What a difference.....

He was gone 10 days. He's been back since Thursday evening. I know...just 48 hours. But he is well. His feet still have the nodules on them, but no open sores. He is in a good mood. I don't think we've had a high or a low. I am actually enjoying being with him! He says he's feeling great. He's walking. We ran a ton of errands this morning with no complaints.

I wonder if his drugs are all kicking in finally. Or was it just being gone so long. Or the low altitude and he reacted positively to it. I wonder how long this will last. Was it foreign cooking? So many possiblities. Whatever the reason, I am so enjoying the man who is here now! I hope he stays for awhile! I figure I need to blog (remember) the good moments right along with all the bad.

We're planning on taking the ATV out tomorrow for a full day ride. Should be fun!

DW

On being a smartass......

There's an interesting thread going on here about husbands who don't take care of themselves:

http://www.everydayhealth.com/cs/forums/1/108435/ShowThread.aspx

And this response caught my eye in particular:

I'm sorry to hear about your husband! you know a positive and healthful approach will do the trick. Maybe something he should look into if your willing to guide him with thise simple apprach is checking out Dr. Weil's Vitamin Advisor for Diabetes. You can find everything and more on his webiste, DrWeil.com. He basically will give you a recommendation on supplementss that he should take to help him manage the symptoms and maybe give you a little stress off your back! :) he offers a lot on his website with his Vitamin Advisor and Healthy Aging as well that you should take a look at.

Let me know if anything helps and if anything gets better!!

Junebug

I so want to be a smartass and ask this writer if they are a professional trying to get people to buy Dr. Well's book or something? Seriously, I think the original poster titled this thread very clearly....the husband REFUSES to take care of himself. So this writer is suggesting that the spouse try to change the husband?

I'm thinking, "like are you wanting a murder on your hands here?" LOLOL!

It just does not matter how positive or healthful my approach to this disease is....I CANNOT CHANGE HIM!!! I CANNOT FIX HIM! I CANNOT MAKE HIM TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!

When is anyone out there going to get that? When are the professionals, the book authors, the nutritionists.....anyone and everyone going to comprehend that I CANNOT CHANGE HIM???

I get that I must have a postive and healthful approach to my own life so that when he starts to die I can have the strength to get through it. I need to have the energy to be here for him. But I am NOT his caregiver. I AM his wife, his friend, his companion. I am NOT a nurse! I am not a nurse's aid. I'm not going to change bedpans....I will hire a home nurse if/when we get to that point.

And there are NO TRICKS! I almost think that is hilarious!!! TRICKS? You want me to trick a 53 year old man into taking care of himself? What planet do you live on? YIKES!!!

So yes, I can be a smartass, and I can have a great sense of humor about all of this. After all, he has been gone for 10 days, I'm well rested, quite ready for him to come home and I will go about "tricking" him into taking care of himself!

well, at least the post gave me a good laugh!

DW - still chuckling!!!

Does altitude have an impact on diabetics?

Hubby and I are in the middle of a very interesting "self-study". We took a recent trip and were at sea level and he felt wonderful. His feet were well. Came back to the mountains....he had the worst flare up ever and was on crutches.

For the past 10 days, he has been back at sea level and says that he feels fantastic. He's been out walking all over the place. He even walks 1/2 mile each way to and from the office site.

We plan to watch what happens when he returns home. And then we have discussed taking a trip to sea level next month just to see if there is a pattern here.

When I tried to do some research online, I don't find much other than 14,000 feet....far higher than where we are! I have a firiend who had a baby born here with heart problems. They made her move to sea level for the child's heart. I've read articles about diabetics coming to a high altitude to ski and having problems, but not anything about a diabetic living at a high altitude feeling better or improving when they move to sea level.

But I think our experiment is worth a try. And if he continues to feel better at sea level...that might well determine where we retire.

There is comfort in sharing.

Jean wrote in the last post:

I don't have to continue my protector-in-chief role where the kids are concerned, as now that I've talked with one, it will be easier to share things with the others.

