Feeding diabetes

someone commented:

I am a type 1 diabetic, and suffer from anger when my levels are low, although my anger isn't as bad as your husbands.

My diabetes is reasonably well controlled and it still happens to me a few times a year, and I'm rarely aware of it happening before its too late.

I am normally a very soft and gentle character but when my levels are low its like it just explodes from knowhere.
I hate myself after it happens and have even broken my hand punching the floor to vent it.
The best advise I can give is to make sure your husband always has breakfast asap, avoid confrontation and talk to him about his diabetes control in the evening and if he won't listen talk to his doctor/specialist.

and I want to thank you for the comments. But wow- hubby has never broken a bone in his anger - yet!

I do agree that eating seems to be the key to controlling the lows. He's been on a business trip and got up early today to fly home. Didn't eat. And his plane was delayed. So, of course, when he got here, he was cranky. I remained quiet til we got home and fed him immediately - and then he was fine.

Now - if I can figure that out, why can't he? LOL! You definitely have to "feed" the lows.

For the most part, things are moving along fairly calmly here. I believe that for right now, the docs have his meds sorted out and as long as he eats a little something several times a day, he seems to remain on a pretty even keel. And I'm quite happy with where we are - a far cry from a couple of years ago.

We have quite a bit of travel coming up, so we'll see how he does. His hip seems to have calmed down for right now. But then he was at sea level for the past week and I always think that helps him with his pain and comfort levels.

DW

Increase in pain

The pain in his hip is inceasing. He can barely walk. Today, he was sitting and said, "I have to work up the energy to face tha pain of standing up."

How sad is that. Still waiing for a return call from the doctor's office.

In the meantime, I'm sure the increased pain is having an impact on his sugar levels. He is sleeping tons. In bed almost all of the time. Fortunately, he can work from bed. :o)

DW

Hip replacement

For quite some time now, he's had severe hip pain. His doctors have told him he needs to have it replaced. He informed me today that he's calling them tomorrow to start talking about having it done.

I worry. They have said his kidney function is so low that he can't have anesthesia. Can they do a replacement with a spinal block? Will his kidneys handle that? It's just more drugs/meds that get into the system that have to be filtered somehow.

I realize the severe pain he is in. He's hobbling again. This time from the hip, not his feet.

Yet he still won't alter how he eats. Or test his sugar levels. Or do anything to help change the situation. He'd rather have a juicy fat steak (last night) and go through surgery than lose 100 pounds and relieve the pressure on his hips.

Sigh.

I asked him how long the recovery would be and he said 6 weeks. I asked if he planned to do it upstairs or downstairs and he said he would have to stay on the main level until he could do the stairs, but then he would be upstairs in the bedroom.

I assume there will be a lengthy pre-surgery process through the insurance company. So I don't think this will happen soon. I assume that I'll get my workout in going up and down the stairs 50 times a day like when he had his foot surgery.

I think I'm tired just thinking about it! LOL!!!

DW

6 am low

Just more notes about the "journey". He woke up at 6 am, got the peanut butter and crackers out of the closet and turned on the TV to Saturday morning cartoons! I sleepily asked him what he was doing and he said, "I'm having a low."

Well, I'm wondering where was the high he had to have had in order to balance the low so his A1c is normal? I have totally been missing his highs as he seems to be having more lows.

I've had a guest here for a week and he came out one day and it was about 10:30 am. He was in such a low and I knew it immediately. He was banging and slamming on the ice machine in the refrigerator. He yelled at me to see if I had called them to come fix it. I said, "you just need to replace the filter". He yells that the light is not on, it doesn't need to be replaced. Of course, my guest is here as well as another friend, so I very quietly said, "I think you've forgotten, the filter goes bad a few days before the light goes on". (We have a new refrig and you can't make ice if the filter isn't working.) So he wants to know where the filter is and I told him it was under the kitchen sink.

He proceeds to come into my studio where my friends and I are, brings the box over to me, sticks it like 3" under my nose and says, "Can't you read at all? It says you don't replace until the light comes on?" and in such a demeaning tone of voice.

So what do you do? Ignore him? That will just continue his litle tirade. I totally knew he was in a low as pissed off and irrational as he was acting. I also knew he would forget it completely when it was over. Yet I have 2 friends right there and I sensed how horribly uncomfortable they were. So I said in a very quiet voice, "well, why don't you try the filter anyway and if that doesn't work, I will call the repair guy?"

