No, I won't make that choice yet, but I may tell him I'm ready.
Twice now, he has wanted me to do something that I didn't want to do (financial stuff) and each time he has said, "if you don't want to do this with me, what is the point of staying married?" I realize that he is simply saying this to manipulate me. And I'm about ready to tell him that there is no point to staying married.
I've been on my own for 2 months now. Missing him less and less. Feeling more and more like suggesting he stay with his dad and we do a trial separation, or a legal separation. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight because he called today, wanting something else. When he started in with the "you just don't love me ..." I told him to stop and hung up on him.
But I have to confess that he did not sound right and I should have known that the minute he started talking he was not well. Sugar off? He hasn't done labs since June. As of tonight, he can stay where he for another 6 months! LOL!!!
Maybe I had forgotten how it is to live without diabetes and maybe I like this.
I'm sure time will tell. I'm not sure I have the strength to go through a divorce. But I may at least talk to a lawyer. Mom once said that when she died all of her kids would fall apart. Maybe this is me falling apart.
DW
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3 comments:
I know you've tried hard to make it work, so if this is something you need to do then it's something you need to do and should do. I know 2 days by myself reminds me of my free days, so I can't comprehend what 2 months would be like. In my opinion you're also not falling apart, you're finally getting to breathe, meditate, and contemplate due to your freedom. That's far from falling apart.
NO, you are not falling apart. You are going through grief - multiple times over.
remember the golden rule of grief -- no major decisions for 6 months!
Although -- no one should criticize you for feeling as you do! If you were to read through your blog -- you would see what living with him was like.
Now, you get a chance to see what its like to live without him.
not just without diabetes but without him. And to enjoy it!
I think we have a habit of forgiving so much because of the illness -- and yet -- there comes a time when he needs to take responsibility for his behavior and his illness. You can only forgive so much!
So take your time, if it feels right, talk with an attorney. If it feels right, see if he was low/high when you spoke. Emphasis on what feels good to you.
Keep going my friend. You will always be my hero -- no matter what path you choose next.
I've been waiting for years for you to think seriously of divorce. Clearly your life will be much better without him. You go, girl!
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