And I have to agree. My comfort comes in blogging. By keeping a record of his ups and downs, his happiness, his anger, the dramatic sudden character changes, and the eating patterns....I have found relief. I know that I have a record that I can go back to when I want to see if there is a certain pattern. I have a place where I can get my frustrations out and not have to keep them bottled inside. I can share my blog with my sister so that she more fully understands what it is that I'm dealing with. And I have a record of the progression of this disease for his children, should something happen to him, and should they ask questions.

So, yes, there is comfort in sharing what I, as a spouse, am dealing with. And whether it be by blogging, by telling my sister or my best friend, or by sharing with a complete stranger.....at least someone else out there knows what I am going through.

Thanks Jean!

DW

And so I DON'T get a break!!!

I have to laugh, otherwise I would be in tears. His overseas trip was extended and he didn't take enough Rx with him to see him through. It's 11 am....and I have been running around all morning. It's night where he is. He has enough Rx left for 2 more days.

I went to the post office. They will not ship presription drugs....they have to be sent through a pharmacy. Since it takes his HMO 3 days to fill an Rx, that's out.

I called United Airlines. Due to post 911 TSA regulations, there is a 10 day hold on new member accounts and you cannot send anything without an account with United Cargo.

I went to UPS 15 miles from our house. The "international expert" just happened to be at that location. Basically, it's the same TSA reg. I don't have a UPS account...I can't ship. But she also said that for the country where he is, I need to go to a specific agency and get permission from them to have the drugs delivered to him if they were to arrive there.

So, I have a friend who used to be an international triage nurse and I called her. She said he needs to go to the American consulate who can find him a doctor that will write an Rx to get him back home. Problem is, he has been tied up 18 hours a day in meetings over there. So she told me to tell him just to go to ER and explain what's going on.

I emailed him all the info from the bottles of each of his Rx. Because he's tied up in meetings right now, I can't get him on the phone.

In my email to him.....I suggested that he get his employer to purchase a ticket for me and I'll just fly over and bring all of his Rx to him.

He told me last night that it was 60 degrees there. I asked if he took a jacket....he said "no". I just keep saying to myself "duh!" LOL!

Anyway, I've spent half my day doing research and running around for him, so now I'm going to do something for me! :o) Maybe I should go buy a new outfit just in case I end up on an international flight! No....maybe I'd best go shower and wash my hair in case I only get an hour's notice! :o)

Extended break

Well, he called and said his trip has been extended another 5 days. I have to global express his meds to him as he only took enough for 7 days. But with 5 more days to myself....I might actually get a few things done around here! Need to move a couple of flowerbeds....major things like that. Should be a great couple of weeks!

He's calling a couple of times a day.....about all we have due to time zone differences. It sounds like they are working him to death. I imagine it will take him a week or so to recover once he gets back.

In the meantime, my sis is here for another day and we are just enjoying each other's company, creating new projects in my studio, and getting some shopping and movie watching in.

A week of quiet!

A business trip took my hubby out of the country today and I am looking forward to a week of quiet, so I won't be posting unless he calls with problems.

My sis is coming over the first part of the week, I'll go visit mom for a couple of days and then an artist pal is coming over and we will be designing and creating towards the end of the week. Should be great fun!

DW

Normal lab results

His A1c is at 6.0. And he said everything else is normal.

But how can it be normal when he has so many lows and crashes....and HAS to be having highs to balance them out?

How I wish he would test himself on a daily basis, but I know that is too much to ask for. At least the "normal" A1c is a bit lower than last test.

Feet are still a huge problem. He has an overseas business trip this Saturday for a week and I worry about how he is going to cope with that.

I asked about his uric acid level and he said he did not get the result on that one yet.

He has stopped eating bags of chocolate. Especially since I told him that I needed his help. Today is day 73 for me with no sugar and no soda. And it does help that he's not keeping it in the house.

Now if I could just get him to stop eating bags of potato chips! :o)

It has been a very quiet, pleasant week here. Such a relief. And I'm planning out next week.....expect one of my sisters to come for a visit and a friend in the art world is coming to spend a couple of nights. Should be great fun!

Is my husband, a type 2 diabetic, a sick person?

I get so many anonymous posts telling me that diabetics are NOT sick. That they can be perfectly healthy. And I find that quite troubling....looking at this from the viewpoint of a healthy person (me).