He stormed out of room and I looked at my friends and said ever so quietly, "now you know what a sugar low is like."

Of course, replacing the filter was all it took and the ice machine worked just fine. He got his ice, went upstairs, and my friends and I had a lengthly discussion about sugar highs and lows and the "real" nightmare of my life that I continue to cover up to the best of my ability.

If nothing else, I think my friends are better friends now as they know another aspect of my personal life. One I would have preferred to keep from them.

I just think it's so sad that he has chosen this route of non-compliance. These highs and lows cannot be good for him physically, yet he apparently doesn't get that. And I have to admit, for a man the age he is, he doesn't have very many close male friends and I imagine this is exactly why. No one else seems to really understand the emotional and social aspects of this disease. If he spoke to friends the way he did to me on that day, I doubt he would have them as friends. Women are a little different. My friends witnessed his verbal treatment of me, have sympathy for what I deal with, and are closer friends and will support me even more. Because I sat here and explained the situation to them and assured them that he most likely had no idea how he was treating me at that moment.

And most of my friends have witnessed how sweet and wonderful he can be when he is "normal". So they know that was not his usual behavior.

Back to today. It's now 7 am and I guess I'm awake for the rest of the day while I hear him upstairs snoring. And I wonder why I'm tired! LOL!!!

DW

Dear Deborah,

Deborah wrote:

I too am the wife of a diabetic. This morning he called me at work ranting about something that was out of my control. Thanks to your blog, I see that I am not alone. I have bookmarked you page and will visit it very often. What I wanted to tell you is I thought there was something wrong with me because I moved out of our bedroom too. I work and when we would go to bed, my husband would have to turn the radio on so loud I couldn't sleep. I hope you will keep your blog going as it has been good for me. We all need to know we are not alone. Thank you so much, Deborah

and I just want to reach out and give you a huge hug and assure you that you are not alone. There are so many of us. Most of us just suffer in silence. I know I did.

It took me 5 years to even start to figure out what the heck was going on. No one sat down and said to me, "he is acting like this because of his sugar levels." No one "educated" me. His doctors didn't bother to consult with me to see how I was doing - I had to figure this out all on my own.

So I started this blog to help others as well as a log, a journal, a story of the progress from now until the end.

Because I am ever so aware that there will be an "end" to this. Either because I leave him, he leaves me, or one of us dies.

We are having a pretty good run of things at the moment. The "new" bed has really helped. I am back sleeping in our bedroom and he seems to be happy about that. I'm happy because he's not flopping - well, he's still flopping, but it's not bouncing me off the bed. I put in ear plugs when I go to sleep and I don't hear a thing. I'm getting such good sleep at night and it really helps me deal with the stress during the day.

So my first piece of advice may well be to figure out how to get a good night's rest and if that means moving out of the bedroom - do it! Because with rest, you can build strength and energy to deal with the rest of this stuff.

Hubby's sugar levels have been pretty good. Even. Even is good for him. I can still tell he has a bit of a morning low....but it's not quite such a huge swing. While his kidney function is still at 22%, it's not moving....which is good.

In the meantime, I have an artist friend here visiting for a few days and am just having the best time of my life. Soooo theraupitic. So my second piece of advice would be to find something that you love, something that makes you happy, something that you can lose your heart and soul to....and find time for that every single day. It will help you deal with the stress of this as well. Even if it's just for 10 minutes! It really helps!

DW

"adjustable bed"

LOL! My how we have progressed as human beings. It's no longer a "hospital" bed - it's now an "adjustable" bed! A few months ago, I moved to the guest bedroom in order to sleep. The sofa just wasn't cutting it for me....and I couldn't sleep with him because of his restless leg syndrome and the fact he nearly bounced me out of bed at night.

But that didn't work as we have too much overnight company and he turned bedroom # 3 into a workout room (that never gets used) and everytime someone came to stay, I ended up in bed with him (no sleep) or on the sofa (back ache).

So I went looking for a single bed. Our bedroom is large enough that I could put a daybed in here. Browsing through craigslist, I saw an ad for an adjustable bed. Automatic. Serta mattress. Doesn't look like a hospital bed at all...but will raise and lower just like one. And only $200!!! So I bought it. Found bedding that makes it look like a daybed. It is perfect.

