process which is a normal process. So, no, don't feel bad about having those feelings at all. We all do.
As for depression, I think it is a side effect of this disease. More often than not a diabetic will be depressed as they go through their own grief process with each loss of bodily functions. It is a daily struggle to live with someone who is depressed. Counseling helps. But I have learned that setting goals for myself, having my own interests, friends of my own, time away...helps more than anything else.
I would never give my husband his shots. I have a serious needle phobia and he knows it. But while I know I could administer the shots if I absolutely had to....I'm using this to my advantage. On the other hand, I will not stay home just in case he might need me, want me, be afraid to be alone....I am my own person and this is his disease...not mine!!! I think it's perfectly ok to make them do things for themselves and to make them be alone and do things on their own. If my husband ever decides to quit taking his insulin, he knows that my next call will be to hospice. Maybe that's why he's gotten so much better about taking his meds! LOL!
Ok, back to building a new system. Something worse than diabetes for the moment!!!
He says, " you can't use that, it's my copy.". So I spend an entire day going through everything I can think of....to find HIS copy in HIS closet. The one I started out with this morning was mine. Yes, they are now labeled and I will put all my software in a locked box. But I swear this happens almost daily around here. And rather than have him explode...I simply go on a wild goose chase.
This man never puts anything away. I refuse to touch his office, closet, basement or garage. I just close the doors when company comes.
But in the search today, I came across the 2008 taxes in a drawer with old software manuals....what the heck??? LOL!!! Needless to say I'm now also hunting down all the past taxes and will set up files for all of them. Sigh!
So while software is loading on my laptop, I'm posting from my iPad. I can't copy and paste, but a new reader joined. She said that she loves him and hates him and feels guilty about that. Heck....I go thru those exact feelings multiple times an hour!! I think it's a normal part of our survival process. I constantly remember the guy I fell in love with and married. I grieve the loss of that guy. Anger is part of the grief process which is a normal process. So, no, don't feel bad about having those feelings at all. We all do.
As for depression, I think it is a side effect of this disease. More often than not a diabetic will be depressed as they go through their own grief process with each loss of bodily functions. It is a daily struggle to live with someone who is depressed. Counseling helps. But I have learned that setting goals for myself, having my own interests, friends of my own, time away...helps more than anything else.
I would never give my husband his shots. I have a serious needle phobia and he knows it. But while I know I could administer the shots if I absolutely had to....I'm using this to my advantage. On the other hand, I will not stay home just in case he might need me, want me, be afraid to be alone....I am my own person and this is his disease...not mine!!! I think it's perfectly ok to make them do things for themselves and to make them be alone and do things on their own. If my husband ever decides to quit taking his insulin, he knows that my next call will be to hospice. Maybe that's why he's gotten so much better about taking his meds! LOL!
Ok, back to building a new system. Something worse than diabetes for the moment!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Heading home
Ok, get him a wheelchair at the airport!!! Best thing ever. Gets you to the front of the security line. Less time waiting. Less chance of sugar dropping. Less chance of arguments. Just give it a try and you will never go without one again.
Then we found a restaurant where I am serving the net on my iPad and having a Marguerite. I NEVER drink. But I am today. Late evening flights bother me. So much stress. Higher chance the plane is delayed and doesn't get here. Decidedmtoday to handle it with alcohol. LOL!! Should have started drinking at the beginning of our vacation, not the end.
Life will get back to normal tomorrow. While traveling is really hard these days, it's still worth it to spend a week with great friends and just get away from the everyday routine of life. Hope you've had a good week!
DW
Then we found a restaurant where I am serving the net on my iPad and having a Marguerite. I NEVER drink. But I am today. Late evening flights bother me. So much stress. Higher chance the plane is delayed and doesn't get here. Decidedmtoday to handle it with alcohol. LOL!! Should have started drinking at the beginning of our vacation, not the end.
Life will get back to normal tomorrow. While traveling is really hard these days, it's still worth it to spend a week with great friends and just get away from the everyday routine of life. Hope you've had a good week!
DW
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sleep, sweet, sweet sleep!
Being here with his team, I can let go and let them take care of him. Today, I slept. Almost all day long. It was so sweet! Much needed peaceful rest. And they left me alone. Even when they had questions for me, they didn't wake me up and it all went well.
It's been a fun week. I've done lots of shopping and sightseeing and now it's pouring down rain. No idea if we will make it to the beach or not. Don't care as I've decided sleep and rest are more important!
He is eating anything and everything he wants. But I decided that one week will no kill him. Let him have a vacation from rules as well. Yes, we'll pay terribly when we get home, but I think we both need a break from diabetes. And while we can't really get a total break, we can bend the rules for 7 days.
He is truly enjoying this time with his staff.....and I'm enjoying the rest I'm getting. As well as the companionship of other wives and all the long talks we are having.
A car crash in the neighborhood last night put a damper on the weekend party. 4 teenagers, drunk, crashed into a tree. One airlifted to a hospital and rumor is that she died, but no confirmation yet. Another with a broken back. Makes me appreciate the ease of diabetes, even though there is nothing easy about it. Puts things in perspective.
In the meantime, I think I'll go take another nap! LOL!!!
DW
It's been a fun week. I've done lots of shopping and sightseeing and now it's pouring down rain. No idea if we will make it to the beach or not. Don't care as I've decided sleep and rest are more important!