My husband is a diabetic. He has a disease. Even if he were to have it under perfectly good excellent control and be in a "healthy" state, he would still be a sick man because he has a disease. I don't quite understand how anyone with any disease can be considered a healthy person. Perhaps I need help with the meaning of the word healthy!

So I looked up the word in an online dictionary and it says, "having or indicating good health in body or mind; free from infirmity or disease". Quite simply then, one who has a disease of any kind cannot be healthy.

Next I thought...look up the word "disease". And it said, "an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning".

I'm pretty sure that diabetes is a disease. So I searched for lists of diseases and sure enough, diabetes is on every list out there.

So next I looked up the word "sick" and found: "afflicted with ill health or disease".

I'm going to stick with my original thoughts that if a person has diabetes in any form at any stage, then the person is sick, not healthy, and there is no way that person can be healthy. And for me, that explains so much. I will agree that there are various levels of sickness, some more sick than others, some more progressed in their stage of this disease than others. But if the person has diabetes, they are not well, they are not healthy. There just is no such thing as a "healthy diabetic".

I think that if my husband understood that, he might be more able to accept this disease and exactly how far it has progressed in his body. I think the term "healthy diabetic" has done more to harm him and prevent him from facing this disease head on than anything else.

When people email me and say that they are a "healthy diabetic" living a "healthy" life, I have to wonder if they are in denial as well? Why not just state the fact? "I have a disease, but it is under control"?

I raised 2 sons who had diseases. One had grand mal seizures, up to 7 a day. He did not have epilepsy as he did not have the "spike" in his brain waves. But we called it epilepsy for lack of any other explanation. For the most part, the seizures are under control today, but he needs to let those who are close to him know that he has this disease, this condition, so that when he does have a seizure, they are not taken by surprise. If he were to go around telling everyone that he is healthy, what a shock then if he were to have a seizure!

And if my husband were to tell anyone that he is a healthy man....how would he ever explain a crash at the neighbors house where we have to call 911 and rush him to ER? We simply let our friends know that he is a diabetic and does have crashes where he will pass out. They all know what to do.

Maybe there's a good reason why the dictionary defines a healthy person as one who does not have a disease. Maybe it's good to let the people around you know that you have a disease....just so they can be a little more prepared if something were to go wrong.

And finally, is saying that a diabetic is a healthy person a form of denial? In my opinion, I think it well could be.

Thank you Simon!

I can't thank you enough for what you wrote.

http://trunkles.blogspot.com/

I think you have nailed it much better than I ever could. You have made my day. I struggle so often with finding the words to express what it is that I'm feeling.....while at the very same time struggling with that daily choice that all spouses must make....stay, or just walk away.

Walking away is the easy option. And trust me, there are moments when it looks like the only option. There are times when I think it's the only way I can survive. But I'm still here! Thus far! Yes, because I love him that much.

In life, do we choose the easy path? Do we take the route that is best for us? Or do we stick out the current ride and see where it takes us? It's a choice that each one of us must make on a daily basis....sometimes every moment of every hour of every day.

We are having a really good week here which makes me so grateful that I've chosen the path I'm on. But I'm also quite aware from past experience that a really good week can turn into the week from hell almost overnight. So I will love this moment for all it has to offer me and not worry about the next one!

Thank you for your support. From the bottom of my heart!

DW

On moving

I'm going to have to think about how I name my posts so I can find them when I want to reread them. So there's going to be a bunch on moving so I can sort out my own thoughts on this one.

It's been our main topic of conversation. He asked me to check out some new condos going in, which I did and they are stunning! One level. Elevator access. About 2 blocks from a grocery store. So that got us to discussing all of the ammenities we are going to need and I'm listing them here so I can add to them as we have more converstaions. I swear, developers are just not taking into consideration baby-boomer's needs....let alone ADA.

We need:

1800+ square feet
2 bedrooms minimum
1 car garage or underground parking
elevator access to the unit
one floor unit or personal elevator inside the unit to access all floors
wheelchair accessible unit/halls/bathrooms/shower

close to grocery store
close to bank/post office
close to public transportation
exterior deck/patio
doggie park/run


Things I'd like:
breakfast bar
live/work unit to keep my studio
place for workout equipment

Last night, he said I could look in the area where my sisters live. It's 2 1/2 hours away and I never dreamt he would even consider moving there. It's at a higher altitude as well and I'm not sure he would do better there at all. I'm starting to think a lower altitude would be better, but not sure.