Problem resolved! He sleeps in the king bed and bounces all night long. I'm on the "daybed" in the corner of the room. Quiet, comfy, no bouncing! We are back in the same room and I think he is an ounce happier because of it.

When I first brought it home - he was a bit upset by it all. He said, "I hope you did not buy that for me - I am not going to sleep in it!" I said, "no, I have always thought I would like an adjustable bed for all the reading I do at night." He calmed down immediately and was content with it after that. And then I mentioned that mom might need it one of these days and I'd gladly give it to her when the time came. He was quite happy after that comment.

So, what is the stigma about a "hospital" bed that got his feathers in a ruffle? I mean, how fun to have a bed that you push a button and the head and feet will raise and lower for you? How cool to have a bed that you can adjust the positions to meet your needs? And when I told him that they retail for $1500.....well, then, and only then did he decide he was proud of my find!

Truth be told? You all KNOW I bought it with HIS future in mind!

Memory loss, sugar low, or both

An interesting problem has developed in the past few weeks. Well, it's not a "problem" - but it could be. This past weekend, hubby asked me to help him clean out his closet. Oh me....what a mess! But mission accomplished! He laid on the bed while I pulled things out and he had 3 choices: Goodwill, keep, or box. Simple process.

A few times there would be an empty box or package and he'd make a comment, "oh that goes to so and so that you borrowed." I just blew the comments off...not even paying attention. Until it came to an empty "compac" box (computer company). He said, "that is for the HP calculator of mine that you took." I simply stood there and said, "what HP calculator?" He said, "the one you use all the time." I pointed to the outside of the box and said, "this says COMPAC!!!" He said, "well, you took that one, too." To which I replied, "I have never used a compac calculator in my life. I bought the HP12C in graduate school.....FIFTEEN years before I met you!!" and he said, "No you didn't, I bought it - you took it from me!"

I was simply stunned into silence by my sheer utter disbelief in his statement. I mean, I just cannot comprehend what is happening to him. I understand memory loss. I understand sugar lows. But I don't understand how on earth he can possibly be to the point where he thinks that everything that is in this house is something that he purchased and I "took"!

And yes, a calculator is a very small item (even though when I purchased this one.....at that time....it cost $150 so it was a major purchase for someone in graduate school). But it's the concept behind the statements. First, that I would "take" something away from him that was "his". Second - that even though I have worked 33 years in my life....I never purchased anything - he bought it all.

Is delusion a part of memory loss? Is this what happens when nerve endings and brain cells start to die off? Just something else to keep my eye on as this disease continues to progress throughout his body.

Hip replacement

There are some days when you have to laugh in order to not cry. His doctors have hold him he needs to have his left hip replaced. Seriously, I feel that if he would just lose 80 pounds....his hip wouldn't hurt. And I have to wonder where this will lead - the other hip and both knees next? He doesn't move. He doesn't even try to move. He sits on the sofa and will move to the chair in his office. And that's about it.

So I am going to start blogging the progress of this part of his diabetes. But first, another question. I have noticed (and researched) that it takes 2 years for the nerve endings to die. During that time, the pain is almost unbearable. But once the nerve endings are all dead....the pain goes away. Could it be that the nerve endings in and around his hip are dying off and that is the major source of the pain? That if he can hold off a bit longer, perhaps he won't need the hip replaced?

Aside from that.....I was gone all of last week. Went to visit my mom and my sis. Actually my sis picked me up and then he was supposed to drive up to her house to pick me up. Come last Friday, his hip hurt too much for him to make the drive. So my prediction is that he will do less and less until he gets it replaced. Note - he was just fine until a doctor "told" him that he needed it replaced. Yes, he had hip pain off and on....but now it never ends. So I think much of it is subliminal - you tell him he needs surgery and he will just get worse until the surgery is performed.

And the there's the issue of anesthesia. His kidney doctor has told him that he cannot be put out because his kidney function is so low. How are they going to do hip replacement? With a local? A saddle block? OIY!!!

Then comes the other issues to consider. He will have to rent a hospital bed for the main floor as the bedrooms are all upstairs. That's not a problem. But there's no shower on the main floor. So bed baths? His comment - of course that's something "I" could do for him! I just had to laugh! Don't think so.....I didn't say that outloud...but I was sure thinking it! In fact, I was thinking hip surgery = another trip to mom's for me! LOL!

