OIY! What a day!

There is a fine line (I think) between what is related to sugar lows and what is normal learned behavior. But when there are rapid changes in behavior....then I'm content to blame it on sugar lows. And this week....I'd have to say the problem is definitely memory/anger related.

I have noticed that when he is on business calls...he is just totally yelling at staff. He is so angry with everything that is going on at work right now I think he's going to have a heart attack. I mean the word "fuming" doesn't describe his anger. And he has been so calm for quite some time now. Can't help but wonder if this isn't sugar level related.

Yesterday was such a fiasco. After 2 hours of getting him his ID for here, then going to the labs, and him arguing that it wasn't the right labs....I said last night, "why don't we go do the labs as early as possible and then from there go down to .....and check out new housing developments going in?"

This morning, I'm still in my jammies, lounging around, sort of thinking "how nice....lazy day" and he comes out and says, "I'm ready to go!"

I'm totally stunned! I said, "go get the labs done? Are you done for the day?" Well, of course not! And after a bit of me explaining and asking questions, he says, "I really didn't hear you say anything about going to look at new developments". So I reminded him of his comments back to me yesterday and he did agree that we had discussed that, he just totally forgot.

Is that normal behavior or is he having a sugar low? Was he having a low yesterday when we were talking about our plans for today and he just really didn't remember? I want to believe him, but......

So I got dressed and drove him down to get the labs done. We stopped on our way back for some breakfast and as I'm driving, I decide that I'm not going to do any more househunting. It's just not worth it. Moving is NOT going to solve anyting. Moving to a one level condo is not going to make this problem any better. Oh, yes, it will solve the problem of crutches, but we can also just put a bed in the living room on the main floor of our house. I just think today (and maybe I will feel different in the morning) that rather than deciding where to move, I need to decide whether to move out or stay with him.

It hit me that wanting to move for the sake of getting him into a one level place is just an escape for me. It's running away from our current problems. And yes, maybe I need to run away....but I need to do it alone. I have now spent a second morning helping him out with diabetic related issues and I SWORE I would not do this. This happens to be "my" vacation as well....and I need to start it today!

So I've called an old friend, an older lady, and I'm going to go visit her this afternoon. Much more fun than looking for a place to live at sea level! :o)

And I made another decision. I am going to spend this fall/winter downsizing. I'm going to sell stuff and give stuff away, clean out things and get ME to a bare minimum position. Then next spring, I will make my decision as to whether I stay or leave. Baby steps. Just doing one thing at a time. It's all I can handle with everything else that's going on.