This week, I'm visiting my sister because our mom is visiting her. My "job" is to entertain mom so my sis can have a bit of a break. I drove up this morning and will be here til Thursday, so getting a break from diabetes. Quite nice! And I will have time to create and design so I can slip into that mode and just play!
Hubby always complains when I go away, but I've explained that I need to help my sisters as we all take care of our mom. So he doesn't battle me too much.
He is off the crutches now. But for how long? Our weekend was peaceful and we actually got a few things done around the house.
The down side of being gone is I know he will go to the store and indulge in bags of chocolate. So I will predict that by next weekend or early next week, he will be having more flare-ups with his feet or an infection in a joint somewhere.
So sad that I can now predict the cycle.
But at least I'm on a holiday! :o)
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I'm so glad you can have these little escapes and do things for yourself and other members of your family. This diabetes stuff can consume us if we're not careful.
The week has been relatively stable here. Still the normal denial behavior but no major mood swings or long bouts of the silent treatment. We've had a lot of projects to work on, hubby's had some overtime, and our daughter and son-in-law are coming for a day of fishing tomorrow. It seems the busier we are, the better his mental status is.
One question - have you ever heard of a chronic, dry cough being associated with diabetes or the various neuropathies? He's had one for months and it is become far more frequent. Of course he won't see a doctor.
Here's hoping things are calm and stable when you get back home!
My mom is a retired nurse practitioner and she said the first thing that came to mind was chronic heart failure. She says he needs to get a chest xray. I know....he won't do it!
But we do know that diabetics usually die from heart failure.
Interesting you talk of long bouts of the silent treatment. I get it for 3 days at a time. I've actually learned to just ingnore it. But I get them all the time.
I am totally enjoying the time with mom and my sisters. It's been so peaceful. Hubby continues to call me 2-3 times a day, angry the he can't find this or that....but you know, I just can't help him from here and I'm not running home! :o)
My plans are to get home tomorrow evening as it is. The new bowflex is being delivered tomorrow. I do hope he will at least attempt to use it. It will not require him to be on his feet or use his feet. So I have great hope!!!
Thank you to you and your Mom for the information. I did pass it along to hubby and gently suggested it would be better to have it checked now vs. waiting for a potential crisis. He didn't agree to make a doctor visit, but he didn't stop talking to me for the rest of the day like he normally does when I discuss anything health related. I know that doesn't sound like much for progress, but in his case, it's monumental.
The Bowflex sounds like a great idea. Hopefully your husband will use it and seeing/feeling results will motivate him in other areas. Yes, I'm an eternal optomist. :)
Its me, anonymous...I appreciate both Diabeteswife's and Jean's replies to my reply.
As I read the other posts and replies, something just clicks in my head...there should be a website devoted to wives (and to be fair, I guess, but not necessarily so - husbands, because the situation is different) of diabetics. It would be so helpful to have a forum to speak, safely and in confidence, to others wearing the same hat - living the same life. No girls night out or lunch with the ladies can replace and knowing comment from someone with the credentials to make it. Not doctors, nurses or social workers! Real people who are in the know!
After reading some of the other comments, I realized...I was a d@mn good wife with a ridiculous amount of patience and loyalty. I just thought the mood swings, anger, ill-mannered behavior, etc. were just my husband because I didn't do enough. This thought despite repeated remarks from friends and coworkers to the contrary (them, of course, not knowing what an incredible SOB hubby could be...my loyalty was fierce).
This information from you amazing women is so freeing and comforting in its own way.
Ladies, from the bottom of my heart - you are pillars of strength and, even when you do not see it, living, breathing examples of the marriage vows...promises kept.
Virtual hugs to you!!!
I recently married my college sweetheart who is diabetic. He is type I, his mother is also type I. He does not take care of himself, even at my own urging. His mother does not take care of herself either, so I can't help but feel angry at her for not putting the fear of this horrible disease in him. I work in healthcare, so I see what it does to people everyday. We have been married for almost two years, and now we want to have a baby. It's all I can think about. I am affaid that we will not be able to have one because of the affects the disease have already had on him. He experiences retrograde ejacutlation, which means it's is going to be a miricle if I get pregnant naturally. I can't help but feel so angry. I feel myself pushing him away at times because I think that he will die at a young age. I will be alone. It isn't fair. I love him very much, he is a wonderful person, everyone loves him. Sometimes I feel lost.
Anonymous 1. I have searched for such a group. And I think I know why there are not many (or maye none). Most spouses do not survive. Statistics show that this is one of the highest divorce rate cases. And if you don't divorce them, they probably die before you can get to the place where you have the energy to help someone else.
Truly sad, isn't it. But I would love to have such a group.
Anonymous 2. I know I will get slammed for saying this, but please think long and hard before you have a child. OK...why would I ever say anything like that? Well, I happen to be the mother of TWO, yes TWO, not one, but two handicapped children. They are now young adults, but they did not have a normal childhood as most of their time was spent in hospitals or doctors offices. It is hard enough to raise a healthy child, but just consider as many as 21 days a month at a doctors office, or 30 days in intensive care. Unless you are truly prepared to love the child enough to risk the possibility that they might end up with diabetes or some other problem....ok, just really give it some serious thought.
My husband's father and grandfather have/had diabetes and his son and daughter are prime candidates. His daughter is 32, and she already has had to have both ovaries removed and will never have children. I cannot tell you how many times she has been hospitalized for painful (horribly painful) kidney stones and before that, twisted cysts on her ovaries. They say it is all pre-diabetes conditions. The pain she has suffered already in this life is something that no one should suffer.
It could easily get to where it will be a full time job just caring for your husband. And no, I'm not opposed to having children...I love mine dearly! It just takes a very strong woman to raise sick children. It takes an even stronger woman to stay with a man who has diabetes that is not controlled...or that goes to end stage kidney failure.
Good luck!
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