He is eating anything and everything he wants. But I decided that one week will no kill him. Let him have a vacation from rules as well. Yes, we'll pay terribly when we get home, but I think we both need a break from diabetes. And while we can't really get a total break, we can bend the rules for 7 days.
He is truly enjoying this time with his staff.....and I'm enjoying the rest I'm getting. As well as the companionship of other wives and all the long talks we are having.
A car crash in the neighborhood last night put a damper on the weekend party. 4 teenagers, drunk, crashed into a tree. One airlifted to a hospital and rumor is that she died, but no confirmation yet. Another with a broken back. Makes me appreciate the ease of diabetes, even though there is nothing easy about it. Puts things in perspective.
In the meantime, I think I'll go take another nap! LOL!!!
DW
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Honesty and diabetes
First - thanks for all the comments on my last post.
Good question - why hasn't there been a study done?
Good answer - because diabetics and their families would not be honest.
It's about as simple as that.
I could never answer questions honestly. Heck, I can't even identify myself in this blog - for fear that if he ever found out he would be pissed beyond belief. He would deny that anything I write is true. And he would hate me for speaking my mind here. So how could I begin to answer a study truthfully???
And he couldn't possibly give an honest report:
When he's in a low....he doesn't remember anything he says or does.
He's in denial (well, he was until this last hospitalization) about what all is wrong.
He gets terribly confused. Just tonight, he was telling friends that 5 years ago, he did not have diabetes. I jsut about fell out of my chair. I've been blogging about his diabetes for at least 6 years (but of course I couldn't blurt that out!!!) I sat here and calmly siad, "now, sweetie, 5 years ago is when you started taking insulin shots, but you were taking pills when I met you and that was 12 years ago, and you told me that you have had diabetes since you were 22." He said, "oh yeah, that's right."
But imagine if it were a study and I wasn't there and he said he'd only had this disease 5 years instead of 30? I just think that sometimes he has no clue what he says to other people!!!
Knowing all this, if someone did do a study, I would have to question it's accuracy and validity. Because I would know that the diabetic couldn't possibly be reporting accurately....and that the spouse probably had a million reasons why she would have to alter the truth in order to stay with her husband.
Interesting quandry, isn't it?
But I really think that's the bottom line. If our spouses are abusing us, we write it off to a sugar low or high, to some medical issue and thus, we deny that we are being abused. So we'd never report it as abuse.....verbal or otherwise. I mean, I can think of times when he has made me feel so little, so humiliated, so put-down. He has robbed me of every ounce of self-esteem. But then there are the moments when the old husband shines through and that's what we all live for. So we deny everything else.
Truly sad. But really truly how it happens.
And that's why there are no studies involving spouses. It would take an impossibly great interviewer who saw past the manipulation, who could reach deep down inside and get the spouse to admist the abuse and get the husband to understand that he is the one who is abusing. And if the person doing the study is that good......they are already making way too much money to do a study! LOL!!!
*******
Today was a travel day. Wheelchairs are wonderful! We breezed through security at the airport. We will always use a wheelchair for him from now on. I'm planning on a week of peaceful rest. We are staying with friends who are going to take over and take care of him and I will get a break! Starting tomorrow! I can't wait!
DW
Good question - why hasn't there been a study done?
Good answer - because diabetics and their families would not be honest.
It's about as simple as that.
I could never answer questions honestly. Heck, I can't even identify myself in this blog - for fear that if he ever found out he would be pissed beyond belief. He would deny that anything I write is true. And he would hate me for speaking my mind here. So how could I begin to answer a study truthfully???
And he couldn't possibly give an honest report:
When he's in a low....he doesn't remember anything he says or does.
He's in denial (well, he was until this last hospitalization) about what all is wrong.
He gets terribly confused. Just tonight, he was telling friends that 5 years ago, he did not have diabetes. I jsut about fell out of my chair. I've been blogging about his diabetes for at least 6 years (but of course I couldn't blurt that out!!!) I sat here and calmly siad, "now, sweetie, 5 years ago is when you started taking insulin shots, but you were taking pills when I met you and that was 12 years ago, and you told me that you have had diabetes since you were 22." He said, "oh yeah, that's right."
But imagine if it were a study and I wasn't there and he said he'd only had this disease 5 years instead of 30? I just think that sometimes he has no clue what he says to other people!!!
Knowing all this, if someone did do a study, I would have to question it's accuracy and validity. Because I would know that the diabetic couldn't possibly be reporting accurately....and that the spouse probably had a million reasons why she would have to alter the truth in order to stay with her husband.
Interesting quandry, isn't it?
But I really think that's the bottom line. If our spouses are abusing us, we write it off to a sugar low or high, to some medical issue and thus, we deny that we are being abused. So we'd never report it as abuse.....verbal or otherwise. I mean, I can think of times when he has made me feel so little, so humiliated, so put-down. He has robbed me of every ounce of self-esteem. But then there are the moments when the old husband shines through and that's what we all live for. So we deny everything else.
Truly sad. But really truly how it happens.
And that's why there are no studies involving spouses. It would take an impossibly great interviewer who saw past the manipulation, who could reach deep down inside and get the spouse to admist the abuse and get the husband to understand that he is the one who is abusing. And if the person doing the study is that good......they are already making way too much money to do a study! LOL!!!