I looked at some live/work lofts yesterday as well. They are almost too big, but I love everything about them except there is no elevator access to the upper 2 levels. It would be perfect for me and I could actually expand my studio and have retail hours. I probably wouldn't open a store, but I'd love to have a "real" place to have classes other than in my unfinished basement. The stairs in these units go up and then at the top, there is a platform landing, so the 2nd floor splits and part of it goes off to the left and then 3 more steps up to the kitchen/living area. The same with the 3rd floor. So even if you put an elevator in, you would need 4 stops, or the 3 steps down would be unaccessible with a wheelchair.

I would really prefer loft living as I'm thinking open, no halls, easier to move around in.....the gal who showed these to me said they were building some more about 10 miles away and we could go to the contractor now and discuss an elevator inside. When I explained the split levels she said she would go talk to them about having floors 2 and 3 all on one level. So I'm waiting to hear back from her on that before I move forward.

I'm really torn between living where we are (city, all the ammenities, close shopping/doctors, etc) and moving to where my sisters live (small town, higher altitude, 2 1/2 hours away from "real" shopping). I know I can do all my shopping online, but I also know how much he likes to eat out. Moving away from all these restaurants might be ok from that aspect. But housing prices are obviously higher where they live and there are no live/work lofts...ok, there are no lofts, only condos. If I could talk to a builder, we might be able to design a condo with no walls, so that's an option as well.

Lots to think about and if I write it all down, then I won't "forget" the things I need to think about.

I really think he might be serious this time. But I also realize that when we go to actually computing the cost/time/energy in moving, that might change his mind!

2:00 am and a big low

I woke up and he was downstairs. So I came down to make sure he was ok. No, he was having a major low. I can almost see it in his eyes these days. They get all glossed over and he just can't seem to focus when he looks at me. He was eating canned peaches. I sat down beside him and rubbed his back for about 10 minutes, asking if there was anything I could do to help. He said, "Just sit here with me".

It's been awhile since he's had a middle-of-the night low. But with a high A1c, I still can't figure out when he is having his highs.

I'm glad that he still wakes up, but I often worry that he won't.

This is a low that he won't remember. When he wakes up he will feel like he slept all night long. I also find that to be so strange. He's back sound asleep, I can hear him snoring.

As for me...I'm wide awake!

Can diabetics read???

LMBO! OK, for all of you who send me your nasty little annonymous comments that I will continue to reject....you all need to learn how to read!

Anyone who writes to me about type 1 diabetes obviously does not have the ability to read that my hubby has type 2 and that's what I'm writing about and NO, I will NOT post that information in each and every single post I make!

Anyone who writes to me that what I write is way too personal, well, duh! It's MY PERSONAL blog....so get over it!

Anyone who tells me not to be giving advice to diabetics....ok...I have absolutely no intention of doing that at all! READ! I am just merely writing my thoughts and sharing them with other women who are in my situation.

We are NOT diabetics.....we are LIVING with UNCONTROLLED, non-compliant diabetic spouses.....READ the name of my blog! LOLOL! For heavens sake....don't take it so personal...it's not about YOU! It's about ME and what I am experienceing and living with on a daily basis.

And let's just discuss attitude for a moment. Most of you who email me and I reject your comments have an attitude 100 times worse than my poor hubby, so I can't fathom being married to you or you having/raising children! Get over yourself! It's a disease. You have lows and highs where you do not remember what you say or do and THAT is the part I blog about. Those incredibly horrible moments when my hubby turns into this unleashed monster that absolutely no one would want to be around.

It's your disease and you have to deal with it. But don't email me and think I'm going to post your negative, nasty, horrendous letters.....especially when you have not taken the time to read all of my blogs and when you are so inconsiderate and lazy that you think for a second this disease has not or will not affect you in the same manner in which it has consumed my husband.

WOW! I feel great now!

OH, and the only way you can prove to me that you can read if you are a diabetic is to carefully read ALL of my posts and then decide if you still need to vent to me! Remember....I'm NOT talking about Type 1 diabetes here.....no matter what the similarities are and if you think I am, that's all the proof we need that you don't know how to read!!!

