Well, I am quite happy tonight, yet I cannot act as happy as I am! LOL!
For the past 10 years, every holiday, we have driven 15 hours (30 hours round trip) to visit the in-laws. My hubby has never missed a Christmas with his mother. But yesterday, he called me into his office and said that he did not want to make the drive this year.
I think I am still in shock. And I can't begin to describe the wave of relief that came over me. I have such problems with back pain and I was not looking forward to that drive at all.
We spent an hour discussing it. He rationalized all the reasons for not going. And I did nothing to talk him out of this decision! But it's true. His parents are early 70s and still work. We only see them for 2 hours a day. Except for the days that he goes to work with them and that is no fun for him. We are in the house with his 94 year old grandmother who yells at him all day long, so that's no fun either. His back hurt just from a 4 hour drive on Sunday and because of his incontinence problems...he is just concerned about the long drive.
But he is also depressed today about not going. He is putting off that phone call to his mom telling her that we won't be coming down. It will be quite strange...the first time we have been in our home for Christmas in 10 years. I'm hoping he can take the week and just rest. I'm hoping he will get over his depression quickly.
As a note, he goes to the doctor this Friday and I am going with him. I believe we will be seeing his neuropathy doc. I'm making a long list of questions to ask including
pain management
pump
anti depression meds/treatment
long range plan for foot care
It will be interesting to see what the answers are.
DW
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3 comments:
i hope this season brings you peace and a relaxing kind of joy celebrating together in your own home.
that sounds lovely.
I wonder...how can your husband be able to drive multiple hours yet not have the energy to let the dogs out to do their business, as you have posted before? This also brings up the whole issue of the inconsistency of his condition as you have described it. How can he be so ill he can't leave the couch when he doesn't have to leave the couch, yet on business trips he is by himself, driving around, standing in those long security lines at airports, etc.? Also, he is alone in motel rooms during these trips yet does not have a dangerous low blood sugar because, obviously, he comes home alive every time.
I ask these questions not to be sarcastic or snarky, but I'm really wondering about this, as I've followed your journal for some time. I'm diabetic too. I CAN'T travel on airlines as the situation has existed since 9/11 PERIOD. I CAN'T drive and not endanger everyone around me. All the time. I don't just exist one way (feeling bad, unable to move) around hubby, another way (independent, mobile, productive, etc.) for the boss. Just wondering about your perspective on this issue.
I used to wonder about this, too. So I asked him. He said that he does what he "has" to do, then collapses. And that makes sense to me. I've done it myself....go in to overdrive, accomplish a task, then sleep the entire next day.
The other thing (I think) is that when he is alone, he really is afraid of going into a coma, so he is super alert. He probably should not drive, ever, but he will not give that up yet. I do volunteer to drive every time, but I think some of that is a control issue. (the fact that he won't let me drive all the time)
It does seem like he might be "different" around his boss...I think it's just "for show" and that's sort of like an adrenaline burst...he slumps after it's over.
My biggest worry as this progresses is the lack of feeling in his feet...how can he feel the pedals in the car? And perhaps that's an unspoken reason why we are not making the trek to his parent's this holiday.
I guess I should say that he doesn't stand in lines at the airport, his company flies him first class and he gets his boarding pass online before he leaves, he only takes carry on and I drop him off at the door and pick him up there. So it's a very quick process for him at the airports. On the other end, there is usually a drive that meets him.
Knowing that he could pass out at any time...yes, his driving scares me to death. But what can I do about that? He has to be the one to get smart and give it up. It's interesting as he has had a number of fender benders in the past few years. Nothing major...always the other person's fault. Seriously, he has never gotten a ticket from any of them...but I still wonder if they "all" were the other person's fault.
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