*******
Today was a travel day. Wheelchairs are wonderful! We breezed through security at the airport. We will always use a wheelchair for him from now on. I'm planning on a week of peaceful rest. We are staying with friends who are going to take over and take care of him and I will get a break! Starting tomorrow! I can't wait!
DW
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Diabetic abuse
I truly wish some professional non-diabetic would take this on as a case study. But I wonder if a diabetic and their families would acknowledge it as a whole.
Here's what I'm thinking.
Most women/wives who are abused deny that they are abused. Verbal abuse is the use of words that threaten, harshly criticize, ridicule, or harass a person. It's a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with one's positive emotional development and can lead to significant detriment to one's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state. It has been beenfurther described as an ongoingemotional environment organized by the abuser or the purpose of control.
Emotional abuse - any kind of abuse that is not physical. It can includ constant criticism, intimidation, manipulation, refusal to ever be pleased. Just google the terms and see what you come up with.
I found this discussion thread and know there are many more of us out there.
and this article about mood swings in men with diabetes.
You can read about anger issues, personality changes, relationship problems and more in discussion threads here
Some days, the more I read, the more "sick-to-my-stomach" I become. It hurts to rehash what I go through over and over in my own life.
Some days, I am struggling to keep his depression from becoming my depression. And I can barely function. Let alone try to help someone else. This is not abuse. This is me allowing his depression to enter my emotional state.
Some days, his verbal onslaught sends me deep into a shell and no one can reach down and help me up. That IS verbal abuse towards me.
Some days, I want to flee. To just run away from everything. This could be related to abuse, but more likely is related to how I handle the stress of living with a non-compliant diabetic.
Some days, I want to fight. Fight for his life. Fight for the life we used to have. Fight for the life I had before I married him. Fight him to get him to take better care of himself. Again, not abuse, but self-imposed reaction to whatever the situation is.
Some days, I spend my entire day/week/month in denial. Could be related to abuse. Could be just my way of dealing with his diabetes.
I don't think I'm in denial about diabetic abuse. It is abuse rendered by the diabetic towards their spouse, children, loved ones. And it has the very same impact/issues as any other type of abuse. Even if the diabetic does not remember what he said or did. Verbal and/or emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse. Regardless of whether the person is a diabetic or not. It is when he tries to make me feel less than I am. It is when he tries verbally to control me or manipulate me. And I am accutely aware of when he tries to do that and simply address it immediately and tell him that it has to stop, that he does not have the right to verbally abuse me. And yes, I use those exact words.
No one, diabetic or not, has the right to abuse another person. And no one needs to allow themselves to be abused by another person. It really is that simple.
In many abuse situations, the person being abused will not step forward, will not seek help, doesn't understand or know that they are being abused. They feel that it is all their fault and if they mend their ways, it will stop.
So rule number one for a diabetic spouse. If he goes into a low and starts verbally abusing you, I think you have 2 options. 1) inform him that he does not have the right to speak to you in that manner and 2) inform him that if it continues, you will leave until he has had time to realize just how valuable you are in his life. And then if he continues, calmly walk away.
It has worked for me numerous times. Keep in mind that if my husband ever indicated he was going to become violent in any manner, I would immediately call 911. After all, my safety, my physical, emotional and mental health are critically important if I am to remain his primary caregiver.
Here's what I'm thinking.
Most women/wives who are abused deny that they are abused. Verbal abuse is the use of words that threaten, harshly criticize, ridicule, or harass a person. It's a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with one's positive emotional development and can lead to significant detriment to one's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state. It has been beenfurther described as an ongoingemotional environment organized by the abuser or the purpose of control.
Emotional abuse - any kind of abuse that is not physical. It can includ constant criticism, intimidation, manipulation, refusal to ever be pleased. Just google the terms and see what you come up with.
I found this discussion thread and know there are many more of us out there.
and this article about mood swings in men with diabetes.
You can read about anger issues, personality changes, relationship problems and more in discussion threads here
Some days, the more I read, the more "sick-to-my-stomach" I become. It hurts to rehash what I go through over and over in my own life.
Some days, I am struggling to keep his depression from becoming my depression. And I can barely function. Let alone try to help someone else. This is not abuse. This is me allowing his depression to enter my emotional state.
Some days, his verbal onslaught sends me deep into a shell and no one can reach down and help me up. That IS verbal abuse towards me.
Some days, I want to flee. To just run away from everything. This could be related to abuse, but more likely is related to how I handle the stress of living with a non-compliant diabetic.
Some days, I want to fight. Fight for his life. Fight for the life we used to have. Fight for the life I had before I married him. Fight him to get him to take better care of himself. Again, not abuse, but self-imposed reaction to whatever the situation is.
Some days, I spend my entire day/week/month in denial. Could be related to abuse. Could be just my way of dealing with his diabetes.
I don't think I'm in denial about diabetic abuse. It is abuse rendered by the diabetic towards their spouse, children, loved ones. And it has the very same impact/issues as any other type of abuse. Even if the diabetic does not remember what he said or did. Verbal and/or emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse. Regardless of whether the person is a diabetic or not. It is when he tries to make me feel less than I am. It is when he tries verbally to control me or manipulate me. And I am accutely aware of when he tries to do that and simply address it immediately and tell him that it has to stop, that he does not have the right to verbally abuse me. And yes, I use those exact words.