:o)

He's gone round the bend!

OK...I'm laughing as I write this. A lot of history here, so this may be long, but I need to get it out!

In October, 2005, I had the chance to move to Phoenix and go to work for an art company that I was designing for. Hubby encouraged me to go and said that in the spring, he would spruce up the house, sell it, and move down to join me. Unknown to me, the next month, he refinanced the house and then said we could not afford to sell it. I stayed south for the winter and then came home....madder than a wet hen at him for refinancing behind my back because I knew he did it because he did not want to move. Yes, even after he told me he would move.

We have since replaced most of the items HE sold at a garage sale in anticipation of the move. Things like a riding lawn tractor, garden wagon, etc.

I have resigned myself to living in this house forever and started fixing it the way I want. Moved my studio to the basement. Spent a fortune on 10 classroom tables, wheeled chairs, etc. Last week, we strung cables for satellite TV in the studio and the guest bedroom.....doing things that we have never done, making this a place we can enjoy.

So today, we are driving to brunch and pass a new condo development and he says, "why don't you check those out?" I just looked at him and said, "you want to move to a condo?" and he says, "yes, I think it's time".

Half of me says go find one today and sign the contract because in 3 months he will change his mind! But at brunch, I decided to ask a bunch of questions. You know, things like, "do you want a garage?" "no" "well, where would we store the ATV?" "I'll have to think about that I guess"

"are you going to sell the new garden tractor"

"No"

"where would you put that in a condo?"

So I decided that he really has not thought this out....but I will start looking for a one story loft or condo as I know he is not going to be able to do stairs much longer and I know he can't continue to maintain the yard and outside of this house.

But I swear....why didn't he just move with me 2 years ago? It would all be over by now as we had said back then we would move to a loft.

Men! I think they can be so funny!

Another new sore

on his right foot. Same place. 3 open, oozing areas. I wonder if this one will heal. He said he is going to call his doctor on Monday. He doesn't feel like leaving the house again. I'm sure his feet are killing him. It's painful just for me to look at it, so it must be bad for him.

Good progress on sleep. The Cpap is really working. He is sleeping more and longer and does have more energy. But the energy is being zapped by the increased pain.

I can't help but think if we could get the feet well.....we could get the rest well.

It only takes a moment

for all of life to come to a standstill. My middle sister was in a serious car wreck yesterday and her Escape was totalled. She walked away with only a silver-dollar sized bruise where the side airbag hit her hip. 2 merging cars from the on-ramp forced her car into the rail and it flipped and skidded upside down down the freeway.

A state patrolman was on the frontage road and saw the whole thing. He started running when she flipped and was there when she stopped skidding. She said she was hanging upside down and could not get her seatbelt undone and all she wanted to do was get out of the car before it caught fire.

A woman who saw the whole thing came up and held her and hugged her and would not let go of her. But my sis walked away. And for that, I thank God. I told her I will be up there Friday and I'm going to hug her non-stop too!

It only takes a moment to flip a car, skid upside down a highway. It only takes a moment to lose a life. Today, I am just grateful for the moments I have left with my husband because I truly do love him.

Another welcome break!

This week, I'm visiting my sister because our mom is visiting her. My "job" is to entertain mom so my sis can have a bit of a break. I drove up this morning and will be here til Thursday, so getting a break from diabetes. Quite nice! And I will have time to create and design so I can slip into that mode and just play!

Hubby always complains when I go away, but I've explained that I need to help my sisters as we all take care of our mom. So he doesn't battle me too much.

He is off the crutches now. But for how long? Our weekend was peaceful and we actually got a few things done around the house.

The down side of being gone is I know he will go to the store and indulge in bags of chocolate. So I will predict that by next weekend or early next week, he will be having more flare-ups with his feet or an infection in a joint somewhere.

So sad that I can now predict the cycle.

But at least I'm on a holiday! :o)

I'm going to die in that car of his!

Hubby has a powerful little sports car....you know the type. It's the car that is always zooming in and out of traffic and you swear some inexperienced teenager is behind the wheel.

No...it's my 50 something husband.