I honestly have no idea if/when he will have the surgery, but I do see his physical condition deterriorating as he now believes that he needs this surgery. I'll just post back as things develop. But for now, life is going pretty good in general.

DW

Changing my last post to say....

It's not so much that things are going too smooth - it's that I've become too complacent. It hit me yesterday that he is yelling at me about something every single day. I just ignore it. I don't let it get to me. I think I've become numb! Most days I can't even remember what it was because it's so stupid. I know one day he went ballistic because he couldn't find his laundry basket. Which was in the back of the closet loaded with snorkeling gear from our cruise last October. So he had not needed/wanted/used it in 3 months!

You sort of have to laugh. If you don't, you will cry.

There was the day he was screaming at me because I had ruined his wire clippers. I tried to tell him they were "my" wire clippers but to no avail and just walked away. Yesterday, I found his perfectly mint wire clippers in the upstairs closet in the exercise room where he had left them over a year ago when he was putting in the new wall-mount TV.

Sigh.

But I do know that these incidences still seem to be about 10:30 am - when he seems to go into a low - because he refuses to eat breakfast. So I just continue to ignore them. And totally forget them.

I also happen to realize that my headaches are returning with an increased frequency. Wonder if the 2 are related! LOL!!!

Positive Progress

Well, I have to confess that things have been going almost too smooth! It's been amazing. He went to the doctor's this week and no, he doesn't have the results of the lab work yet, but here is the progress thus far:

1. Feet have improved. No open sores. And he's wearing socks and shoes almost full time now.
2. They are increasing the meds that work to help control the shaking. OK, this is really not an improvement as his hands still tremble something terrible. But when we eat out, he simply orders finger food. Problem solved.
3. His bladder problem is coming under control and he is out of depends (really great news!)
4. They are going to prescribe something to help relieve his optical migrains.
5. Still having bursts of anger when he has a low....but I simply inform him that he does not have my permisson to yell at me...and that seems to calm him down for the moment.

The biggest difference that I see is his fear of being alone. So he is making changes in how he treats me. I used to promise that I would never leave him...but now when he asks I simply tell him that it all depends on how he treats me. It seems to be working for the moment.

I realize all this can change in a heartbeat...but I am really appreciating the reprieve in all of his diabetic related complications.

The other thing that has really helped is that his brother managed to get his parents to stop calling him with their every crisis....and he is not doing a panic reaction to their phone calls. I can't begin to explain how much that has helped.

DW

improvement

The gout in his knee is gone. He's back to moving around. We've had a very quiet holiday so far, and it has been so nice. I'm getting some much needed rest.

I overheard him tell his dad yesterday that he is probably going to have his hip replaced. News to me! No surprise - but it would be nice if he would talk to me about stuff like this. Now....it could just be a comment that he is making to his dad to get out of making the drive to see them - and that's fine with me. But if he does get it replaced....he is either going to set up a bed on the main floor or hire a nurse - I'm not going to run up and down stairs after him like I did when he had his foot surgery!

Overall, things are going extremely well. I'm letting him take a break from "healthy eating" for 2 weeks - then I'm going to make him do better. Well, he really hasn't done too bad - but I'm just not forcing it on him right now. I noticed immediately he's back to eating a whole bag of potato chips - but he's letting me buy "lite" and they are about 1/3 the size of a bag and 1/3 the calories and fat - so still a huge improvement over where we were a few weeks ago!

DW

Gout again

2 days ago his left knee became swollen. He's pretty sure it's gout. Says it feels like someone twisting a knife under his kneecap. Ouch! Can't walk. Has been in his chair - sitting. Grumpy as can be. Well, if I had that much pain I'd be grumpy, too! Pretty sure it came as a result of a chocolate binge. Well, can't blame him - it's the holidays. But I'm not sure eating chocolate is worth the pain he is in. Thought it might be gone by now, but no such luck.

DW

sick again

I sometimes think it's a change in weather. But then I think it's just ups and downs with sugar. There are times I just don' tknow what to think, but he is getting sick more and more, so I'm going to start making notes on that as well. He thinks today it's food poisoning.....but he did have cheese on his burger at lunch. Even though it was swiss....still cheese. So he's been sick to his stomach for the last 4 hours and now he has a head cold. Again.