No one, diabetic or not, has the right to abuse another person. And no one needs to allow themselves to be abused by another person. It really is that simple.
In many abuse situations, the person being abused will not step forward, will not seek help, doesn't understand or know that they are being abused. They feel that it is all their fault and if they mend their ways, it will stop.
So rule number one for a diabetic spouse. If he goes into a low and starts verbally abusing you, I think you have 2 options. 1) inform him that he does not have the right to speak to you in that manner and 2) inform him that if it continues, you will leave until he has had time to realize just how valuable you are in his life. And then if he continues, calmly walk away.
It has worked for me numerous times. Keep in mind that if my husband ever indicated he was going to become violent in any manner, I would immediately call 911. After all, my safety, my physical, emotional and mental health are critically important if I am to remain his primary caregiver.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
The "battle" continues.....
I am having a great time with my sister this week!
He is pouting and sulking....
She and I started Atkins and we are eating according to the plan. We offer what we are fixing to him along with bread or something he can get carbs from.
He fixes his own meals or goes to a fast food place and brings it home.
He said, "guess I'm on my own again tonight".
I said, "if you don't want to eat what we fix, then I guess you are"
She and I are talking non-stop about everything. Making plans to move to the same retirement community.
He is answering any question with a one syllable, one word answer
We are creating and designing
He is sulking and pouting.
This week, I happen to be able to see how hilarious this is. He is trying to manipulate and control by using his emotions and the more we ignore him, the more he acts out his behavior. Nothing less than a 10 year old boy!
Last night, I inquired about his glucose. It's been running 190 - 220. I asked if he had been reporting his numbers to endocrinology. He said yes.
Does he not know that I can go online and check this out myself? Last time he emailed her was 3/27/11. I also found out that he has not emailed his personal physician like he said he would do.
So I cannot help him. There is no help. He is back to his old tricks and the only thing I can do is ignore him. And I swear, when he goes into that diabetic coma....I will not be the one who calls 911. Yes, it is beyond frustrating, but I have been living like this for 12 years and it's time it stops. He has taken away so much of my life and it's time to get it back.
Today, we are off to have a very special lunch with an elderly couple. He is going. He refused to eat breakfast of any kind. I'm sure he is planning to gorge himself at lunch. Then we are driving another hour to drop my sister off - meeting up with her husband. I will certainly miss her. But the weekend is here and next week we are off to the beach for a much needed vacation. Yep, more on my anticipatory fears of TSA pat downs coming soon! LOL!!!
DW
He is pouting and sulking....
She and I started Atkins and we are eating according to the plan. We offer what we are fixing to him along with bread or something he can get carbs from.
He fixes his own meals or goes to a fast food place and brings it home.
He said, "guess I'm on my own again tonight".
I said, "if you don't want to eat what we fix, then I guess you are"
She and I are talking non-stop about everything. Making plans to move to the same retirement community.
He is answering any question with a one syllable, one word answer
We are creating and designing
He is sulking and pouting.
This week, I happen to be able to see how hilarious this is. He is trying to manipulate and control by using his emotions and the more we ignore him, the more he acts out his behavior. Nothing less than a 10 year old boy!
Last night, I inquired about his glucose. It's been running 190 - 220. I asked if he had been reporting his numbers to endocrinology. He said yes.
Does he not know that I can go online and check this out myself? Last time he emailed her was 3/27/11. I also found out that he has not emailed his personal physician like he said he would do.
So I cannot help him. There is no help. He is back to his old tricks and the only thing I can do is ignore him. And I swear, when he goes into that diabetic coma....I will not be the one who calls 911. Yes, it is beyond frustrating, but I have been living like this for 12 years and it's time it stops. He has taken away so much of my life and it's time to get it back.
Today, we are off to have a very special lunch with an elderly couple. He is going. He refused to eat breakfast of any kind. I'm sure he is planning to gorge himself at lunch. Then we are driving another hour to drop my sister off - meeting up with her husband. I will certainly miss her. But the weekend is here and next week we are off to the beach for a much needed vacation. Yep, more on my anticipatory fears of TSA pat downs coming soon! LOL!!!
DW
Monday, May 02, 2011
Ignoring him....is it better or worse???
My sis and her hubby arrived Saturday and my Hubbard was in a horrible snit. I decided to ignore him! Sunday morning found my brother-in-law repairing our gas fireplace and hubby was in his office fiddling on his computer. I walked in and said, "he came down here to visit with you. You need to be out there helping him."
Hubby said he wanted to work on his computer. I said, you can do that late, now get out there and help!
So, they got the fireplace working again. Then they got the rails on the back deck tightened. Then we got a stain glass window out of an upper level window. They got the battery replaced on hubby's sportscar. We got their iPods hooked up and working. it was one thing after another all day long. Brother in law left this morning, but sis is spending the week. Hubby is sore and exhausted and still just totally grumpy. He went to bed at 6 pm. I taught sis how to do eBay and craigslist today. I think we listed 20 auctions. Watched a movie tonight. Got a walk in...down and around the lake and back. It is so wonderful to actually be doing things!
I have decided that all of hubby's doctors have released him with no follow ups for a year. So until one of them decides there is a problem, then there is no problem. And he is just going to have to chin up and start carrying his weight around here.
