Starting this year with a bang!!!

I never make resolutions because I can't keep them.  BUT.....I've decided that we are going to make a few changes around here!  I think that I forget that I AM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS DIABETES!  (OK, would you please come stamp that across my forehead so that every time I look in the mirror I get reminded???)  LOL!!!  This is HIS disease, not mine.  And I/we do have a life!

We have been saving our pennies and it came down to the big decision.  Do we remodel the kitchen or do we buy a small used travel trailer and join one of my sisters and her hubby on some of their adventures?

Hmmmm....  he wanted the kitchen, I wanted the trailer.  And once we talked out all the pros and cons, even with his diabetes, we opted for the trailer.  Why?  because it will kill him or get him into better shape and all the kitchen remodel would do is make him want to cook more and eat more.  HA!    So his diabetes was a major input factor in my decision to go on the road.  Can't stock too much in it. Going to have to grill most everything.  Might force a healthier lifestyle when we are gone?

We are planning to join my sis in a couple weeks for a few days.  Jump in head first....let my bro-in-law show us the ropes.  We have fairly good health insurance which should cover any emergency anywhere.  And we can always come home if things get too bad.  Yep, I know, I will do most of the schlepping, cleaning, etc.  But I do have a folding camping toilet from years ago and I might have to get one of those external pop-up tents for him to use.  LOLOL!!!

If nothing else, it has already added a little spark in him.  This is "our baby" and he wanted to go "baby shopping" immediately.  I have a list of things for him to make with his 3D printer.  He gets to do anything with LED lighting and I'm working on the decor.  It's keeping my thoughts away from his limitations....and that's good!

Thank you for all your kind comments on my last post.  You can always email me at diabeteswife@yahoo.com, just know that I rarely check that email.

This one touched my heart:

I just read this whole post after writing my last comment and I'm drowning in tears. I didn't ever know there was anyone else out there with the exact same struggles as me. God bless you and thank you for sharing your journey so someone like me could feel less alone for even just a little while while reading your post.

My dear sweetheart...you are never alone!  There are tons and tons of us who are in the same shoes.  There have to be according to the statistics as to the number of people who have diabetes and the statistics on the number of people who are married.  But I think the problem is that very few of us dare to write the truth.  I could not begin to express myself if anyone knew who I was - thus the hidden identity of my blog.  I try hard to keep my identity secret for a couple of reasons.  I don't want my hubby to be embarrassed....and he would be.  I don't want my extended family and friends to know this much about my private life - it's none of their business.  Yet I do need to keep a journal of what I am going through....so I can remember parts of it and so I can just get it off my chest and not worry about it.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!  My intent wasn't to make you cry at all, yet I get that.  Sometimes, just knowing that someone else is going through what you are going through helps so much.

And then there's the group of diabetics and professionals who will try to convince you that you have this disease and that because you are married to them, you have to take care of them, support them, and even be there to save them.  I have my biggest gripes ever with those people.  Get over it!  Don't even dare to try to guilt me into thinking that I have this disease when I'm perfectly healthy!!!

And there are those who think I'm some type of hardened criminal because I don't sympathize with them.  I do love my hubby.  I'm still here after 12 years of this.  I do support him, take care of him, even save him (read back about Feb, 2011 for that incident).  All I can say to them is "walk a mile in my shoes" before you judge me.

The biggest disservice the whole diabetic industry has done (and yes, it IS an industry) is to guilt spouses into thinking that they are responsible for the spouse that has this disease.  NO.  NO.  and NO!!!  If you even dare to think that, walk away from this blog right now!  LOL!!!  But I also think it's a cop out for the person who has diabetes....that they have someone who will take care of them so they can take a day off, have a night out, not worry so much and think that the other person will be there to take care of them if they happen to fall into a coma.

Sorry - not my job!!!

When my son died this last September....once again, I had this sensation that no one understood me.  Yet there are so many of us who outlive an adult child for a variety of reasons.  I think it automatically throws us into a new group, gives us a new identity..."she lost her child" - a title no one wants to hold, ever.  But we also have this identity we didn't ask for....."her husband has diabetes"...like it's a disease tossed upon us.  And when you are handed a new title, it's so hard to retain the person you were before that title was applied.  It's like how do you say, "I had 2 sons, now I have 1".....how do you change from being the mother of 2 to being the mother of 1?  Kind of impossible.

Hubby had an episode 2 nights ago.  When I woke up, he said, "I was at the door at 3 am getting ready to come wake you up and tell you to take me to ER.  But then I threw up and I was ok after that."  After much discussion, I almost think his symptoms sound like he was having some kind of minor heart attack.  We went through that in 2009 down in a rain forest in southern Mexico.  He is doing much of the very same thing.   So I put the thought out there and of course....he refuses to go see his doctor.  (But note, he was almost to the point of going to the ER!!!)

Do I sit here and panic over him having a heart attack?  Do I put on hold all our plans for this new camper?  NO!  Life goes on and if he drops dead along the way it won't be one iota difference than sitting here waiting for it to happen!  I think it's better to wait and deal with whatever happens when it happens than to sit home worrying and waiting for it to happen.

So I do believe that my motto for 2018 will be just that, "life goes on".  If I can survive the death of my son, I almost feel like I can survive anything!

And to "Managing"...we do need to have a whole conversation about sex with a diabetic.  Neuropathy is a horrible thing.  He doesn't even want to hold hands because it irritates him.  His skin has become extremely sensitive.  And I know he can't feel a thing anymore.  Yesterday, he couldn't feel the items that were in his pockets.  He can't "feel" me when he touches me and his skin is too sensitive for me to touch him.  Yep - that's what love is all about!  They say love is patient.  I think neuropathy takes it to a whole new level!  I promise we'll have that conversation some time down the line.  The good thing is that as you age, that sex drive does dwindle.  I'm grateful I'm not 20-something any more!

With that thought in mind (that I'm not 20-something any more) it's hat's-off to what I hope might be an adventuresome 2018!  Blessings to each of you.  I pray for strength for you that you will do whatever it takes to turn your life around so that you can be happy.  I pray for strength for you to sit down and write your own experiences and share them with the rest of us.  I pray for strength for you to know that you are not alone at all in this experience, and to understand just how hard it is to put yourself out there when so many others will misconstrue what you write and decide, even declare on their blogs, what a horrible person you are.

We only have this one life.  For some it is so much shorter than for others.  For some, it is so much worse than for others.  For me....I'm going to make the most of whatever I have!  Here's hoping you can and will do the same!

DW