I wonder how much his body can take getting sick like this all the time. It puts him flat in bed. The good thing is that we have arranged for a basically stress-free rest of the year. No tree here. No parties. A small family gatheringon Christmas Eve. Shopping is all done - nothing left to do and he is off from the 23rd to the end of the year. I hope he will spend some time working on one of his hobbies. I think that would be relaxing for him.

We are still doing Weight Watchers. He hasn't lost anything, but he hasn't gained, either. So he is still down 20 pounds. I just wish he could lose at least another 20. I think it would help him so much.

Hopefully he will be better in the morning.

DW

Dear Lori....about that book.....

I have often wondered why no other wife of a diabetic has written a book to this point?

Is it because we are so lost in the grief, depression, anger of this disease? Is it because we can barely cope with everyday life....let alone the stress of trying to write about it?

I don't post every day as it would just be way too upsetting. I try to make this a diary of the major events. But to write the minute details....the gross stuff...who would believe it? who would read it?

When I started this journey, if you had given me a book about my possible path...I would not have believed it. If someone, even a doctor, had told me what I would experience when he has a low, I would have said, "yeah, right!" with that "you are insane" tone in my voice!

And my other thought is...do I want to know? Do I really, truly, want to know what is going to happen next? Yes and no! It's sort of like....do I want someone to tell me the exact moment I'm going to die? Not really? I think there are just some things about the future that most of us want to remain in denial over! LOL!

So, update. We are having a generally good period right now. Continuing to lose a pound each every couple of weeks. Eating much less and more healthy food. It sure feels good. We have "fights" over meals about 3 times a week. He wants to eat a bag of potato chips and I just tell him that he can no longer have them. And yes, he still sneaks and cheats behind my back, but it's not nearly as bad or as often. His attitude is much improved. And we are entering the holiday season without chocolate. Yeah!!! He is still wearing shoes which is a miracle in my mind. And he is now wearing socks after years and years of refusing to consider socks.

I just continue to be thankful for the baby steps.

But I'm not opposed to wriring a book. Maybe my blog will be good reference for that one day down the line!

DW

another foot infection

Started Sunday. He can barely walk once again. Hobbling around. No real reason for this one as he has been sticking to Weight Watchers pretty good. Down 21 pounds. I wonder if it could be diet coke. It's the only thing non-nutritional he's doing at the moment. Well, that and he still eats a couple of Jolly Ranchers when he starts to go low. He is also testing his blood sugar once a day. I know he needs to check it a whole lot more, but this is more than he has done in years.

Baby steps. It's all good!

DW

Lactose intolerance

Well, he has definitely developed an intolerance to milk products. He had some cheese at dinner last night and was up all night long. Of course, that kept me up. I just can't seem to get in gear today and finally gave up.

And since he's not been able to keep food down, his sugar has been going low all day.

But I do think he's better tonight, thank goodness!

I love cheese, but I will change my way of cooking just so I can sleep nights!

We are still both dieting. It's still going well. Other than the cheese.

DW

Weight Loss

We are still doing Weight Watchers. He has lost 20 pounds and I'm down 12. It is not easy and we continue to take it one meal at a time.

The good things:

1. We are only eating out one meal a week
2. He has cut way back on the potato chips as he has to count them.
3. I can tell in his face that he is losing.
4. I think he's only had a couple of candy bars a week. At least it's not a bag a day. That I know of. :o)

I'm sure that this week it will just be a pound or so, but hopefully it will still be coming off.

He doesn't understand this is a change in lifestyle and still thinks it's just temporary. But the good thing is that he is a little more willing to try something new. We are trying 2 new recipes each week. Guarantees a bit of variety. He is not eating enough fresh fruit and veggies, but has started on celery and carrot trays this week. Still no exercise.

Yesterday, he missed a step coming down the stairs and landed on his arm. Has had it in a splint and has barely moved. But tonight the swelling has started to subside, so hopefully he can function a little more tomorrow.

He still needs to lose 30 pounds as a minimum. I need to lose another 20. So I'm sticking with this and my excuse is that he either has to eat what I fix, or fix something for himself. So that may just be a way of life from here on out! :o)

DW

To the spouses of those with diabetes.....(ATTENTION doctors & therapists)

It is time that we speak out! I receive so many comments and emails from spouses....so I wanted to start a thread where you can post. I plan to print this out and take it to the diabetic counselor. We need to get the word out to the professional field. So feel free to post your thoughts here!!!