Tomorrow sis and I are going shopping. Will be another fun day!!
In the meantime, hubby is pissed and answering questions with one word, refusing to get engaged in conversations...trying hard to punish me. It's just not working!
Dw
Hubby said he wanted to work on his computer. I said, you can do that late, now get out there and help!
So, they got the fireplace working again. Then they got the rails on the back deck tightened. Then we got a stain glass window out of an upper level window. They got the battery replaced on hubby's sportscar. We got their iPods hooked up and working. it was one thing after another all day long. Brother in law left this morning, but sis is spending the week. Hubby is sore and exhausted and still just totally grumpy. He went to bed at 6 pm. I taught sis how to do eBay and craigslist today. I think we listed 20 auctions. Watched a movie tonight. Got a walk in...down and around the lake and back. It is so wonderful to actually be doing things!
I have decided that all of hubby's doctors have released him with no follow ups for a year. So until one of them decides there is a problem, then there is no problem. And he is just going to have to chin up and start carrying his weight around here.
Tomorrow sis and I are going shopping. Will be another fun day!!
In the meantime, hubby is pissed and answering questions with one word, refusing to get engaged in conversations...trying hard to punish me. It's just not working!
Dw
Saturday, April 30, 2011
An optimistic morning
Feeling much better today. Having success with eBay helps....but the excuse to get out of the house and go to the post office to mail packages is great! Drove through the park and decided that life is great and today will be glorious!!
Finished cleaning the house. I love a clean house! The younger dog puked and I had to clean it up....but managed to keep my cheerful mood.
Hubby is in a vile, foul mood for sure. But I am ignoring him as well. I've decided I deserve one whole day of happiness and today is it!!
Off to my studio to be artistic and creative and enjoy the day! Hope you can find reason to enjoy yours as well!
Dw
Finished cleaning the house. I love a clean house! The younger dog puked and I had to clean it up....but managed to keep my cheerful mood.
Hubby is in a vile, foul mood for sure. But I am ignoring him as well. I've decided I deserve one whole day of happiness and today is it!!
Off to my studio to be artistic and creative and enjoy the day! Hope you can find reason to enjoy yours as well!
Dw
Friday, April 29, 2011
I cannot write today
I am too tired, depressed, sad, worn out, exhausted, weary
It's what diabetes and all of it's multitude of side effects have done to me.
I am so tired of dusting and cleaning around all the crap that he has accumulated, all the possessions that he needs to keep, all the things he buys when he is in a low and then never ever uses, but refuses to part with.
I am depressed over the quantity of things that he refuses to part with. How could we ever move? I couldn't even show the house. His office, our bedroom, the basement, garage....all stacked to the brim with crap.
I am so sad that it has come to this - that life crept up on us and neither of us have the physical strength to lift an item and get it to the curb for someone else to take away.
I am worn out just thinking about everything that has to get done to get us into a one level house.
I am so exhausted I just want to sit and cry.
I am weary. HIS disease has done this to me. Weary of how our life has turned out. Weary of life itself.
But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and put that smile back on my face. I will swallow all of this and head out into the day all loving and supportive. My sister and her husband are coming for a visit, so I will clean the house and cook the meals and entertain as though life is wonderful.
But right now, at this moment....I am all of the above.
And I thought I was too tired to write. Hmmm....you just never know! :o)
DW
It's what diabetes and all of it's multitude of side effects have done to me.
I am so tired of dusting and cleaning around all the crap that he has accumulated, all the possessions that he needs to keep, all the things he buys when he is in a low and then never ever uses, but refuses to part with.
I am depressed over the quantity of things that he refuses to part with. How could we ever move? I couldn't even show the house. His office, our bedroom, the basement, garage....all stacked to the brim with crap.
I am so sad that it has come to this - that life crept up on us and neither of us have the physical strength to lift an item and get it to the curb for someone else to take away.
I am worn out just thinking about everything that has to get done to get us into a one level house.
I am so exhausted I just want to sit and cry.
I am weary. HIS disease has done this to me. Weary of how our life has turned out. Weary of life itself.
But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and put that smile back on my face. I will swallow all of this and head out into the day all loving and supportive. My sister and her husband are coming for a visit, so I will clean the house and cook the meals and entertain as though life is wonderful.
But right now, at this moment....I am all of the above.
And I thought I was too tired to write. Hmmm....you just never know! :o)
DW
Thursday, April 28, 2011
4:40 am
His bp is 154/90 and his heart rate is 134. Throbbing headache. He said, "I want to go back on the atenolol."
I said, "your cardiologist said she will put you on a different med, we just need to call her first thing when they open."
He said, "ok, just hear me out. Every time they put me on a new drug, I have all kinds of problems. We are getting ready to go on vacation. I just want to go back on the atenolol until we get back, then we can call her and tell her what's going on."
And I know he is right. I know that with blood pressure meds there is always some kind of side affect. So I said, "well, if you go back on, then just start with 1/2 pill now, and another 1/2 tomorrow."
He took the 1/2 pill and is snoring already!!! Me? Wide awake for the duration of the day, I'm sure!
But the really great thing - he discussed it first. And I honestly hate the idea of him self-medicating, yet I know what it's like to go through drug changes.
