Welcome Sar!

Sar has joined the blogging circle, I've added her blog to the links over on the right.

Here's what she wrote:

I am also married to a noncompliant diabetic who has the complication of gastroparesis. He has constant stomach problems and needs multiple medications and care diet which he refuses to comply with.

he is needle phobic and refuses to inject himself. i am trapped having to be with him to inject hima and get no help or understanding from the medical establishment.

He rages and is depressed and has terrible anxiety. he can not or will not work. He has not worked for 10 years and I have to do it all.

I have been married to him for almost 40 years.

This sisterhood has saved my sanity. I know that I am not alone.
Thank you and keep on blogging we need you.

I think you may be my hero!  How on earth have you managed 40 years with a needle-phobic non-compliant diabetic????? I know - just one minute at a time, huh?  

I popped over to read your blog. And I have a confession to make.  Two of my other girlfriends and I find great "therapy" when we get together by talking about the "book" we are going to write "one day". The title is going to be "Death by chocolate and other fine things."  One of the gals has a husband who has really severe heart problems and he eats steak and french fries - everything he's not supposed to eat.  The other girlfriend's husband has liver cancer and will not give up beer.  And then there's my hubby who today, ate an entire cinnamon pizza that HE ordered!  So, you see, it's not just diabetics who are non-compliant.  The 3 of us have decided when it gets really bad, we ae going to start feeding them sugar, fried foods and beer and speed up the process.  Now, don't get me wrong.....this is simply a joke that helps each of us get through the moment.  But I swear, I have some moments when I think it's a pretty good idea!

I loved your voodoo economics blog.  Absolutely excellent!  Thank you!  I thought your were writing about me. It's all so utterly, completely true.  Everything you write has or is happening to us. 

My last blog was about marrying for health insurance.  I think the biggest shock of my life was when I sat down and figured out how much hubbys medical bills out of pocket were each month....and I think we have pretty good insurance.  I was astounded. Then I was so pissed off.  All that money for him and like you said, I give up everything. My sister trims my hair.  I do my own nails.  I buy my clothes at thrift stores.  I can't tell you when we got new sheets or towels.  The one thing I will "splurge" on is my shoes.  OK, nothing fancy.  I usually by Merrels or Asic Gels.  But I had a bone spur about 10 years ago and once I got that cleared up, I simply will not let my feet go again.  But I have not bought a new pair of shoes in 2 years.  Sigh.  I just buy new insoles these days.

I hope you will continue to write about your experiences. I think it helps each of us to feel connected, and not so alone.  

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I've set up a block over on the right where anyone can click and email me directly.  Of course, it's an anonymous yahoo email that I continue to forget to check.  I will try to do better!

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So, aside from downing an entire cinnamon sugar pizza today, he slept over half the day. Said he had nightmares last night in which he was dead.  Interesting.  I wonder what drug is causing all the nightmares - they seem to be increasing.  So he doesn't sleep at night, but sleeps all day.  

I am taking a mini bread now that he can drive. I haven't been to see my mom since December, so I'm off to visit her the next couple of days.  It's only 3 hours away and I will get to visit my youngest sister as well.  Will be a great escape from all this!

DW

Comments on comments....and then comments on health insurance and reform

Lilly - yes, I did enjoy my spa day.  Very much.  And my nail polish (which I never put on) hasn't chipped yet!  They did an excellent job on my hair as well.  It was a most relaxing day!

7 key components to relationships:

Sandy - I have the "voice", but not the energy!  LOL!  Especially right this moment.  I keep thinking, "maybe....when he is well."  and then I have to remember - he is not going to get well.  This is probably as good as it will ever get.

Lilly, yes, I agree.  It is better to remain together instead of being totally alone.  But at the very same time, I can be so alone even when he is in the house.  So I totally understand what you are saying.


tunnel vision:

Crazy wife.  Nope, we haven't found out anything.  The common agreement seems to be that it could be related to his ongoing anemia.  Everyone so far has said to discuss it with the cardiologist.  We see her next Wednesday. And boy! Is my list of questions for her endless!  I hope she has an hour set aside (yeah, right!)  LOL!

I'm starting to think there are no answers.

So, he got into the truck and drove today. And he made it home.  Tomorrow he is going to drive an hour to visit his grandkids.  I'm not going. I have classes to teach.  Am I worried about him getting too tired?  Of course I am.  And I asked him to call and make sure the kids are not sick....did he do that?  Of course he didn't!

Tom's wife - your comment is spot on - men are just stupid!  And was it you that received a not-so-nice comment from a diabetic? Oh....join my club!  I've been getting them for years!  I just hit the delete button.  Which pisses them off even more!  I had one reader who would start their comment with "I know you will delete this...." so I would literally delete it before I even read it!  LOL!!!  No idea to this day what they wanted to say and I finally started banning them from making comments.

There are idiots out there.  That's for sure!

Which leads me right into my next line of thought.  If/when hubby retires, his health insurance premiums will go from $200 per month to $900 per month.  Yikes!!!  He can be added to my policy for $200 per month - which is what we will do.  But it got me to thinking about something.  How many diabetics out there marry their spouse in order to be added to his/her health insurance policy?  It has to be a very scary thing to have a disease and not have insurance.  My hubby has mentioned it several times.  I know it bothers him.  It's enough of a reason that the thought I might ever leave him scares him to death.

And that got me to thinking....just how honest would a diabetic be?  Or how dishonest?  Single.  Needs health insurance.  Meets someone who has really good health insurance.  Might fall in "love" just to get the benefits?  Interesting concept, huh?  Desperate people do desperate things.  That is a fact. Is health care reform going to help this?  So far.....all it's done for us in cause and increase in premiums and a decrease in care/coverage. Our pharmacy formulary has shrunk.  We now pay increased fees for meds we used to get for $20 per rx and these very same meds are no longer on the formulary.

A good example.  His back brace was $1200.  Insurance paid $1000.  He had to pay $200.  I did not know this at the time, but I went on ebay and the exact same identical back brace was going for $35 and according to past closed auctions, that was about the average price people were getting for it.  Why on earth was it $1200 to start out with???  I really don't think it was lined with gold! LOL!!!

A rotater type walker is $100 and up most places.  But I found one for my mom at a garage sale for $30.  I told hubby I'm going to start looking for wheelchairs now. I found our adjustable beds - made by Posture Pedic - on craigslist.  One was $200, the other was just $75.  And these beds retail for more than $1000.  My youngest sister orders all of her Rx online through a Canadian pharmacy.  She rarely visits a doctor.  I'm getting ready to order amoxicillin the same way.  I always stock up whenever we go on a cruise and stop at a Mexican port.  First thing I look for is a pharmacy!  Quadraderm is a great product they sell that you can't get in the US. Use it for rashes and itches. It's amazing.  I still have a whole tube, but will order online next time.  (I don't think hubby is going to be up for a cruise in quite some time to come!)

I've had a discussion with hubby that if he plans to retire, he is going to have to cut his medical expenses in half!  Well, we just accomplished that by converting to mail order RX through our HMO.  He gets 2 months filled for the price of one by doing it online and via mail.  How about that!  So I am learning there are little things we can do to save money.

Enough of my comments tonight!

DW