Just what is the "final straw?"

I'm sitting here wondering about this.  What is the "final straw"? When is too much enough?  How do you know when the moment has arrived that you just can't take it another moment?

I am truly so exhausted, tired, and completely, utterly worn out from being his caregiver.  Not just since January of this year when he had the spinal fusion surgeries.....this started in February 2009 when we first thought he might have had a heart attack.  I have been his caregiver ever since.

Today, I got a bit of a break.  I thought he was upstairs sleeping. I was downstairs watching a movie.  He called me on his cell phone and said he was really sick.  I quickly ran up the stairs.  He had been feeling like he was going to vomit and reached inside the medicine cabinet for what he thought was a bottle of pepto bismol (pink) and instead, mistakenly grabbed the bottle of caladryl lotion (pink) and gulped it down.

I called poison control.  It says to do that on the bottle.  I keep the lotion as it's the only thing that works on me when I get poison ivy.  So poison control says they don't think that he took enough to harm himself.  Then she asked me if he was a basically healthy person and when I got done with the list of all his problems and all his meds......she was singing her own tune!  She wanted him to eat and then vomit.

Which he has done non stop for the last hour and a half.

So much so that the toilet has plugged up and I've had to get him a bucket to vomit in, then take it down the hall to the other bathroom to dump.

I just want to give up.  Really, truly, completely, totally.  I want to run away as fast and as far as I can go.

Now, remember, his cardiologist (the new doc who hadn't seen him before) wants him to taper his atenolol.  He was supposed to cut it in half for 5 days and then go off. So I asked him about that.  He cut it in half Wed, Thurs and Fri nights, then nothing last night.  Could he be having atenolol withdrawal symptoms?

His fever is up to 101.3 - not a symptom of atenol withdrawal.  His BP is up to 147/83.  It's usually 110/70. His heart rate is 115 and it's usually 70.  He is vomiting. Rapid breating.  Miserable as a dog.

I asked him if he wants to go to the ER.  No
I asked if he wants to call his doctor  No

He hasn't had a thing to eat since 10 am this morning except for a few crackers this evening.  His glucose is 220, but he hasn't taken his evening insulin.

Not a whole lot I can do.  Except just keep breathing myself - one minute to the next.
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Sandy, in answer to your comment from yesterday.  Hubby has never once adjusted his insulin for what he eats.  He takes 14 U in the morning (at whatever time he decides to take it) and another 12 U at night (again - whenever).  It's the Humulin R-U500 concentrated, and before surgery it was 32 in the am and 20 at night.  He has never adjusted for anything.  That's why I consider him to be non-compliant.  He refuses to learn about adjusting it.

DW - having another rough day on this roller coaster ride we call "life".

The "sugar" holidays

Yep, I'm going to take the liberty and rename all of them.....starting with tomorrow.  It's....
Candy easter
Pie 4th of July
Candy halloween
Cake thanksgiving
Candy christmas
Cake birthday
Alcohol new year's eve

Is there any "holiday" not related to having something sweet???  Maybe I should retitle all of these as diabetes hell holidays?  :o)

Not to mention that we get to have 8 or 9 birthdays per year with the grandkids, and maybe 2 or 3 of each holiday event considering who is where and when.

Oh, and you think my non-compliant diabetic husband is going to NOT eat something sweet?  Sigh!

I'm still trying to figure out which holiday is the worst and I do believe it is the christmas one as it seems to be the longest.

I no longer celebrate any of the holidays here in our house.  I refuse to buy candy or cake or pie.  But there's no end to the supply others will set out for him.....and they all know he is a diabetic who can't control what he eats!

Just my rant this morning!!!

As for the comments from yesterday about getting him in for a second consult...  Remember, this is a guy who will go 2 years without seeing any doctor.  The only reason he is going right now is they are all labeled "post op".  The one year visits will still be "post op" so he will go to those.  He is not about to get a second opinion.  The one shot we had is all I will ever get out of him.  He told the cardiologist that he does not want to take meds for depression and she did not argue with him (but then she doesn't know him either - first time to see her).

That's what this is all about - living with a non-compliant diabetic. OK, a non-compliant non- healthy person because he would be this way about anything that went wrong with him, diabetes or not.  Just makes it a little bit more difficult since he's had his diabetes so long and so many things seem to be going wrong right now.

My mantra - one day at a time, on step at a time.

DW