My youngest son has seizures. At age 26, when he has one now, he ends up in the hospital. This last time, when the seizure knocked him out and he passed out, he went down on his knees and broke a kneecap. When he was 16 years old, he was in the hospital for SIX weeks as they brought him down off of his childhood meds and converted him to dilantin. A horrible process.
My oldest son, age 32, has had asthma his entire life and that poor guy has tried every asthma medication in the world and I have sat with him time and time and time again when he could not get oxygen into his system.....because some drug they tried out jsut did not work.
And now - a diabetic husband who they want to take off atenolol because it processes through the kidneys. Remember, when his kidneys shut dowon in the hospital, they took him off this same drug cold-turkey. No wonder his heart rate was at 130 for 4 days in a row! But did that doctor even mention to us that they had stopped this drug?
And why would his cardiologist ever even think that she could stop this drug? The man has had high blood pressure forever. Are they wanting him dead? Or are they just wanting us to go through more grief here at home?
So, yes, while it is against my better judgement for him to go back on this drug, I completely understand his thinking. What's 3 more weeks? Go back on it and have one last (hopefully) pleasant vacation and then deal with everything when we get home.
I said, "your cardiologist said she will put you on a different med, we just need to call her first thing when they open."
He said, "ok, just hear me out. Every time they put me on a new drug, I have all kinds of problems. We are getting ready to go on vacation. I just want to go back on the atenolol until we get back, then we can call her and tell her what's going on."
And I know he is right. I know that with blood pressure meds there is always some kind of side affect. So I said, "well, if you go back on, then just start with 1/2 pill now, and another 1/2 tomorrow."
He took the 1/2 pill and is snoring already!!! Me? Wide awake for the duration of the day, I'm sure!
But the really great thing - he discussed it first. And I honestly hate the idea of him self-medicating, yet I know what it's like to go through drug changes.
My youngest son has seizures. At age 26, when he has one now, he ends up in the hospital. This last time, when the seizure knocked him out and he passed out, he went down on his knees and broke a kneecap. When he was 16 years old, he was in the hospital for SIX weeks as they brought him down off of his childhood meds and converted him to dilantin. A horrible process.
My oldest son, age 32, has had asthma his entire life and that poor guy has tried every asthma medication in the world and I have sat with him time and time and time again when he could not get oxygen into his system.....because some drug they tried out jsut did not work.
And now - a diabetic husband who they want to take off atenolol because it processes through the kidneys. Remember, when his kidneys shut dowon in the hospital, they took him off this same drug cold-turkey. No wonder his heart rate was at 130 for 4 days in a row! But did that doctor even mention to us that they had stopped this drug?
And why would his cardiologist ever even think that she could stop this drug? The man has had high blood pressure forever. Are they wanting him dead? Or are they just wanting us to go through more grief here at home?
So, yes, while it is against my better judgement for him to go back on this drug, I completely understand his thinking. What's 3 more weeks? Go back on it and have one last (hopefully) pleasant vacation and then deal with everything when we get home.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Moving day is coming.....but no time soon.
Tom’s Wife wrote: Oh gosh! this is probably the absolute wrong thing to say but does the VA help pay for someone to come in and help you? I know he would hate it but too bad if he is going to do stupid stuff like this? he needs someone who doesn't love him so much to watch over him hope that doesn't sound mean but its meant to sound supportive -- of you!
Sorry, but hubby is not a veteran. We can get homecare through his insurance, but only when it is to keep him out of the hospital. Everything else is self-pay.
Sar wrote:
OMG, that is the limit!!!! I think if I receive that call, I would have dialed 911 as I ran toward him. I would not have asked him if he wanted to go to RT. He would be going. No questions asked. I certainly am not trained or equiped to deal with this situation. Let the pros do it. By doing something like this, he would have waived his rights to call the shots. You should not have to clean up after him like this.
Well, Sar, our agreement is that we call hospice, not the hospital! In the meantime, I do the work. Just another reason I am wanting to move out of this place and get closer to my family as I can get breaks from him that way
Newtothis said: DW, What an awful day. Being a mom I can deal with a kid's vomit and what can come out of the other end, but another adult? For some reason that is completely different for me. How in the world did your's drink Caladrl? I get they are both pink but come on. One bottle is round and the other like a triangle. Just how much did he drink before he realized? A couple of months ago when my DH was given pain pills (Lortabs) I took a blue sharpie and marked the front of the bottle and the lid so my far-sighted DH wouldn't grab the wrong bottle and think it was his Metformin. The bottles are the exact same size and the pills are similar. I could see him taking the wrong pill in the morning and passing out at work. When he saw what I had done he laughed and told me, "Thank you." I pray tomorrow is a better day. S
I could never even deal with my own kid’s vomit! I would gag and snort and vomit myself while cleaning it up. It was just horrible. I think hubby was so sick he was just grabbing for anything. He was looking for pink, not even thinking shape or size. I think that’s a pretty common thing diabetics do when ill – not think. He said he had taken a couple of gulps. Hubby has had both corneas transplanted and wears hard lense over soft lenses to see. So when he takes out his contacts, he couldn’t even see a blue marker on a bottle – he is completely blind. So I guess I’m not surprised about him grabbing something pink.