1. It is NOT "his" disease. It has a direct impact on ME and the rest of his family. His parents, his siblings, his children. It has an impact on his co-workers. PLEASE stop ignoring what this disease and the drugs you give him do to the rest of us.
a. When he is low AND when he is high, he can get verbally abusive.
1) He will NOT remember this at all when he is back to normal.
b. When he is low, he simply cannot function. As this disease progresses, he becomes less aware of when he is in a low. He needs constant supervision. That is MY life.
c. When he is low or high, he is angry, irritated, agitated, can be physically abusive, but definitely verbally abusive.

2. I did not know this when I married him.
a. He hid it from me
b. He may not have known how bad it was.
c. He did not and does not take care of himself, although he probably tells you, the doctor, that he does.
d. He does not test his blood sugar levels
e. He does not take his insulin at the same time every day.
f. He does not follow your recommended diet/eating plan. He eats just about whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

3. I have learned that:
a. when he starts to go low....or to prevent a low, I need to create some kind of drama/crisis.
1) It needs to be critical enough to pump adreniline in him to release insulin to get him heading to normal again
2) It needs to be serious enough that the impact on him is immediate
3) I may not even know that I have developed a critical "condition" that can generate panic in him when I have an attack
b. a huge fight with him will snap him from a low to normal
c. a "crisis" in my life will level out his sugars
d. after time, this becomes subliminal behavior and I'm not even aware of the "dance" we do to get him normal

4. I know that his children
a. believe their father was an abusive man
b. do not understand that he has no memory of yelling at them when he was in a high/low
c. spent their entire childhood in an abusive home
d. will most likely pass that on to their children, not realizing it was health induced, not who their father is
3. are incapable of loving him because of this

5. I have figured out that
a. his father has diabetes and he was raised the same way
b. that when his father goes low, it causes him to panic which will bring him out of a low and back to normal
c. that when he goes into a low, his father will panic and that will bring his father out of a low
d. that his mother has developed a "chronic medical condition" that causes her severe pain at any moment
1) when she senses either of them might be going low, her condition kicks in, she starts to scream in pain, they both panic and their lows head back to normal
2) that she is completely unaware of the timing of her "attacks" - it truly has become subliminal
3) that this "dance" is amazing to watch now that I have figured it out
4) that I refuse to acquire any chronic medical problems as I refuse to do this dance

6. I have informed him that he does not have the right to yell at me or be mean to me even when he is in a low
a. The problem is that when he goes low, he can't even remember how to unzip a suitcase, let alone be nice to me.
b. I have moved to my own bedroom because the drugs make him restless at night
c. Even though I am retired, I still work so I can have reasons to leave the house when I need to "get away" from this.

7. I have considered leaving him, but I stay for the times when he is normal, when I get a glimpse of the man that I love.