One day, he got a ticket for going 93 in a 65 mph zone. All I heard for months was that there is no way he was going 93. I happened to have been in the car with him that day and am pretty sure he was going 103 and the cop was being quite nice to him.

I have taken to driving more and more in my SUV, offering to drive wherever it is we are going. And I have started refusing to ride with him when he drives the sports car. I've used every excuse in the book from being blunt, "you drive that car too fast and I'm not ready to have a heart attack" to "I feel like driving today".

I've been researching and studying more and more about end stage renal failure. But it was a discussion on sleep apnea and driving that really got my attention this week! People with sleep apnea are more likely to have or cause a car accident while driving. OK....that's more than enough information to prevent me from getting behind the wheel of the car with him!

But I also think some of it goes back to my earlier discussion about him giving up and deciding to die, deciding to live his life like a mad man. It's like eating all the sugar that he wants, driving as fast as he wants, weaving in and out of traffic as much as he wants.

Could it be that a diabetic has no control with what is going on in their body.....and transfers that lack of control to "control" over other elements in their lives? He can control the sugar going into his body by eating everything that he wants. He can control his driving by speeding as fast as he wants.

My youngest sister lost her husband to an unexpected heart attack over which she had no control. Since then, she has turned into a cleaning freak. She will run the vacuum cleaner while we are visiting her house. She cleans non-stop. I think it's because she has control over that. And until she can give up the lack of control she had over her husband's death, she's going to clean because she has control over that. Make sense?

Hubby is also the angriest driver I have ever known in my life. Even when I drive, he yells at the other guy "it's the big peddle on the right, dummy". If there's not a wide open space in front of us, hubby gets angry. Heaven forbid a semi passing another semi in front of us on the freeway. And anyone who actually drives the speed limit (including me) is a complete moron.

For the most part, I either ignore his comments, say soothing little things "it's great that we left early and don't have a deadline" or pray. Man! Do I pray when he is driving! It's the only way I arrive alive most times. Not because we didn't have a car wreck....but because I didn't have a heart attack!

Does this have anything to do with diabetes? Only if it's from the control aspect. No control over diabetes.....control behind the wheel of the car. But it seems to me that in the last 10 years, the more complications he has had from diabetes, the more reckless his driving has become.

I worry when he takes the car out without me because I "know" he is going to be in an accident. But I'm starting to think that type of "worry" is better than riding in the car with him!

Feel free to vent here!

Yes, Jean, and anyone else who is the spouse of a diabetic, feel free to vent here. I blog to vent my own frustrations with this disease and it certainly helps to know I am not alone in all of this.

I was reading about caregivers the other day and one of the websites said that a caregiver should do just this....blog, vent, journal. So somehow, I figured this out way before I read it's a good thing to do.

It's sort of like....if I write it down, then I can quit worrying about forgetting it, and I know I need to keep a record of this journey. I need to be able to go back and look at the progression of this disease. I need a place to vent my frustrations and my fears so that I do not vent to him.

I need a way to get through the stress of the day.

So whether your spouse has had this diabetes for a day or 30 years or more, join me in my journey with a man who is refusing to take care of himself, who is near end stage renal failure, who is in denial that there is anything wrong with his body.

Or start your own blog and send me a link....I will add a links section to the side of this. As spouses, we are all in this together and need the support of one another, maybe more than I realize at the moment.

Thanks Jean, for telling your side of the story. I do not feel near as alone as I did a year ago.

It's a bit like cancer

OK, I "know" diabetes is not cancer. But it is a bit like it in that it creeps up on you and consumes the body. The sore that is on the side of hubby's right foot is starting to heal. But when I looked at the big toe on that same foot tonight, I just gasped! It is all engorged and purple. Completely deformed and misshapen. And when I looked at his other foot the whole thing is swollen.

He said it's because he went into the office today and wore shoes all day long. I think it's because he's just getting worse.

So we sat down to watch a movie and I went to hold his hand and on the sides of his index finger, there are now lumps like on his feet. They've never been there before. I'm sure it's tophi gout. I'm sure it's because he's back to eating meat and such.

When cancer mestatises, it spreads everywhere. Just like his gout it. And I know the gout is from uric acid which his kidney's can't process anymore due to his diabetes.

I just wonder where it's going to spread next. So sad.