He is much better today. I think it just scared the crap out of him. He has thanked me over and over and I simply reply by telling him that the next time, he WILL call someone else to come take care of him. Of course, we both know I will do it, but it sure feels good to tell him otherwise!
We have been talking about what to do with his anemia. He has agreed to talk to a realtor. So now, I need to get the house in good enough shape to have a realtor come by. I’ve got a friend who’s hubby works in a box factory and I’m trying to get ahold of her to get some boxes to start packing things into. I’m hoping to get our realtor friend over here within a week. If nothing else, we will get a feeling for the market. In the meantime, we have to sit tight and wait for his corporation to offer a retirement package. They usually do it once a year, but we have no idea if/when it might be this year. Things could happen almost overnight…..or it could take a couple of years. But he has agreed we need to move into a one level house. He’s having trouble getting his laundry downstairs. I told him I’d find him a much smaller laundry basket and we’ll just do it more often.
Tomorrow, I get the “thrill” of cleaning out his closet! LOLOL!!! The first of many steps to downsizing in order to get us moved. I can’t wait! (said with tongue in cheek….if you could only see inside his closet!!!)
DW
Monday, April 25, 2011
Leaving and staying
an email from a reader who made the choice to leave:
Ya know...I have been reading your columns for quite some time. I have been married for 23 years to a non compliant diabetic. I have supported him and tried to get him on the right track for years. It seems to be a dominos effect. He is continually tired, crabby and I have too much to offer in life to stick with him any longer. I am happy to say, I have asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago and haven't been happier. I am in the process of getting my own place. He is devastated and wants another chance. Too late for me...he has had many chances for 23 years. I have not been happier about my decision. Yes, I have 3 teenage children and altho they are not surpised, one is very angry at me. I do realize it is a phase and it too will pass. My happiness means more to me than living in misery and being mentally exhausted. I was under the name Susie for awhile when posting. That is my update!! Happiness is everything is my motto!!!
You know, I truly hate it when a marriage ends for any reason. But I completely admire this gal for sticking it out for 23 years with a non-compliant diabetic. She emailed me subsquently and said the he begged her to stay, started counseling and quit. If I had even one child at home, I probably wouldn't be here as I would never subject them to the rages of a diabetic low or high.
Another reader that is staying wrote this:
Ya know...I have been reading your columns for quite some time. I have been married for 23 years to a non compliant diabetic. I have supported him and tried to get him on the right track for years. It seems to be a dominos effect. He is continually tired, crabby and I have too much to offer in life to stick with him any longer. I am happy to say, I have asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago and haven't been happier. I am in the process of getting my own place. He is devastated and wants another chance. Too late for me...he has had many chances for 23 years. I have not been happier about my decision. Yes, I have 3 teenage children and altho they are not surpised, one is very angry at me. I do realize it is a phase and it too will pass. My happiness means more to me than living in misery and being mentally exhausted. I was under the name Susie for awhile when posting. That is my update!! Happiness is everything is my motto!!!
You know, I truly hate it when a marriage ends for any reason. But I completely admire this gal for sticking it out for 23 years with a non-compliant diabetic. She emailed me subsquently and said the he begged her to stay, started counseling and quit. If I had even one child at home, I probably wouldn't be here as I would never subject them to the rages of a diabetic low or high.
Another reader that is staying wrote this:
My DH has coronary disease (had open heart surgery), hep C,fibromyalgia, sleep apnea, hepatic encephalopathy (dementia), joint damage, leaky bowel syndrome with chronic inflammation, respiratory allergies, and complete denial of his diabetic needs. Last fall he was diagnosed with cirrhosis and told he shouldn't take anything for pain if he can help it, that he probably isn't a safe candidate for the hip replacement and rotator cuff surgery he needs, and that he is a poor risk for a liver transplant which he will likely need in 1-2 years. It's not uncommon for him to range from 55 to 486 in a day. His dr is happy if he can just stay in the high 100s. But of course that won't happen when he cannot (will not?) eat sanely or push himself to exercise even a little. Yet I can't really blame him given how much pain he lives with.
It is so hard to know he is dying slowly and there's really nothing I can do except take the obvious steps in an acute situation like a Low, and (as you do) save myself. Despite the nasty mood swings and other unpleasantries of his illness, the guy adores me and I still love him - we will celebrate 28 years of marriage next month. He has been a faithful husband but for his love affair with Death. She keeps trying to steal him from me, and he won't stop flirting with her. One day she will win.
It's hard not to sound like a sad country song sometimes! Lol - lately I've been humming a lyric that says: " I can't love you any more." I can love him always, but no more than I do or can, and eventually I'll be loving a memory of him. In some ways it is already like that, because his illnesses have changed him so much. No amount of my love can fill the emptiness and pain he lives with. Accepting that, and letting go of my craving need to fight for him, is the biggest challenge I've ever faced.
Thanks so much for listening. I'm not in a cheery place often these days so your posts really help me. Maybe one day I will be able to rise above the sadness as you do.
I remembered this writer as someone who used to email me awhile back. I was so happy to hear from her again, but agast at the list of complications her hubby has. But she has one single strong statement in the middle of this.....
"it is so hard to know that he is dying slowly and there's really nothing I can do except takethe obvious steps in an acute situation like a low...."
and
"his love affair with Death. Shekeeps trying to steal him from me, and he won't stop flirting with her. One day she will win."
