Yep, 1:30 am and I'm wide awake. He started out with the CPap on, yanked it off and is thrashing and kicking, gasping, choking for air, and I felt like I was living in an earthquake again. No, I'm not exaggerating at all. I'm in the guest bedroom and can't get back to sleep. I just want to cry.
I would love to get twin beds, but he refuses. He said he is too large for a twin bed, which is sadly true.
I would love to get an additional twin bed to put in our bedroom like a daybed....there is enough room. But he said it would make it too crowded in there and I have to agree that I would still wake up from the snoring.
He takes numerous naps throughout the day and is so tired all the time. Before he went to sleep last night, he said the calves of his legs were hurting so bad....it felt like the bones were broken.
His doctors prescribed him new meds for his feet almost 2 weeks ago and he has not been to the pharmacy to pick them up. Our HMO will re-shelve it after 7 days, so when he does go, he will have to wait to get them refilled.
I think starting tonight, I will just start out in the guest bedroom. Simply because I know that I cannot continue to sleep in a rocking bed.....and I cannot continue to manage with nights where I don't get sleep.
A lack of oxygen to the brain can kill the cells and I do think I am starting to see this. I mean, I can see the logic that when he wears the cpap, he does not thrash and he has more energy during the day, takes less naps, has less pain. Yet he cannot see that. Or perhaps it's "the present is more than the future" so when he pulls it off in the middle of the night he doesn't think about what tomorrow will be like?
I truly feel like I am watching this man die right before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do to stop the process. He is in the driver's seat making all the decisions, going about 120 mph down the road and keeps taking his hands off the steering wheel. And I'm sitting here next to him with my hands over my eyes screaming my head off!
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3 comments:
Hi,
I am so sorry that you are going through this too. I had to move out of our bedroom and now sleep in the spare bedroom. I turn on a fan to drown out the snoring and bathroom noises. My DH snores, has restless leg syndrome, thrashes in his sleep and has to get up at least 5 times during the night to go to the bathroom. About two years ago I had finally had enough of not getting any sleep (that and DH had elbowed me in the face a few times while he was sleeping). The day I woke up with a black eye was the day I decided "no more." DH pouted for months but I kept explaining it to him that if it was me doing all of those things he wouldn't have a second thought about sleeping in another bed to get his sleep. Diabetes has robbed me of my husband and our life together. It is a terrible disease that can only be controlled by the one who has it.
Mary
I s'pose it's useless to say if he started taking care of himself and getting his blood sugar down he'd feel a LOT better. You already know that and he doesn't want to hear it. You have my sympathy.
Mary, I have to agree with your comment....diabetes has robbed me of my marriage to this man. But he is the only person who can make himself better. I can't fix him. But I can fix me and I can continue to have a pretty good life....just interrupted from time to time with his crisis. I know you understand!
Annon....I had to giggle, you know him well. :o)
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