8. Attention professionals:
a. Explain to this man exactly what is happening to his body.
b. Do not beat around the bush, sugarcoat, or try to be nice to him.
1). He eats 8 chocolate bars a day because you told him a carb is a carb.
2). He truly believes that he can do whatever he wants as long as he takes the pills you give him.
3). We understand HMOs tell you that you have to give a patient "hope". Stick to your hipocratic oath. Tell him the truth.
c. When he says he is eating healthy, do not believe him for one second.
d. When he says he is testing 4 times a day, ask to see the log.
1) why would you think the log is accurate? If he will lie to you, he will write down any number on the log
2) can't you see there are no pricks on his fingers/arms?
e. Why on earth do you assume that he is telling you the truth?
f. We understand patient confidentiality. But make an appointment to see his wife. SERIOUSLY. If you really want to know how your patient is doing, talk to the spouse, the children, someone who lives with him day in and day out.
g. STOP giving false hope. If this is a heriditary condition, then tell his children that they will most likely pass it on to their children. INFORM and EDUCATE - don't just medicate!!!
h. And about all those drugs - send him to an endocrinologist. Have one single SPECIALIST, not a FP, in charge of his overall care. Don't experiment on him. If you do, call the spouse first so she knows what to anticipate.
i. MOST IMPORTANT - and A1c is NOT a true indicator of overall blood sugar. If he is having lows at 10 am and highs at 8 pm, he can still have a normal A1c. You seriously need to be talking to someone who lives with him and ask the question, "do you tend to get into an argument the same time every day?"
j. NEVER EVER assume that a diabetic is being honest with you. Even when they tell you they are being compliant. Even when they show you logs and journals. A non-compliant diabetic is the best liar in the world.
k. STOP and THINK!!! You have a non-compliant diabetic sitting across from you who is now the world's best liar. His A1c is normal. He has given you false charts and logs showing he tests 4+ times a day and he eats healthy. LOOK at his medical record. LOOK at the number of times he has been to see you.....or how little he has been to see you. Get permission t speak to his spouse. If he will not grant that, KNOW there is a problem!!! (Can I say that any louder? Are you listening????)
1). My husband has probably said to you that he is single.
2). He probably removes his wedding ring before he comes into your office.
3). But I have spoken to the diabetic nurse, so ask her if his spouse has ever been in.
a) I have separate insurance thru the same HMO, so our records are separate.
4). Why would my husband want you to talk to me? He knows I will tell you the truth! Remember, he is a liar!!
l. He has neuropathy. He has had foot surgery. He will tell you he can no longer feel with his fingers. His feet are always ice cold. His nerve endings are dying off. YET....you refuse to tell him that all the other nerve endings in his body are dying off as well.
1). he has constant diarrhea, vomiting and I know it is the nerve endings in his stomach dying off. Why won't you tell him that? He won't believe me, but he might believe you!
2). he has constant backaches. Nerve ending damage?
3). His sciatic nerve was killing him last week. I looked it up, yep, nerves dying off. If he went to see you, would you tell him that? Do you KNOW that it is a common problem with diabetes? How could you - you think his diabetes is under control!
4). So his last doctor told him the lumps on his feet were his Scottish ancestry. You told him it was gout. But did you tell him gout is tied to diabetes? Did you ever explain to him that everything going on in his body could be a side effect of his diabetes? Do you tell him what to do for it or just give him another pill?
m. Have you ever spoken with me? NO!!! So, how do you presume to think you care for him? Yep, I got ya! Patient confidentiality. If you really care for this man, ask him to sign a release to speak to me. If I leave him, who will be here to call 911 the next time he slips into a coma? It is the WHOLE man you need to be treating and that WHOLE man includes his family.
n. And when you do talk to the spouse, or to him, and they are young, tell them to consider NOT having children. No one has the right to bring a child into an abusive home. And if he goes high/low - trust me, it IS an abusive home. And even if he doesn't go high/low, there is no guarantee that he won't at some future point and time.
1). But then here's the real quandry. If he doesn't remember what he says or does when he goes high/low, he will deny that he is abusive. If you don't talk to his spouse/children, how will you ever know?

OK, spouses, what have I left out?

Simply go to HIS health care provder's website, find the doctor's name, get and email address, copy and paste this into it and send it to his doctor. If enough doctor's and diabetes nurses read this, perhaps the lightbulb will go on somewhere out there and the world will start to see that his disease has a huge impact on everyone else. Diabetes abuse. I think it's way more widespread than anyone is willing to admit!

Inform & educate, don't just medicate......let's make that the slogan for spouses of diabetics everywhere!!!

DW

when he's down -

he's down. And when it's over, he doesn't remember a thing about it and is happy as can be, wondering why I'm exhausted! LOLOL! I HAVE to laugh or I'd just sit here and cry. Today was 180 from 2 days ago. He's well, happy, back working, joking. And asking me why I'm so tired. He doesn't even remember that I did 30 flights of stairs running up and down getting things for him Nor does he remember that I made him go downstairs when he got hungry.

Nice that things are back to "normal" and I think I'll be recovered by tomorrow.

DW

Why?

He is sick today. In bed all day long. No fever, but had cold chills and hot sweats. Couldn't move. When he tried to get up, his head was pounding. Didn't eat a thing.

but he had no problem calling me on my cell phone asking me to come upstairs. I think I did the stairs 30 times today. The last time, he wanted a muffin. I told him, no, sorry, you need to come downstairs to get it, I'm not doing stairs again today.

So he is downstairs, flat on the sofa, asking me to get him this and that.

I finally told him, no more. I need to sit on the heating pad as my back is killing me.

I have told him a thousand times we need to sell this place and move into a ranch. He just ignores me. So as of today, no more stairs, I don't care how sick he is. My back just trumped his diabetes! LOL!

Yet another day that nothing got done, nothing got fixed around here. And I know it's not going to get any better or any easier.

And I also know I'm tired and grumpy and crabby tonight!

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will!