I know this is the common bond that we all share. We don't say it, but we know it. She is an elloquent writer and should blog, but I also know how hard it is to write about this life on a daily/weekly basis. It is not easy. And I think it may be the very reason we make the choice to leave, or to stay.
DW
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Just what is the "final straw?"
I'm sitting here wondering about this. What is the "final straw"? When is too much enough? How do you know when the moment has arrived that you just can't take it another moment?
I am truly so exhausted, tired, and completely, utterly worn out from being his caregiver. Not just since January of this year when he had the spinal fusion surgeries.....this started in February 2009 when we first thought he might have had a heart attack. I have been his caregiver ever since.
Today, I got a bit of a break. I thought he was upstairs sleeping. I was downstairs watching a movie. He called me on his cell phone and said he was really sick. I quickly ran up the stairs. He had been feeling like he was going to vomit and reached inside the medicine cabinet for what he thought was a bottle of pepto bismol (pink) and instead, mistakenly grabbed the bottle of caladryl lotion (pink) and gulped it down.
I called poison control. It says to do that on the bottle. I keep the lotion as it's the only thing that works on me when I get poison ivy. So poison control says they don't think that he took enough to harm himself. Then she asked me if he was a basically healthy person and when I got done with the list of all his problems and all his meds......she was singing her own tune! She wanted him to eat and then vomit.
Which he has done non stop for the last hour and a half.
So much so that the toilet has plugged up and I've had to get him a bucket to vomit in, then take it down the hall to the other bathroom to dump.
I just want to give up. Really, truly, completely, totally. I want to run away as fast and as far as I can go.
Now, remember, his cardiologist (the new doc who hadn't seen him before) wants him to taper his atenolol. He was supposed to cut it in half for 5 days and then go off. So I asked him about that. He cut it in half Wed, Thurs and Fri nights, then nothing last night. Could he be having atenolol withdrawal symptoms?
His fever is up to 101.3 - not a symptom of atenol withdrawal. His BP is up to 147/83. It's usually 110/70. His heart rate is 115 and it's usually 70. He is vomiting. Rapid breating. Miserable as a dog.
I asked him if he wants to go to the ER. No
I asked if he wants to call his doctor No
He hasn't had a thing to eat since 10 am this morning except for a few crackers this evening. His glucose is 220, but he hasn't taken his evening insulin.
Not a whole lot I can do. Except just keep breathing myself - one minute to the next.
+++++++++
Sandy, in answer to your comment from yesterday. Hubby has never once adjusted his insulin for what he eats. He takes 14 U in the morning (at whatever time he decides to take it) and another 12 U at night (again - whenever). It's the Humulin R-U500 concentrated, and before surgery it was 32 in the am and 20 at night. He has never adjusted for anything. That's why I consider him to be non-compliant. He refuses to learn about adjusting it.
DW - having another rough day on this roller coaster ride we call "life".
I am truly so exhausted, tired, and completely, utterly worn out from being his caregiver. Not just since January of this year when he had the spinal fusion surgeries.....this started in February 2009 when we first thought he might have had a heart attack. I have been his caregiver ever since.
Today, I got a bit of a break. I thought he was upstairs sleeping. I was downstairs watching a movie. He called me on his cell phone and said he was really sick. I quickly ran up the stairs. He had been feeling like he was going to vomit and reached inside the medicine cabinet for what he thought was a bottle of pepto bismol (pink) and instead, mistakenly grabbed the bottle of caladryl lotion (pink) and gulped it down.
I called poison control. It says to do that on the bottle. I keep the lotion as it's the only thing that works on me when I get poison ivy. So poison control says they don't think that he took enough to harm himself. Then she asked me if he was a basically healthy person and when I got done with the list of all his problems and all his meds......she was singing her own tune! She wanted him to eat and then vomit.
Which he has done non stop for the last hour and a half.
So much so that the toilet has plugged up and I've had to get him a bucket to vomit in, then take it down the hall to the other bathroom to dump.
I just want to give up. Really, truly, completely, totally. I want to run away as fast and as far as I can go.
Now, remember, his cardiologist (the new doc who hadn't seen him before) wants him to taper his atenolol. He was supposed to cut it in half for 5 days and then go off. So I asked him about that. He cut it in half Wed, Thurs and Fri nights, then nothing last night. Could he be having atenolol withdrawal symptoms?
His fever is up to 101.3 - not a symptom of atenol withdrawal. His BP is up to 147/83. It's usually 110/70. His heart rate is 115 and it's usually 70. He is vomiting. Rapid breating. Miserable as a dog.
I asked him if he wants to go to the ER. No
I asked if he wants to call his doctor No
He hasn't had a thing to eat since 10 am this morning except for a few crackers this evening. His glucose is 220, but he hasn't taken his evening insulin.
Not a whole lot I can do. Except just keep breathing myself - one minute to the next.
+++++++++
Sandy, in answer to your comment from yesterday. Hubby has never once adjusted his insulin for what he eats. He takes 14 U in the morning (at whatever time he decides to take it) and another 12 U at night (again - whenever). It's the Humulin R-U500 concentrated, and before surgery it was 32 in the am and 20 at night. He has never adjusted for anything. That's why I consider him to be non-compliant. He refuses to learn about adjusting it.
DW - having another rough day on this roller coaster ride we call "life".
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